Celebrity Apprentice: 21st Century Integrity

On this episode of Celebrity Apprentice, we recap last week and see the men win and the women turn into catty bitches.  Most disappointing is that Lisa’s bark was waaaay louder than her bite and Trump no likey the wimps…so she’s O-U-W-T!  Now whose body parts is Trump going to talk about?

Back in the lair, Gary and Meat are going at it because Gary took offense at what Meat said about him being hard to handle.  Gary, let’s go to the tape:  You’re a hot mess.  Everyone chill, you won for Christ’s sake.  Meat says they carried Gary with the last task and now he’s got to put up or shut up.

So…who’s walking in?  Egomaniacal Dionne and her egomaniacal sidekick, Star!  Star is throwing attitude and as Flipit mentioned in his mini-cap, says, “People who know me say I’m probably the loyalist friend they have.”  And the most largerest.  “I’m a great friend,” she says, probably referring to her relationship to everyone on The View. “I’m also not a good enemy.”  Shocking.

Somebody’s P-I-S-S-E-D.

She continues with the attitude and NeNe says stop acting like a project manager.  Star says she will and NeNe says, “No you won’t.”  And that opens a can of bitch like nothing else.  NeNe interviews that Star is going to try to take over because, “That’s Star.”  No kidding.

Meat has a meeting with someone from The Painted Turtle, his charity, his check for $20,000.  She’ll be grateful until she sees the $170,000 Star gave to the man who cracked open her chest!

Just so I’m clear, Star Jones’s charity gets $170,000 for saving her life but the kids get $20 grand.  Yeah, that seems fair.

Trump and the Trumpettes (Ivanka’s back! Damn!  Girlfriend is tall!).  This week’s task is with Camping World, guess what they do.  They make RVs that no one can afford anymore for vacations no one is taking anymore.  On top of that, they also make camping equipment for when you finally go belly up and have to live in a tent because the bank has foreclosed on your home.  Except he makes it sound fun and romantic.

I wonder if I remembered to pay my bills.

Each team gets two unique RVs that will be on display in New York (translation:  blocking traffic) and they will be judged on brand messaging, originality of their experience and overall presentation.  The winner gets $20,000 for their charity.  Now pick your project managers, bitches!

Turns out Niki has camped (she has boys, so probably with the Scouts or Canteen Boy) while NeNe blames her lack of camping experience on being black.  “I ain’t never slept outside!”  I bet you didn’t birth no babies either.  People, seriously?  Niki is picked.

On the men’s side, they pussy around waiting for Gary to accept it and finally they all just announce to Trump.  Trump plays the Busey Whisperer and has Gary say hello to the guy from Camping World and Gary says, “I know nothing is free, but my heart to your heart is free.”  Is he trying to pick this guy up?  Awkward pause.  The guy looks like he hopes Gary doesn’t try to bite his face off.

Please don’t set me on fire.

Trump tells Gary he’s at risk and Gary counters with the fact that he’s at risk every time he wakes up.  He recounts the time that he went off his Harley without a helmet and how he split his head open on a curb.  Yeah.  That’s why God made helmets and why Darwin is still so relevant.

The teams have to negotiate for the pimpmobiles of their choice, mid-level and Will-Smith-on-location-level.  The men take the Will Smith version and Mark McGrath says it reminds him of his tour bus and it reminds me of how out of touch I am because I keep thinking he’s a baseball player but that’s Mark McGuire.  I know he looks familiar but I don’t know him from Sugar Ray but more from his co-hosting days on Extra.  Which I never watched. Man I’m old.

Perfect for today’s foreclosed homeowner.

Also, wouldn’t Mark McGrath be perfect for Ryan Seacrest?  OMG, match made in HEAVEN.  And they’d be totally awesome on Dancing with the Stars.

Niki says the other ones are more homey and more family-oriented and since they all have va-jay-jays they really had no choice.  When the men get on their Will Smith, Jose immediately become the voice of negativity which he really seems to enjoy and entrench himself in FOR THE WHOLE EPISODE.  I guess with him, the steroid shots are always half empty.

GOOOOO Team!  I mean, NOOOO Team!

Jose doesn’t like the Will Smith one because it’s not homey but more ominous.  So he goes on record with his disagreement.  Gary tries to bring him away from the dark side and Mark tells him his opinion is not “necessarily right.”  Isn’t that the definition of an opinion?

