Catfish Recap: Only the Very Lonely

Recaps

By Honey Gangsta | Wednesday, December 19, 2012 | 11:48 pm | 36 Comments
Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in: Catfish, Recaps

Someone please make it stop.  Tonight’s episode is more than I can wrap my brain around.  Let’s see what Nev has up his sleeve for us, shall we?

It’s a girl named Kya who’s been “dating” a guy from Switzerland named Alyx for eight months.  She started out by catfishing him with a fake profile on a website called Vampire Freaks.  Exhausted yet?  Me too.  When Alyx miraculously moved to California, Kya came clean and told him who she really was.  Alyx said it was fine; he loved her anyway.  Already this story is SO messed up.  Nev can’t get Kya on skype fast enough.  Keep in mind, Kya and Alyx have still never met or skyped.  But they say “I love you” 50 times a day.  Kya thinks she could marry this guy.  Here’s Kya:

“Vampires aren’t supposed to be in the sun.”

Nev and Max fly to Mexico, Missouri to meet Kya.  Population: 6, of course.  We meet Kya and her mom, Lisa.  Nev wants to know what Lisa thinks about all of this and Lisa says that Alyx seems like a really nice guy – she spoke to him once – and that as long as he treats Kya with respect, that’s all she cares about. 

“She stopped wearing her fangs, so I’m happy.”

Okay, my parents would have been bouncing off the walls if I were getting ready to marry someone I’d never seen and only talked to on the internet.  There would be a serious intervention.  Nev sits down with Kya and she takes him through the events leading up to this.  First of all, Kya met Alyx on Vampire Freaks using this as her profile picture:

Here is Alyx:

Wouldn’t these two make an adorable supernatural couple? 

He’s pansexual, by the way.  Meaning he doesn’t discriminate against any gender, sexual orientation, or… what?  Where does bisexual cross over into pansexual?  Number of partners at once?  Come on.  Kya says she’s also pansexual. That’s just precious.  Oh, and Alyx has his relationship status listed as “engaged,” which Kya says is to her, but that they just decided to put that on their profiles.  Like they’re not actually engaged.  Um… ok?  Kya shows Nev the message she sent Alyx breaking the news that she’s not the girl in her pictures, and including an actual photo.  Alyx just responded that he doesn’t care and she’s beautiful.  Wow, that is one generous guy. I mean, guys tend to place the importance of looks above everything – especially in the beginning of a relationship.  This is either the nicest guy on the planet… or something is catfishy.  Kya says she’s never been in love like this and she wants to meet Alyx no matter what.    

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Late one afternoon in 2005, Honey Gangsta received an invite to join a two person blog set up by her former roommate who had recently ditched LA (California knows how to party) for the bright lights of NYC (these streets will make you feel brand new, the lights will inspire you). The purpose of the blog was to continue their nightly ritual of ripping on reality TV, which could no longer be done in person. Since Honey Gangsta was still watching 18 hours of TV a day and had nothing else to do, she agreed. 10,000 hits later, HG was inspired to submit a Bachelor recap to TVgasm - no one was reporting on Officer Mayo and his time traveling DeLorean - and the rest is history. It's been said that she writes what you're thinking. It's been said she is a genius - a Blogger Laureate of her time. It's also been said that the earth is flat and no one landed on the moon, so you just never know. With her keen observations, and colorful commentary, Honey Gangsta is beloved the world over.

36 Comments

  1. 1
    itchy itchy
    Posted December 20, 2012 at 12:26 am

    Hmm. I’m late to the Catfish party and I’ve only watched a couple of episodes of this ultra-smarmy freakshow.

    But something’s been bothering me since I watched the movie and I wonder if anyone has addressed this in the recaps (sorry, haven’t had to time to read them all):

    What’s the deal with this Nev guy? Has it become common for heterosexual guys to get tramp stamped on their lower back? Why (in the movie at least) did he spend so much time lying on a bed being lovingly filmed with his shirt off?

    In other words, I had the feeling he wasn’t the only one being lied to in his online flirtmance. Eh-hem.

    So has he come out yet on the show?

  2. 2
    itchy itchy
    Posted December 20, 2012 at 12:40 am

    Oh yeah, another thing. I remember back when AOL was brand-new. What was surprising was that practically EVERYONE in the chat rooms back then was hot, youngish and female. Weird, huh?

