Well, friends, here we are at the end of our amazing six-week journey. I feel like I’ve grown a lot and learned so much.
Five things I’ve learned from watching Brooklyn 11223:
1. There is a trucker hat for every occasion
2. The right girl can earn $6,000 in one night without sucking dick (supposedly)
3. Bay Ridge guys are losahs
4. Endoscopies involve tubes down the throat, not up the ass
5. You don’t need a passport for Miami
Things I still don’t know after watching Brooklyn 11223:
1. Where the damn puppy is
2. WTF went on THAT night
Previously: the entire season happened. Okay, specifically, Joey Lynn betrayed Christie by doing something somewhere with someone.
Christie’s crew eats dinner at a restaurant. Toni Lynn informs Christie that she spoke to Joey Lynn on the phone while they were in VEGAS! and Joey Lynn said she missed Carla. Christie says she’s sure JL does miss Carla, and everyone else, because they are her real friends, but too bad, because it’s all JL’s fault for BETRAYING her.
Are you betraying me?
Christie tells everyone she doesn’t even know the real story even though she was downstairs at the time of the Alleged Incident. Someone asks her what she does know, and she finally gives us some deets. Apparently, Roberto had a 4th of July party at his house. Christie went and brought Joey Lynn and blurred-face Cassie whom we met last week. The next day, someone came to Christie and told her that Joey Lynn and Cassie were upstairs in Roberto’s bedroom with Roberto. Well, that really clears things up. Thanks, Christie.
Toni Lynn asks what Roberto has said about it, and Christie says he admitted “it” and said that Joey Lynn started it. Toni Lynn says that Joey Lynn denies it so vehemently that Toni Lynn almost believes her. She says that Joey Lynn has never told her side of the story. Some Random Brunette says Joey Lynn is not a bad girl, to which they all agree, even though they’ve been talking shit about her for the last five episodes. Random Brunette says Joey Lynn was really close to her family, and Christie says Joey Lynn was really close to HER family too. And I just realized I could have been calling her Ho-ey Lynn this whole time. Damn.
No Quarter Tavern. Valona is visiting Joey Lynn who once again calls her “Bologna.” Joey Lynn tells Valona/Bologna about meeting up with Carla the other night. Valona asks Joey Lynn if she thinks she and Carla will ever have a one-on-one to discuss what happened. Joey Lynn says no. Valona says “the day this becomes a non-issue, we’re throwing a fucking party.” Joey Lynn says go ahead and throw a party now. I agree, let’s just have a party and forget all this nonsense. Blow job shots for everyone.
Matt and John are at some kind of car place where you buy rims and stuff.
Is this where I get a rim job?
I don’t know what you would call it. A rim store? I don’t know anything about cars. John asks Matt what’s up with Christie and Matt says she’s a hypochondriac and he can’t deal with her anymore. YESSSSS! Dump her! He says that every night she googles her maladies and thinks she has a new disease. Hah. Well, of course. Now that her ulcer is cured she has needs something new to bitch about.
John interviews that he likes Christie, but she’s not good for Matt. Flashback to Christie being a whiny bitch in every single episode.
To Matt, John says every guy needs a night out without his girlfriend even if they’ve been together for 20 years. Matt says he’s going to be experiencing the single life sooner rather than later. John says he doesn’t have to break up, but Matt’s like “oh yes I do.” To his credit, he says if he’s going to experience the single life, he wants to actually be single. He says he needs to start going out at least four times per week without her before the end of the summer. Wait, wasn’t Labor Day two episodes ago? Oh well, who cares. Yay, Matt! Now tell me where the puppy is.
It’s a cloudy day on Coney Island and Christie and Carla are strolling on the boardwalk.
The pizza guy betrayed me by giving me pepperoni instead of sausage
They share pizza and talk about politics and literature. Carla asks where everyone is and Christie says they went to a kickboxing class and that she would have gone too but her hip is killing her. Jesus, how old is she? Carla says she wants to go to kickboxing at some point because she loves hitting things. But enough small talk.
Christie gets down to business and asks what happened when Carla saw Joey Lynn that night. She also wonders why Joey Lynn is talking to everyone about the incident EXCEPT Christie. Good question. But then we wouldn’t have a show and my life would be a helluva lot easier.