The women quickly brainstorm on their message and Niki comes up with “Camping in the 21^st Century,” which actually isn’t such a terrible idea.  I mean, the RVs have satellite TV, full bathrooms with Jacuzzi tubs and full-size refrigerators.  It’s like you never left home.  Which begs the question, why would you?

Look, it’s even CAPTIONED under your fat ego.

Everyone likes Niki’s idea and Camping World guy stops by to answer questions.  I would ask who the customer was since no one can really afford dick right now and RVs are worse than a money-pit home.  But then again, maybe people are opting for a simpler lifestyle and vacations that are more with the family versus spending tons to go on Carnival Cruises with every tattooed Tom, Dick and really Hairy.

So let’s ask questions…Star asks one…then another…then another…then another…I’m sorry, is this a deposition?  Shut the hell up already, DE FACTO project manager.  NeNe interviews that Star did it again.  “She cannot NOT be the boss.”  I bet she’s not NOT licking frogs too.

“This isn’t about promoting the RV lifestyle,” Camping World guy says, “it’s about promoting Camping World.”  Uh, wait what?  That seems…odd to me.  Not having camped since dogsledding with Outward Bound years ago, I really don’t know Camping World.  Is it a cool brand like Apple or Northface or Coleman, or SHOULD they be focusing on the RV lifestyle?

Lil John says he wants to create four different experiences in the Will Smith RV and Gary says, “This is high-end, we’re not going to do that.”  Gary interviews that Lil John is “an antagonist” and I am going to disagree and says I think he’s on to something…look how big that thing is!  “It’s his issue, not mine.” What the hell are you talking about, Busey?

Stop brainstorming – now’s not the time!  And does Mark have leprechauns on his arm?

Richard, master of the interpersonal and knowing how to read people then cut them off at the knees with a machete, cannot get a read on Gary.  “Strap on your seatbelts ‘cause this is going to be a bumpy ride,” he semi-quotes Betty Davis.  I bet that helps in prison when the guys are trying to figure out who’s a top and who’s a bottom.

Camping World guy shows up and sits away from Gary.  Richard asks if it’s about the RV or Camping World – was he watching the women on spycam?  Again, CW guy says it’s about the Camping World brand.  I guess he really means it!  He says you could be going to a football game/tailgating party, taking your wife fishing (oh right sure), going to the Country Music Awards to see Gwenyth Paltrow.

John Rich jumps right on a country music festival-type event, then asks, “Would you say that Camping World is an outdoor experience for everybody?”  Uhhh…ummm…Yeah, not everyone loves to camp, dudes.

Gary is asked to task people with jobs but Gary wants to go to Camping World and shop and pick up things for the RV like backpacks, compasses and a first-aid kit for things you do when you leave your $200,000 RV behind.  Meat is lost.  Yep.

One tank of gas will get you to the next block.

On the way to Camping World, Niki says everyone is in charge of their room and it has to tie into their “20^th century” needs.  She’s corrected that it’s the 21^st century.  The “store” has been set up outside in Brooklyn, meaning they don’t have a store in New York City because some people DON’T like the outdoor experience and those people are always New Yorkers, unless it’s Central Park but I’m going to take a wild guess there is at least ONE if not more Starbucks in that park.

Niki and her team run around just buying things and it really doesn’t make sense.  Hope and Star grab the cardboard stands holding bags, everyone is running around, and Dionne looks like an old lady who is lost at the mall. Some guy takes the rack back but Star demands the bags.  Please put one over your head.

Everyone is bitching about Dionne but NeNe says when she’s 70 she doesn’t want to do anything either.  Come on, it’s a great time to be silver!

Goddammit, where did I leave my teeth?

Over with the men, John is singing a country song he’s making up for the project and Meat is all over it.  Jose says he’s “completely against that” because they are alienating people.  What people?  Then he “disagrees with it again” and calls country music lovers/country people “less educated.”  Oh shit, here we go.

John rips Jose about calling his audience “low intelligence” and not having money and somehow Richard gets involved – there are too many people speaking about dumb hicks to really know who says what.  John says if anyone in the van says anything bad about his audience, he would be “more than willing to square off with you about it.”  And you know what?  I think he could kick anyone in that van’s ASS and still finish the project on time and on budget.

John interviews, “Do not disrespect country music fans.”  But it’s so easy!  Way to hamstring the recapper.  Jose blames Richard for saying it and Gary gives them the, “You kids stop fighting or I’m turning this car around!” speech.  Silence.

