Before I get started this week, I want to thank everyone who has taken the time to leave comments. I really appreciate hearing from you and you guys rock.
We start out this week at Sarah’s, where Tommy and Justin are being awful and inconsiderate houseguests. Justin ate all of the turkey, so now Paige has to take a peanut butter sandwich to school. Sarah explains that he’s eating a lot because he broke up with Rebecca, but Paige just doesn’t seem to really care. Heh. And Cooper can’t even use the bathroom, because Tommy’s hogging it, despite Sarah telling him to use the downstairs bathroom. Also, I’ve missed Cooper. I don’t think we’ve seen him in quite some time.
I hate my life.
Sarah then finds Justin hiding in the laundry room, talking on the phone. He shushes her and is all, “Can I have a moment, please?!” She’s like, “Yeah, but if you’re going to use my damn laundry room as an office, would you please give me my kids’ effing clothes?” He’s apparently trying to get transcripts so he can get into med school. Tommy is also on the phone, talking to his lawyer about how this whole thing is Holly’s wet dream. And yes, he said that right in front of both kids, earning him a scandalized “Tommy!” from Sarah. And seriously, he has a kid – he should know better. Tommy seems to think that Holly should get punished because she misled the family by telling them Rebecca was an heir. He then yells at Sarah when she asks if he’s seen her phone. His business is more important than getting her kids to school on time. He then says “damn” and “screw that” and Sarah just can’t even handle it anymore. And then: “Is that my phone?” He tells her he needs a few more minutes and she’s like, “Give me MY phone!”
Nora and Kitty are talking on the phone, about how Tommy and Julia just want Nora to stay out of their problems for now, and Kitty is walking around with little Evan and he is just the absolute cutest thing. He’s just resting his head on her shoulder, being perfectly well-behaved, checking out his surroundings. Have I mentioned that I love him? Because I do. Nora mentions that The Center is opening next week and that Sarah is coming over to have lunch with Ryan. At that last bit of news, Kitty seems disappointed that she wasn’t invited, but concedes that she does have a lot to deal with. Robert is currently on the treadmill and Nora goes on about how she’s so happy that Kitty is doing so well. Kitty sort of nuzzles the baby and looks pretty depressed while agreeing with her mother.
When Robert gets off the treadmill, the doctor says he did very well, but Robert is being a Negative Nelly and is like, “Yeah, a half mile at a snail’s pace, that’s fantastic.” He goes to take a shower, and Kitty implies that that’s a luxury she hasn’t had lately. The doctor tells her that it’s normal for heart attack victims to get very anxious and depressed, so some medication and psychotherapy might do Robert some good. Of course, when he mentioned it to Robert, he said no, so the doctor asks Kitty to talk to him.
At Rebecca’s, she’s watching a wedding show, and crying her eyes out while she just lies on the couch. My sister just broke up with her boyfriend of over a year, and this is exactly how I found her when I got home from work – laying on the couch in a heap of tissues, watching the original 90210 instead of a wedding show. I don’t think she moved for the rest of the night. Rebecca is also in her pajamas, wrapped up in a spinster blanket. I love it, because it’s so realistic.
Come on, snotty is the new sexy, right?
Ryan shows up and takes note of the wallowing hole he just walked into. She claims she’s taking baby steps and he suggests that they baby step their way out of the apartment. How long is he planning on staying? Doesn’t he have school? And a job?? Anyway, Rebecca finally asks him why he’s there and he says he’s just trying to get to know his new family. Except that Rebecca isn’t really a part of the family anymore, but OK. She clarifies that there’s nothing going on with them and he gets all cute and embarrassed and is all, “God, no!” He just likes talking to her because she’s been through all of this already. He tells her that they’re totally cool and to wallow away. Aw, he loves her. He’s just so lovely and adorable ad right now, they’re having very sweet interactions, so I’m OK with it. I still don’t think I want them to actually get together, but I’m enjoying this so far.