Anyway, Carla says JL denied everything. But Carla says if three people were involved, that is a threesome. Whether it’s three-way kissing, sucking or a full-on fuckfest (that part was bleeped so I’m guessing at what she said). Carla says no matter what actually happened, it’s disrespectful to Christie. And even if Joey Lynn was just in the room, Carla wonders, what would she be doing? Watching? Carla adds that the way JL acted afterwards was also super suspicious.
Carla interviews that she admires Christie because Christie can just block the whole thing out and let it go. She says if it were her, she’d be a “loose cannon.” But Christie just “brushes her shoulders off and that’s it.” Yeah, Christie is the very symbol of grace under pressure. That’s why she’s been bitching about betrayal and ulcers all damn summer.
At Joey Lynn’s house, Joey Lynn’s mom is cooking. Somehow the subject of Joey Lynn’s dad comes up and we find out that JL didn’t even really know what happened to him until some kid brought a newspaper article to school and showed her.
Apparently, he was picked up by friends and killed Goodfellas style by one of his associates in the back of the car. Joey Lynn says his body was left on McDonald Avenue. That is sad. JL’s mom asks her if she wants to go to the cemetery this weekend and JL says she doesn’t want to stare at dirt and grass.
The mom interviews that missing her dad hurts JL more than she will admit, and that’s why she has problems with friendships and relationships. She tells Joey Lynn that she wants her to meet someone she deserves, which means she needs to get the hell outta dodge.
Get out before you get knocked up with a mobster’s kid
Joey Lynn is like, “where am I gonna go?” JL’s mom says thinks JL is afraid and that she pushes the right people away but stays with people she shouldn’t. This causes JL to cry and leave the room.
[Okay – everyone says I shouldn’t call Angelina Big Ang because it’s disrespectful to the REAL Big Ang (and believe me, I would never diss the real Big Ang) so even though I’ve come this far calling her Big Ang, for the last epi, I will refer to her as Not Big Ang.]
At the boxing gym, Not Big Ang interviews that she’s been working out all summer but hasn’t gotten into any fights. She says she hopes Joey Lynn DID sleep with Roberto so she can “bust out the big guns.”
You mean these big guns?
Have these people never heard of a sports bra? The girls spar with partners, except Kelly who sits out and complains that she pulled a muscle in her vagina. Okay, Christie. Cut to someone off-screen – Kelly, I assume? – throwing up in the bathroom. Wow, that was fascinating. This episode is boring. Even for this show. Can we get to the part where Matt dumps Christie’s ass?
Matt and Christie are at dinner. (Thank you, producers!) Matt nervously says he’s going to Miami with his friends.
It’s not me, it’s you
Christie tells him to go wild “even though I’ve never seen you go wild in your life.” Matt says that people keep telling him he’s young and shouldn’t waste his youth with a passive-aggressive hypochondriac harpy. Christie says a lot of people wish they had a girlfriend like her… Yeah, and a lot of people cut themselves with razor blades, too. Bottom line, Christie tells him to take as much time as he needs, but not to come crawling back to her when he’s done. She says if she’s around when he’s ready to come back, she’s around. If not, she’s not. Matt says that’s a risk he’s willing to take. She gets mad and says she’ll get her own ride home.
A million self-loathing pussy boys would kill to date me!
Yay! Free at last. Call me, Matt.
At a diner (there is a lot of eating in this episode), Christie meets with her cousin Jackie, who is, you guessed it, a brunette.
After greeting Christie and learning that Christie is tired (of course she is) Jackie says she has some intel from CASSIE. We finally get to see Cassie in a talking head, and all I can say is, she looked better blurred out.
Can we get some pixelation STAT?!
Cassie informs us that she and Joey Lynn were at the party, went upstairs to use the bathroom and it just “happened.” She says “Joey Lynn knows what she did and I know what she did…”
WHAT? What the fuck did she do? Tell us!
Back to the diner. Jackie says that Cassie told her that Joey Lynn and Roberto…kissed. That’s all that happened. THAT night, anyway. Jackie says the three of them met up subsequently and did “other stuff” besides hooking up.
Back to Cassie, who says it was all just a hookup for fun. She says Joey Lynn is afraid to tell Christie what happened and is afraid of what people will say about her.
