Celeb Apprentice: Once, Twice, Three Times A-Firing!

Three hours and three people fired, and it looks like affirmative action is not up and running at Trump International!  We’ve got a lot to get through so let’s start with LaToya who is telling the men and Marlee that she fought very hard to come back.  Yeah, you pretty much showed up in shiny pants, diverted Trump’s attention, and gave him the chance for higher ratings.

She says people underestimate her because she’s quiet and shy but she’s really a “force to be reckoned with.”  I think people underestimate her because she hasn’t done anything of note on her own, she really has ridden the Jackson vehicle most of her life.  It must be hard, too, when the family is focused on the five brothers with the Jackson 5, then on Michael, then on Janet (Good Times then her own singing career).  It’s like they forgot about LaToya.

The square root of 4,392,851 is…wait…I almost have it.  LaToya who?

Star and Nene return from the suite and Star is in no mood.  She says Nene’s aggressiveness in the boardroom “turned her off” and she just wanted to remove herself from the situation.  She says she has no intention of talking things out with Nene.  I don’t blame her.

Nene interviews that Star asked her to talk (I don’t think so) but then took off.  She says Star is scared and has run off…”We thought you were strong Ms. Star Jones…come back and play…mmm,” she interviews in a really snotty way.  “Play with the big girls, honey.”  Yeah, we’ll see how big those girls are in about 10 minutes, shorty.

Man, I’m hungry for an Oreo right now.

Trump has everyone meet him at Gotham Comedy Club and says he was hoping Nene and Star could work it out but here we are.  Nene disagrees and says she wants to work things out, she texted Star yesterday to see when they could talk but she never heard back.  He asks Star if she thinks it could be worked out and she pauses and says, “No sir.”  Oh, BURN, Nene.  “Well that’s fine with me,” Nene snots, totally lying.

Trump takes charge.  “Meatloaf!  Switch places with Nene!”  Star interviews that she didn’t want to place herself in physical proximity to someone who behaved in such a deplorable manner.  How the hell did you stay on The View for 9 seasons then?  Nene is pissed.

TASK TIME!  Each team has to put on a comedy show with three comedians and gets 50 tickets to sell at whatever price they can get – which basically means this task is all about hitting people up for money again.  It’s really not a task, it’s a telethon, and I bet most of their resources are tapped out after the art show.

Advisors are Ivanka (yay!) and inexplicably “an amazing financial” mind Trump says, Jim Kramer.  Yeah, he’s less amazing and more douche considering how much he seemed in bed with Goldman Sachs right before they ran away with everyone’s money and their own huge bonuses.  However, he is sort of a comedian when you look at his interview with Jon Stewart.

Pick your project managers!  LaToya and Meat take the PM positions and John interviews that with all of LaToya’s contacts, they should do really well.  Meat says he’s excited to raise money for the kids.  Oh, the kids, always with the kids.  I wish someone was doing something for animals, that I could get into.

Shit, now I actually have to do something proactively.

Nene interviews that she needs some time and somewhere between the comedy club and the war room she has disappeared.  No one can find her and she’s not answering her call.  Duh, didn’t you come over together?  So they move on without her.

LaToya tries Larry King but he doesn’t answer and she says she doesn’t like leaving messages.  Seriously, that’s how most people work – leave them a message and they will get back to you!  Especially Larry King, he could totally be a cash cow especially with everyone he could put her in touch with!

John and Lil Jon are on the phone talking up their contacts to bring in money, although John is worried his friends are tapped out.  However, he does know Jimmy Fallon and leaves him a message and Jimmy leaves one back (see LaToya?) and he’s going to be in the comedy show to help out.  They bitch about Nene not being there.  Seriously, what the hell?  Can’t one of the PAs track her down?

Over at ASAP, Star calls Tracy Morgan to be a part of the show but only in video form.  Odd.  Marlee says she could do one or two stories about funny things that happened to hear because she’s deaf and they are going to call it Deaf Comedy, hahaha.  Meat is a machine calling people and it’s making him nuts.

Oh goody, here’s Jim Kramer to offer absolutely no value.  Basically what he does is watch people make phone calls.  He looks totally out of his element and uncomfortable and I love it.  Star secures Tracy for a video she’s doing.  Jim interviews that the team is cohesive but they are thinking small with just doing a video.  He says HE wouldn’t have been satisfied with just a video.  Suck it.

I wonder if the people here know what a fraud I truly am.

LaToya is trying to get a million dollar donor to make the point she was worth bringing back and the one guy she calls isn’t interested/is “doing a seminar” and can’t make the show.  She is devastated because now she has to keep working and calling people for money, and she normally has people to do that kind of stuff for her so she doesn’t break a nail.

Ivanka shows up and asks LaToya says she doesn’t have a number in mind to reach (way to lead the project).  John spills the beans and says Nene is nowhere to be found and Ivanka is truly surprised.  “She’s gone?” she says, calling the situation disappointing.  Just wait ‘til dad finds out!

Star is over to see Tracy Morgan and she asks him boring questions and reminds him how he used to make fun of her.  So he says, “I’m a lawyer. I’m a lawyer,” over and over again.  Whatever.  This is going to be so boring.

Even his O-face is boring.