  3. 3
    lindaw205
    Posted December 20, 2012 at 2:12 am

    I’m wondering if this was an example of one of the happy endings Nev referred to. Scary.

  4. 4
    cherry belle cherry belle
    Posted December 20, 2012 at 2:21 am

    i’ll admit that the only reason i’m watching this show anymore is because i have a massive crush on nev. i just think he’s so adorable. i can’t tell if his optimism is all an act, but he keeps it up so readily, it seems genuine most of the time. i can’t help wanting to nom on a guy that acts like a puppy dog.

    mtv is just sad nowadays, though. i’m guessing that at least half of every episode is staged/fake a la breaking amish. they just pay everyone off so highly that they don’t go blabbing, plus who really cares enough to research sad sacks that are getting fooled by fake facebook profiles?

  5. 5
    cherry belle cherry belle
    Posted December 20, 2012 at 2:30 am

    oh & i feel really sorry for these plus-size girls that feel like they have to fake it just to get someone to ‘love’ them. i’ve been internetting for 20 years now & i’ve been fat for all of them & i’ve never used a fake photo. i’ve also never had much of a problem finding dates, on the internet or otherwise. and if i meet someone i like enough to want to meet them in person, i take it to real time as quickly as possible. that dark haired girl from a few weeks ago made me really sad because she was not bad-looking at all really, just heavy, and she had no self-esteem whatsoever. and why would you want someone that’s attracted to thin girls if you’re heavy anyway? not that they have to join chubby chasers anonymous (fetishizing fat pisses me off almost more than condemning it does lately), but that’s such a backwards way of trying to find a boyfriend … you’re never going to FORCE someone to be attracted to you, it either happens or it doesn’t. that’s the part that confuses me the most.

  6. 6
    JudgyWudgy JudgyWudgy
    Posted December 20, 2012 at 5:28 am

    That was the weirdest fucking thing I’ve ever seen, but I suppose it’s as healthy a relationship as any to come from VampireFreaks.com.

  7. 7
    KJN KJN
    Posted December 20, 2012 at 5:56 am

    The most disturbing thing to me is that when they met Dani, they completely ignored the whole online suicide note. She wrote a “goodbye cruel world” letter/blog and no one says a word? Whaaa? Plus, I could’ve sworn it said “the girl I like won’t talk to me”. Well, we all know he talks to Kya daily, so who is he talking about, hmmm?

    I had a feeling of foreshadowing when Kya said Alyx was pan-sexual and that she had dated girls herself in the past. If it works for them, great. There truly is someone for everyone. But, someone needs to address Dani’s obvious mental health issues. It was a suicide note, for crying out loud, Nev! Quit pooping out sunshine and rainbows and visions of being the best man at a couple’s wedding and help the poor guy out with some therapy. MTV has Dr. Drouche on staff, right? Maybe a sit-down is in order here, to make sure Dani doesn’t, you know, KILL HIMSELF!

    I wonder too why Dani didn’t just hit up a site where other people are transgendered or transgendered friendly. I mean, they must exist. You can haz anything on the interwebz!

  8. 8
    KG
    Posted December 20, 2012 at 7:34 am

    I’m sure Nev is a nice guy, but he goes way over the top. I think he has to be kind, optimistic, impartial, when dealing with these people because he is dealing with very fragile personalities. The last thing he wants is to see is anyone kill themselves or commit violent revenge.

    Even the beginning when he says he is ‘friends’ with Angela, his Catfish, is doubtful. He has stated in interviews that she continued to try and keep up the charade of Meghan, even after they met in person, so he had to cut her off. So I highly doubt the two have any real type of friendship. Maybe the meaning of friend has changed since the advent of Facebook, or at least in Nev’s reality.

    Kind of hope Angela is getting some sort of cut in this show considering she started the whole thing and her husband coined the term Catfish.

  9. 9
    JudgyWudgy JudgyWudgy
    Posted December 20, 2012 at 7:54 am

    That doesn’t matter anymore, KJN. The Friendship Patrol and their BFF photo fix everything! And the world of psychology collapses into itself.

