Celebrity Apprentice Recap: People Suck, Puppets Rock

Recaps

By Luscious | Monday, April 16, 2012 | 11:10 pm | 96 Comments
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Posted in: Celebrity Apprentice, Recaps

Greetings Gasmii!

This week on the Celeb Apprenti, nothing shocking happened. Lisa was a psycho, Aubrey reigned in her diabolicality (but not her genius), Dayana was sidelined, Penn said nothing and a bump on a log went home.

Our episode begins with Dayana revealing her loveliness, followed by Lisa emerging from the board room. There is an intake of breath from everyone as they realize Lou has gotten the ax. Lisa crows out, “We did it!” as if the elimination of Lou was some sort of accomplishment. Clay points out it’s a little crass to be glorifying in Lou’s demise and Lisa loses it. She literally goes from a 9 on the happy meter to a 7 on the bitch-out scale in a matter of seconds. She starts ranting to Clay about the “little tactics” he’s been pulling this whole time and suggests he not start with her. Um…. what tactics? All he did was point out the indecency of her behavior – has he done some other tactic that she could claim is underhanded? I think the hag might be losing her mind.

 

And right under Lisa’s ranting nose, Penn and Dayana
form a secret alliance to get her out.

Clay agrees with Lisa that she’s right, he doesn’t want to start with her and wisely shuts up. But she wasn’t ready for him to acquiesce, she wants a fight, so she continues to try to get the last word in. Clay wisely remains silent. Aubrey takes delight in what she sees as Lisa chewing Clay up, because she hates Clay. I don’t see it that way at all. To me, Clay called out Lisa and then knew better to engage her nutso factor.

But we’ll just let the little genius have her imagined delight.

Lisa tells the teams that Lou never said any of the stuff he complained about in the boardroom (not getting to act, all the cussing) and she begins to mimic him, calling him Sally Sensitive. She’s just digging her own hate hole here and it’s hard to watch her be so ugly. Clay comes on and wonders if her bad attitude is because of all the team losses or if her team losses are because of her bad attitude. Great question!

Aubrey hopes there will be a team shake up now that the teams are 5 and 3 and she’s really wishing that Trump would split up Arsenio and Clay. She thinks it’s only fair to break up those BFF’s since she and Lisa were split up.

 

We’re dudes. We don’t go to the bathroom together like
you chicks do. We’ll be fine if we’re on separate teams.

Teresa meets a family in the park to deliver her winnings for the NephCure Foundation. The sweet little boy who she gives the money too has to take a ton of pills and has a rare and incurable disease. This sucks.

 

Teresa tells him; “you’re brave for what you’re doing”….
does she mean for staying alive?

Despite her lack of verbal skills, the Gods are smiling on Teresa right now.

 The next morning, Trump arrives at FAO Schwartz to meet with the teams. It looks like VampEric has been given permission to participate again.

Can you guess why Ivanka is Sparky’s favorite?

As Trump starts talking about how puppets are usually for kids, I start to perk up. I love adult puppet theatre (I recommend seeing Ave Q for those entertained by wrongness) and that is exactly what this task is going to be! Awesome!!! Even better; next to Sparky is Brian Henson, the love child of Jim Henson and Robin Williams.


Brian does a show called Stuffed and Unstrung, which is live improv puppetry for adults. How fun! The teams are going to have to create two puppets in the Jim Henson Creature shop and then perform using those puppets along with assistance from cast members in the troupe. This sounds like a fantastic challenge – I wish I could be in on it.

Trump informs the teams that they have to be 4 person teams and asks Forte who they would like on their team. Doesn’t really matter what they say, I guess they just had a few minutes to kill, because Sparky already knows who he is moving over and nothing will change his mind.

Clay Aiken – the newest member of Team Forte

VampEric tells us what the criteria of judging will be but I wasn’t listening.

I can’t get over the fact that there is no life in his eyes.

