Hey guys. Turns out NBC has pulled the plug on Breakthrough with Tony Robbins. This episode recap will be the last for his newbie series. ‘sad klown face’
So for the second and final time let’s watch the opening credits.
Hahaha this gets me every time.
Oohhh here comes our first black screen.
MEET RON AND MARIE…
Ron and Marie tell us they had a great life. Then after 23-years with a company, Ron was downsized and lost his good paying job. After the layoff, Ron explains that he decided to start his own business.
Marie tells us they put everything they had into the business: 401k, savings, etc.
Unfortunately, the business didn’t thrive. There was no money coming in, and they ended up having to shut down Ron’s business.
Marie tells us they pretty much have nothing left.
Ron tells us he feels like a failure. Marie says their marriage has gone to pieces as well. The two are trying to keep up a strong front for their kids.
And raise your shot glasses because here comes your first Tony Robbins blue screen of the night.
Tony Robbins explains that he knows we’re living in scary financial times.
“I was concerned about my finances so I purchased Suze Orman’s book, “The Money Book for the Young, Fabulous and Broke” because I’m young and my friends tell me I’m FABULOUS! But when I got the book I couldn’t get past the cover. Bitch, you’re orange. If you can’t choose a realistic skin tone how can I trust you to help me choose a 401k or Roth IRA.”
Tony Robbins tells us Ron is facing foreclosure and his biggest problem is that the love of his life Marie is considering taking their children and leaving him…with a sink full of dishes.
That vindictive woman. She knows how I hate dish pan hands.
Blue screen is back or did it never leave?
Tony Robbins tells us this is the story about what happens when a couple faces what they think is their most intense nightmare: when the American dream falls apart.
My greatest nightmare is running out of Noxema cream and being chased by pinwheels. Once got a HUGE papercut on my pinky from a pinwheel.
Here comes another black screen.
I wonder if Tony Robbins’ Blackberry gets screen flashes like these? It’s not 8/6/2010, it’s TODAY!
AT THE STEGNER HOME IN BOHEMIA, NY…
Ron is at home making phone calls trying to get a job interview. He has no luck and tells the camera he doesn’t know how he’s going to make the home payments.
Meanwhile Marie is at the food store shopping. She tells the kids they can’t get a lot, just what they need for lunches.
Fred Flintstone – “Wait little girl. Don’t you want a box? Come on… Mr. Slate is furloughing us. I could use the cash. Pebbles is gonna need braces.”
Marie tells us she feels embarassed and hates telling the kids no.
Tony Robbins tells us Marie is scared and resentful toward Frank. Now their marriage is on the line.
I was resentful toward Sage when she switched from Brawny to Bounty paper towels. She knew how upset I was when they removed Brawny’s beard a few years ago. I had just gotten used to clean-shaven Brawny when one day I opened my pantry and saw no beefy lumber jack adorning my paper towels. That folks was my very first panic attack.
BACK AT THE HOUSE..
Marie and Ron are fighting while their sons are in the room. We learn that Marie doesn’t work either. Yikes there is zero income coming into this house.
Marie wants this relationship to work but she’s so angry at Ron that she doesn’t know if it can. Oh yeah, and she picked up the wrong type of pasta at the food store.
Fuck!!! I wanted Barilla. Now I’ll never have a sexy stranger peer through my window and ask me “Is that Barilla?” and whisk me away from this terrible marriage.
Ron tells the camera he just wants some help. He’s hoping that someday he and Marie will look back on this and say, “Honey we got through it.” Now he’s not so sure.
RON AND MARIE TRAVELING IN A JEEP…
Tony Robbins voiceovers that he has invited Ron and Marie to leave their home and come to California (no Fiji???) to sit down with him, put aside their fears and face the real truth. Will they be able to heal their relationship and family? Tony Robbins says we’re about to find out but not before another blue screen.
Did you know that I know all the moves to Madonna’s ‘Vogue’? First, put your hands to your face like this.
Here comes step 1.
AT CHURCH ESTATE VINEYARDS, MALIBU, CA.