  10. 10
    MissKris RTVfan
    Posted December 20, 2012 at 8:16 am

    Siiiiiiiiiiiiigggggghhh…so here we have our “happy ending” episode. A happy ending with yet again an emotionally disturbed person involved. Really? Seriously?? The suicide issue is NOT addressed? Again, big sigh. I give up. I make no attempt to watch this show anymore. But you can bet I troll regularly for the recaps! Thanks so much for putting up with this show! I just can’t, if I even try I will end up emotionally disturbed myself.

  11. 11
    annie annie
    Posted December 20, 2012 at 9:32 am

    So of course I checked out Vampire Freaks immediatley….i was disappointed to see no vampires and no freaks. Its like a janky Friendster.

    I thought Dani was adorable….but I must have missed the suicide thing. Hmmmm. i hope things work out with them, but hes I am also concerned for the emotional stability of 100% of the people on this show. that includes Nev. haha.

    Also….Mexico Missouri? WTF?

  12. 12
    annie annie
    Posted December 20, 2012 at 9:35 am

    Oh I forgot to mention….hilarious recap, HG! Very funny and spot-on

  13. 13
    smango
    Posted December 20, 2012 at 9:48 am

    WONDERFUL recap!! I read as my students are taking their final, and found myself having several “coughing” fits!!

  14. 14
    PinkTop
    Posted December 20, 2012 at 9:55 am

    Sooo… “Alyx” is from Switzerland and just recently relocated to California, yet doesn’t sound remotely European on the phone.

    Mhm.

  15. 15
    itchy itchy
    Posted December 20, 2012 at 9:57 am

    Hmm. Now that I’ve been reading around a bit about this whole “Catfish” thing, it seems pretty clear that it’s all been faked from the get-go (well, not the sad-sack Angela bit, but the part where CLEARLY GAY Nev falls for any of it). No wonder the guy’s always wearing a guilty smile.

    Turns out this creep (and his brother) are just spoiled rotten rich bullies who believe they can get away with anything.

    Oh well. I feel so…. so … used.

  16. 16
    Classy Drunk Classy Drunk
    Posted December 20, 2012 at 10:00 am

    1. Did she just flat iron that one piece of hair or did she actually flat iron all her hair so that it would look that way?

    2. I love that Nev said that she looked great. So nice.

    3. I’m with you HG. I don’t need anyone in my life who has lied about EVERYTHING for 8 months.

  17. 17
    labowner
    Posted December 20, 2012 at 10:29 am

    Yes Classy, HG and Cherry B you all have self-esteem and confidence. Unfortunately, as we have seen over and over and over again, this country is filled with no self-esteem no confidence individuals who thrive on any kind of attention thrown their way. I shed a tear for humanity.

    With this episode we crossed a line with the ignored suicide blog. Well I searched beneathskylines and her twitter feed pops up – but the page is down. It’s also the name of a punk band. Which came first? “I’m not a self-help book, I’m just a fucked up kid.” Is all I can see. Maybe you shouldn’t be entering into on-line relationships if you are so fucked up.

    Pro-tip – Dani, post haste it up to SF, we just agreed to pay for transgender surgeries because socialists love to give away other peoples money.

    Oh and her initials are DIC – coincidence she is a confused girl?

    Is the red hair dye an international symbol for vampire lovers?

  18. 18
    Valleygirl
    Posted December 20, 2012 at 10:41 am

    @itchy: I don’t think Nev is gay, kind if hipster-y, but not gay. I feel like if he was, he would be openly gay. I do think parts of the doc were staged but for filming reasons. Like I think he was duped for a while and realized it when they weren’t filming it. He’s tech savvy, but he fell into the mentality that these people get where they’ll ignore the fact that it could totes be fake because they want it to be real so badly.

    This episode though! I did not see this one coming. I’ll own up to going on VampireFreaks when I was younger (I had a thing for guys with teen angst and facial piercings). I never made a profile because I didn’t dress like those people and talking to people on the Internet that I didn’t know irl freaked me out. That was like 9 years ago though, so who knows what that site’s turned into.

    And does anyone think Max is getting kind of fed up with these people? Lol he’s always making that face at everybody.

  19. 19
    Val Detinha
    Posted December 20, 2012 at 10:50 am

    Yeah, what about the suicide?! I thought the “happy ending” was going to be Thelma and Louise style!

    So, Itchy is surfing these waters now, eh?! How long before he finds a way to blame this all on Christians?