Lisa announces she will be the team leader for Team Forte. Unanimous huddles up and it sounds like no one wants to lead on the task. Aubrey decides it would be a good time to shed some biker weight and gives Paul puppy dog eyes until he agrees to take the helm. He tells them he’ll do it but he’ll need their help on the creative.

Nobody has stepped up to match Trump’s reward, so this week it will only be $20K going to the winning team. Lisa says she decided to be a project manager because she recognizes she’s one of the few people left who haven’t taken home any money for their charity. Guess who the only other player is that hasn’t managed to bring home the gold for their cause; Aubrey O’Day. What does that tell you about this “creative powerhouse duo”?

Team Forte is riding in a van and Lisa is looking for her second puppeteer (she’ll be one, naturally). Clay informs the van that he knows how to do puppets because he did them for years in church. How cute is that? Dayana pipes up that she’s been doing improv for a year and a half and Lisa’s first response is to one up her that she’s been doing it for twenty something years. Bitch, please. She wasn’t trying to say she had more experience than you, she was just pointing out she has experience and would like to be considered. It quickly becomes apparent that Lisa will be dissing all Dayana’s ideas once again.

In the Unanimous van, Teresa suggests they create one puppet that looks like Aubrey and one that looks like Arsenio. Paul chimes in to say that Aubrey does look like a puppet. Go Paul! Teresa elaborates on her idea by explaining that Aubrey’s puppet would be white while Arsenio’s puppet will be black. Thank goodness she made that clear.

Aubrey is concerned that there is no one on their team with comedic performance experience except “maybe Arsenio Hall.” Maybe?! Then she complains that here they are with this handicap and she’s not allowed to step in and take over because it will make her look like a *bleep* again.

Bitch, who died and made you the rescue queen?

However, as the team sits around and figures out who is going to do what role in the task, Arsenio comes on to tell us Aubrey is being the perfect team player. She’s allowing Paul to lead but contributing where needed and when asked. He wants to give her a trophy for most improved player. I have to agree – if Aubrey continues to modify her behavior to be deemed acceptable by her teammates, she is smart enough to win this whole thing.

Brian Henson and his associate arrive to explain the concept of improv to the Unanimous team. Teresa tells us that they learned the funniest bits are when you don’t even know what you’re talking about; it just comes out of your mouth.

 

I’m going to be a natural!

At Team Forte, Lisa has noticed that the puppets are fairly general looking. Brian says it is a good idea to keep them broader because they will have to take on radically different personalities.

 

For instance, Clay’s businessman/Nixon puppet
is now performing the roll of abducted child.

As Henson is leaving, they determine that Penn will have to play the host because he’s just too tall to handle the puppets. This leads to a natural discussion of who will be doing what and I’m very proud of Dayana for calling it out on the carpet that Lisa intends to give her no assignment.

Okay, vaca gorda, I’ll just sit here until you give me something to do.

Unanimous has arrived at the Creature Shop and are starting to pick out the design for their two assigned puppet shells (a blue kermit looking thing and a yellow fuzzy thing). Teresa points out it is important to love the puppet you create, because you’ll be actually playing the puppeteer with your puppet. She thinks it should be designed to reflect her true personality.

Well done!

At Forte, Dayana seems to have a real talent for designing the puppets. She’s creating dresses and faces and tells Penn the hair on his puppet isn’t broad enough to cover multiple characters. She’s kicking ass. Lisa says having Dayana make the puppets was a good way to keep her occupied. I hate the way she talks to Dayana; “Dayana, I’m going to go work with Clay. So can you make her (the puppet) purdy and expressive and gorgeous?” It seems so condescending; she’s talking to Dayana like she’s a useless child. Seriously, what is Lisa’s true issue with Dayana? Can it really just be boiled down to jealousy at her beauty?

