Brothers and Sisters: In Which No One Actually Dies

Seriously, Brothers and Sisters? You seriously promised me a birth and a death in this super special two-hour movie event, and then no one fucking died? Not Saul or even stupid Tommy. No one. Guh. And now I’m sick, so if I seem a bit more cranky than usual, blame the stupid promo monkeys at ABC and my sister for giving me whatever plague she had.

We start out all blurry, but I can still tell that we’re watching that damn scene of Nora running in slo-mo through the hospital. You know, the one showed repeatedly in the promos, making it look like she was running toward a dying person? Yeah, that scene.

She eventually makes it to a room where we see a man’s legs and torso on the bed, and the doctor is shocking him. This man is in too good of shape to be Saul, or even Tommy. Is that a spoiler? The mystery man flatlines and I guess this is supposed to be the death we were promised. Don’t they know we watch enough Grey’s Anatomy to know that a flatline does not automatically mean death? A nurse rushes Nora out of the room, while she insists that she’s family.

We fade to 24 hours earlier, where Nora is serving dinner and wearing an adorable argyle sweater. I need to wear more argyle. It looks like another Walker Family Dinner. Everyone is accounted for except Rebecca. It should also be noted that Kitty doesn’t seem too thrilled to be there. Sarah asks if Nora needs help with anything, and Nora acts all squirrelly before telling her that she’s fine. Justin seems to think there’s some kind of agenda behind them all being there, while Saul proves that he’s never watched the show before by saying he thinks Nora just wants to be surrounded by her children.

Sarah informs that group that the special Rack-of-Lamb dinner is for her (Kitty: “What’s so special about you?”), because due to the success of Greenatopia, she paid off her second mortgage. Julia is awesome and gives her a double high-five across the table, while her husband thinks that success only deserves a roasted chicken at best. They all speculate that she’s sleeping with someone again, and Kitty has finally had enough and gets up to go find out what’s going on. Robert and Sarah both figure out that she’s really just in a bad mood, and he goes after her. When Nora finally comes back with the all-important lamb, she hilariously asks Kevin what’s going on, and he’s all, “Dude, I just work for him.”

In the kitchen, Robert is trying to figure out why Kitty is upset. It seems to be mostly about the baby, and the fact that Robert is still running for Governor, with the understanding that the family comes first. They kiss and it’s sort of sweet, if you block out all his assy behavior of the last few weeks.

The rest of the family gossips a little at the table – Scotty(!) asks how Saul and Papa Luthor are doing, Tommy asks if Rebecca is ever coming back to work. Justin has no idea. Kevin then says something in this ridiculous, though hilarious, voice and I can’t for the life of me figure out what he’s saying. And I also can’t seem to get my closed-captioning to work, so I guess I’ll never know. (Tell me in the comments!) Nora tells everyone to leave Justin alone, but then she nags him about his job hunt. Heh. Justin puts his head in his hands and Tommy and Julia make identical “What are you gonna do?” faces.

Robert and Kitty come back in, and he announces that Trish (their birth mother) is due in two weeks and that it is a boy. There are happy squeals all around until Robert says he was kidding and it’s actually a girl. More subdued reactions because they have no idea what he’s doing. He finally admits that they don’t know what the sex is and that it will be a surprise. Scotty’s eyebrows: WTF? Seriously, what was that? Anyway, he actually announces that he is running for Governor, and Nora immediately yells at Kevin for keeping a secret for once in his life. He tells them all to keep it quiet, because he’s not officially announcing it until next week. Kevin even makes the “zip it” motion to his mother. Honestly, Robert should know better than entrusting the Walkers with any kind of sensitive material.

Nora has an announcement, as well, and she tells them about her meeting with Ryan. Kitty: “The bastard?!” Heh. The kids all make noises about how she was supposed to stay out of it, and you know, technically she did. She wouldn’t have gotten involved if he hadn’t called her, so I’m on Nora’s side with this. Kitty does point out that not everyone needs to meet them to be happy in life, and Justin pipes in that they’re miserable. Sarah: “Yeah, look at Kevin.” Haha. I love it when the whole family is together.

Senator Ranch. Kitty is getting ready for bed when Robert comes in and starts trying to seduce her. He succeeds. Blah.

Robert’s Office, where Kevin is wielding a laptop and bad news – the Drudge Report has gotten wind of Robert’s Governor bid and essentially thinks he’s an idiot for doing it. They decide that they need to make the announcement today, and Robert tells Kevin that he’s doing a good job. Kevin flees before any hugging can commence.