Shocking.

The women’s team has a ton of crap and they have no clue what they are going to do with it.  The men are semi-pissed because they don’t think anything is left, but the sales staff starts to tell them they can’t take all of one thing.  Niki interviews that everyone has a room to set up and she was in charge of outside.  This seems to bring up some confusion on Dionne’s part.

Dionne asks Hope why Niki is doing “their part” and Hope says, “The Kitchen?” and explains that Niki is in charge of the outside.  So please explain to me the problem…isn’t the kitchen INSIDE?  Dionne tells Hope that Niki should have told her because otherwise she wouldn’t be getting stuff for the outside.  Hey, Old Lady Alzheimer’s, you are in charge of the kitchen.  That’s inside.  Niki’s in charge of the outside…guess where that is.

Dionne is a TOOOOTAL bitch when she interviews and does the airquotes when she talks about Niki being their “project manager.”  She says nobody know what Niki’s vision was.

Now, on the one hand, I’m pretty damn sure she said it was 21^st century camping (except for the – so far – one time she called it 20^th century) – both when they were at the RVs and in the van heading over to the store.  Wasn’t Dionne there or was she on her way to San Jose?  Pay attention, bitch.

You should have checked with Star.

On the other hand, perhaps having everyone do their own room without some cohesion is going to be a big clusterf#ck.

So NeNe helps Dionne understand that she only needs to be doing the kitchen – INDOORS.  Phew!  I am SO GLAD we managed that crisis because that was freakin’ epic.  Also?  I cannot wait until Dionne gets her ass handed to her.

Gary is screaming for John and shows him walkie-talkies.  John wants to know are they to be usable or to be looked at.  Gary says, “They should be used to look at to be usable,” Gary says.  John, who is smarter than his country music audience with his triple-digit I.Q., interviews that there is just no where to go with that.  But if you did go somewhere, take the Will Smith RV.  Jose will hate it!

Or Jose…that would probably make more sense and provide more satisfaction.

Dramatic music plays as Dionne sees the line to pay for their items and asks, “Oh, is this the line?” because she apparently has people to stand in lines for her.  Too bad Ike Turner didn’t marry her, huh?

Because when campers want to travel light, this is exactly what they mean.

She questions Niki as to whether or not they need all of that stuff and Hope agrees – how many tents do you need with RVs?  Star takes a back seat and says they are disorganized and the leader needs a plan and they have neither.  “The task was not organized well from a leadership perspective,” she says.  She says the men’s team came after them and left before them.  Probably because Gary’s due back at the home by sundown.

Mark is back at the RV ordering trees and hedges and tells Gary they are coming in the morning.  He says he’ll need $400-500 to cover this.  “My plant guy came through for me,” Mark says, not realizing how totally gay that sounded.  But Richard has “plant people” too and asks Gary for $875 for his trees.  So Gary confirms this as well.  Gary hands over $900.  Someone better watch that money – Hatch owes the IRS bigtime and for whatever reason, prefers jailtime.  Hmm.

So crisis on the plant front!  Mark acts like a total baby by telling Gary he’s canceling his trees since Gary already shelled out DOUBLE for Richard’s trees and he keeps bringing it up and Gary’s confused and Jose just sits drinking a milkshake.  God Jose is a total bag de douche and one lazy prick.  But he sure knows how to suck that straw, doesn’t he?

Mark continues to throw a hissy.  Seriously, Mark, call Ryan Seacrest, he is totally your type.  There’s a reason TVgasm calls Seacrest Tink, dude.  Mark says, “I knew Gary being project manager would bite me in the ass.”  Like you wish Ryan would?  Ooooooh!

John interviews that the printed materials were key to the project so he, Meat and Richard take off.  Mark gets the tree guy to provide them the trees for free, and Jose is feeding a burger into his fat, lazy face.  Gary and Mark patch things up and Gary says no mistakes were made and if a mistake WAS made, that mistake is actually a gift.  “So you just brush it away and achieve it another way,” he incoherently finishes.

Back with Team ASAP, Dionne is asking where things go and Star says in the storage areas.  She and Star ONCE AGAIN bitch about Niki’s vision and how they don’t know what it is.  Have you considered asking HER if you are that confused?

