Brothers and Sisters: Sex Hair for Everyone!

Previously on Brothers and Sisters: Sarah teamed up with two guys in their twenties, who were trying to launch a website. They needed lots of money to attend some tech conference, where they were hoping to get picked up by an investor. Nora agreed to let Rodger Grant design The Center and they made cutesy faces at each other. Kevin agreed to go quail hunting with The Senator and that fat cat realty guy, Gordon Alexander.

And Rebecca and Justin were an item, despite the fact that that’s almost incest and that we haven’t seen them together in like months. Oh, and I spelled “Greenatopia” wrong. Moving on.

We start in medias res, which I looove. You know, when everything is so crazy and messed up that you know they’re going to go back in time to explain how everything got so weird? That’s what’s going on right now.

An elevator opens at some swank hotel, and we see that Nora is doing the Walk of Shame. She’s not too pleased to see Sarah waiting in said elevator, with equally ridiculous sex hair. They go back and forth, trying to figure out who the other spent the night with, without answering any questions themselves. The elevator dings and we see that Rebecca has also apparently spent the night, only she has rose petals in her hair. Awesome.

Nora grabs a rose petal out of her hair, looking at it like she’s never seen anything like it before, and asks if Justin is still sleeping. Rebecca says she doesn’t know where Justin is. And I call bullshit on Sarah and Nora’s blasé reactions to this statement. I think they’d be a little more upset that she was cheating on their brother/son. Whatever, show.

48 Hours Earlier. Nora is fawning all over Rodger and the eco-friendly stuff he’s showing her for The Center. Saul keeps trailing behind them, not being able to get a word in. I already don’t like where this is going. Why did they have him acting like such a jerk last week if we’re supposed to want him with Nora? Because I want Danny Glover to come back. Or that silver fox from a few episodes ago, Ryan’s dad (who’s not really his dad because William is his dad, but you get my point).

Rodger kisses Nora on both cheeks before he goes and Saul’s all, “Cheerio!” Heh. He asks when they fell in lust and Nora falls all over herself denying it, but eventually admits to drooling.

Some parking garage, where Sarah and the boys are leaving the all-important tech conference. Sarah thinks it went horribly, what with her not knowing how to Twittter or having a Facebook Page. That was funny the first time I heard it, but not so much after she repeats it like a hundred times throughout the episode. The boys try to encourage her that they covered the techy stuff, so they should be fine. Also, one of the investors is coming to their launch party tonight, but I’m distracted because they never explain how they got the money to throw this party. I guess they got a huuuge loan from the bank, given that $120,000 of it was supposed to only cover the actual conference.

Sarah gets a call from Paige and after feeling bad that Nora has to take her daughter shopping for a party dress, she stupidly says that Paige can get whatever she wants under $40. So, I think you can figure out where that’s going. Even though Paige is only ten and I wouldn’t expect this plotline for at least another year or so, but maybe times have changed since I was younger. But I mean, she’s like in fifth grade and I know I didn’t go to a “dance party” until middle school and even that was during the school day, like in the cafeteria. So yeah, I’m having trouble talking this whole thing seriously, even though Rachel Griffiths rocks the hell out of this episode.

Ojai. Rebecca is putting together the swag bags for the party, where Walker Landing is going to get some free advertising by giving away bottles of wine. They briefly discuss that Tommy is in Ojai trying to partner up with a neighboring orchard, and at least the show is taking the two seconds to explain where he is during the episode. Sometimes, it’s like they just forget he exists and I hate it when shows do that – it’s just lazy writing. (I’m looking at you, Gossip Girl, and your repeated misplacing of Chace Crawford!)

Rebecca gets a call from Justin, where she has to explain that she’s far too busy with the party and everything, and that she has to cancel whatever their plans were for the night. We have to assume that he doesn’t take it well, given that they apparently couldn’t get Dave Annable to record his side of the conversation. Anyway, Rebecca wants to get a room at the party hotel and Holly gives her the next day off.