Sarah’s House, where Justin is fixing Sarah’s leaky sink. See, this is why I always wanted a brother. My sister knows even less about leaky sinks than I do. We always have to lure our guy friends over with promises of beer and pizza before they’ll agree to fix anything. They discuss Ryan and how Justin is concerned about Rebecca’s reaction to the news, and Sarah finally beats him into talking about their issues. Like, she literally kicks him until he starts talking. I love her. He tells her about the Tommy and Ojai thing, and clearly, Sarah seems to think there’s more to this than Justin does.

Holly is talking to her lawyer, who tells her that the deal has somehow already gone through and the shares have already been transferred. Holly is not happy with this news, as you can imagine. Lawyer says there’s nothing so far that is legally actionable, but Holly brushes him off when Rebecca shows up. Rebecca barely gets her story out before David just comes walking in, much to Holly’s chagrin.

Walker Manse, where Nora and Saul are discussing Ryan. Some more. Kitty comes busting in, babbling about how it only took her an hour and fifteen minutes to get there from Senator Ranch. Of course, this is when she gets the phone call from Trish that she is in labor. The three of them equally freak out and start frantically looking for car keys. Aw. Kitty gets her mother’s attention and says, “We’re having a baby.” And I think she meant “we” as in her and Nora, rather than her and Robert, which is cute.

Really, show? A 15 minute teaser seems a bit excessive. And also? How awesome does Watchmen look?

Justin is still working on Sarah’s sink when they get the news from Saul. Justin turns right around and calls Julia, who hands the phone off to Tommy, and there’s lots of “Kitty’s having her baby? Kitty’s having her baby!” Tommy and Justin just want to get to the hospital, but Saul and Sarah are making lists of things the mothers need for their birth plan, which includes a long ass trip to Senator Ranch. Kevin is at the office when he gets the news from Scotty(!), who is running around their apartment in a tizzy, looking for candles that Kitty has requested. You’d think with only two weeks to go, they’d already have some sandalwood candles all ready to go.

Kitty and Nora are already at the hospital before they call Robert. I sort of love that every single Walker, including spouses, knew about the baby before Robert. He tries to break it to her that he has to make the Governor announcement today, but he promises to not miss the birth.

Kitty peeks her head into Trish’s room and she has this huge, happy smile on her face. Trish shows her how to listen to the baby’s heart rate, and Kitty is more than a bit overwhelmed.

At Holly’s, she is trying to connect the dots between Rebecca having a fight with Justin, and her running off to David in New York. Holly is still upset about David’s sudden exit last time, and even Rebecca’s insistence that he did that for her doesn’t make Holly feel mush better about the situation. Rebecca then tells her what she knows about Tommy’s shenanigans, and Holly is upset that she went to David and not her. David finally leaves and Holly tells her that she was right about Tommy. And she will not let him get away with it. Also, Ken Olin, aka David, aka Patricia Wettig’s real-life husband, is directing this episode. Just in case you didn’t know about that fun connection.

Sarah is talking Scotty(!) through putting the car seat in the car, while Tommy is back from his hunt for music. Sarah asks Tommy straight out if he’s trying to pull one over on Holly, and he gets snippy, asking her why she’s getting involved in his business, since she’s all about Greenatopia these days. And he says “Greenatopia” like it’s a dirty word. He gets defensive and insists that he knows what he’s doing.

At the hospital, Nora and Kitty are going through baby names while Trish sleeps. They start arguing about Ryan (some more) and while they’re too busy talking over each other, Trish is like, “Who the eff is Ryan?” She insists that they distract her with all of their sordid family secrets.

Ojai. Tommy has called a board meeting, so Holly gets in touch with her lawyer. She knows that Tommy must have taken money from Ojai to pay for the land, but the lawyer doesn’t see any evidence of that. He urges her to rethink suing him, because it will most likely leave her bankrupt.

At Robert’s Office, the current Governor of California has arrived to chew Robert out. She’s not happy that she found out about this on the Internet. Apparently, he was under the impression that she wasn’t running again because of an affair she was having. However, hen she told her husband, he was forgiving, so she still plans on running. He doesn’t seem to think she has a chance of winning, but she threatens to go after him if he really runs against her.

Back at the hospital, Kitty is lighting candles and Nora is helping Trish with her breathing. The smell of Sandalwood is no not appealing to her and all she really wants is her damn epidural. Nora is on it. Boy, I’d hate to be that doctor. Kitty tells her that she is brave and kind and a wonderful person, and offer to do some lavender pressure points, whatever that it. I guess Trish is a bit into holistic medicine? Anyway, Trish is all, “Screw the lavender and just let me rip your arm off, mkay?”