  20. 20
    cherry belle cherry belle
    Posted December 20, 2012 at 11:02 am

    kjn, when they read that note i figured it was from a few years ago. nonetheless, dani did seem genuinely starry-eyed when he met kyla.

    pinktop, when i was a freshman in high school, i knew a boy that had lived in germany his whole life up until that point & he had no accent whatsoever. his dad was the german language teacher, so he was legit. it can happen. especially if they travel back to america to visit a parent, like he did to see his mom. i’m not saying it might not raise a red flag, but it is possible.

    labowner, i completely agree with you, but it still baffles me. i haven’t always been a fabulous fatty – but i still never felt much of a desire to completely fabricate a whole other reality down to the most minute detail AND act it out. maybe because i myself was catfish’ed (but not nearly to the level of insanity that this series is at) when i was 20? but even before that, it never even crossed my mind.

  21. 21
    itchy itchy
    Posted December 20, 2012 at 11:26 am

    Heh, no worries, I’m pretty sure this douchebag isn’t christian.

    Here’s my take on the ‘documentary’: Nev (and his brother and friend) knew from the very start that the whole Abby/Angela/Megan thing was a fake. But because they’re spoiled rich bully types, they decided to play along with it and have fun filming it.

    No doubt they also figured out very quickly that they were dealing with a very lonely, very depressed person who was using facebook as an escape from her horribly sad life. Because it is simply not possible and absolutely unbelievable that none of the three thought to google this person early on — it took all of what, two minutes to see through Angela’s lie? And NONE of them thought to do this before? Right. Sure.

    But, again because they’re a bunch of douchebag bullies, they encouraged her to go deeper and deeper into this. And they decided to film it as a laugh — and ultimately make a documentary out of it. I can only imagine who had the bright idea — bet it was their father’s suggestion, because he’d become sick of his sons sponging off of him.

    And of course they had to stage a meeting with this terribly sad woman in order to provide a climax to the documentary. And barely hide their mirth and disgust at this woman and her life. And then have the nerve to present this bullshit as a ‘true’ story — suckering even more gullible people into believing any of it.

    I enjoyed the documentary though, because I love a good freak story. But the lie was pretty obvious from the start (since this Nev character is a shitty actor). And especially when I saw that tramp stamp — there is no way in hell a straight man would have a roadsign to his asshole tattooed on his back. No way. Uh uh. Would never happen.

    But yeah, I started getting pissed off at this asshat — I guess the television series and all his fake empathy (and his inability to hide his glee at embarrassing this collection of sadsacks too) put me over the line. He’s a clear bully and he’s profiting off the misery and stupidity of others. I just hate people like that.

    Oh yes, according to one report, he was kicked out of Sarah Lawrence (where his rich parents are trustees, which is how he got in) because he punched a (female) student in the face. I’m sure there’s plenty of more dirt on him out there. It’d be fun if someone made a documentary about HIM.

  22. 22
    annie annie
    Posted December 20, 2012 at 11:43 am

    Itchy, I totally agree with you about Catfish The Movie. I think the bro’s saw an opportunity immedialtey to make the situation into a movie, and went for it. The lonely chick in Michigan ended up looking the fool.

  23. 23
    KJN KJN
    Posted December 20, 2012 at 11:59 am

    Well, well, well…I was thinking this show was probably fake but I didn’t realize how fake. If that stuff about Nev is true, it gives me a whole different perspective to what he is doing here. Bully, indeed.

  24. 24
    mere2142
    Posted December 20, 2012 at 12:19 pm

    How come everyone on this show lives in the middle of no where? And in houses with many many doors? Every time Nev and company show up at a house half the battle seems to be finding the right door to knock on. And don’t these people know they are coming over? They always seem so off guard and unprepared.

  25. 25
    shellshell
    Posted December 20, 2012 at 12:52 pm

    omg NEV. i find him really likable and sweet but every show, I want to take him by the shoulders, shake him hard and say “These people, these “relationships” are. Not. Healthy. Stop encouraging it!” Not that they shouldn’t find love, as everyone deserves to, but maybe some therapy first. Like I feel like all these online trysts are a crutch preventing them from actually finding a real, fulfilling commitment in the real world. “But we text everyday!!!” Not the same by a long shot.

    star trek/star wars comment…spot on. as always great work.