We see Nene getting into a cab as we hear Trump scream, “Get me Nene Leakes!”  Oh, she’s taking that call.  He tries to convince her that she has great potential and she totally whines that he “accommodated Star.”  That’s what this is about?  She bitches that he has 7 talents on the show but somehow he showed Star preferential treatment.  I think he put you on a more fun team with your buddy LaToya – why not work it and win to show Star?  “That’s not fair,” she says.  Have you met reality?  So she quits.  Quitter!

Trump prefers his smart kid to his loud one.

LaToya says she’s gotten a text from Nene and it says she’s out for good.  John is pissed and Lil Jon says, He’s “not good with that.”  The full text says something to the effect that she can’t be near Star because Star brings out the worst in her.  Well who the hell’s fault is that?  “Star beat her.  Star ran her off.  That is so amateur,” John says.

Matching your eyeshadow to your scarf is the funniest thing you’ve done.

The teams listen to the comedians and make their picks, then head back to the suite to make more calls.  He is bringing in tons of money but says he’s afraid of John. Then all of a sudden he realizes that all the money he’s raising could go to the other team if they lose…so he’s been telling people the money goes to Painted Turtle but it’s possible that won’t actually happen.  Commence meltdown sequence.

Menopause is hard!

Back with Backbone, John interview that he and Lil Jon yell out when they raise money but LaToya is being awfully quiet.  She complains she keeps going to voicemail, which I would imagine happens a lot with her (thank God for caller ID), but we know how she feels about leaving messages.

LaToya admits she’s a little nervous because it’s not natural for her to ask people for money.  She gets off the phone with someone named Kathy and asks John, “You know the Hiltons, right?”  knowing full well he probably doesn’t know them personally.  John’s like yeah, I know the hotels and LaToya says she just secured $1000 from Kathy Hilton.  Uh, what?  That’s what she spends per hour on Paris’s lawyers.  You can tell John is less than impressed.

I know Paris is your most expensive hobby, but come on!

“She’s LaToya Jackon…part of the Jackson family…she’s got contacts with people all over the world,” John says.  He says she needs to bring it.  Maybe she brought the sequined pants?

Meat is in meltdown mode.  He is really starting to freak about where the money is going and he starts crying his eyes out.  The people he got the most money from are personally connected to his charity, so if he loses the money goes to LaToya’s charity.  He feels like he’s gambling away the money.  Marlee says let’s see if we can strike up the same deal with Trump as last time.

The teams arrive at the comedy club and each group has its own trailer.  LaToya says she went right back to the credit card machine because that was important to her.  Uh-huh.

Star calls Trump and gives him the whole story and Trump is a total honey badger on this and doesn’t give a shit.  He says that’s not the purpose and the whole idea is to win…if he doesn’t want to lose the money, he should work harder.  Meat totally cries and says he can’t talk to Trump because he’s “really upset.”  Girl!  Meat cries and cries and cries.  I find when meatloaf is too damp, adding Panko works wonders.

LaToya says she has only brought in about $17,000.  Seriously?  John has ONE friend show up with $20,000 in cash (safe in New York) and then Jimmy Fallon shows up to offer his comedic services and a check for $10,000.  He wrote a song called “Yer Fired,” about life on Celebrity Apprentice.  And Lil Jon drinks mimosas or vodka and OJ.  Hard to tell.

Nice AND rich?  John is going to kiss you, Jimmy.

Marlee and Star spend way too much time talking Meat off the ledge and Marlee is like, change your attitude, you have to deal with the task so man up and focus.  He really spirals sometimes, doesn’t he?

So at the comedy club Meat is practicing his “opening” and doing a lot of “la-la-la-la-la” which makes Star crazy.  Marlee says she saw Meat’s weakness and she’s worried about winning the task.  Meat actually looks really disorganized.

Backbone is practicing and LaToya interviews in her whispery, baby-voice that she thinks they are going to do a fabulous job.  I do too, but I think you needed to bring more money in.  I know Trump always touts how much she’s connected because she’s a Jackson, but a quick look at The Wik shows why maybe she’s not so much on talking terms with the living Jacksons (and seriously, that is some screwed up shit she went through if even half of that is true).  I kind of feel for her.

Comedy time!  It’s pretty clear whoever bought tickets passed them to a bunch of no-names except for Kevin Kline and Phoebe Cates.  They are right up front and the editors show them a couple of times – but no interviews.  I wonder who brought them in?  Probably Marlee.

Star covers all of her bases by saying their project manager was crying and falling apart all morning, but then he took command as soon as he got onstage.  She likes to offer criticism then say what the person did right so that she can go either way in the boardroom as necessary.

Her head is bleeding from all of the hilarity.

ASAP is up first.  The comedians do their thing and they are fine, then they show Star’s video of Tracy Morgan and it totally falls flat.  I personally cannot stand Tracy Morgan, a little of him goes a long way, and even Marlee says the video didn’t follow the flow of the show.  Marlee gets up and does her thing, telling a story about some dumbass flight attendant who saw her signing once and gave her a braille menu.  When the show ends, Star says the show killed and Meat begins to fall apart again.  Jesus, what is he, a woman?

Backbone is next and again, the comedians are fine, then they bring up Jimmy Fallon and he sings his song.  That had to be pretty cool for the people there.  This show seems to have more energy than the other one, but I’m not sure how much they raised thanks to LaToya’s inability to leave messages.