Forte is building their puppets and Aubrey doesn’t get it when Arsenio names his puppet Perry Winkle. Has she seriously never heard of the color before? But worse than that moment of ditz is the fact that Teresa can’t come up with a name for her puppet. Her first idea is Goldilocks – for a brunette. Then she starts trying to come up with unusual names that are fabulous and tosses around Rhianna, Beyonce, etc. Finally Arsenio just says he’s calling the girl Fabulina until a name is picked out and Teresa loves the name. Lots of eye rolling all around and Aubrey comes on to tell us that Lisa is picking the tackiest choices for dressing Fabulina. Teresa loves the name because it sounds like on of her cookbooks.

Aubrey recognizes that the puppets Arsenio and Teresa have created are too specific to cover a range of characters. She complains that Paul is have a lazy day and doesn’t seem interested in anything. In his defense, his back did go out, but he could still hold an opinion or at least be guiding the team to follow the recommendations of the judges. Still, Aubrey is holding back from saying anything because she knows she has to be careful about how much steamrolling she does. Man, one wise sentence from Ivanka and this girl is toeing the line. Maybe Ivanka should mediate between Israel and Palestine.

The Solution.

At Forte, Lisa and Clay are learning how to work the puppets. Clay is a natural (God bless church). I have a secret suspicion he’ll be great at improv too.

At Unanimous, Aubrey is doing her best to manage time without seeming too domineering. She’s right that the puppet building should have been assigned to one person while the performers learned about improve and puppeteering, but nothing is being done other than designing of puppets.

Paul is supervising the swivel chair test.

Finally they get to their war room, where the puppeteers have been waiting for them. It’s painful to watch. Arsenio catches on quickly, but Teresa is having a hard time syncing her hand to move with every syllable that she speaks.

“Wait. I’m sorry, what’s a syllable?”

Since she can’t quite grasp that the word seven requires her to move the puppet mouth twice, they decide to have her try some nursery rhymes. She can’t decide on which one to use. It sounds like maybe she doesn’t know them, which is odd, since she has four kids. And so we get (mind you with badly moving puppet mouth), “Jack fell down and broke his head and Jill ran after him.”

It’s so bad, even the guy doped out on pain meds is being tortured.

Condescending words start to come about such as, “bless her heart”, “she’s willing to try anything”, and “but she’s so cute”.

Teresa isn’t winning any intelligence grants today.

Aubrey is learning about hosting and she comes on to tell us that her role is very important, as it will be a third of how they are judged. She isn’t worried, though, because although she’s never done this before, she usually impresses herself.

I’m impressed no one told her she had food in her teeth before this interview!

Meanwhile, Dayana is impressing the puppet makers with her design. They tell her that she could come work with them anytime. Poor Penn is sewing horns on the other puppet and says he’s sewing and simultaneously considering suicide. He also gripes no one has given him a job offer yet. But in all seriousness, he says he doesn’t believe Lisa’s claims in the boardroom that Dayana is useless.

Bitchy fat hag whore (that’s right I called her a bitch AND a whore!) and Clay return to check on the puppets and Lisa’s voice has picked up this singsong nasaly fake nice tone. I hate that more than anything. I wish Dayana would just give her one good bear paw swipe. She could totally take Lisa – all she has to do is jog around the room once and wait for Lisa to wind herself before attacking.

VampEric arrives to check on things and I’m happy to see Dayana is not pretending everything is okay. She isn’t crying and pouting about Lisa, but she’s also making it very clear she is unhappy. VampEric picks up on her displeasure and wonders if she’s uncomfortable being on Lisa’s team. I’m starting to have visions of Trump firing Lisa for being such a bitch. *sigh* Wishful thinking.

Yeah, I made this but Lisa is still going to say I did nothing.

Clay says if he were project manager he would have been more open to finding a way to work Dayana into things. But since he’s only been with the group a week, he’s not sure he really understands the dynamic. He says he sees both sides of the coin. What both sides? Is he saying there is some truth to Dayana being useless? Grrrrr…..

 

Sure enough, Lisa has nothing for Dayana to do.

Arsenio and Teresa are learning about the art of improve. Number one rule: don’t deny. Whatever idea is thrown out there or suggested, you go with it. Remember this for later. Aubrey comes on and tells us she’s not a fan of Arsenio but she acknowledges that his character is cute and he’s doing a good job.