Senator Ranch. Kevin and Robert are getting ready to go hunting, and they discuss that there’s a second guy coming that they have to impress, besides Gordon Alexander. I have to wonder how Robert thinks bringing his gay Democrat brother is going to impress these uber-Republicans, no matter what his job title is. Kitty comes in for her five seconds of screen time (she’s going to a photoshoot) and fondles one of the shotguns, which turns Robert on and grosses Kevin out. I do like that B&S isn’t afraid to push its star to the sidelines, when there’s no real purpose for her in the episode. Even though Calista Flockhart does drunk exceptionally well.

Walker Manor, where Sarah immediately starts dooming and glooming all over Nora about the stupid conference. Nora tries to prepare Sarah for what she’s about to see on her daughter, calling it “more mature” than what she usually wears. Sarah’s not really paying attention, until Paige comes out wearing a ridiculous red-sequined mini-dress. She looks like Hannah Montana, who is certainly not ten years old. Nora tells her she looks cute, and Sarah looks like she’s going to faint and tells her to go change. Paige takes this as well as you’d expect and gets all bratty and drama queen about it. And I also call bullshit on Nora thinking that this is “cute” – Paige looks like a little baby whore and no grandmother would want their granddaughter going out in that monstrosity. Plus, is this dance party a school function or is it just some kid’s party? Why did Sarah even say she could go in the first place?

Anyway, after the commercials, Nora is defending her decision, recalling Sarah’s rocker phase and Kitty’s spandex phase. But you know, I bet they were in high school when those phases occurred, so whatever, Nora. Nora goes on and on about how Paige feels good and that’s all that matters and Sarah just can’t even believe what she’s saying, rolling her eyes and shaking her head all over the place. And seriously – Justin can tell you that drugs make you feel good but they don’t want her doing that, do they? They should have had Rebecca or Justin take her shopping, or maybe even Kevin, given that they’re the only parenting novices I could buy this crap from, and even then, it’s a stretch because for the most part, they all have common sense.

AA Meeting. Justin gets approached by a fairly cute girl, Chelsea, who says she’s new and wants him to be her sponsor, despite, as Justin points out, that male-female sponsorships are frowned upon. She eventually talks him into it, though, promising that it’s only temporary until she finds someone else. Eh, I hope they don’t take the obvious route with this – Rebecca and Justin are braving near-incest issues (even though the show likes to forget that awkwardness sometimes) and I don’t really want to see them break up just yet. Also, we already did the cheating thing with Tommy last year and I know all of us are trying to forget that whole mess.

Greenatopia HQ. Rebecca is helping Kyle and Sarah get stuff done for the party. Rebecca finds The Dress and tries to get Sarah to think it’s cute, recalling how her mother used to let her dress up as Madonna and raid her closet. Sarah points out that she doesn’t need parenting advice from Holly, instead of the more valid point that Rebecca was dressing up in her mother’s closet, not at some shady “dance party.” She leaves to go return the dress and get a new one, and Kyle briefly freaks out about her untimely freaking out, but she ignores him and leaves anyway. Rebecca tells him to breathe through it and he is (rather adorably) charmed by her awesomeness, which we haven’t seen in a while.

Hunting. The other guy, Wade, is totally Mr. Ernst from “Hey, Dude”, which was like my favorite show when I was kid, along with “Salute Your Shorts”. Good times. They make some jokes about Kevin being the enemy, but Robert puts a stop to it and actually says, “If it flies, it dies.” Oh, he is such a dork. A sexist, asshole dork, but still.

Walker Manor, where Nora is screeching about the insane budget and Rodger has to explain that living green is expensive (for reals, y’all), which would’ve been nice to tell her before, don’t you think? She totally calls him on trying to flirt with her to sway her opinion, but then Kevin calls, dramatically whispering and begging her to call him with some excuse to get him out of hunting. Nora offers the Greenatopia party, but Kevin says that’s not good enough, and really, Nora should know that if Robert won’t even support his wife and her endeavors, he obviously won’t care about anything Sarah does. She hilariously tells him to not get shot before totally blowing him off. Rodger is all over the eco-conscious party and pretty much forces Nora to let him go as her date. This guy? Hateful. He’s a hateful man.

