Brothers and Sisters: Sibling Rivalry

Alright, folks – I’m not gonna lie. This was one of the worst episodes of Brothers and Sisters I’ve ever been forced to sit through. It failed to hold my attention at all. In fact, I was so frustrated by having wasted an hour of my life, that when my DVR asked me what I wanted to do with the recorded episode, I actually said to myself, “Well, I’m never watching that piece of crap again,” and I erased it. I erased it!

Of course, right as I was hitting the button, I remembered that I was supposed to be recapping it and then cursed myself the rest of the night for being so stupid. Luckily, ABC.com decided to be nice this week and I was able to watch it there.

But seriously, between this and Grey’s Anatomy this week, I don’t think I’ve ever been so bored while watching TV in my life. I don’t know if it’s just my attention span randomly dwindling to that of a fly or if these really were two of the worst episodes in the history of television. I expect this from Grey’s at this point, but I thought B&S was better than that. I swore that if Gossip Girl (the best show EVER) didn’t redeem my dear TV, he’d be sleeping on the couch. Luckily, GG rocked as always and TV and I made up.

But he’s on probation.

We open this week with Kitty promoting her book on Regis and Kelly. Sarah has it on but is not watching it, preferring to yell at her teenage / twenty-something co-workers. There’s a huge tech conference that they’ll be attending, where they’ll showcase their Greenotopia website. The only problem is that they need $120,000 to launch said website.

Nora calls then, to bitch about how Rodger Grant hasn’t dropped off the plans for The Center and she wants to know how she’s supposed to deal with a difficult employee. Sarah’s like, “OMG, I don’t have time for this because these brats just told me I need a shitload of money that I don’t have and even though I know you’re prone to overreaction and meddling, I am telling you that my situation is so dire I want to kill myself.” Or something like that. Nora is obviously concerned but Sarah blows her off.

At Senator Ranch, Kitty is also watching it, while Robert is busy talking to Kevin about how he needs a meeting with some guy named Gordon Alexander. Kitty is making annoyed faces at his back, and seriously? He can’t wait ten minutes talk to Kevin? I know she used to have her own show and all, so her being on TV isn’t that big of a deal, but I’m pretty sure this is the first book she’s ever written and I think he could be showing a little more support than this. Anyway. He sits down and is all, “Great, great, you were great!” And she’s like, “Yeah, thanks, you asshat.”

Walker Manor. Kitty and Nora take turns bitching about the men in their lives, namely Robert and Rodger Grant. Nora mentions that they’re all very excited about her book signing the next day and Kitty is thrilled that everyone’s going. Justin comes in, asking for utensils. It turns out that Nora has a ton of spatulas, so Justin helps himself to a couple. You know, my mother has several spatulas, as well. Must be a Mom Thing.

He breaks the news that he will be moving tomorrow, so he can’t make her signing. Yes, because moving into a new apartment must be done all in one day and he can’t possibly take a break for an hour or so. He leaves and Kitty sarcastically notes the wonderful family support, which is Nora’s opportunity to bring up the Sarah situation. Kitty is understandably hesitant to loan her sister and her risky internet company $120,000. She asks what will happen if things don’t go well and Sarah doesn’t make the money back.

Nora: Well, that’s not very supportive.
Kitty: Oh, mother, don’t you do that. Of course I want to be supportive -
Nora: Great!

Heh. Oh, Nora. Justin comes back in carrying a big box from Rodger Grant, who didn’t send plans, but sent a whole model. None of them seem impressed.

The Center. Rodger Grant is explaining “the concept” to his team, when Nora arrives with the model in tow. We don’t get too good a look at it, but there is a tall glass cylinder on it that doesn’t exactly scream “Nora” or “comforting place for sick people.” She explains that she was expecting something more traditional and that this concept is not at all what they discussed. He patronizes her and informs his team that this is a perfect example of an inexperienced commoner’s reaction to something new and unconventional. Man, I hate this guy. She goes on to say that they agreed on something warm and nurturing and then he literally TURNS HIS BACK ON HER and tells his associates that this is what happens when clients have a limited architectural vocabulary. “They speak in clichés, so naturally they expect a clichéd design.” Oh, no he didn’t! Nora finally snaps and attacks the poor model with a crowbar.