It’s Day 1 and Ron and Marie are pulling up to a large estate on a vineyard. I wonder if Andrew Firestone is tending to the grapes.
Did you really think I could translate my Bachelor gig into a lucrative modeling career? Come on look at this googly eye?
Ah look. It’s the majestic Easter Island Statue, waiting to greet them.
Tony Robbins goes over and opens the car door for Ron and Marie. He tells the camera that Marie and Ron have to be united so they can deal with this.
Blue screen. (By this point you should be well on your way to alcohol poisoning.)
Uniting these two should be easy. Ron seems willing and if Marie resists, a swift punch to the fallopian tubes will do the trick.
Ron and Marie shake Tony Robbins’ hand. Introductions are exchanged. It’s all very prim and proper. Pip pip cheerio.
Jesus Christ! Blue screen sneak attack!
I played Pip in ‘Great Expectations’ last year. I ad-libbed “Miss Havisham, what you need is Match.com.”
Tony Robbins asks Ron and Marie why do they think they are here? Ron responds that they took some risks with their savings and now their lives are upside down. Marie replies she feels like their relationship is gone.
Tony Robbins’ inner monologue: “No money = no sex. Ron, sexually frustrated. Marie, jonesing for QVC.”
Ron’s face drops as he hears Marie’s reply. Tony Robbins repeats “Gone”. Marie replies “Gone. The relationship is gone. She and Ron are more like roommates.”
Can you two at least be fuck buddies?
Ron tells the camera he doesn’t know what he’d do if Marie ever said she would leave him. Uh Ron, it sounds like she’s pretty much telling you that right now.
Tony Robbins tells Ron and Marie “What if I told you that everything going wrong was the most important thing that could happen to you?”
Ron and Marie -”We’d say you’re fucking crazy.”
Tony Robbins tells us yes they have financial problems but the real problem is that these two have not been unified during these stressful times.
Did you know that Brenda Barrett is returning to General Hospital? I wonder if she will be back with Sonny or Jax?
Time for hugs. Tony Robbins says it’s time for Marie and Ron to break patterns and step 2.
Tony Robbins moves the party to a rustic table. It looks like the Lord of the Rings scene where the counsel meets to discuss taking the ring to Mordor. I’m assuming Tony Robbins would be Legolas, Marie would be Arwin and Ron would be Aragorn.
Tony Robbins: “Okay Arwin and Aragorn, be honest. Are Frodo and Sam, dating? Because if they are, Prop 8 just passed, and I want to throw them the best damn hobbit wedding the Shire has ever seen.”
Tony Robbins tells Marie and Ron that he wants to know
- What happened
- Why did it happen, and
- Where things are now?
Marie says she is pretty unhappy. She is living each day with ‘how much money do you have in your wallet’ and she is tired of it. She says she feels like it is Ron’s fault.
Franks says he can’t control what happened and that it didn’t work out. He says Marie was supposed to start working again.
Marie becomes defensive and says she’s trying to work in between the kids’ schedule.
Meanwhile we’re getting this fabulous expression from Tony Robbins as he observes.
How do those Missy Elliott lyrics go? Oh yeah, ‘work it, need a glass of water.’ Sage owes me $5.
The fighting between Ron and Marie starts to escalate as Ron yells that Marie has done nothing to get a job.
You don’t even try to sell Avon!!!
Marie says she is trying. Umm not hard enough. Look what Jennifer Love Hewitt had to do to make money.
This is ‘What Jennifer Did Last Summer’
I LOVED that movie.
Ron tells Marie the ship is sinking. Does she want to do something or does she want to go down with it?
And when this Titanic goes down believe me I won’t give you my door to float your fat ass on.
‘whispers’ I’ll never let go, Jack. I’ll never let go…
Ron says they’re this close to the bank coming and taking the house. Marie is incredulous and doesn’t think her getting a part-time job will help. Ron insists that it will.
Okay I’m going to interject that Ron made mistakes but it appears that Marie is a spoiled bitch. Wake-up it’s 2010 and pull your weight. You’re not Eva Gabor on “Green Acres”. GET A JOB!!!