This is much harder without Tina Fey.

BOARDROOM!  Why does Marlee look like a flapper?  Trump asks Meat if he recovered from their phone call – he says Meat has an amazing heart, but I agree with Flipit’s assessment in the mini-cap, Trump thinks Meat is a huge wuss.  There’s no way around it.  And to add fuel to the fire, Meat starts to break down again and says he had hoped Trump wouldn’t bring it up.  Sniff!

You don’t understand menopause because you usually dump the women before they reach it!

Trump has to explain to very confused Jim and Ivanka why Meat is breaking down.  Jim has a lot of funny faces throughout the boardroom, most of which say, “What the hell is wrong with these people?”  Meat explains more about the charity and you can see Trump just wants him to shut the hell up.  He hates weakness.  Meat goes on and on and on and oh my God, shut up.

Why is the big fat man keep crying?  Should we call someone?

Trump explains they are about charity, but more about winning, so they should have just kicked LaToya’s ass.  Meat starts that stuttering shit and gives his teammates compliments.  Bet they actually miss Nene now.

Now it’s the time to talk about Nene.  Trump says she quit and “gave up.”  Trump says everyone who has ever does that has regretted it because they were called losers by everyone who knew them, even their mothers if they actually had any!  So Trump “fires” Nene (dude, she’s already gone) and then he rubs salt in the wound by saying that Star kicked her ass, which is totally true.  Star won.  Stupid Nene.

Over to LaToya, who says both of her teammates were stars.  Trump was impressed they brought in Jimmy Fallon and wants to know if they raised money.  Rut-roh.  Lil Jon tells Trump how good LaToya was as a project manager and he really doesn’t sound convincing.  Trump says he’s impressed with LaToya, whether she wins or loses this evening.  Okay, lovefest over, get to the results.

But before they do, Trump picks at Meat’s scab and tries to upset him again about potentially losing the money.  So John says that as Meat’s friend, if Meat’s team loses he will personally match the donations Meat brought in so the kids won’t lose.  Oh, the kids.  The kids!

Is LaToya touching John inappropriately?  Must run in the family.

So Meat cries again and tells Trump how much he loves being on the show and what he learned and how great everyone is.  Just get to the firing.

The waiting is worse than when Prohibition was passed.

Meat’s team raised $102,080…LaToya’s team raised $82,500.  Good one, LaToya, you really were so not worth bringing back!  Meat breaks down crying AGAIN, man, is he okay or should perhaps they commit him for a few weeks?  Wahhhh!

When ASAP leaves, Meat says, “Thank you dears.”  This will be important later.

Trump asked LaToya what happened.  She says they drained people of money from previous tasks, which is kind of true.  Trump says John raised a ton of money at the art show and John replies that yes, his people were tapped, but he still brought in the most money on the team.  Trump asks LaToya who should be fired and she sidesteps naming herself and merely focuses on the men, saying they both did a great job.

At least none of you told your audience to buy stock in OWN.

Seems like no black women are winning on Trump this week!

Trump pushes her on who was better, Lil Jon or John, and she says they were equally good.  However when Trump asks Lil Jon, he says the project manager is ultimately responsible for the project.  Also, she brought in the least amount of money, although they really don’t go into it.

Trump says he was glad to bring LaToya back and that it was the only time in Apprentice history he’s done that.  Then he says she’s going to make history twice, as the only person on Apprentice who was fired twice…and she’s laughs and says something like no, no, don’t do it and Trump says, “LaToya, you’re fired!”  Wow, Star won three times tonight- Nene, the task, and now LaToya!  Dang!

The site of Trump is horrifying!

Okay, the weirdest thing is when she walks out to the car, they sort of do this Michael Jackson thing and it’s totally wrong.  When she walks out, they sort of play “Billie Jean” music and each square of concrete where she walks lights up.  She stops at one of them in a weird stance, puts on her sunglasses (it’s NIGHT), flips her sequined scarf and gets into the car.  WTF was up with that?  Who came up with that idea?  No wonder no one takes her calls, she has no clue who she is on her own.

No wonder no one returns her phone calls.

Star pours two shots for the men which she gives to them when they walk in the door.  They discuss LaToya and then the men say look, we lost without Meat.  Star completely lies and says that Meat “brought sanity” to their team.  What the hell?  Either way, down to the final five!

We pushed the Easy Button on getting rid of LaToya.

NEXT TASK!  OnStar is reinventing itself and now their product will be available to customers through Best Buy stores – not just through GM cars.  Each team is tasked with coming up with a 90 second commercial to introduce this product to customers and they will be judged on creativity, product integration and brand messaging.  Gee, I wonder what Star will do.

PROJECT MANAGERS!  John wants to be project manager out of the gate and ASAP chooses Marlee and she’s a little nervous.  Rematch!  The winner will receive the requisite $40K from Trump and OnStar.

Trump says the funniest thing…first, he compliments the group on being in the final five and says, “There are no losers in this,” then follows it with, “However, someone will be fired!”  So really, there IS a loser.  Trump, try to keep up!

Backbone meets with the OnStar people who are VERY CLEAR on what they are looking for.  The bottom line is the ad needs to show that the product is available for ANY existing vehicle, not just new ones.  They also have a very cool campaign that uses words in front of the “On” like “Carry On, Move On,” etc.