Hunting. The Republicans are being gross and patronizing to Kevin, even though Robert tells them that he’s been hunting before. Just as Mr. Ernst is telling him not to worry if he doesn’t get much, because they’re not expecting much, a whole bunch of quail fly up and the Republicans are just too slow loading their ammo and Kevin easily and quickly shoots one. Robert is thrilled for him (ok ok, aw) and Kevin is just like, “I will shoot as many of these poor defenseless birds as necessary if it will get me out of here as quickly as possible.”

Rebecca’s Place. Justin comes in to take her to the party, and is startled by her face mask, but kisses her anyway. That is a keeper. She’s running late and tells him that she planned something special, which is of course when that Chelsea bitch calls and summons Justin away to deal with her drunken ass. Rebecca is not as understanding as I hoped she would be, given that Justin seems to be being rather lovely about her insane work schedule, sending her awesome quotient down quite a bit. Rebecca, I seem to be one of the few people who actually likes you, so please stop messing it up.

Hunting. Again. Kevin continues to shoot more birds and the Republicans continue to suck wind. Gordon Alexander deems it a “lucky shot,” even though Robert has repeatedly tried to convey Kevin’s awesomeness. Anyway, Mr. Ernst tells Robert that while he respects him, he’s backing someone named Dick Code, which is just about the silliest name I’ve ever heard. Kevin is getting more and more annoyed, especially when the Republicans keep refusing to admit that he’s much better at hunting then they are, due to all the hunting he did with his dad, which I’m sure he and Robert have mentioned several times at this point. Republicans aren’t really this stupid, are they? Mr. Ernst says mentions that Kitty talked a lot about their dad in her book and how he was such an influence on her. When Kevin says he wasn’t as much of an influence on him, Mr. Ernst smirks, “Clearly.” Robert’s like, “Oh, shit.”

Kevin of course takes this for what it is, which is “small, backhanded, condescending conversation.” He’s had enough of being treated like an idiot and being insulted, and Mr. Ernst reveals that Kevin is the reason they’re backing Code. At this point, Kevin loses his shit and starts yelling about he kicked their asses (damn straight) and he’s waving his shotgun around until Robert yells at him to break the gun. Kevin does and then poses all sexily with his hand on his hip, thinking about how he’s really missing Scotty right about now. We all are, Kevin.

Sarah is trying to get ready for the party and Paige is yelling at her that she doesn’t like either of the dresses she bought for her. She gets even more pissed when Sarah tells her she returned the slutty dress, telling her that she hates her because she’s never around and when she is, she ruins everything. Sarah looks stricken for a second and tries to recover, but then Paige starts going off on how she doesn’t want to dress like Sarah because she’s old and ugly and then she gets downright awful and says, “No wonder dad left.” Sarah does a good job of holding it together, but I’m getting more and more frustrated with this plotline. Paige’s voice was so high-pitched and whiny, she sounded ridiculous saying the things she was saying. The last thing I want to do is watch her being a brat. Kids are annoying enough on these types of shows, without making them downright intolerable and unlikable.

Greenatopia Party! Nora approaches Kyle to ask some questions about building green. He’s all, “OMG, let me get you some literature.” The party seems hopping, though I’m wondering why Julia and Scotty aren’t there. These Walkers aren’t being very good with the support lately.

Some Lodge / Steakhouse / Cigar Club. Robert is telling Kevin to apologize to the Republicans or he’ll take him out back and shoot him. That’s two threats in two weeks, just in case you’re keeping count. Kevin fully goes, “Robert, they’re asshats.” Hee. Robert doesn’t care how they made Kevin feel and tells him to act like a professional and not an insecure teenager. But you know, you could turn that right around and say the Republicans weren’t acting very professional with their bullying and being sore losers. So, whatever, Senator. Kevin is not happy, which means I’m not happy.

Kyle is still talking Nora’s ear off, when Sarah comes up to bitch at Nora for essentially turning her daughter against her. They then spin this situation to be all about them and their issues with sex, which is kind of a reach and rather clunky, but OK. Sarah continues to freak about Paige’s Sex Party, mentioning the possibility of Spin-the-Bottle and I’m still at a loss as to why Sarah even allowed her to go in the first place. It’s clearly not a school dance and what kind of parents let their ten-year-olds have a “dance party” anyway? I’m done with this storyline. Anyway, both of them get very defensive about their lack of sex lives, thankfully Rodger shows up (who ever thought I’d say that?) and interrupts them.