At the diner (ugh, I’m getting whiplash here), Christie says that Joey Lynn was telling the truth since she didn’t do anything THAT night. But she did supposedly do stuff on a few occasions after that, according to the un-indictable rumor she heard from her cousin. Oh, if only she had a camera that recorded exactly what happened that night so she could play it for Joey Lynn and get her to confess. Damn you, Oxygen Network. Why weren’t you there that fateful night???
Christie says now she “knows” for sure that Joey Lynn “scumbagged” her, and that it’s not just neighborhood gossip. She says she’s not going to say another word about it until she confronts Joey Lynn and sees if she tells her the truth.
Auto glass shop. Oh good, I was missing my favorite misogynists. The boys are hard at work. Chris says they are very busy, but Not Big Ang keeps texting him because she wants to come in and talk to him. He says he has no time for this crap and all the drama and nonsense needs to come to an end.
Maybe we can get them all together and poison them
He and Nick devise a plot to get both crews together in one room and let them have it out. Wisely, the boys will stay far away.
Wow, someone had a rough night
Not Big Ang shows up and Chris tells her that Nick has a big announcement so she should get all the girls together for a party at some bar on Saturday night. Not Big Ang asks if Nick is pregnant and he says with twins. Heh. But he did say the magic words (“open bar”) so Not Big Ang will be there Saturday with bells on.
It’s Saturday night and Christie’s crew is pre-gaming at Not Big Ang’s.
Someone asks Christie what happened between her and Matt and she says in her screechiest whiniest voice that they are on a break. Someone notes that Christie must have known it was coming since she and Matt have been fighting so much. Carla points out that they didn’t have a big blowout in VEGAS!, but Christie says they actually DID, it’s just that Carla didn’t see it. Not Big Ang interviews that she’s not surprised and she thinks that Christie and Matt are better off without each other. I can’t help but agree.
Amanda’s house, and Joey Lynn’s crew discuss their plans for the evening.Joey Lynn says “Nicky” has an announcement and Amanda confirms that it’s “Nicky Beans.” Ooh, better not let him hear you say that. He’ll beat the crap out of you! Valona says Nick is probably going to propose to Joey Lynn. Amanda asks innocently if he is friends with Christie’s crew, and her dog lifts its head like “whooo?”
Tonight’s gonna be ruff!
They wonder if the other girls will be there and Valona says Nick is a troublemaker and she wouldn’t put anything past him.
Amanda interviews that “maybe the other girls will be there, maybe not. But I got Joey Lynn’s back.” Oh please. What are you going to do? Throw your coffee in someone’s face?
Valona asks JL what she’ll do if Christie’s crew is there and she’s like “what are they gonna do?” They’re going to call you a pig and yell, Joey Lynn. Mark my words.
Christie’s crew arrives at a bar called Bullshots.
They of course immediately do shots and ask where Nick is. Carla says at least the part about it being open bar is real, so she doesn’t really care where Nick is.
Well, it says “shots” in the name, what else are we supposed to do?
Christie tries to call Nick but he’s not picking up. She’s no fool and she’s figured out that something is up.
Joey Lynn and crew arrive and Not Big Ang says “look what the wind blew in.”
Oh hello. Fancy meeting you chaps here
Christie interviews that apparently Nick thought it would be funny to put them all in the same room, but the joke is on him, because she’s ready to talk to Joey Lynn.
Further up the bar, Joey Lynn’s crew laughs at the fact that they were set up. Not Big Ang says “I love how this dirty tramp is laughing right now. I’m gonna hit someone with a bar stool.” Oh please. You couldn’t even lift a bar stool judging from the workout footage.
I’m ready to crack skulls, I just don’t feel like it at the moment
Out loud, Not Big Ang says “the piglets are here.” (Ha! Told you! Piglets! Drink!) She interviews that Joey Lynn likes to sleep with peoples’ boyfriends for fun but she likes to “knock out bitches” for fun.
More back and forth about pigs and piglets and the benches clear.
Yelling ensues, glasses are thrown and Kelly gets so riled up that her boobs pop out again. Somebody get this girl an appointment for a bra fitting. Stacy and Clinton would NOT approve.