ASAP shows up and Marlee says that her husband is a police officer and she wants to know if they work with law enforcement a lot.  The OnStar guys say they are very tied to “first responders” and Marlee seems to think that is the end-all…so I’m wondering where she’s going with this.

Star says she’s not the project manager so she “let the creative” people take the lead (way to CYA), then Meat goes all Busey on us and asks if the new OnStar product can be installed on a bicycle.  Pin. Drop.  “I then had to step in,” Star says.  These guys once again make it very clear that the key is that OnStar is now available to retrofit ANY vehicle.  Got that, ASAP?  But they stopped listening a while ago.

Mostly because the creativity is about to bust out of Meat’s head.

Back with Backbone, John starts working on the script and Lil John starts getting creative…he likes the white background they find at the production studio because it’s sort of like the Mac commercials and it will keep it simple and clean.  They begin working with the production team and we see John cracking his neck as he begins his script.

Where are those Mac bitches now?

Suddenly, plinky-plunky music plays and John says he’s not feeling well.  Turns out he has a sinus infection and his head is throbbing and he’s dizzy.  Wait, dude, is it vertigo?  I may have some leftover meds!  John admits the sinus headache is causing him to be less than focused.  The camera blurs the script just in case we don’t get it, and John has to excuse himself from the stage to find some quiet.

Or it’s the Trump SCREENSAVER giving him the massive headache.

ASAP is at the studio and for whatever reason, Meat totally takes over.  What the hell?  He gives the director of photography his ideas and it turns out he’s playing a Keystone Cop who is looking for a doughnut shop after helping Marlee find her stolen car.  Holy shit that sucks!  Also, I absolutely positively hate that whole police/doughnut stereotype, I hate it.  I think it’s disrespectful and rude and completely overdone to the point that it stopped being funny decades ago.

Star says she was surprised Marlee let Meat take the lead.  No kidding.  “Then a skateboarder comes out of nowhere…” he says.  Marlee really did take a backseat to him and I’m not sure why, then interviews Meat is like a “tornado on crack.”  Then take control!  I’m pretty disappointed in her.

The funniest thing is the poor director of photography (I’m guessing) has a face that looks like, “Seriously? This is your concept?”  But he’s professional enough to say, “I think it’s an…ambitious thing to undertake in the short amount of time we have.” Meat snaps back that he once did 47 setups in 12 hours.  “I’m not stupid,” he kind of snaps at the guy.  Yeah, but you’re not an Academy Award winner either…I saw your film and TV history, you’re not talking about setting up a lot of quality shots, are you To Catch a Yeti?

Yeah, uh, you were in Rebellious Jukebox, so chill about how awesome you are.

John continues to suffer with the sinus infection and is in tons of pain, then he focuses on THE KIDS.  He says all he has to do is power through this to make money to help those kids who are really suffering.  “Get your shit together,” he interviews about himself.  I’m sorry, is he actually putting other people ahead of himself?  Saying his pain pales in comparison to what kids are going through and what it could mean to make more money for them?  Who thinks of others anymore?  What a throwback to the days of manners.  It’s just crazy.

John and Lil Jon work so well together.  John comes up with something about how you can, “Discover how OnStar can help you upgrade your life,” and Lil Jon takes it and says, “Discover On,” like their ad campaign.  So they combine it and it is really cool.  Lil Jon really helps John get through this and now that they are on to production, Lil Jon takes over from John’s script.

They talk about how the focus of the commercial is the safety of the feature and they open with talking about how you can buy OnStar at your local electronic store.  So you focus on the product being available for ANYONE and SAFETY?  That’s just crazy enough to work!

Back with ASAP, Star is pissing and moaning because they don’t have a written script – Meat wants to improv the whole thing.  Uh, yeah…I’d be a little cranky too.  Meat and Star are not loving each other right now.  Star needs more info on how the commercial is going to go and Meat interviews she’s procrastinating.  I disagree, I think she wants to know how things flow so she gets it and so when they edit it goes more smoothly.  He has seriously turned into Gary Busey!

Yeah, I’m putting you in your place with my body language, huh sweetie?

Meat interviews that Star is in charge of messaging and should have that ready to go…maybe that’s why she’s so cranky about not having a script – she doesn’t want you to forget the brand messaging when you are improvising a pretty obnoxious vignette.  Meat is more focused on the comedy of this whole thing whereas Star is looking on the more serious side.

They are clearly frustrated with each other and she’s like, if it opens with me, what am I saying and he says that’s her job to write it.  Well, okay, but again, she’s right that this needs more structure.  He complains she’s taking too long to type up her notes.  Bitch, try recapping a three hours show in a timely manner.  It’s 5:30am right now!  I am trying to power through this like John Rich!  I’m only thinking of the Gasmii!  But not the kids, they really should not be reading this stuff until they become bitter and cynical.

Backbone is powering through their production and it’s going very well, until Lil Jon adds some ideas about special effects like having a car drop into the frame and one actor pushing into the other actor’s scene.  John interviews he realized they were in serious trouble.

Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Over at ASAP, Star apparently is taking too long and the director of photography says they are not going to have time to do the commercial if they don’t get it together.  Unfortunately, he only says this to his crew and not the morons on the team.  And where is Marlee on all of this?  It’s like a man comes in and she immediately acquiesces.