Robert’s Office, where he immediately barks at Kevin about the Alexander meeting not being on his agenda. Kevin rightly points out that his law degree makes him a bit over-qualified to schedule meetings, and that’s when Robert reveals that this is all sort of hush-hush. Kevin tells him that they have conflicting schedules, so Robert tells him to cancel whatever he has going on. Which is of course Kitty’s book signing. Robert dismisses it and says he’s read the book, which Kevin calls bullshit on – she doesn’t want a book report, she wants support. Robert insists she has his support and says he watched her on Regis and Kelly. It’s like he’s actively trying to be a douche. You better get used to it, because this disgusting behavior continues for the rest of the episode. Even Kevin’s like, “Whatevs, dude.”

Kitty is talking to Nora on the phone about, what else, the book signing. There will be a reception afterward with press, apparently, and she doesn’t know what to wear. There is mention of beef and Ann Coulter and I don’t know what they’re talking about anymore.

Saul comes in just then with some architecture books. It seems that Nora wants to be able to tell “that condescending jerk … to stick his plans up his flying buttress.” Ah, you see what she did there? Saul then informs her that he also won’t be attending the book signing, due to his hot date. You know, it’s like Thanksgiving all over again – I’m sure Tommy and Sarah will be bailing on her, too.

Ojai Foods. I feel like we haven’t been here in months. Rebecca and Holly are rocking some matching purple-and-green outfits and then greet Tommy happily, asking after Elizabeth. I guess this is his first day back. He wants to talk to Holly privately, so that he can bitch her out properly without her daughter there to interfere. It seems that while he’s been gone, Holly has started negotiation with a wholesale company, even though Ojai has traditionally handled their own distribution. Holly wants to lower their prices because she thinks people will stop buying, but Tommy is concerned because their distribution arm makes up half of their profits. Mostly, he’s pissed that she made this decision without consulting him. The board has signed off on it unanimously, but Holly tells him if he can come up with something better, she’s all ears. He is sarcastic and gross and whines that his opinion doesn’t matter anyway.

Yeah, it sucks that she did this without talking to him, but he was kind of indisposed and I really think she believes this is what’s best for them. She seems pretty genuine here and I think he’s vilifying her a bit unnecessarily. Not to mention that his behavior is wildly unprofessional and immature. But, what else would we expect from our favorite Walker? *eye roll*

Sarah’s / Greenotopia Headquarters. Kitty has stopped by and is bothering Kyle and Ethan about what they’re doing. Don’t worry if you didn’t know those were their names – I just had to look it up. The blonde is Kyle, btw. Sarah tells her not to bother them and explains that she did apply for a small business loan. Kyle points out that he applied to Harvard, but that doesn’t mean he got in. Sarah doesn’t want to talk about it. Kitty tries to get Sarah to ask her for the $120,000, so as not to hurt her pride, but eventually gives up and just hands her a check, apologizing that it wasn’t Sarah’s idea.

Sarah quickly realizes that this has Nora written all over it and tells Kitty that she can’t accept it. The boys are all over it, of course, and are practically salivating after Kitty. She eventually hands it over to Ethan, but then Sarah starts going off on how Kitty always swoops in on her high horse. Kyle and Ethan both raise their eyebrows, all “Can you not insult the nice lady with the big check? Kthx!” She tells Ethan to hand over the check. He shakes his head. “Ethan, give her that check!” “No.” She snatches it out of his hand, gives it back to Kitty, and calls her “condescending” for good measure. Kyle grabs the check back and tries to discreetly hide it. Sarah then brings up her Republican values and Kitty can’t even believe what she’s spewing. Ethan throws in that he voted Republican once, and it’s so random and adorable, and I really love these two. Even if I didn’t know their names until like five minutes ago. So now Kitty grabs the check back and goes storming out and the boys are not happy.

Later, Kitty is on the phone with Kevin, telling him all about how awful Sarah just was. As if she’s not having a bad enough day, Kevin has to tell her that neither he nor Robert will be attending the book signing. He explains about the meeting with the “fat guy real estate mogul” and Kitty’s political spidey sense goes pinging and she demands to know who exactly he’s talking about. As soon as he says “Gordon Alexander,” Kitty knows what’s up – Robert is angling for Governor. Kitty knows this because she know that if you want to run for office in California, you have to go through this guy. I like when they remind us that Kitty is smart and that there’s a lot more to her than writing a book and having a baby. It’s easy to forget that her whole character used to be about politics. Anyway, Kitty wants Kevin to do some snooping, because she knows that Robert won’t tell her due to his douchiness that even she can’t deny.