Scotty! Scotty is on my screen! And my cat is on my lap, so he’s sort of half on my laptop and he keeps rubbing his head on the touch pad and my cursor keeps going where it’s not supposed to. But he’s so content and purring, I just can’t push him off me. So, I will continue to awkwardly type over him because he’s just so damn cute. Plus, I just finished reading Marley and Me, and then I watched the movie, so I’m feeling particularly attached to my kitty right now. Also, after watching that movie, my sister came home from work to find me in a heap on the couch, surrounded by tissues and literally sobbing me eyes out. Just FYI.
Anyway! Kevin stares at him and wants to know what he’s doing and Scotty says he’s just cleaning up. Kevin very suggestively says that the place looks clean to him. Scotty: “What did you have in mind?” Kevin: “Oh, I don’t know, I just thought I’d attack you, throw you down on the couch and have my way with you.” Or something like that. Scotty’s sweatshirt comes off, leaving him in a white tank (yum), but then there’s a repeated knock on the door, so Scotty says they should get it. Kevin doesn’t stand up, but asks if they’re ever going to have sex again. Scotty’s like, “I’m busy, dude, but maybe we could schedule it?” Apparently, that’s what married couples do.
I wouldn’t kick him out of bed.
Kevin finally answers the door and it’s Sarah, who didn’t call because her brothers have stolen all of her phones. Wow, really? She goes on that she’s trying really hard to be a good big sister, but that it’s time for Kevin to be a good big brother and take them off of her hands. Scotty calls her “Sarah-interruptus” before handing Kevin his phone, where he tells him, “It’s in the books.” Sarah totally figures out that they’re scheduling sex, but immediately gets back to their silly brothers. Kevin thinks that Tommy should take a plea because he doesn’t have a criminal record and the worst he’d get would be some “Martha Stewart time.” Heh. Kevin goes on to say that if it goes to court, it will drag on forever and drain his finances, and the judge would probably throw the book at him. Sarah suggests that he take Tommy away and try to convince him, which Kevin says is doable given that his boss and his sex life are on sick leave.
Kevin has come to Justin, to try and convince him to come, too. Justin supposedly doesn’t have time, which Kevin scoffs at given that he’s perpetually unemployed. Why can’t he get a part-time job at Ojai? Why am I only 8 minutes into the episode, and so much has already happened?! Justin confides in him that he’s in the process of applying to med school and his personal statement is due at the end of the week. Seriously, I’m all done with school but I’m currently applying for my teacher’s certificate, and it’s a royal pain in the ass. And that’s not even as complicated as getting into an actual school. Oh, and he’s not really applying to med school yet, because he still has to finish his B.A. Kevin is absolutely thrilled for him and offers that they should go somewhere quiet where Justin can write and they can both talk to Tommy. Justin nixes a spa hotel, though, and says they should go to Baha because they can surf.
Tommy walks in just then, and is not pleased that they are planning a vacation because he just got back from taking Elizabeth to the park, where she cried the whole time, and Julia still won’t talk to him. I’m surprised she’s even letting him see Elizabeth, so I think he should be counting his blessings. Anyway, he says he’s not in the mood to be going anywhere, so Kevin tells him that Justin is just having a terrible time getting over Rebecca. Justin immediately gets this mopey face to play along and it’s pretty funny. Kevin goes on that he can’t even focus on applying to med school and HAH! Justin literally just told him to not tell anyone and the look he throws Kevin is hysterical. Tommy laughs out loud at this, because he’s a jerk, and just can’t believe that Justin would be trying to do anything constructive with his life. Tommy starts to give in, so Justin starts rubbing his shoulders and whispering, “Ba-ha, Ba-ha.” Kevin says “yay” and we get the title card. Seriously, I am already on page three and we’re only just getting a title card? This is why my recaps are so long.
Peer pressure at its finest.
Has anyone watched Castle yet? I sort of want to watch because Nathan Fillion is a fox, and I met him once and he’s just super awesome, but I already watch so much TV. Is it worth it to become an even bigger hermit? Let me know!