Yeah, the ginormous sundae is a big clue you’re gonna lose.

Meat finally tells Star to write every piece of information about OnStar down to use in her shots.  Dude, you have 90 seconds!  Also, if you weren’t so set on this becoming a Keystone Cops episode, you might realize you are not focusing on any kind of messaging.  Star interviews she wishes Marlee was taking more of a role, you know, like a PROJECT MANAGER.

The DP walks over and tells everyone they are set up and ready to shoot, hint, hint.  Star says she doesn’t have anything to say yet.  Well, get over here and not say it!  So they begin with Star and she messes up her lines because she really doesn’t know what she wants to say.  They put what little she has on cue cards and they start to get way behind on the shoot.  But she still can’t get in the flow of things.  Why didn’t they start with Officer Dumbass and his sidekick Marlee first?  Sounds like they knew what they wanted to do…this poor production crew.  Meat interviews he thinks Star is going to try to blame him if things go wrong.  Gee, I wonder why.

Don Jr. shows up at ASAP and Meat is directing Star and suddenly Marlee says, “Let me do it.”  Oh sure, NOW you want to be in charge.  Don Jr. asks Meat how he likes working with the ladies and he says, “Fine,” then points to Star and says, “She has a very analytical mind,” but he says it in a way that the undertone is, “Star’s a huge bitch to work with.” Star looks like she’d stab him if no one was watching.

Marlee agrees and says they work from different sides of the brain then makes this sort of explosion image with her face and hands.  That isn’t good.  Don Jr. says he senses more tension than they led him to believe.  He totally sees how although Marlee is in charge, Meat continues to chime in (incessantly) with comments and suggestions.  Bottom line is, he’s running this project.

Meat and Marlee head out to the street to do their bit (again, why didn’t they do that when Star was putting together her own script?) and it’s really awful – all they focus on is how OnStar helped “Officer Dominic Bodi” (WTF? And he says it twice in the 90 second commercial) find Marlee’s stolen car.  I wonder if this team knows they can get OnStar at any local electronics store now?  Did they know it retrofits to any car?  ARE THEY GOING TO MENTION THAT?

Marlee interviews she hopes they have enough to edit.  She admits she took a backseat, “Maybe a little too much,” she interviews, to Meat’s creativity.  No shit.  If they lose, this is going to be a toss-up as to who gets fired.  Oh, yeah, they do remember to do one last quick shot on the product.  Star says they have the product shot on the disc.  They are heading out quickly because they don’t have a lot of time to edit and I love the fact they ditch Marlee’s interpreter who has to take the steps while they close him out of the elevator.  Jerks.

John and Lil Jon show up in the editing suite and realize ASAP isn’t there.  John interviews they probably got too complicated with their production and now they’re behind.  He knows Meat well!  Lil Jon jinxes things by saying they don’t have a lot of difficult shots so it should be easy to edit.  The editor asks for a script and Lil Jon gives him their sheet.  Rut-roh!  ASAP’s going to be screwed!

AND a product shot?  What the hell are they thinking?!?

And they are!  Once again, a Marlee-run project is screwed by New York traffic and they now have less than 2 hours to edit their commercial.  They decide to ditch the van and walk to the editing suite and Star interviews they haven’t seen the footage, selected any shots or done any voiceovers.  They are in big trouble.

Backbone is powering through their editing and Lil Jon triple dog jinxes it by saying they will be done with an hour to spare.  Until they get to the special effects.  Things aren’t matching up very well when the car drops in and when the actor pushes into another actor’s scene.

At ASAP, Meat completely takes over the edit.  Star stays quiet because she feels like she’s not the expert on video production.  The first step is admitting it.  “My strength is in brand messaging and product integration, so I filled in those blanks,” she says.  Where?  Meat’s character won’t shut the hell up in the commercial.

Wild guess but I bet that’s a menu in her hands.

Meat keeps complaining that Star doesn’t want to put the product shot at the end, she just wants the logo, but we don’t really hear that.  He says she’s in charge of the messaging so it’s up to her.  She’ll play the game her way, he’ll play it his.  Man, they really don’t like each other.

Backbone has 30 minutes to get the special effects down and it’s getting tense.  John tells the editor, “No pressure, but hurry the hell up.”  Yeah, I’m sure the editor appreciated that.

Presentation day!  Star does the presentation and READS off a page.  It’s very stilted.  They show the commercial and it starts of really boring – gives their history.  They focus on the finding of stolen cars aspect of the product, and when Meat does his “I’m looking for the doughnut shop” routine, the two execs scowl and look at each other.  And oh by the way, you can get it at an electronics retailer near you.  The ad SUUUUCKS.

Are you kidding me with this inside-the-box uncreative stereotyping bullshit?

Meat interviews that ASAP delivered what the execs asked for.  “It was creative and out of the box,” he says.  Yeah, I don’t think the stereotype of police at doughnut shops is really creative or out of the box.  You know what should have been out of the box?   THE PRODUCT.  Dumbasses!  Enjoy losing.

Nailed it!

Backbone comes in and presents.  John tells them they went at this from a “personal perspective,” which I don’t think it completely true but that worked on the Trump Hotels thing, so work it here.  “My Granny Rich will have this in her Cadillac at home,” he says, probably providing both the OnStar and the Cadillac.  What a good guy.