Walker Manor. Sarah has come to bitch out Nora for telling Kitty all of her business and really, it’s Sarah’s fault because she should know better. Nora starts in about how Sarah can never ask for help and that’s how they almost lost Ojai. Sarah correctly assumes that Nora is pointing out her failures, but does admit that the loan fell through. Nora asks her why she doesn’t just take Kitty’s check then? “Because that would be like diving into a lake in the middle of winter. In Maine.” I’m sorry, but what? That doesn’t even make sense. I have no idea what she’s talking about. I guess she’s just saying that that would be bad? Whatevs.

Ojai? Walker Landing? Saul’s Place? I don’t know where they are, but there’s lots of wine in the background, so I would assume Walker Landing? But then again, this is the Walkers we’re talking about, so it very well could be Saul’s. Anyway, Tommy is talking to him about buying some more land, only he doesn’t want to buy it with Holly, he wants to buy it with Saul. Tommy starts spinning this insane web about how they’ll approach Ojai, while somehow staying anonymous, and how Ojai will pay them with shares and that they’ll insist on 10%, and then with Tommy’s current shares, he’ll be the majority owner. Saul stops him right there because even though I have no idea what they’re talking about, I can even guess that that doesn’t sound strictly legal. Saul’s like, “Let me get this straight. You get the majority, vote in a new board, and then fire Holly?” Tommy’s like, “Duh, it’s gonna be AWESOME! LOL.”

Saul obviously says no, due to the inevitable falsifying of documents to keep their identity a secret and the risk of Holly or the board finding out, in which case they’d then fire Tommy. Tommy starts yelling about how he wants to get Ojai back for the family, and really? Since when? I mean, he fired Kevin like a couple months ago. Where is this change of heart coming from? Why is he all of a sudden hating on Holly when he’s been defending her all season? What is going on?! Even Balty’s like, “I have no idea what I’m talking about, so I’m just going to start yelling to try to distract you.”

Greenotopia HQ. Sarah is getting ready for Kitty’s book signing, and Kitty arrives to drive her over. They both apologize and Sarah has to admit that the loan fell through, so that check would actually be very helpful right about now. Only now, Kitty has changed her tune and thinks Sarah should do it on her own and take on some of the risk. They get into it and Sarah decides that she won’t be attending the book signing after all.

The Book Signing. Nora’s the only one to show up and I love how they even had Saul have some excuse as to why he’s not there, but there’s no explanation whatsoever for Tommy. It’s this kind of lazy writing that makes Tommy the most hated character on the show. It makes him look really selfish and heartless and I know it’s not even really Balthazar Getty’s fault, but if the rumors that he’s getting cut back to guest star are true, I won’t really care at all.

Nora has come to the realization that Rodger Grant is not an architect, he’s a poet. She just realized this right now because she’s skimming through some architecture book. That … is so stupid I’m not even going to comment.

The Gordon Alexander Meeting. Robert wants to reconnect with is base in California, but I guess that doesn’t include his wife. Gordon Alexander invites him to come quail hunting with him and when he asks Kevin if he wants to come, Kevin makes the obligatory subtle reference to Dick Cheney and tries to beg off, but Robert decides that he hasn’t sucked enough in this episode and actually makes a joke about SHOOTING Kevin. Robert, you should know better than to threaten the most-loved character on the show.

Kitty is reading from her book and the camera pans across the whole row of empty seats that were reserved for the Walkers. Oh, how embarrassing and awful. And we don’t even get a Chrismukkah moment where they all show up at the end, wearing yamaclauses.

In the Senator’s limo, Kevin flat out asks him if he’s running for Governor and hilariously mocks him for his “homesick” remarks. Robert quickly realizes that Kitty has put him up to this, due to Kevin having not been in “the game long enough to realize the potential implication of that meeting.” He then reprimands him for not keeping this quiet and Kevin is like, “Dude, you don’t pay me enough to lie to my sister.”

Ojai. Sarah asks after Elizabeth, and is happy when Tommy says she’s doing fine. They talk about the fight with Kitty and Tommy also encourages her to take the risk. They decide that that’s what their father would say, too, and then Tommy gets this scary look and I think we know what he’s thinking.

Walker Manor. Nora is trying to make up for the collective absence of the Walkers (and Robert) with grapes and wine. Nora then gives her a pep talk about how she shouldn’t pretend to be less than what she is and I don’t really know where that came from, because I wasn’t getting that from Kitty at all, but OK, Nora. Whatever you say.

Seriously, it’s like one writer came in and wrote the first half of all of the scenes, and then they had another one come in and write the second half without reading the first part. That’s how much sense this episode is making.