Senator Ranch, where Robert is learning that Kevin has skipped town without telling him. He is annoyed, as he is prone to be lately. Kitty is going to try to take a shower, and hands Robert some literature she’s found on some medications he might want to consider taking. He tells her she shouldn’t have bothered, especially because his medical records will be public in a campaign. She’s just kind of like, “Dude, do whatever you want to do.” Evan starts crying and instead of offering to go take care of it, Robert lets her reschedule her precious shower. See, and I was worried the show was giving him a pass with this whole heart attack thing, but he’s being a bigger jerk than ever!
At a gas station en route to Baha, Tommy calls Julia to let her know that he’s out of town, while Kevin and Justin gets two big bags of snacks. When they walk up to the car, Tommy greets Justin as “Dr. Walker.” Ugh, I hate him!
At Walker Manse, Sarah and Ryan are comparing their identical lumpy elbows while they prepare lunch. Kitty arrives with Evan, still un-showered, and she meets Ryan, who is thrilled to meet her. He’s so awesome. Kitty claims that she made the drive because Evan was really fussy. Also, she really wanted to meet Ryan. As soon as Kitty leaves, Nora starts fretting that something is wrong with Kitty, but Sarah tells her to dial it back.
Can this family get any weirder?
Baha, where the boys are making their way down to the beach with their surfboards and complaining about how developed it’s all gotten. I like that surfing had been a constant throughout the show. It’s a nice bit of continuity. Plus, I love seeing Kevin in a wetsuit. The beach, though, is completely packed and the boys are shocked to learn that it is Spring Break. They are not thrilled, especially Kevin, but they make their way down anyway. Also, one of the girls actually yells out, “It’s Spring Break, bitches!” Ah, I miss Summer Roberts. Remember in that “It’s a Wonderful Life” episode where she was all trashy and said hilarious shit like, “That’s my job, bitch!” The OC was really good that last season.
Back on the beach, Kevin declares it a disaster and Justin says they should just leave. But, Tommy is more interested in the Girls Gone Wild. Kevin and Justin fret about the lack of bonding they’ll be doing, but Tommy is already off and running after beer. Justin and Kevin both agree that they hate this.
We know you can’t see it, but we are shooting you some impressive death glares right now.
Walker Manse. Lunch is being had and Nora tries to pressure Kitty into asking Ryan a bunch of questions, since that’s the reason she came and all. Oh, Nora. Sarah saves her by jumping in and asking if he has a girlfriend. Nora jumps in: “Or a boyfriend.” Kitty sighs and tells him to just tell them if they’re being too nosy. The Walkers nosy? Well, I never! Ryan says when he was growing up, they were told no religion, politics, or sex at the table. Sarah, without missing a beat: “Oh, don’t worry. We hardly ever have sex at the table!” Heh. Kitty is yawning at this point and really does look just awful, but agrees with Sarah that sisters pry. She also lets slip that she hasn’t had an adult conversation in three weeks and Nora jumps right on that and asks about Robert. Kitty corrects that she meant besides her husband, but Nora smells a rat. Sarah turns the conversation back to Ryan, who says he’s straight and unattached, and he’s thinking of majoring in Politics. Nora says that he and Kitty have something in common then, but Kitty is barely holding on to the conversation. She doesn’t even defend herself when Sarah calls Republicans fascists. She goes to make coffee, but Sarah continues to insist that she’s just tired from being a new mom.
Baha, where Justin is literally trying to write his personal statement on a pad of paper in the middle of the madness at some bar. A bikini-clad vixen wraps herself around Kevin and asks them if they want margaritas. They both marvel at how there was a time that they would have loved this. Justin: “Yeah, well, I’m sober no and you’re just … old.” Kevin’s like, “Right, like appointment sex doesn’t make me feel like an old geezer already.” Justin does not want details on the appointment sex. Tommy arrives with beer and girls for Justin, who is not happy and certainly doesn’t think that Tommy is the best brother in the world. Well, yeah, especially since he has Kevin, who is the most awesome person in the world.