Tony Robbins tells us the real problem in this relationship is how they argue. It becomes you, you, you BUT JUST REMEMBER
(In Justin Timberlake falsetto) ‘Sing this song with me, Ain’t nobody love you like I love you, You’re a good girl and that’s what makes me trust ya, Late at night, I talk to you’
Marie yells that if they both got jobs right now she guarantees that Ron wouldn’t alter his lifestyle. His job would be the priority.
Tony Robbins watches the vein popping out in Marie’s forehead.
I once had a vein pop out on my forehead. It was at a Hanson Concert. These little bitches were talking during the entire performance of ‘Mmm Bop.’ I told them ‘Mmmm SHUT THE FUCK UP Bop.”
More fighting. Ron says if Marie can go make a hundred grand he’ll go do piddly jobs.
Tony Robbins tells them there are very specific things that will destroy a marriage and a relationship.
First, there’s criticism. You have to stop talking to Marie like a co-worker and shut up and listen. Tony Robbins demonstrates listening.
See this is the monkey that hears no evil.
Tony Robbins translates what Marie was saying. He says that Marie doesn’t think Ron sees her as significant.
Then Tony Robbins points out Ron’s usage of the ‘piddly things.’ He says caring for your children is not a piddly thing.
Buying tampons for your wife is a piddly thing, and it’s emasculating so stop doing it. Otherwise you’ll continue to be the douchebag to her ‘Summer’s Eve’.
Second, there’s contempt. Tony Robbins’ points out Marie’s eye-rolling and asks her what does that do to Ron.
Marie says it makes him feel like ‘bleep.’ Let’s assume she says shit.
Tony Robbins asks why does she do it?
To make him feel like ‘bleep’.
Tony Robbins laughs and says ‘thank you for the honesty.’
We’re smashing down city walls here just like those damn Mongolians.
Ooo now it’s time for the challenges. Tony Robbins explains to Ron and Marie that he will give them a series of challenges that will escalate in difficulty.
He tells them that tomorrow’s challenge will be extremely difficult but he can’t say what it is yet. He warns them that once they agree to this journey (just like LOTR) there is no turning back.
Ron immediately says he is in. Marie hesitates. She admits she is out of her comfort zone. Finally, Marie says she is in.
Tony Robbins tells Ron and Marie: the journey has begun.
Get ready for a little game I like to call…MERCY.
AT CAMARILLO AIRPORT…
It’s Day 2. The jeep carrying Marie and Ron are headed to the Camarillo Airport. Hmmm planning to throw another couple out of a plane again, Tony Robbins?
Tony Robbins tells the camera that he invited Marie and Ron to Camarillo Airport.
That’s right! Ice… man. I am dangerous.
As their jeep approaches, Tony Robbins tells the camera Marie and Ron have no idea what he has in store for them.
Yes, they’re walking into my spiderweb. Speaking of ‘takes out cellphone’ “Sorry I’m not home right now I’m walking into spiderwebs so leave a message and I’ll call you back.” There, I updated Ron and Marie’s voicemail.
And here comes step 3.
Tony Robbins ever the gentleman opens their car door and asks how Ron and Marie are doing. Marie replies scared. “Hahaha,” laughs Tony Robbins.
Tony Robbins takes Marie and Ron around the corner and says this is what you’ll be doing.
Revvin’ up your engine, Listen to her howlin’ roar, Metal under tension, Beggin’ you to touch and go, Highway to the Danger Zone, Ride into the Danger Zone!
Tony Robbins says this is a Russian fighter jet so obviously it is fueled by vodka.
Tony Robbins – “Boris and Natasha once flew this plane.” Ron – “Cool. Wait. Aren’t they cartoon characters?”
Ron tells the camera this fighter jet looks like it the most powerful thing on the face of the earth, well, except for his Hillary Clinton nutcracker.
Only $15.19 at overstock.com
Marie tells the camera “OMG what are we going to do?” Fly the plane would be my guess.
Tony Robbins tells us it goes nearly the speed of sound. It can take a person to 10gs like that. ‘snaps fingers.’