Sarah then has a pretty funny conversation with Rebecca about how she booked the honeymoon suite for their Anniversary. Sarah: “It’s your anniversary?” Rebecca: “It’s like our eight month … four day … two hour anniversary.” Ethan runs up and says the investor is there. Sarah looks like she’s going to be sick.

The Investor seems to like their idea and is starting to talk about the great potential when Sarah totally has a case of word vomit and starts unnecessarily reassuring him about how she’s hip and down with the tech stuff. She’s ignored her daughter, has no personal life, and has been living in a Greenatopia Black Hole. The Investor finally shuts her up and says that he’s in, so she can just calm the fuck down. The three of them collectively freak out and scream and group hug. Aw. There should be more groups hugs on this show.

Nora and Rodger are getting down, like they would have any idea how to dance to the music that’s playing. Sally Field, I must say, is an adorable drunk. She almost falls over and of course, Rodger is wonderful and a gentleman, despite his behavior in the past two episodes. He twirls her, and alright, it’s cute. They go find a place to sit her drunk ass down.

Sarah is drowning her sorrows and I’m distracted by the non-dance music in this scene. I can’t tell if it’s supposed to be playing at the party or if it’s just soundtrack music. Either way, Ethan walks over looking very delicious and suddenly very mature. I guess it’s the suit and the absence of his geek glasses (though I *heart* his geek glasses). And this scene is weird because there hasn’t been much build-up and I think we’re supposed to think he’s drunk, but we really don’t know his personality enough to tell the difference. Anyway, he’s checking in on her, making sure that she’s happy and asking if he can help with anything. He’s a sweetheart and Sarah needs to get all over that like right now. She calls herself “fat, old and ugly” and that’s Ethan’s cue to tell her how hot she is. He admits to having a thing for her ever since they met, and goes on and on about how wonderful she is, and she’s all, “Oh, stop.” He doesn’t (good for him) and kisses her. He kisses the hell out of her.

Rebecca is continuing to call/text Justin when Kyle approaches with a martini. He obviously knows his Walkers. Justin finally calls her and bails on the evening, and she is less than graceful about it and actually hangs up on him. We also see Chelsea all slumped over in the background and it kind of made me laugh. Kyle swoops in and tries to compare Rebecca’s needs with that of a sponsee, and just … no. Rebecca, from what we’ve seen, isn’t in danger of harming herself at any time in the immediate future. It is not the same and it just makes these two look selfish and ignorant, which they aren’t.

Rodger approaches and asks for a place for Nora to lie down, and Kyle directs him to the rooms that they booked. Kyle and Rebecca decide to have a good time, with or without Justin.

The Lodge Steakhouse and Cigar Club. The Republicans mention that Kevin hasn’t eaten very much and that he’s been very quiet. Kevin manages to apologize while also building Robert up as a loyal supporter. He then begs off for the rest of dinner, citing the food as too gamey. The Republicans do some thinking.

Honeymoon Suite for Non-Anniversaries. Kyle has walked Rebecca to her door and boldly says that it’d be a shame not to use the lovely room. Wow, that’s pretty direct, eh? Rebecca’s like, “….. lol?” She says she loves Justin and Kyle argues that he’s an idiot. He then gains back a couple points for admitting that Justin is a lucky idiot and he leaves. That was fairly douchey, but since he’s so cute and nice most of the time, I’ll let it pass for now. But I’m watching him. Rebecca flops down into the pile of roses and that’s how she ended up in the elevator the next morning.

Sarah and Ethan are also in one of the rooms, but they are making out. Ethan makes the mistake of saying that he’s been dreaming about this since they met, and Sarah grows a conscience. She realizes that she’s sort of using him because he said everything she wanted to hear, and that that’s probably not the nicest thing to do to someone who has feelings for you. He handles it as well as he can, which is to offer to be her personal life 24/7, and when she turns that down (hopefully just for now!), he tells her that she never has to be sorry because she saved their business. Aw. He’s so sweet! They decide to continue celebrating with the mini-bar and then they hug it out, as non-sexily as two sexy people who want to have sex with each other can manage.