Back at Walker Manse, Ryan approaches a sleeping Kitty at the kitchen counter and asks if she’s OK. Maybe he has a crush on her, too! He pours her coffee and he is so cute! He admits that he was nervous about meeting her, given hr quasi-celebrity status and Senator husband. He pauses long enough to let her know that he is certainly not a Republican, and he says he usually votes Green, which makes Kitty laugh. Me, too. They get a bit of a sparring match going, and Kitty disbelievingly asks if he’s really going to go head-to-head with her on politics. He says he has aced every political theory course in the department and gives her a smug smile. Kitty says bring it and he’s like, “Oh, it is brought, bitch!” They’re cute. I like Kitty best when she’s with Justin, so I think I’m going to like these two, as well. Speaking of, what happened to Kitty and Justin being BFF? I sort of think that if she didn’t live so far away and wasn’t dealing with stupid Robert, Justin would have gone to her last week instead of Sarah.
Baha Bar, where the girls are cooing over Kevin and his gayness, as most young girls do. A guy shot hottie comes over, where he proceeds to pull Kevin’s head back and pour liquor straight into his mouth. Justin is amazed at the ridiculousness, but probably happy that Kevin is distracting the girls from him. Shot Guy totally hits on Kevin, and the girls are like, “That is so hawt.” In fact, they would pay money to watch them make out. I’ve known so many girls like this, it’s astounding. Hell, I think I’m sort of like that, though hopefully less idiotic. Justin frets about this turning into a gay porno, but Tommy has found a girl who is pre-med and brings her over to chat up Justin. Why is Tommy trying to pimp him out? Especially with girls who have boyfriends? But Justin is not looking and does not like Tommy’s idea of getting over Rebecca. He thinks that Tommy should be acting a little more heartbroken himself, given that his wife just threw him out. And then he spills the beans that Tommy’s the reason they’re there and then he storms out.
The Great Walker Debate is still raging on, while Nora smothers poor Evan with hugs in the next room. Sarah comes in and Kitty refers to Ryan as their “younger, naÃ¯ve brother.” Aw, she called him her brother! They’re arguing about family as a political thing, and Kitty starts going on and on about how her love for baby Evan is just natural and there’s nothing political about wanting to care for your loved ones. Ryan gets quieter and quieter, until he finally says he has to get going. Kitty doesn’t know what she said to upset him, but he runs right over to Rebecca’s, saying he could use a friend.
Ryan admits to her that he has a secret now, and that he started thinking about his own mother and how she died. She apparently was killed in a car accident in the middle of the day, but there were no skid marks. Rebecca says things just happen sometimes, but he’s been questioning it more and more ever since he found out about her affair. He thinks she could have killed herself, and that William Walker might be the reason she did it. He gets teary, and Rebecca realizes that that’s why he’s actually here – to find out more information about his mother’s affair with William, and if he broke her heart or something worse. That? Is not really as scandalous as they’re trying to make it seem. But, we’ll see.
Um, do I see some fangs?
Baha, where Justin is calling Rebecca to talk about his insane week, but he gets pissy when she offers to call him back because Ryan’s there. I sort of don’t blame him, since it’s pretty obvious (to us anyway) that Ryan is interested in her. Pre-Med finds him and Justin decides to ask her for help with his statement. Elsewhere, Tommy is upset that he was roped into this weekend under false pretenses, especially since they want him to take a plea and do some bonding before he goes to jail. Kevin tries to say it’s not like that, but Tommy is not listening as usual, and even says something disparaging about Justin liking being on the other side of an intervention. It’s like every word out of his mouth is just hatefulness spewing out. Kevin plays the professional card and says there’s a lot of evidence against him. Tommy then throws the fact that Kevin went up against the US Army for Justin and goes on that Justin screws up all the time and the family still goes to the mat for him. Whoa, buddy. Kevin and I agree that addiction and stupidly breaking the law are two completely different things. If Justin was just a screw up making stupid mistakes in life, I could see his point, but all of Justin’s problems stem from his alcoholism and drug use. So, Tommy just needs to shut the fuck up. Tommy even says that Kevin doesn’t give a damn about him, and Kevin’s like, “Yeah, I cam to this girl-infested shithole because I hate you. Jerk.”