The pressure is so intense it turned my outtie belly button into an innie. True story.
The purpose of this is if you can deal with physical stress and pressure then you can deal with emotional stress and pressure. Okay.
Tony Robbins says today’s task is for Ron and Marie to pilot this Russian MIG fighter jet.
I once turned my Disney Dumbo ride into a fighter jet. I made these shooting sounds ‘bee bee boom bee bee boom” at the Small World Ride. I was attempting to firebomb the captors of the Small World children. I yelled ‘United Colors of Benetton Children Be Free!!!!”
Tony Robbins introduces Ron and Marie to Bill Reesman, former owner of an outtie belly button and experienced fighter pilot.
Tony Robbins says, “Alright kids, well, I leave you in good hands,” and Marie replies “Alright, I’ll see you in the car.”
HA HA HA Get your ass in that cockpit.
HA HA HA I can’t believe they’re letting me fly before my cataract surgery.
Montage of Marie and Ron suiting up for their flight. And of course this means it’s time for a blue screen. Bottoms up.
Tony Robbins tells us one way to get stronger is to face more stress. Huh?
It’s true. This one time I was camping with Sage, and I encountered the mythical South Park Woodland Critters from ‘Woodland Critter Christmas.’ I was totally stressed because I thought they were going to kill and sacrifice me. So, I told myself pretend to be their Satantic god. You got the Easter Island head for it. So I did, and they believed it, and every Christmas they FedEx me a sacrificial rabbit, some Isotoner slippers and a Heath Bar Crunch Bar (because it’s my favorite).
Marie and Ron, suited up, sit down with Bill and he explains the fine points of flying so they don’t die.
Tony Robbins tells us they’re going to be flying nearly the speed of sound.
Just like that Chris Daughtry song.
More instructional discourse. Then Tony Robbins says they’re going to be pulling about 5gs.
Blue screen. (ugggh the room is spinning).
For me, 5gs = an hour’s work. For them, 5gs = throwing up and blacking out.
Tony Robbins asks, “Who wants to go first?” Marie points to Ron. Tony Robbins is like no way bitch. You’re way more scared. Ladies first. Now get your ass in the cockpit.
Then Bill tells Marie to do a barrel roll.
Did you say cook some pork roll?
I said do a barrel roll.
Marie tells us she doesn’t know of any other housewife that has done a barrel roll in a jet. You’re probably right Marie. Although if given the chance I’m sure Prostitution Whore (Danielle Staub) would.
The Red Baron
After Marie lands, Ron tells us how proud of her he is. Now it’s Ron’s turn. Tony Robbins tells Ron he will need to take it up a notch.
I have an opossum notch in my deck. Opossums freak me the hell out so I shoot them with my AK-47 whenever I get the chance. I’m up to 8 notches now.
Ron manages to do 5.6 gs. Damn son!
Marie tells us she is very proud of Ron. She can’t believe he did it. The two hug and we get a hug too. A blue screen hug.
“Hello. Yes, yes. Ok. Bye.” ‘click’ I don’t know how the supervisor (Will Ferrell) of Jeffrey’s talks on this mini-cell phone. It’s so small.
Tony Robbins tells us the next challenge is going to be even more difficult. He laughs they have NO IDEA!!
LATER THAT EVENING…
Ron and Marie are eating dinner. Marie comments “Challenge 1 we survived.”
Wait for it…wait for it….here comes Tony Robbins to crash dinner.
Tony Robbins – “Seriously guys, you ordered off of the kids’ menu and didn’t get the baked mac & cheese? WTF?!?!?”
Tony Robbins tells Marie and Ron that now they know their problems aren’t really financial, they’re relationship driven. He tells them they need to get out of the environment they’re in so he’s not sending them home to New York tomorrow.
Where are you sending them, Tony Robbins?
Tony Robbins tells them he’s sending them to downtown Los Angeles to SKID ROW!!
Will Sebastian Bach be there?
Once they’re there he is sending them to Midnight Mission, a place that serves 700,000 meals to men, women and children. At Midnight Mission, Ron and Marie will live as HOMELESS PEOPLE!!! And they’ll stay there until however long it takes for them to truly get the lesson.