Robert’s Office, where he is desperately searching for Aspirin. He is freaking out about this new turn of events, so Kevin gives him a pep talk about how he’s all about change and how he can totally beat this bitch.

At the hospital, Tommy confronts Saul because he thinks he said something to Sarah. He gives that lame excuse about how Holly is the one trying to take Ojai from them, and Saul tells him that he would have never said anything to Sarah, because then she’d be liable. When Sarah walks up, they claim to have been talking about Ryan. Heh. Good one, show. Tommy expresses concern about Ryan seeing their house and Ojai and I guess wanting a share of what is rightfully his? Tommy again says that he’s trying to protect the family, and Sarah picks up on the fact that they’re maybe not talking about Ryan anymore. She asks him again if he’s trying to take the company from Holly, and he finally says yes. When she asks if it’s legal, he won’t answer, and then says he’s sick of her judging him. When Sarah has broken the law, I’ll tell her to stop judging. Apparently, because she no longer works for Ojai, she gets no say at all in what’s happening to the family company. I really hope he gets thrown in jail.

Ojai. David has come to see Holly because he’s concerned about her. He suggests that it might be better for her to just walk away from Ojai and William and the whole Walker clan. He tells her to start her own damn produce company, and he calls her on the fact that she’s still trying to hold onto William. In fact, he says she never let go of William, even when they were together. She let him give her crumbs to live off of, while his real family got everything. She played second best for two decades when David would have loved her most of all. He tells her she deserves more than Ojai or Walker Landing. She deserves more than William and she always has. Good show, David.

Nora has found the doctor, but Trish is now too far along for an epidural. She starts to panic (as would I), but Nora eventually gets her to start her breathing. Sarah shows up with cameras, and Kitty laments Robert’s absence. Sarah points out that Joe was with her through the whole process of Paige’s birth and that he even serenaded her with his guitar. We see how well that turned out. But, she calls Kevin and tells him to get Robert there anyway.

On the roof of Robert’s Office, he is making his announcement in front of a ton of press. Elsewhere, Holly calls David and tells him that she’s going to walk away from Ojai. What she actually does is go see Julia at her home. Uh-oh.

Back on the roof, Robert officially says he’ll be running. The first question is if the current Governor will not be seeking reelection. In the lobby of the hospital, the Walkers are watching his speech on TV and Kitty walks in and sees that he’s on live television. She freaks, understandably, saying that he just turns on his charm and then does whatever he wants (haven’t I been saying this?). He’s never going to change. Her family looks awful as they watch her break down, and she finally just announces that it’s over. She doesn’t even want him there now.

OMG, Dancing with the Stars starts on Monday! Whoo!

Nora finds Kitty and tries to reassure her, but Kitty feels like she can’t face Trish now. Nora then tells her that when she had Kitty, and held her for the first time, she didn’t care that William wasn’t there (what a shocker). She just cared about Kitty and that moment. Kitty starts to cry, but goes to Trish anyway.

At the press conference, Robert starts to stumble over his words a little bit and Kevin motions to him that they need to go. He tells the press that Trish is in labor and that he needs to get to the hospital. Robert dabs at his forehead a she goes and takes his jacket off when they get to the parking garage. Kevin tells Sarah that they’re on their way and he assures Robert that they’ll make it. In the hospital, Trish starts to push, with Kitty by her side. Robert heads to the car, but starts breathing heavily and has to stop. He tells Kevin to get Kitty on the phone. And then he’s throwing up and trying to get to the car, but he collapses. Kevin is right there, yelling for help, and all the while, Trish is still pushing. Finally, the baby is out, and Kitty and Nora are both crying. And on the floor of a parking garage, Robert is loaded onto a stretcher.

Justin calls Rebecca and leaves her a message about the baby. Behind him, the ambulance carrying Robert pulls into the hospital. He’s still conscious and alert as they wheel him in. Apparently, the Aspirin saved his life. He pulls Kevin to him and says they need to get to the fourth floor, where Kitty is. His eyes then roll up into his head and he crashes. They shock him and we’re back at the beginning of the episode, with Nora running down the hall. How did she hear about this, but Kitty didn’t? Nora finds Kevin in the hall and we learn that Sarah told Nora while Kitty was with the baby.