Kitty is fretting about Ryan storming out, but Nora and Sarah think she’s overreacting. Kitty gets so upset about it, that Nora finally asks her what’s wrong. Kitty tries denying it, but does admit that Robert is dealing with some depression and frustration, so that’s just a little challenging being around all the time. They don’t believe her, so she says she’s just really tired, and then lists off all the things she has to do for the baby and Robert. She goes on that Robert doesn’t like her cooking, she can’t do anything right, and that he doesn’t talk to her. She’s lonely and she’s drowning and she’s been too proud to ask for help. Help from the one person who would gladly dive in after her and hold her up until she caught her breath. Nora goes to her and tells her it’s normal, and Kitty admits that she didn’t want to be a burden given the whole Tommy thing, and that Nora thought she was so happy. Nora tells her to stay over and she’ll pamper her and take care of Evan. Nora literally has to usher her out of the room, that’s how zombie-like Kitty is.
See? This is what happens when you “Oh, Nora” me!
Justin and Pre-Med walk along the beach and she encourages him and is generally pretty nice. She kisses him, and of course, her boyfriend sees them, so Justin takes off running. He runs into their room, where Tommy is packing and getting ready to leave, even though it’s the middle of the night and they’re drunk (except Justin). Justin tells them that a whole fraternity is trying to kill him and they are actually trying to bang down the door. Tommy tells them they suck, because he sucks. A lot.
Tommy is so self-absorbed, he actually thinks that this whole being locked-in-their-hotel-room thing is a ploy just for him. They have mattresses covering the windows and Justin shushes them from where he is crouching in the corner. Heh. Justin says they can hide in there for a while because he has snacks. Hahaha. Tommy and Kevin assume they’re in this mess because Justin slept with the girl, and Tommy is infuriated when he realizes they’re going to get their asses kicked over first base. Justin rightly points out that they wouldn’t be in this situation in the first place if Tommy hadn’t been pimping him out. Hey! Someone’s been reading my recaps and stealing my jokes!
OMG, we’re gonna die!
Tommy tells Justin to write his essay now that he has some quiet, but Justin explodes that he can’t write it and it’s Tommy’s fault. Tommy is the reason Rebecca broke up with him and she was the only one who believed him, and now he’s a mess and he can’t stop thinking about her and nothing is helping. Awww. Poor baby. Except that I think everyone else in the family, besides Tommy obviously, would be pretty supportive, but OK. He’s upset. Kevin’s phone starts beeping and Tommy grabs it, informing him that he’s supposed to be having sex in five minutes. Kevin bemoans his missed spooning opportunity, as do we all. Tommy finally grows a pair and starts to go outside. Justin says he should be the one to go out there, but Tommy tells him that he’s going to med school. Tommy, on the other hand, is going to jail. Finally! He admits that Kevin was right and that he messed up and that he should take the plea. Also, he’s going to be a good big brother and fix this frat boy thing for Justin. He leaves. Hopefully, to get the ass-beating he deserves, but we probably won’t be that lucky.
Nighttime at Senator Ranch. Sarah is there and uh-oh. This can’t be good. At least she starts out by saying she’s overstepping. She admits that she’s worried about him and Kitty and that when Kitty talks about him now, she’s very detached and clinical. He says she’s just coping, but Sarah says this is how she was before she pulled away from Nora – before she left for New York. Eventually, she just stopped arguing with Nora, got quiet, and once she’d distanced herself enough, she left. Haven’t I been noting the quiet thing for like 5 episodes? That’s because I’m awesome. Just FYI. Robert appreciates her concern, but doesn’t think she should make assumptions about his marriage. He thinks he knows Kitty better than Sarah, which is ridiculous. Sarah thinks she’s so angry that she doesn’t want to fight anymore. Robert doesn’t seem to know exactly why she’d be angry. Guh. You shouldn’t have even bothered, Sarah.