You’re sending us to…to….
Marie is seriously freaking out, but not to worry blue screen Tony is here.
There’s something to be said for being homeless. I tried living out of a Zenith tv cardboard box in my backyard one time as a boy. It was awesome except I put it over an ant hill. Ants in your ass crack are not fun.
AT DOWNTOWN LOS ANGELES A.K.A. SKID ROW…
Marie and Ron are in the car peering out the windows at the ghetto before them. Tony Robbins tells us he’s putting them in an environment where they’ll have to depend on each other. Okay but couldn’t that have been a safer one like oh say, your Fiji island?
Well the world turns, and a hungry little boy with a runny nose, plays in the street as the cold wind blows, In the ghetto (in the ghetto)
And here’s step 4.
Tony Robbins tells us that he going to have them spend an entire week as a homeless couple. Think of it as a second honeymoon.
Marie starts freaking out and tells Ron she can’t do it.
Ron tells us they learn that it’s too late for them to get a bed ticket so they’re going to have to sleep outside in courtyard. Marie says some of them look like they’re crazy and have been living on the streets for years.
Ron and Marie befriend a homeless man who sorta looks like a shaved Santa Claus. He gives them pointers for living on the streets.
He tells them that ‘cabby cabby’ isn’t calling a cab, it’s code for drugs.
And peas and cornbread is code for pantsing your enemy.
Ron and Marie learn that they don’t check for weapons so naturally Marie is afraid to go to sleep. Ron is disappointed to learn he could have brought his Nintendo Wii nunchuk.
Tony Robbins tells us that the purpose of this lesson is for them to need each other. The question is will they get the lesson or just get the pain.
Pain is bad unless it’s T-Pain.
THE NEXT MORNING…
Wake-up call is at 4 a.m. Marie can’t believe that they’re waking them up this early. Then they wait in line for breakfast followed by waiting in line for save sleep.
While waiting in line for the safe sleep tickets someone walks by saying ‘cabby’ ‘cabby’ and Ron realizes it is specifically code for ‘crack’.
Montage of Marie and Ron helping out at the mission: serving lunch, watching kids, etc.
Marie starts to crumble but Ron supports her.
It’s Day 13 and Ron and Marie are still hanging in at the mission. And to usher in Day 13 is a blue screen.
Easy Bake Oven is SO NOT EASY. It never cooks my brownies completely.
Marie befriends this woman. So that’s what happened to Brigette Neilsen.
I’m down like a clown….Char-char-charlie Brown!
Brigette tells Marie she has drug and alcohol problems and was a stripper for 30 years.
Tony Robbins tells Marie she is meeting all sorts of women, and he wants her to realize how lucky she is with her marriage.
So then I bought a Hello Kitty toaster oven and it was infinitely better. So fuck you Easy Bake Oven!!!
Later that evening Ron and Marie bond and hug.
Tony Robbins arrives at Midnight Mission and sneaks up on Marie and Ron who are working in the kitchen.
Boo!!! Did I make you shit yourselves?
Marie asks Tony Robbins how do they look? Tony Robbins replies pretty damn good. He must be a fan of
Marie asks if Tony Robbins has come to take them home. Marie doesn’t get an answer, but instead gets a story.
Tony Robbins tells Marie and Ron that when he was 17 he was kicked out of his house and had to sleep in his car.
Then my car kicked me out so I slept on top like Snoopy.
Tony Robbins tells them he would like to bring them home but the only way they can go home is if the people around them say so. Ooo a group vote.
We once had a group vote on who was the coolest Spice Girl. It was Posh. I wanna really really really wanna zigazig ha!
Tony Robbins tells Marie and Ron that there will be a meeting in the cafeteria and that they will need to tell the group the lessons that they have learned. If the group feels that Marie and Ron have learned all of the lessons then they can go home. If they didn’t they’ll need to spend another week at the shelter.
And now it’s time for Step 5.