John tells them he and Lil Jon loved the way OnStar uses words before “On” and so they introduce (and say at the same time), “Discover On.”  These guys totally get it.

The commercial opens with Lil Jon saying OnStar can be purchased at the local electronics store.  One actress says almost any vehicle can be upgraded with it and they show her with a minivan.  Another actress talks about their roadside assistance and safety, and it goes back to minivan mom who talks about hands-free calling…and I totally missed the big issue here that comes up later, not sure anyone else did…then Lil Jon talks about “upgrading your life” with OnStar…”Discover On.”  John says they nailed it and NO SHIT.

No, WE nailed it.  Nailed it good.

BOARDROOM!  Trump starts with the men and John says they nailed what the execs were looking for.  Lil Jon says they were both stars and John mentions his sinus infection and dizziness and how Lil Jon helped him through the project.  He also says that he and Lil Jon are stereotyped and this show has provided them the opportunity to work together and break down the barriers.  Trump says he thinks that is wonderful in such a way that you can tell he feels icky.

But who cares because GEORGE is IN THE HOUSE!

Trump then admires Meat Loaf, tells him he looks good and rested then qualifies it by saying, “I’m not gay…I think gayness is great but I’m not.”  God, we get it, you’re not gay.  Also, although you think gayness is great, you don’t think gay marriage is, which makes you an insensitive douche, especially considering YOU are on marriage number THREE.  Now there’s traditional for ya.

Meat says Marlee directed and Meat set up the vignettes, and Trump is like, why didn’t the project manager do that?  Marlee defends the situation by saying Star is all about brand messaging, Meat is creative…then Trump interrupts and asks who is better over the other…Marlee says they just work differently.

Smell the fart acting…unless he’s not acting…Star.

They show ASAP’s video and Meat looks so proud.  Backbone looks confused, mostly because the video SUUUUCKS.  When Trump asks John what he thinks, he says they totally missed the mark on the message – that this is now available at local electronics store (I guess that’s code for Best Buy didn’t pony up any dough so they don’t get mentioned more than the first time – makes it sound like you could get it at The Shack – pay the money next time!).  Marlee disagrees and says it was at “the end.”  So is ASAP!

Meat Loaf says their video was good and when Trump asks if he liked it better than their own, Meat stutters.  Marlee pipes up and says it’s a different audience.  Marlee says she respects their work but it wasn’t as “personal and warm” as theirs.  Star just says it was different than theirs.  Trump says if he asks John which one he liked more he’s going to say his team’s hands down…so it’s interesting to Trump that ASAP isn’t feeling the same conviction.

And Trump’s attempt at sign language means something really, really dirty.

Don Jr. gives the report to ASAP.  Execs loved the energy and passion, Marlee was great but they didn’t like the doughnut shop concept because it mocked the police who they really respect.  Also, they missed letting people know this is available for retrofits, not just for GM cars anymore; the brand message just wasn’t there.  Oooh, you are done!

George says the execs felt Backbone had a lot of energy and enthusiasm and they liked how they showed the box over and over.  They thought Lil Jon was a little “over the top” and they really screwed up on showing a woman driving WITHOUT a seatbelt, which I totally missed but the commercial was fast and they were showing her from the side.  However, I’m a seatbelt Nazi, I even have seatbelts for my dogs, so it’s surprising I missed that, and I wasn’t even drinking.

Trump says what is interesting to him is that team ASAP really liked Backbone’s commercial but Backbone didn’t like ASAPs.  And Trump gets right down to it and says the execs agreed and said the men did a better job – BACKBONE WINS!  John gets $40K for St. Jude’s…this puts him at almost $700,000 for the charity.  Damn!

Well, I have to tell you, this one seemed like a toss-up to me.  I got the feeling Meat was out because the whole cheeseball concept was his.  And it sucked ass.  But Star was in charge of the missing messaging and Marlee was terrible as a project manager.  Someone pick the short straw this time.

Then we see an OnStar commercial with John Rich and they say you can go to OnStar to see who he gave it to…I actually found it on his website and sure enough, he’s giving it to Granny Rich who is 80 with a pace maker and who still drives to work – so they worry about her.  Awww.  Also, OnStar gave John $50,000 for St. Jude’s, I’m guessing on top of the $20K they kicked in on the show.  He says she can use it to find the nearest catfish place.  I love John Rich.  Also, Granny Rich is a beauty and absolutely adorable.  And I hate to say this, but it looks like he wasn’t wearing his seatbelt in the commercial!  Oh John!

Back in the boardroom, Marlee says she is surprised they lost.  She says after 9 weeks, she and Star have a particular way of doing things and Meat has a different style – not wrong, just different.  Trump understands.

Trump says although Meat wasn’t the project manager, he took control of the whole thing.  Meat disagrees and says he only set up some of the vignettes.  You mean you directed the commercial which was, you know, THE PROJECT.

Then Don Jr. goes right into the policeman stereotype and how it was negative and Meat disagrees.  He thought it was funny.  Trump says he’s not sure OnStar wanted comedy.  Star adds that Meat’s idea of adding humor was something they hadn’t tried before, and she totally sets him up to get fired by saying, “And I felt he said he’d take responsibility for that choice.”  Oh, Star.