Kitty is holding the baby – a little boy. Sarah comes in to tell her about Robert, and Kitty immediately hands off the baby to Sarah and now she’s running down the hall. The nurse lets Kitty in, but won’t let Nora follow. Kevin, meanwhile, is on the phone and trying to keep this under wraps for now.

The doctor tells Kitty that they’ll be operating on him, and Kitty does get to see him briefly before they take him in. He apologizes, but she shushes him, and then he asks about the baby. “He’s perfect.” I’m sorry, but is this supposed to excuse all of his jerky behavior? I men, I don’t want him to die, but I don’t want Kitty to forget about everything either.

Julia is showing Holly some plans they’ve had done up for their backyard. Tommy calls and tells Julia about Robert. Holly offers to watch Elizabeth and Julia dashes out. At the hospital, Nora is reenacting the Flat Line for Justin, complete with annoying, “Beeeep!” Justin tells her to not focus on that part. Justin is reassuring them all with his medical knowledge, insisting that there is not necessarily anything seriously wrong with Robert’s heart and that there probably won’t be any permanent damage. Hey, he should do this for a living!

In the OR, Robert is informed that they need to do a bypass, which would have 2-3 months of recovery time. He says they need another option, because of the Governor campaign. Kitty’s like, “Seriously? The campaign?!” Kitty pretty much demands that he have the surgery, on account of him, you know, surviving long enough to meet his son. He finally agrees.

Justin is still trying to get in touch with Rebecca, and Nora comes out to give him props for being so awesome and calm today. When he starts to get all down on himself, she points out that the reason he doesn’t have any purpose life in right now is because he spent what should have been his college years in Iraq and Afghanistan. He never had the chance to really find himself or what he’s good at. Well, except that he was good at being a medic. And a drug addict.

Julia shows up and tells Tommy that Holly is with Elizabeth. He freaks the fuck out and starts going on about how he just likes to keep his home life and his work life separate, and is that so hard to understand? Sarah is totally onto him and Julia’s like, “What the hell?”

Kevin, looking positively crushed, comes out to find Scotty in the waiting room. Scotty hops up and engulfs the poor thing in a hug, and Kevin’s face just crumbles. Awww. He tries to get Scotty to give him his cell phone, so he can call the office, but Scotty makes him talk about it – about watching his brother-in-law almost die and not being able to do anything. About how the EMT kept telling him that his friend would be OK. About how he didn’t even like Robert when he married Kitty and now all of a sudden he’s his friend who he can’t bear the thought of losing. Kevin’s progressively getting more and more choked up, so Scotty tells him to go meet his new nephew. And they hug some more.

Tommy calls Holly to check in, and she says that whatever she wanted to tell him can wait until tomorrow. She then finds some papers just lying on the kitchen table, for all the world to see.

Nora finds Kitty and asks what she can do. Kitty mentions that she called Robert’s ex-wife, Courtney, and left a message. Hearing my name on TV always takes me out of the show for a second. It doesn’t help that these characters are usually heinous bitches. Yeah, you remember Courtney from Bring It On? She turned out to be a Goddess Hellbeast. Just saying. Anyway, Trish told Kitty that bypass surgery is very common and run-of-the-mill. But, Kitty isn’t buying it. She’s also getting all guilty about how mad she’s been at him and how it all seems so silly now. See, this is what I didn’t want to happen. They’re giving him a get-out-of-jail-free card and I hate it. Kitty goes on to say that she just wants another chance to hold him. Another moment. She cries and her mother holds her.

Rebecca has finally made it to the hospital when her mother calls her and tells her that she’s found proof that Tommy stole from the company to pay for the land. Rebecca looks concerned, but then she sees Justin and he wraps her up in his arms, so happy and relieved to see her. She looks like she’s going to throw up.

Sarah has told Kevin about Tommy and his idiocy, but he’s more concerned about Robert. He does tell her to stay away from the whole situation, though. Elsewhere, Rebecca calls David, who is staying at her apartment. They compare notes about what Holly has told them in the past couple hours, and now Rebecca is concerned about what this will do to her and Justin. They’ll both be sort of stuck in the middle and she’ll b forced to pick sides. David tells her to just remember that she’s in love with Justin and that that’s all that matters. Oh, if only.

Tommy is distributing food and completely ignores Julia when she tries to talk to him. Rebecca shows up and awkwardness ensues, so Sarah asks Saul to tell her everything he knows. He says they’ll talk bout it later, when they’re not in the hospital and Tommy isn’t like 10 feet away. Kitty comes in and announces that Robert is out of surgery and everything went well. Everyone is thrilled, there are hugs all around, and Justin high-fives Kitty. I’m liking all of the high-fives.