Oh, and where is Christie during all this? Sitting off to the side as usual, pretending nothing is happening. She interviews that Not Big Ang is making a big deal out of everything and that’s not how she wants it to be. She says she wants to talk to Joey Lynn.
Jen tries to get Christie and JL together, but forgoes the three-person hug this time. She says it’s always awkward when they run into each other and they really need to settle their beef one way or the other. Stop being reasonable, Jen. There’s no room for that here.
This is what I did to Roberto that night
Joey Lynn says she can deny she did anything until she’s blue in the face, but Christie will never believe her. Christie says because Joey Lynn knows something DID happen. Joey Lynn says she doesn’t want to go into detail, but she did kiss Roberto. Finally! An admission. She apologizes for fucking up, but Christie’s like, what about the four other times you supposedly hooked up with Roberto? Joey Lynn swears on her dead mobster father that she didn’t do it.
Christie interviews that Joey Lynn just stared at her with a blank face when she mentioned the four other times, so Christie doesn’t believe her. She mentions that Joey Lynn was her BEST friend, and Roberto was her boyfriend and that adds up to BETRAYAL. Christie asks how is she supposed to believe that a kiss is all that happened when this is the first time Joey Lynn is admitting ANYTHING happened. She asks why Joey Lynn just didn’t admit she kissed him in the first place and say she’s sorry. Joey Lynn again says she knows she fucked up.
The peanut gallery is fascinated:
Joey Lynn interviews that her biggest mistake was hanging with that “little whore” Cassie who can’t keep her legs closed. Joey Lynn says CASSIE is the one who fucked Roberto. (When in doubt, deflect the blame on someone else.)
ANYWAY, this shit goes on endlessly. Bottom line: Christie still feels betrayed and will never be able to trust Joey Lynn again and Joey Lynn thinks it’s BS that Christie won’t believe her. Joey Lynn says that’s fine, she just wants all the nonsense fighting to stop.
Carla interviews that it’s BS that Joey Lynn won’t admit anything and Valona interviews that she doesn’t know WHAT the truth is, but the feud will probably never be over. And that, my friends, is our VERY anticlimactic season finale.
Ugh. So yeah, that was not very enlightening. Even though I’m on Team Joey Lynn, I feel like she was being a tad shady and that SOMETHING more than a kiss happened. Either way, I think Christie needs to get over it already. They don’t say what year this happened, but the first episode supposedly took place in July, so it couldn’t have been July 4, 2011. That means it’s been AT LEAST a year if not more. So, seriously, girls, let it go. At the very least, stop getting into scream fights and be civilized when you run into each other in public. (And get off my lawn.)
Time for some updates:
Valona put her plans to move in with Amanda on hold while she looks for a job and is considering another tattoo.
Amanda and boyfriend Sal celebrated their 6-month anniversary, but Amanda’s dad still thinks Sal is a Big L loser.
Not Big Ang broke up with Ant’ny because she wasn’t ready to give up her freedom. Her dad is still awaiting sentencing.
Nick and Chris admit their plan to resolve the feud was an epic failure and are still getting dragged into the drama.
Matt and Christie got back together after two days (Noooooo!)… but then broke up the day after that. (Yesssssssss! Matt, call me!)
Carla has been “talking” to her ex Dom, and hopes to get back together with him.
Joey Lynn is more determined than ever to leave the 11223. She’s still bartending and still living at home. And she still denies hooking up with Christie’s ex-boyfriend.
And then there’s this:
Ughhh. If they do come back, I hope they will stop with the “she said, she said” crap and just follow the girls (sans Christie) around. Last week and the VEGAS! week were so much more fun than this stupid bar fight ridiculousness. Please Oxygen, don’t subject us to more of it.
Well, that’s it, Gasmii. Thanks for sticking with me. If by some chance this shit gets picked up, I’ll be back for more. If not, I won’t shed any tears.
So what did you guys think of the episode/ series? Should this train keep rolling or would you be just as happy to see it go off the rails?
Thanks for reading, and have a great night!
To get the funniest quotes from TVgasm recaps as they’re posted, follow us on Twitter. You can post your favorite lines right back at us. If you want to play games and socialize, like our Facebook page! We’re also now on Pinterest and Tumblr! Thanks for being a part of the gasm!