Woman needs to luxuriate in bed, she looks exhausted.

Don Jr. ain’t letting her get away with that.  “Who did product integration?” BUSTED.  He mentions that with Backbone’s, you saw the mirror, you saw the box, you saw the retail connection, but with ASAP you saw them push the button once.  So, Star, who was in charge of THAT?  Meat points directly at Star while Marlee signs that they shot the box but they didn’t end up putting it in the ad.

“I wasn’t in charge of placing any shot of the box,” Star says.  Then George says they didn’t show the product up close and Meat says you saw them push the button but Don Jr. says yes, however you didn’t show the box to let people know this is something they could buy separately and install on their current car.  Doyeee.

Trump asks Marlee who she’d fire and she pauses.  He says Meat had a lot of ideas for this, they turned out to be not so good, so who would she fire.  Probably who you just TOLD HER TO FIRE.  She signs Meat Loaf because of his working style and he’s a little off-kilter.  Trump says Marlee as project manager could have stopped him being off-kilter and Marlee says they did try to make adjustments.  No you didn’t.  You went right along with the man and suddenly the whole William Hurt thing makes a lot of sense.

He asks Star who she would fire and she says Meat because of what the execs said about their concept and the scenes were not what they wanted.  John and Lil Jon are watching on their TV and say, “They’re eating Meat like a sandwich…like Meat Loaf!”  Get the ketchup!  John says, “Look at Meat sitting there…between the Queen Cats.”  Damn!  I mean true, but damn!  I can’t believe someone said that out loud.

Me-OW!

Trump asks Meat who should be fired since he “took over the task” and he says he didn’t, he almost always deferred to Marlee and all he did was make suggestions.  Yeah, really not so much.  You were kind of pushy.  Meat says he knows Trump likes Star a lot, but as far as product placement and branding, she was in charge of that.  He says Star should be fired and she says she’s “absolutely floored.”

And you know where I’m going with this.  I rest my case.

Trump says, weren’t you in charge of the script and she says absolutely not.  What the hell were you in charge of then, brand mistress?  “We never had a script,” she and Marlee say.  “But you were in charge of branding,” Don Jr. says.  And he jumps down her throat about not having the box, not mentioning how this was a new way to buy it, and she says they have that statement at the end of the video.

Meat says Star’s job was product integration and they should have used the product shot at the end and he says she should have used it and she says why didn’t you use and he says Marlee should have used it.  Morons.  George is like why the hell wasn’t it the FIRST SHOT.  Meat says that the chicks settled on Star opening the commercial, but I don’t really remember that…seemed like Meat was the one who decided that when they were having their whole script meltdown.

Trump tells them to wait outside and Marlee signs, “All of us?”  No, dumbass, just Meat.  YES, all of you.  Outside Star says Meat had the shot and he chose not to use it.  “Sweetie,” Meat begins and Star says, “Don’t do that, I’m a grown woman and I hate that,” and honestly, I agree with her.  However, Meat did call them both “dears” when they won the first task and she didn’t say anything…but in this case, it is kind of condescending, even if he doesn’t mean it, but it does put her in sort of a subordinate position.

They argue about the shot and Meat interviews that when they left the editing bay, he knew Star made the wrong decision to use the logo instead of the box.  Then why didn’t you say something?  You don’t shut up about anything else on the project.  So I’m sort of not buying Meat’s story.  In my opinion, Meat took over the whole thing and didn’t give any space to include brand messaging; he was too busy negatively stereotyping the police.  However, Marlee was the project manager and should have kept things more on task and Star should have been her usual self and bitched and moaned about the messaging until she got her way.  Fire all of them.

Dear Hello Kitty diary, the anger management continues with the big one.

The fight in the lobby continues and it gets loud.  Save it for the boardroom!  Meat says she was in charge of branding, she says he was in charge of the shots…what the hell was Marlee in charge of besides babysitting?  Finally Star says, “Case closed,” and really?  You’re going to go with that?  Are you twelve?

“Not it’s not closed! ” Meat yells and Star is like bitch, yes it is.  Then he says she may be a lawyer but he can argue “just as good as you can” and in a bored tone she says, “I’m sure you can.”   Meat yells at her for turning away from him and she says he needs to bring his voice down, and she says this over and over to the point it is absolutely infuriating Meat.

She walks away from Meat and he continues to yell at her and she says she’s not doing this anymore and he says, “I thought you were a lawyer and could debate with any person,” and she says, “You have to come with my credentials to get me to debate with you.  Enough!” she says making a hand motion like she’s done.  And she is really angry.

I am strong black woman…like Nene, but without the whining, bullying and quitting.

Meat starts to say something else and she makes a fist and says, “Enough!” and he says, “How dare you cut me off young woman!”  Someone has teen girls at home.  Star looks away.  Meat’s like who the hell are you to cut me off and she very calmly tells him, “I don’t owe you an argument.  I decline to give you one.”

Needless to say, Trump et all can hear this and Trump seriously looks like he’s been constipated for years.  He asks Don Jr. what he thinks and Don says he can see cause to fire each one of them.  Then do it!  George gets right to it and says they should fire Star because she blew it in the brand messaging department.

They need Exlax as a sponsor.  And soon.