AT THE CAFETERIA MEETING…
Ron tells Tony Robbins that he can’t compare living out of car to living for week at Skid Row. He tells Tony Robbins that he’s learn to put his wife first.
Marie says the people are what have changed her perception. She can’t complain after seeing what these people have been through. She really realizes what they have as a family is extremely important.
Ron says he’s not poor, he’s broke.
The group votes that Ron and Marie can go home.
And now it’s time for Step 6.
AT BOHEMIA, NY…
Tony Robbins tells us there is now the other practical issue to deal with: economics.
2+2= 4. Economics.
He’s bringing in the whole family for financial meeting.
Ron tells the bleak truth about their financial situation. $100,000 owed to franchise, house foreclosure looming and credit shot.
Their family is supportive and promises to help. And now for the individual tasks.
Tony Robbins tells Marie he has set up a meeting with a woman who is in charge at Mom Corp. She’ll help Marie with getting a job.
Yeah!! She’ll be a working woman. Wait not that kind. A career woman like Miss Vita Boheme.
Ron’s individual task is to meet with a man named Willie. Willie is a steak house entrepreneur who is thriving during this terrible economy. Tony Robbins warns that Willie’s standards are INSANE!
AT UNCLE JACK’S STEAKHOUSE IN NYC…
It’s Day 21 and Ron is on his way to meet Willie. Tony Robbins tells us Ron will have his hands full with Willie. Tehe.
Uncle Jack’s Steakhouse is okay. I’m partial to Jekyll and Hyde Club in NYC. That talking Zeus statue they have is so hot.
Ron enters Willie’s office. Meet Willie.
Willie is my name, steak is my game.
Willie says that if Ron wants to be successful he needs to give him his ‘bleeping’ soul. Haha they bleeped Willie. Willie agrees to give Ron a chance.
Montage of Willie’s restaurant. Ron comments that there is a lot that goes into setting up a restaurant everyday. Manager David puts Ron out front.
So far so good until Ron spits out front and David calls him out on it.
Seriously? Spitting in front of the store.
The manager tells Ron he can’t have someone spitting in front of his store. He tells Ron they won’t be needing him after all. Looks like Ron is fired.
AT BOHEMIA, NYC…
It’s time for Marie’s challenge. Allison O’Kelly from Mom Corp arrives to help Marie get a job.
Meet Alli-san. The Miyagi to Marie’s Daniel-san.
Tony Robbins tells us that Marie needs to start trusting herself, putting herself in new environments and stop thinking of herself as one-dimensional.
I tried to be one-dimensional once. Inspired by Flat Stanley I attempted to slide myself under the door. Didn’t work and then my mother came in and slammed the door on my head. One-dimensional = concussion.
We learn Marie has been out of the workforce for 8 years. Allison helps Marie fix her resume.
BACK TO RON…
Tony Robbins tells us he never expected Ron to get fired on his first day. Fortunately Willie gives Ron another shot.
Montage of Ron doing a variety of jobs. Willie’s view of Ron’s performance is a roller coaster. He’s pleased, he’s pissed, he’s pleased. At the end of the night, Ron sells his soul to Willie, but Will is non-committal. Willie tells Ron he will have to think about it.
AT WADSWORTH THEATRE IN LOS ANGELES…
It’s Day 30 and Tony Robbins tells us it’s time for all of the pieces of the puzzle to come together and another blue screen.
The theatre, the theatre, what’s happened to the theatre? ‘ wink’
Ron and Marie come out on stage to face their final challenge. To share what they’ve learned. Ron says they’ve learned the important things in life are each other, their family and where to go from here.
Allison O’Kelly joins them on stage. She tells Marie they’re offering her a job as a consumer health advocate.
Willie Degel joins them on stage. He offers Ron a $100,000 job as a restaurant manager and if in one-year he proves himself he’ll give Ron a restaurant and make him a partner.
Marie and Ron both have jobs and are back on track.
Unfortunately this is the end of the road for Breakthrough With Tony Robbins since NBC pulled the plug. It was a fun two-episode recap. Maybe NBC will show the rest of the episodes sometime. Toodles!