Niki takes Hope with her to do the marketing pieces and Star interviews they weren’t sure what Niki wanted it to look like.  How about USING THE STUFF YOU BOUGHT to make it look like people are CAMPING!  Or, you could just dust coke everywhere and pretend it’s Studio 54.  Just use your best judgment.

OMG everyone in the free world knows what the vision is.

Star says this isn’t what she would have done.  “I want to be known as a person who solves problems rather than a person who creates problems.  Any you may write that down.”  I did, after vomiting.  Also, you ARE the problem.  Even your dog is looking at you like she knows she’s not the biggest bitch in the RV.

Also, is Star going riding later?  Hope the horses aren’t allergic to Spanx.

NeNe bemoans the fact that Niki left Star in charge and feels she should have stayed behind to supervise the team.  The smart and strategic thing to do would have been to separate Star and Dionne – send Star to do the marketing since like half of my office, she thinks she’s a marketing genius, then beat the shit out of Dionne with Marlee.

Niki is in the van with Hope and once again says “20^th century” camping and Hope has to remind her that it’s the 21^st century.  They decide to Google it because as former models, they have no clue. Niki says she chose Hope because “We were both former models and I needed Hope’s energy.”  They find out that it’s the 21^st century “for 100 years” or as Hope puts it, “the rest of our lives.”  Yes, they really are models and play them on TV.

Ivanka shows up at the men’s site and Jose doesn’t stand up to greet her, take off his sunglasses or pretend to be busy.  He’s just leaning back like he’s expecting a blow job.  Ivanka asks how Gary is doing and Jose says it’s hard to get him to focus.  Thanks burger-and-shake guy.  She asks Jose if he thinks it’s just shtick, but he has no idea what that means.

You’re here to blow me, right?

Gary is there and Ivanka asks how it’s going.  It’s going weird and here’s why:  Gary says each team member is like a different color of the rainbow (so we’re back to Seacrest, then?).  She asks him what Jose is doing and we see him continuing to sit in his seat and accidentally bumping the window shade.  That’s the most he’s done all day.

Gary says Jose is doing great but Ivanka interviews that it really isn’t a good sign when someone doesn’t show any energy or enthusiasm for the task.  Ya think?

Ivanka says they should feel lucky they are working together so well and Gary says the definition of lucky is “living under correct knowledge yearly.”  He says the way he comes up with it is that he takes the letter of word and spells out a definition of the word itself.  “Like freedom,” he continues, “facing real exciting energy developing out of miracles.”  Ivanka calls him a character but I think that is just code to her security detail to turn the safety off their guns.

Please don’t set me on fire.

She says she has never worked for someone like Gary, probably because the Trump organization has a policy against hiring ‘tards.  That’s why Bethanny got fired.  (any letters about the word ‘tards can be sent to Fox News because we really don’t care here and we’ll probably get some free press from the Palin camp).

Back in the war room, the men are putting together their marketing materials including banners and a pamphlet without a theme!  NO THEME!  It’s like they need the Wizard of Oz to help them find it.  Back at the RV site, we see why they have no theme.  Jose and Gary are sitting around people watching while Mark gets his tighty whiteys in a juicy little knot.

Mark freaks and calls John and whines like a skinny little minion about Gary and Jose.  John, who is clearly on my hot list to win this season (along with Marlee) says he’s realizing Mark is a bit of a pecker.  Wait, no, he said “panicker.”  He wasn’t talking about Jose, sorry.

Jose suggests to Gary that they just sit in the chairs and absorb the experience like the body absorbs a shot of ‘roids.  He wants time to go by as slowly as possible.  Probably just how it does for the women he bangs while he’s banging them.

The women finish staging the RV and the outside and they need a plan for the rest of the evening.  How about going drinking?  Instead, they have a meeting and decide to call Niki about what is supposed to go outside.  Niki is heading back with Hope and thank God, because Star – say it with me now – DOESN’T KNOW WHAT THE EXPERIENCE IS SUPPOSED TO BE OUTSIDE.  Here’s a clue:  If everything else is DONE, why don’t you use what is left to decorate the outside OH MY GOD DUH.

Although why getting back to nature includes sitting on piles of elephant shit is beyond me.

Star tries to say none of them know what the experience is and Niki calls her out on that.  “What do you mean you don’t know what the experience is?” she asks.  “We’re camping!”

I could’ve sworn you were around when we discussed it.

Thank you!  Niki interviews that it is tough to have Star on your team because you don’t know if she’s playing the game or that’s how she really is.  I think she’s like a Chinese menu – pick something from each column, Niki.  Then she calls Star “ma’am” and I know it’s over for her.