Ojai. Tommy comes to see how Rebecca’s doing / gage her reaction to his crazy ideas. Tommy explains his problem with the whole distribution company thing, and Rebecca asks the obvious question, which is why not buy more land so they can stay their own supplier? And is it me, or is distribution and supply not the same thing? I really am not following much of this plot line. Tommy says that it would be risky (get it?) but that it is a possibility. Rebecca essentially jumps on his bandwagon when she points out that this new deal would completely change their brand identity as far as marketing goes. Tommy can barely contain his glee when he tells her that that might be something they should pursue and then totally supports her when she wants to go discuss her idea (that she came up with all on her own without any prodding or manipulation) to her mom. He practically cackles. You know, at least this new devious Tommy is a little bit interesting, even if I don’t know what he’s talking about most of the time.

Nora finds Rodger Grant on one of his construction sites and basically tells him that she’s been an idiot and that he really is quite talented. But she still doesn’t want to use his ugly design (thank God) because she also has a vision and she is just as passionate about it as he is about his. He takes it gracefully, if you can imagine, and assigns one of his associates to work with her.

Robert’s Office. Robert apologizes for snapping, but then kind of takes it back be scolding Kevin some more about how he needs to be able to talk to him without Kevin running off and telling Kitty. Kevin agrees with him, but is not thrilled when he tells him that he is in fact running for Governor and he doesn’t want Kitty to know. Robert then gets very scary about how he wants Kevin to be an important part of his team, how he’s not really asking him to lie to his sister, and that they can do great things together. It’s sort of like when Saruman is trying to lure Gandalf to the dark side, with promises of great things and thinly veiled threats. It’s freaking me out.

Senator Ranch. Sarah has come to tell Kitty that she has taken out a second mortgage on her house. They reminisce a little bit, but the main point of this scene is that Kitty offers to be her guarantor, which will of course ensure that the bank gives Sarah the loan. Sarah apologizes for missing the book signing and asks her to sign her book right then.

The Center. Nora comes running in all excited about the plans that the Rodger Grant’s associate has come up with. Of course, this is Rodger Grant’s opportunity to reveal himself and admit that he actually did the drawings. What was the point of assigning the other guy then? I don’t get it. Anyway, they insult each other / flirt and oh my God they like each other. Gross.

Ojai. Holly comes in to discuss “Rebecca’s idea” with Tommy and admits that she was a little too focused on short term and that wholesale is maybe not the way to go. He then compliments Rebecca and offers to make some calls. Holly tells him that it’s nice to be back on the same page and Tommy almost chokes trying to agree with her. Tommy’s motives would be a lot more clear if Holly was acting like her usual raging-bitch-self, but since she’s generally being pretty lovely about the whole thing, I just don’t understand what Tommy’s problem is. And if the audience can’t get where he’s coming from, let alone get behind him on this, this plotline and the show as a whole has a problem. I hope someone is noticing besides me.

Robert’s Office. Kitty shows up and Kevin is forced to flat out lie to her face when he tells her that Robert isn’t running for Governor. And really, this whole thing sucks, particularly for Kitty but also substantially for Kevin because as easy as it is for Robert to insist that this isn’t family stuff and it’s just his job, I don’t think Kitty will see it that way. I’m actually kind of shocked that Kevin didn’t quit. Robert comes out and notes Kitty’s good mood and poor Kitty doesn’t catch her husband practically winking over her shoulder at her brother. Like this is all a big conspiracy to keep the emotional woman in check and in good spirits. Kevin suppresses the urge to punch him, given that that would probably be a felony.

So, what did you think? I guess my biggest problem was that all of the important stuff was in the previews and when you can fit all of the substance from an episode into a 15 second wrap-up, then maybe the episode shouldn’t have happened in the first place. Also, the asshole quotient was far too high, what with Tommy running around making no sense and acting completely out of character, and Robert randomly becoming a controlling dick. And the absence of Scotty and Justin was greatly felt as a result, seeing as how they’re probably the nicest people on the show. All in all, this episode was awful enough on first viewing, and having to sit through it again was absolute torture.

Next Week: The Walkers get drunk and act inappropriately (what else is new?). Ethan kisses Sarah (yay!), Nora totally has sex with Rodger Grant, and they make it look like Rebecca’s going to hook up wit Kyle (!). There’s a pretty hilarious shot of the three women with insane sex hair and Justin rightly freaking out. Heh. Let’s hope it’s better than this one because that was way more enjoyable than this whole episode.