  26. 26
    Luscious Luscious
    Posted December 20, 2012 at 9:56 pm

    Oh HoneyG,
    Thanks for taking this bullet for us. I love the recaps, but could never watch.

    Also love the Star Trek/Star Wars analogy. Must remember for future reference

    Fab recap, as always!

  27. 27
    itchy itchy
    Posted December 21, 2012 at 1:23 am

    Actually, it’s very possible this Angela person was in on the scam from the very start – as were the people in the photographs she used. And the film had been in production long before the supposed ‘facebook romance’ began (one of the handicapped guys had died before the romance even supposedly began).

    Another fun fact: Cod are saltwater fish and Catfish are freshwater fish. They could never inhabit the same tank!

    In this light, I gotta give credit to these people for constructing all of this. It’s kind of masterful. Makes me revise my contempt for this Nev fellow (character?) a bit too — looks like he’s really just playing a role after all.

  28. 28
    Lmjones525
    Posted December 21, 2012 at 5:44 am

    I’m from Mexico, MO lol. Funny to see how fake parts of that show are. None of the public places they meet are in Mexico, MO. Even their hotel, they went out of town to stay and say its in Mexico lol. Anyways, I went to school with Kya, she’s the exact same person that was portrayed on the show, so that wasn’t fake.

  29. 29
    (J)ustPeachy (J)ustPeachy
    Posted December 21, 2012 at 8:22 pm

    “Quit pooping out sunshine and rainbows…”
    Yeah, that’s my job!

    This show is sad, but I love your recaps!

  30. 30
    KJN KJN
    Posted December 22, 2012 at 1:04 am

    Haha! That really IS your job! And with a unicorn, yet! Nev would be sooo jealous…

  31. 31
    Val Detinha
    Posted December 22, 2012 at 12:20 pm

    So, Itchy, is safe to say that you only use religion against Christians?!

  32. 32
    itchy itchy
    Posted December 22, 2012 at 2:12 pm

    Who’s talking about religion here? No one’s been babbling prayers on this show, thankfully. Even if they’re all a bunch of hypocritical idiots.

    And for the record, I could give a shit what anyone pretends to believe in private. Go do a rain dance and pray to the moon god, if that’s your thing. It’s when religious types of any sort start infecting reality shows that I start getting pissy. It’s bad enough religion has corrupted our politics. But reality television is sacred ground. They should all lay the fuck off.

    It just so happens most of the people prosyletizing on television these days call themselves christians. Not my fault if certain forms of christianity appear to breed more loudmouth inanity than other religions. I’ll be just as pissed when the muslims take over the country – and our reality tv. :-D

    But when I say it’s pretty clear that this Nev guy isn’t christian it’s because he’s an Upper West Side Jew. Or at least he was born that way. Not sure what his rabbi would say about that tramp stamp of his. ;-)

  33. 33
    JudgyWudgy JudgyWudgy
    Posted December 22, 2012 at 3:42 pm

    Really? C’mon, this is one of the FEW shows I enjoy watching, reading and commenting on because there is an absence of instigation and holier-than-thou attitudes.

    Sigh. I really do promise not all people in the history field are pompous blowhards.

  34. 34
    itchy itchy
    Posted December 22, 2012 at 4:04 pm

    Hmm. People here used to have a bit of a sense of humor. And they weren’t so quick with the ad hominem insults. Oh well.

  35. 35
    Melissa
    Posted December 24, 2012 at 9:42 am

    I dont care if you’re a man or a woman either, but I do care about the truth. That’s like the KEY component in a relationship, how can they dismiss it just like that???

    I had a horrible experience with a long distance relationship which started online, being decieved was what ended our relationship after 4 years. If someone lied to me UP FRONT that would be a deal breaker for sure!

  36. 36
    thisbuggs4u
    Posted December 26, 2012 at 1:18 pm

    My gf just got me into this show. We have watched the last 3 episodes on demand and this is the one we are watching now…

    Nev seriously needs to shave that sweater off his chest. He might be cuter if that was gone. He seems more therapist like then anything. But from what you guys are saying I can’t take anything seriously from these two anymore…

    Now that gf has gotten me onto this show, I am going to keep watching and I am going to go back and read all the recaps!

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