Niki wants to get turf and trees and have it set up like the outdoors and Star once again tees Niki up to go home by saying she doesn’t understand her vision so she should get back there.  Yes, please get back here to show dumbass Star what to do with turf and trees around your RV.  Personally, I’d shove them up her ass, but that’s just me.

Lil Jon says he thinks they can still win and Mark whines like a little bitch and rubs his head because he has a headache.  They whine that they don’t know the theme.  Oy.

Gary says they are being deliberate and “are not sprinting so fast to outrun our purpose.”  Yeah, I think his and Jose’s purpose right now is to be one big paperweight.  He says his purpose is “Happy Camping for everyone.”  Mark says it’s like being in high school with a huge paper due the next day and he hasn’t read the book.  God, I bet he did that a lot.   Gary and Jose toss a baseball back and forth.

“I don’t know why I’m so overcome with depression with this thing,” Mark says.  Because you are a GIRL who is PMSing, that’s why.  They see Jose and Gary playing catch and decide to take videos to show Trump when they lose.  Nice.

Hope and Niki are slamming down New York’s biggest apples and making fun of Star.  Hope says, “You were at a camping store for three hours this morning and you don’t know what the theme is?”  Ha!  Hope interviews and calls bullshit on Star saying everyone knows what the experience is.  “Star is a bully,” she says.

And we’re too pretty to think this hard.

Niki gets to the site and loves everything.  Dionne bitches that they need to go to Bed Bath and Beyond to get some things but Niki needs them to go to Home Depot to get the turf and trees. So she makes Dionne and LaToya go to both places in the van, which sort of doesn’t make sense since it would be smarter to divide and conquer – send two other people to Home Depot.  Also, I hope LaToya and Dionne don’t get something at BB&B that they could have gotten at Camping World.

John, Meat and Richard get to the site and see that “nobody had done anything.”  John is pissed because he sees that Jose is just sitting there halfway asleep and nothing is done – including setting up a 150 pound generator.  “I’m baffled by the level of laziness,” he says.  Really?  Because I honestly wasn’t.  And what the hell was Mark doing besides writing “Mrs. Mark McGrath Seacrest” on his notebook?  And the camera flashes to a shot of Jose sleeping.  What a loser.

Still waiting on that blowjob, huh?

Gary asks everyone to be there at 8am tomorrow and Mark asks what they should say.  Gary assures them they he not only has the verbiage, he has the vernacular.  Well thank God for that!  He interviews that he has the best ingredients to make the best cake.  Sadly, he forgot the recipe.  Then he says that cake will be light and fluffy like Mark and they can put a scoop of chocolate or vanilla ice cream on it and it will be fun to eat.  Are they still selling RVs?

Team Backbone’s fearless leader, next on the Food Network!

Niki is worried that Dionne and LaToya are getting everything they need but you know they’re going to find some kind of bath salts at BB&B and f#ck things up with the turf and plants.

And…sure enough, Dionne and LaToya f#cked up the turf and trees so “Star came through with balloons,” Niki interviews. Sure, because balloons and nature totally mix.

The men have a ton of work to do setting things up and Mark suddenly sees the light because the trees and shrubs show up.  I just would never have expected him to get excited about bush.

And most campers love camping in a formal English garden.

The men see that the women don’t have a lot of greenery and say that it is supposed to be a camping experience, not just about the inside of the RV.  Yep.  And that is just why LaToya and Dionne should be dragged into the boardroom and why Dionne should be fired.  Also, she’s a total bitch.

LaToya freaks because she thinks someone has locked the door to the bathroom. She just had to turn the knob the other way.  Giggles!  Niki looks at Dionne who is on the phone and she says, “Dionne, are you paying your bills right now?” and it turns out SHE IS.  Well, if it’s that bill to the IRS, well she’d better get on it.  $2mil owed to the IRS ain’t going to pay itself and as a taxpayer I for one am done carrying her sorry ass.

Since Dionne’s shit never stinks, she’s going to take time away from completing the project to pay some bills.

Niki admits that she isn’t the best presenter so she hopes she hits all of her points, then she notices something and says, “When did they get all those trees?”  The women should totally stage a panty-raid but steal the trees instead.

Don Jr. shows up and Niki asks if he’s ever been camping.  He says not in an RV but “regular camping, yes.”  Dude, staying at the Plaza does not count as camping!