Rodger and Nora have also found a room and she is wasted. Like, I think this is the most wasted we’ve ever seen her, which is saying something. She’s still not as bad as that one time when Kitty was both drunk and high at Walker Landing, and was telling Kevin a “seekit” and falling out of her chair. Heh, that still cracks me up. They start making out and it looks like one of these three ladies may actually see some action until Rodger notices that she has passed out. And because he’s not a Bass-hole, he doesn’t see this as a great opportunity and take advantage of her.

Senator Ranch. Kevin and Robert are sharing a night cap and basking in the news that the Republicans are ditching Code and are now Team McCallister. Kevin talks a little about his Daddy Issues and how those men reminded him of the worst aspects of his childhood and his father. They have a little bromance moment before realizing that they now have to tell Kitty, who will of course know that they’ve both been lying, and who will of course be very pissed. I hope she’s mostly angry at Robert, seeing as how he forced Kevin into that fairly impossible situation.

We’re back from commercials and back where we started – in the elevator the morning after the party. Justin is in the lobby, mainly freaking out about where Rebecca’s been all night, but also concerned that he hasn’t been able to get in touch with Sarah and Nora either. What, did all of their cell phones die or something? Otherwise, I don’t see why he couldn’t get in touch with them and had to come investigate. Anyway, Rebecca admits that she was with Kyle, getting a collective “Whaaaa?” from everyone. She clarifies that he did not spend the night, and that she was actually alone the entire night in the honeymoon suite. Justin looks confused, because she never told him about that, and Sarah whispers that it’s their anniversary. Justin gets very wide-eyed and Rebecca has to shush him and assure him that it wasn’t really. That doesn’t sound as funny as it was, because it was mostly in Dave Annable’s facial expressions.

Nora interjects that she was with Rodger, and now everyone makes collective “EW!” faces and Justin’s like, “Um, TMI, I didn’t ask you!” She also has to admit that there was no sex for her and Sarah gets goaded into admitting that she spent the night with Ethan, but also didn’t have sex. Rebecca and Justin have an argument about the importance of this event compared to a sponsee, and Rebecca pulls the whole “I needed you” stuff again. Justin rightly points out that actually, no, she doesn’t need him, seeing as how her party was a huge success and she has a great job. Rebecca saves her argument a little by specifying that when he’s not there, nothing matters as much, which, OK, but it’s still not comparable to a sponsee in trouble. Anyway, they get a little silly with the “I really do need you” and “It’s nice to hear it every once in a while” and then they’re kissing and making their way back up to the honeymoon suite.

Sarah’s House, where she is having a talk with Paige about why she says no sometimes and that her decisions need to be respected. She also acknowledges that Paige feels like a baby in her clothes, so she did go back and get the slutty dress for her. I almost got really mad about how that totally missed the point, but then she pulls out a cute capped-sleeve jacket and some leggings for her to wear with it. Aw, that was actually a nice compromise. Paige still gets to wear the dress without looking like a baby hooker. Paige seems happy enough with his and they hug. And you know, if Paige had even been a little bit more understanding and less awful, this moment would have been much more enjoyable. As it is, I’m still annoyed with her and won’t care if she doesn’t show up for another few episodes again.

Walker Manor. Rodger comes over under the pretense of bringing over some new budget estimates, but really, his feelings are just hurt because she snuck out on him this morning. She admits that she’s nervous around him, but he knows how it feels to struggle to stay relevant. She then says that she wishes he’d kissed her thirty years ago, which is kind of easy to say now with her husband long dead and her children gone and all that, but OK. He asks how she feels about it now, and she kisses him. She kisses the hell out of him.

In three weeks (repeats already?!), it’s Kitty’s Baby Shower! But Rodger and Nora are having sex all over the place, which will cause some drama. I just hope Scotty’s in the episode. Is that too much to ask?