Kitty goes in to talk to a sleeping Robert and tells him that they’ll all be fine and she kisses him. She then gives Trish an update as she gets ready to leave the hospital. Kitty broaches the subject of their agreements, which include sending pictures once a month. She suggests that maybe Trish would like to come see the baby every once in a while, but Trish quickly says that their original terms are fine. Kitty thanks her again before she goes.

The doctor tells Robert that he’ll have to avoid stress during his recovery, which Robert is not happy about. He brightens up when Kitty brings in the baby, and he gets a little teary. They decide that they need to name him and Kitty decides that she wants to honor Trish. Robert points out that calling their son Trish is tantamount to child abuse, so she reminds him that her last name is Evans. So, Evan it is then. It means “peaceful warrior.” And his full name will be Evan Walker-McCallister. Damn straight. The baby? Is adorable, by the way.

Sarah and Saul are now confronting Tommy, who seems to think that he gets to decide to use the family company to break the law because they left him there alone. Maybe he shouldn’t have fired Kevin? He once again uses William as an excuse, saying he’s just taking a page out of his book. Does that make it any more legal? It’s like he’s not even listening himself anymore. He says he’s doing this for Elizabeth, but what happens when he gets sent off to prison? Julia doesn’t work last time I checked. Argh! He tells them that it’s too late, but Saul says it can still be undone.

Meanwhile, Kevin approves of the name Evan, and Kitty thanks him for everything he did. He says that Robert is a great guy (gag me) and that there are now two Republicans in this world that he loves. HAH! Either he’s forgotten that Tommy is also a Republican or the writers are trying to tell us something. She enlists his help to keep Robert un-stressed and he offers to take care of Robert while she takes the baby home.

Kevin goes to visit the other Republican he loves, and Kevin admits that there are rumors circling about the heart attack. Kevin is shocked when he realizes that Robert still wants to run. He says that he’ll need Kevin more than ever and that nothing is going to change.

At Ojai, Tommy cancels the board meeting he had scheduled, and Holly comes in asking after the family. She then drops the ball that she knows all about his scheming. In fact, she knows that he embezzled $2 million from the company, and even though he swears he wasn’t going to go through with it she just tells him to shove it.

Senator Ranch, where Nora is filming Kitty as she shows Evan around. Nora tells her to watch out for his little penis when she’s changing him, because she might get sprayed. Kitty then shows her something called a Pee-Pee Tee-Pee that was made just for that. Nora is amazed at how the times have changed. She’s also very proud of her daughter and how lovely she’s been the past two days. She then tells her that she’ll be a great mother. Kitty: “I learned it all from you.” Aw. Tear! She lays him down to sleep and Kitty just can’t believe that he’s actually here. Nora tells her to get some sleep, but she’s too enthralled with that beautiful baby boy.

Walker Manse, where Justin has brought Rebecca for dinner. Of course, Nora’s fridge is fully stocked. Rebecca is getting a bit teary, but she says nothing’s wrong and that she wants to tell him something. He wants to tell her something, too. “You first.” “No, you!” “No, you!” He tells her that while he was at the hospital, he realized what his purpose was – he wants to be a doctor. He wants to be someone that she’s proud of. She tells him to go for it. She also decides to not tell him whatever she was going to tell him, and just says that they’re all that matters.

At Senator Ranch, Nora takes the crying baby and walks him around, while Kitty gets distracted by the news, where Senator McCallister’s spokesperson is going to make an announcement. In the living room, Nora is singing to baby Evan.

David has come to Holly’s and they embrace. And … scene.

On the TV, Kevin is announcing the birth of little Evan and says that Robert had a heart irregularity. He also says that he looks forward to getting back on the campaign trail. Elsewhere, Saul has called Sarah to tell her that Tommy needs their help. He’s at Tommy’s, where Julia watches on in horror as cops go through all of Tommy’s files.

Back at Walker Manse, Justin holds Rebecca and promises her that they will get through anything. This is when the doorbell rings, and of course, it’s Ryan. She welcomes him warmly, but Justin is in a bit of shock.

And at Senator Ranch, Kitty holds her baby and tells him that it will be just the two of them from now on. And it will be OK. Good girl.

Next Week: Ryan causes drama and Tommy faces the music.

Also? 7 pages for two hours? I am so getting the hang of this.