I’m with ya Don…this is exactly why I don’t camp.

Niki does a great job telling Don what they did although she says everyone’s been working their butts off.  Wrong!

Niki explains that the American Red Cross, her charity, was there for her when she was in her car accident.  She used up 100 units of blood.  Hooooly shit, that’s a lot of blood.  I remember when she was in that accident and everyone thought she was going to die.  Also, a little shout-out to donate blood when you can – it’s pretty important and reasonably easy to do, plus you get juice and cookies when you’re done and my mother doesn’t even give us that when we visit.

Don Jr. asks if there were any issues with the team members and Niki says no.  Seriously?  I mean, I know you are nice, but saying someone didn’t pull their weight isn’t being bitchy, it’s being honest.  I would just tell him about the bill paying and let him figure it out.

Don wants to know if he has to ask her in the boardroom if she’ll say the same thing.  “If there are no issues and you lose, is it your fault?” he asks and Niki says yes.  NOOOOO!  Now she’s screwed!  Royally!  Don is surprised.

I’ll just take the blame for everything.  Hope she doesn’t do this with her kids!

He asks Marlee the same thing and she says the weak link is Dionne.  She signs when she’s given a task she does it, but otherwise nothing.  Don Jr. says that since Dionne just does the minimum, that is probably going to come up in the boardroom.  It had better but we all know it won’t.  Bitch is going to slide by another week, I can just feel it.

Presentation time!  NeNe screams at a woman and scares the shit out of her (seriously, she’s two feet away from you, take down the decibels!).  Then Niki tells someone that their RVs are for people who don’t want to spend $25,000 at an amusement park.  WTF?  Who does that, someone who doesn’t know what a funnel cake cost?

John says when the tours started, they had a pretty good grip on things.  They started with the Coleman, the “affordable, blue-collar RV.”  Then the second stop is the $200,000 RV which Mark calls “affordable, convenient and fun.”  Yeah, I didn’t even spend that much for my house and I don’t have to fill it up every 20 miles.

Honestly, how is this camping?

Over at the women’s place, Star says their theme was “Camping for the 21^st century,” so apparently someone clued her in or she freakin’ remembered after all.  Given that she’s wearing the same clothes she was wearing when she interviewed she DIDN’T know, I’m going to call big fat bullshit on her sorry ass.  But you know she’s going to slip by.  I’d love to see her go up against Richard in the finale, but I’d rather John and Marlee did.

Also, her fashion/wig choices continue to baffle.

Niki continues to get confused by the century and really chokes on the presentation.  Then you should have put someone else in charge of it!  Oh, Niki.  A woman going through the tour says she was greeted by Hope but after that didn’t really know where to go.  Oops.

Oh, good, here comes Dionne.  Did someone not pick out the yellow M&Ms from your Limoge bowl?  Dionne is pissed because someone (who?) is showing the wrong area and she gets snotty with Niki.  Niki being the nice person that she is, says, “Dionne, talk to me like I’m an adult.” She even calls Dionne’s tone “crazy” which I thought was hilarious.

Finally Niki’s like, get away from me, let’s just work through this and Dionne says she can’t understand why when someone is asked a question she can’t give an answer without “going into Never-Neverland.”  Uh, first of all, stop ripping on Michael Jackson.  Second, you didn’t really ask a question as much as you seemed confused as to what the hell was going on.  Perhaps you missed the instructions when you were paying your bills?

Then Dionne gets totally out of line and calls Niki “mamby pamby” (okay, that was sort of accurate) but then calls her a hussy.  “I got your number, hussy.”  I don’t think that word means what you think it does.  Also, it’s camping in the 21^st century.  How about bringing your insults into the same century?  Hussy.

Camping World guy shows up over at the men’s station and John is singing, Jose is throwing his balls a baseball, Lil Jon is getting stoned and Gary hugs Camping World guy making him uncomfortable and scared at the same time.  He loves John’s song.  Gary gives the tour and it’s pretty good…TEAM means together everyone achieves more.  Oy.

Does Gary need to pee-pee?  I hope he doesn’t need help!

CW guy goes outside and loves what they’ve done, but asks them what is behind door #1…turns out there is a TV located on the side of the RV they didn’t even know about.  Did no one take out the manual?  Jose?  JOSE?  Okay, that’s sort of embarrassing and Meat is convinced he lost the task.  It doesn’t help that Mark says it makes them look like idiots.