Back in the boardroom.  He asks Meat what the hell was going on out there and he says he was arguing with Star.  Star stops things right there and says Meat was irate because she discontinued the argument.

Star makes a good case that Meat would not work with her to provide her any kind of script.  Marlee follows up by saying Meat wanted to work improvisationally and Trump says yeah, but you were the project manager, why not nip that in the bud?  And I start to get worried for her.

Don Jr. gets all over Marlee too and says why didn’t you control it if you felt it wasn’t right and she says Meat kept saying, “Trust me, trust me.”  Meh.

He goes back to Star and says what was all the yelling about and she says Meat called her dear and honey, which is not true, he called her sweetie (dear was earlier) and she was offended.  Trump doesn’t understand because he probably does that all the time but if Ivanka were there she’d be tearing her dad a new one.  THEN he’d understand.

Star is correct on how words like dear, honey and sweetie are used to be very condescending and keep women at a disadvantage.  However, I think Meat just slipped up and didn’t necessarily mean it that way, he’s a passionate guy and wears his emotions/thoughts on his sleeves.  Still, he should have at least said he was sorry and that he didn’t mean it, you know, before they commenced screaming at each other.

Trump says he’s sick of this politically correct crap and was it really that bad and Star says look, in the context, it was.  If he had called her sweetie when they were discussing lunch, no problem but when he’s arguing with her and trying to make a point, that is very disrespectful to a professional woman.  You can see on the faces of the three wangs across from her (at least Trump and George) that their minds are saying, “DOES NOT COMPUTE.  DOES NOT COMPUTE.”  Because you have wangs, that’s why.  Now call Trump racist and let’s get out of here.

Trump asks her if over the years she’s been called worse than sweetie.  Duh!  Do you know how many people are going to see her next Tuesday?

Right!  And YOU’RE my sweetie, George is my sweetie, Don Jr. is my sweetie,

and Ivanka is just a sweet piece of ass.

She says she will not argue with someone who diminishes her as a woman with the whole honey/sweetie/baby thing and George says how can you call it a debate when you wouldn’t argue with Meat?  Meat thanks George for bringing that up and she says if you are going to yell during a debate, she needs to bring it down a level and he wouldn’t do that.  HOWEVER, I realize she is doing a great job diverting attention from the fact the branding sucks.  Well done, sweetie!

Then the circling of the drain begins.  Trump says Star couldn’t get along with Nene, now you can’t get along with Meat Loaf and everyone loves him (Star says she does too), and her face shows she’s realizing she may not get out of this one – she actually looks worried.  Then Trump gets on her case about the sweetie thing and says, “You know how many names I’ve been called over the years?” Yes, and a lot of people will be seeing you next Tuesday too.  George cracks up.

He tells Star she’s being too sensitive about “sweetie” and asks Meat if he thought it was bad and of course he doesn’t.  I’m over this conversation so let’s move on.

Trump asks Marlee who was in charge of branding and she says Star, but Star says coming up with the brand messaging and placing a shot of the product in the video are two different things.  Hairs?  Consider yourself split.  Star was responsible for the messaging and it sucked, but I think this is the perfect opportunity to say where could it have gone?  Meat took over the entire video with his stupid and condescending idea regarding the police and he bulldozed over Marlee so where could I have gotten that message in?  That’s a much more compelling and possibly winning case…and I’m NOT a lawyer.  Thank God.

Meat says that he let Star write what she wanted to for the beginning and the end and there was no branding.  Meh, I’m not really on board with that but she could have talked about the product more than their history.  Marlee really should have kept the team coming back to what needed to be said, not the improv.  Maybe she should go but I really hate Star.  Then Star whips out the one thing I think just blows it.  “It’s really not fair to me,” she says to Trump.  Only whiney babies who ARE being treated fairly say that.  Yeah, it’s over, sweetie.

“The OnStar people thought the branding missed the mark and you were in charge of branding.  Star, you’re FIRED!”  Star is devastated.

Ouch.

Honestly, any three of them could have gone and she should have made a stronger case.  Marlee is stunned and gasps loudly.

Or she just found out she’s losing her interpreter to the IRS with everything else.

Star thanks Trump and exits.  She and Meat hug and as she walks to the elevator she wipes a tear from her face.  I totally saw it.

Pick, scratch or wipe?

Does anyone else feel that Trump is doing things to line up who he really wants in the finale?  Because you know next week it’s either going to be Meat or Lil Jon who are out – or both, looks like next week it’s interviews and I can see both of them screwing that up royally – leaving John and Marlee like it should be.

Star interviews that no one wants to get fired and she’s had the “pleasure” of getting fired by two of her mentors on television (did Barbara Walters do it on TV?  Nope!  Get the fact straight, Lionel Hutz).  She laughs and says the first time she doesn’t step in and take control she ends up on the chopping block.  “Lesson learned,” she says, smiling on the camera.  Oh shut up.

Next week?  Trump brings back Joan Rivers, Piers Morgan and Bret Michaels to interview everyone and two people are getting fired.  So it may be Meat versus Lil Jon, how funny would that be?  Looks like Nene is coming back.  Yeah, that should be uneventful.

Has Trump already decided on his final two?  Is bringing Nene back fair?  What about bringing back Gary?  See you next week!