Baha. Kevin and Justin have their ears pressed up against the door, and are considering going out, but freak out like little bitches when the door opens. Of course, it’s just Tommy, who gloriously at least has a black eye and maybe a busted lip. It’s dark in Baha. He says he got his ass kicked, but he looks pretty good to me.
I’m not sure what’s so orgasmic about listening at a door.
Anyway, he says he envies the Spring Breakers because they all have a clean slate. Tommy says he should have just run off to Costa Rica after graduating, instead of working at Ojai. I guess he’d give up Julia and Elizabeth, too, then? Kevin says he’d start over in Paris, but only if he could bring Scotty. See? The writers go out of their way to have Kevin say that, but don’t give Tommy that chance. It’s like they want us to not like him and I just don’t get it. Unless they think he’s so unlikable at this point that they’ve stopped even trying. But seriously, how do you write such an asshat of a character unintentionally? How do you not realize, at least when you watch the show, that he’s a jerk? It’s hard to even get frustrated with Balthazar Getty because the character is just so awful before he even gets a hold of it. It’s like stupid Dawson, except that’s worse because he was the main character. I’m just so exasperated and pissed off at the handling of this character, and that it hasn’t been corrected in three years.
Anyway! Tommy tells Justin to fight for Rebecca because he loves her. He also says that he made a lot of mistakes following in his dad’s footsteps and that he needs to make some new footsteps of his own. Oh, gag me. Following in your dad’s footsteps in general wasn’t the problem, you idiot! It was following the ILLEGAL footsteps that was the problem! He says he’ll take the plea, but for now, he just wants to be with his brothers. Oh OK. Aw.
Walker Manse. Nora is holding Evan, and he is making noises and opening his mouth and squirming around, and OMG, he is just too cute. Nora could just eat him, but I might do it first. Also, why is that even a saying? “I could just eat you up!” It’s gross if you think about it. Do you generally want tot eat cute things? Nora wants to keep the baby forever, but finally hands him over to Kitty. She still doesn’t look showered, but I guess she is. She really needed the sleep and she really needed her mother. Nora tells her to not wait so long next time – just get her butt over there! Agreed! Only I think it should be permanently.
I just want to put you in my pocket and feed you jelly beans! Yes I do!
Rebecca calls Ryan to check in, and she has gotten herself out of the apartment and is at work. He asks her if she’s free for lunch. I think I could really, really like these guys as friends, but after Justin’s little Rebecca breakdown, I just want her back with Justin.
Kevin, still in Baha, is making an appointment with Scotty for later this evening. Scotty calls him “Mr. Walker” and says he’ll pencil him in. Kevin says he loves him and then Justin leans down and says he loves Scotty, too. Of course he does. Everyone does! Justin didn’t sleep much and was inspired by Tommy’s starting over speech and wrote his first draft for his essay.
Senator Ranch, where Kitty and Evan are returning home. She says she feels like a whole new person, and he offers to go get the bottle, but she says it’s fine. He also thanks her for looking up the information and says he read it, but that for now, he’s going to just keep doing his own thing. She smiles easily and tells him to make his own decision. He watches her leave and looks concerned.
Baha. Kevin and Justin go t wake Tommy up, and find a note on the bed. It says that he can’t go back and to please give the envelope to Julia. Oh, and don’t hate him. They acknowledge that this is bad, and I am in awe. In awe that the writers have clearly just given up on the Tommy character and are making him as unlikable as possible before, presumably, getting him off the show. This is just such a cowardly and irresponsible thing to do, and to leave Julia a note?! Wow. What a complete and utter asshole. I hope he goes to jail for a long time.
Oh no he didn’t!
Next Week: More Tommy drama and Ryan drama. Robert says that Tommy’s a fugitive and Rebecca and Ryan find out something even more scandalous about William Walker. We even get a shot of Tem Skerritt, so maybe we’ll be getting some flashbacks next week? I loooove flashbacks.