What the shit?!?!  I thought there’d be a family of squirrels in here!

CW guy heads over to the women’s place and asks how they slept in their campers…OMG, they had to sleep in those campers?  Can you imagine the noise in the middle of New York City?

LaToya knows her camper…she calls it a “Class C” then shows him the 26” TV and color me impressed!  Woman knows her RV.  She explains the whole thing to him and does a great job as a sales person.  CW guys loves the fact they know the product.  Whatever you do, don’t ask Dionne anything.

I can’t believe I  did manual labor and had to wear this awful t-shirt.  Luckily the non-stop chomping on Freedent makes me look klassy.

He does have some questions for Niki.  He doesn’t see a lot of signage outside but Niki counters with they are on the perimeter, which would help with foot traffic.  Good comeback, but the guys’ site did have more impact.

So the Camping World guy meets with Trump the Senior and says the women had a ton of product knowledge – specifically LaToya.  However, they didn’t put the Camping World brand was forgotten on the outside.

And Mark asking Meat to kiss him until Ryan showed up was really uncalled for.

The men did a great job with the music, Jose was playing with his balls fans and their overall branding was very good outside.  The inside, however, was the opposite.  “It looked like men decorated,” he says.  Oh, burn.

BOARDROOM TIME!  Heh.  Trump starts with LaToya and says he heard she was amazing because of her product knowledge.  Turns out CW guy gave them the product info upfront, LaToya just actually remembered it.  Then Niki gets all mamby pamby and says her best player was, “All of them.”  I guess Niki must have lunch plans with Lisa Rinna tomorrow.

He asks her if she is confident that she won and she says no.  Girl needs to keep some secrets to herself.  He tells her over and over and over again that no confidence in winning the task is not a good sign.  Marlee signs she thinks they won because they all worked together very well.  Does nobody remember Dionne during this?

Maybe Niki is more worried about LaToya’s completely inappropriate and tacky ensemble than winning.

Hope says with Lisa there was a lot of fighting and drama but with Niki there wasn’t as much and “we all got along.”  I’m sorry, was I watching something else, because I’m pretty sure Dionne was a raging diva bitch most of the time.

Did someone just pass some legendary gas?

Now he goes to Star and asks how she was as a project manager.  Star says she was “thrilled.” She says Niki was smart and pulled together.  WTF?  She says Marlee was a “demon” working on the project.  Star thinks they won. Now we get to the nitty gritty.

Niki says Dionne did a great job doing the kitchen but she picked a crappy time to come up to her to express concerns about Hope being in her trailer.  Dionne tries to make it like Niki wouldn’t answer her but Niki was like, look, we had clients there and fighting in front of them was not the coolest move.

Trump reiterates that it was inappropriate timing.  Niki also brings up the point that Dionne did not speak to her respectfully and Trump agrees she can be tough.  Niki says Dionne can either be cool and calm or it’s “Ahh!” she says, which is nice-girl code for Dionne is a f#cking bitch from hell and I hope she gets a scorching case of herpes and gets nibbled on by rats as she goes to meet her maker.

Don Jr. is truly becoming my fav because he says that a few of the women said Dionne was good when she was given specific tasks, but she’s never gone above and beyond.  Marlee nods but then eases up and says yes, she does what she’s asked to do, she’s not a great multi-tasker but that’s okay, we don’t expect that from her.  Oh, man, come on.  She’s awful, bitter, mean and thinks she’s above menial tasks.  She almost broke out in a rash wearing that common t-shirt.

Gary!  Gary tells Trump the team was great.  Gary says he was a good leader because he pays attention to the needs of others and what they said to him.  Richard says he thinks Gary believes what he says.  Nice save.

Trump asks Richard if he thinks Gary is a good leader and Richard says no.  Gary seems shocked.  Well, pay attention to the needs of others, Gary!

Ivanka asks John if he felt he had any direction and John says he feels Gary is inspirational but he was disappointed in his ability to bring focus to the team.  And “it is his fault.”  Trump tells Gary he could be fired.  Meat tells Trump Gary “is different.”  Then the conversation takes a turn for the odd.

Turns out that Marlee noticed Gary wasn’t hearing very well and sent him to her doctor who made Gary custom hearing aids and now he can hear fine.  The damage was from rock and roll and the brain surgery…he only had 40% of his hearing.  Gary says now he can hear his toenails grow.  Aw, that is totally cool.  Not the toenails, but the hearing aids.

Mark says once they understood Gary’s “inadequacies as a leader,” the team was able to come together and work and Gary’s like, that’s not a compliment.  “He can hear now,” Trump warns.  Heh.  Lil Jon says it was not organized and had no idea of the theme – “it was a train wreck.”  Oh my God, just get to the winner.

Ivanka asks who was the weakest and Gary says some people formed an alliance against him…he can’t name names, though.  He names Lil Jon as the weakest person on the team, but I think that is bull.  He’s just saying that because Lil Jon called him a bad project manager.

Look at that skin…how about a project on how she keeps it so flawless?  Jesus!

Ivanka goes for the jugular and asks Jose about “his attitude” when she came to the trailer.  She calls him passive and says he didn’t even get off the couch when she walked in.  “You showed no energy,” she says.  She says everyone was working really hard and he was relaxing by the fireplace.

”You actually caught me on a 5-minute break,” he says.  That break was like 5 days long.  He says he’s the most physical and has the most stamina.  Then your doppelganger is a lazy bastard…Douche.

Mark challenges him as does John.  John says he’s the one who picked up the generator.  “I’m 160 pounds of romping, stomping meat, brother,” John says to Trump.  Mark is pissing himself silly wanting to bitch and moan about Jose but somehow he doesn’t get his time.  Trump tells John CW guy loved the tune that John played, so in your face, Jose!  Oh no, Meat runs back to the room to get the guitar so we can hear what the song sounded like. Why must we drag this out?  Oh, wait…I don’t have to!

This kind of filler is exactly why every episode is 2 hours long and is KILLING THE RECAPPER!

Let’s get to the winner.  Which is THE MEN.  Seriously, Gary Busey as Project Manager won the task?  Who could have seen that coming?  I thought for sure Gary was out the door.  How sad is it that Niki lost to Gary.

Hmm…not everyone feels victory was theirs.

Gary gets the $20K from Trump for his charity PLUS $20K from camping world too, which is totally cool.  His charity is Center for Head Injuries or Margaritas or something.  Women, get ready to rumble.

Speaking of rumbling, going back to their suite Gary tells Lil Jon, “Don’t be stupid to me….don’t be stupid to me.  You hurt my feelings,” and Lil Jon says, “You hurt my feelings,” and suddenly it’s Oprah’s book club.  It’s a lot of “Cool it,” and “You cool it,” and “Get it together,” and “YOU get it together,” and seriously I have teenage nieces who have more fruitful conversations than this.  Looks like Gary’s going to hold some grudges.

Niki says she feels horrible and she let her girls down.  Trump asks if she thinks it was her fault and she says yes.  “Oh you do?  Won’t that mean you’ll get fired?”  Trump asks.  She says yes and the men are like WTF?  Did she just quit?  Trump asks if there is anyone else she can blame and she says no.  She says each person worked their butt off, blah, blah, blah.

Niki is showing integrity on Celebrity Apprentice?  When the hell did they change the rules?!?!

Trump is surprised she’s willing to take the responsibility for their loss and he has a lot of respect for that.  He double checks again and she won’t blame anyone.  Oh, Niki.  Trump says, “Niki, you’re fantastic, but other than that you’re fired.”  Dang.  Stupid Dionne.

I can’t believe I had to fire this sweet piece of ass and keep Dionne.  Crap.

Niki gets up to walk out and Star yells for her and says, “Niki, you walk out with your team.” You mean like Lisa didn’t last week when she walked into the lobby to get into the elevator ALONE?  Star takes Niki’s hand and they all wish her well and say bravo and “pure class.”

Marlee is a little disappointed because she wishes Niki would have fought for her charity a little more and by that I think she means clawed Dionne’s eyes out and served them to her.  Trump is shocked by great integrity…period.

Integrity?!?!?  DOES NOT COMPUTE.  DOES NOT COMPUTE.

Niki leaves and says it was a great opportunity and she felt there wasn’t anything to fight about.  “It is what it is,” she says.  And it’s bullshit!

Bitches dodged a bullet and we all know it.

Next week, NeNe freaks because they lost against Gary Busey.  I hear ya.  They have to create a 30-second commercial and he shows some dick and Dionne is on everyone’s nerves.  “Nobody cares about her being a legend,” NeNe says.  You’ve got that right!  See you next week.