 

Looks like Arsenio channeled previous CA winner Brett Michaels for his puppet.

Teresa is terrible! When improving a cleaning supply infomercial, she adlibs that the tool in her hand is to roll Parmesan cheese onto chicken. Then when another puppet introduces her puppet as his friend Tanya, she says, “Hi Tanya!” Aubrey comes on to tell us that although Teresa is definitely trying her best, it won’t be enough to win this task.

 

It’s up to SuperAubrey to save the day.

I guess she better because as the puppeteers are asking Teresa to give an adjective about how she feels, and her response is, “Monsters!!!!!!” Yikes.

The next day, Team Unanimous is riding in a van over to the performance. They are trying to warm up Teresa by giving her objects that she is supposed to do free association with. Aubrey suggests pencil and Teresa hems and haws, while Arsenio spits out, “a device used to keep in gas.” This goes all kinds of wrong as Teresa takes it to be a literal definition and expresses wonderment that gas nozzles are so small. Aubrey tries to explain it is a metaphor. Paul pipes in, “I thought you were talking about somebody’s ass.”

Team Forte is in their teeny tiny dressing room and Lisa asks the boys about their locker room at Medieval Times. She then goes on to tell them a story about Debbie Gibson taking a four alarm dump in there. Why would she say that? I can guarantee that isn’t the kind of image Ms. Gibson want’s out there and it is rude and disrespectful to say. Plus, who exactly is this humor supposed to appeal to; the gay guy, the quiet guy or the model who is reluctantly starting to hate you?

Clay suggests that they have Dayana help don the puppets so that she can be on stage and appear to be included in the task. Dayana tells Clay she had already offered to carry out the box of props, but that Lisa had said no. Lisa suddenly starts in on Dayana, which is ridiculous because Dayana wasn’t even the one who started this discussion.

Dayana, you just want to *bleep* the whole thing up.

Good Lord, what have I done?

Lisa keeps ranting on about how Dayana is upset that she’s not on stage. But that isn’t Dayana’s issue. Yes she wanted to be a pupeteer, but her issue is that she hasn’t been given any direction at all. Lisa just keeps getting angrier and angrier about the whole thing. I swear to God her hate for Dayana has to go back further than Dayana. Maybe she had a pretty younger sister who always got everything or she was in love with a beautiful woman who never acknowledged her presence or something.

Whatever the reason, the hate in her eyes goes deeper than Dayana.

Clay mentions that they need to stay positive and upbeat, since they need to perform, but Lisa takes a breath to say she’s a professional and can handle it before turning on Dayana once more. She finally bursts out that Dayana is a pain in the ass and she says she had to pull a task out of her ass to give to Dayana to do. She tells Dayana they didn’t need her to do the puppets, but they had nothing else to give her to do.

Dayana handles the abuse much better than I could.

If Aubrey would like to see what bullying is, she should check back in with her BFF who is being so mean and shouting shut up to Dayana that Dayana finally walks out. I can’t believe with all the abuse she has suffered at the hands of Fatinelli that this is the first time she has broken into tears. She tells us that all she ever does is treat Lisa far better than Lisa treats anyone else. And she’s absolutely right.

“Lisa has no decency or respect.”

Back in their dressing room, Lisa is trying a new tactic. Now she all choked up and fighting back tears and berating the rest of her teammates for not standing up for her and defending her choice to be an absolute horrific bully to Dayana. It’s a last ditch effort to hope she’s pretty enough to sway the boys with her tears. It’s an odd sort of plea, it’s almost as if she’s begging to realize how unfair and awful she is being but she can’t help herself and so she’s bleating for support.

Clay wonders if Lisa is feeling threatened by how stunning Dayana is.

Poor Penn and Clay. They are trapped by Lisa’s bizarre ranting and demand for back up. Penn finally escapes by saying he will go talk to Dayana. I am astounded at how insistent Lisa is at keeping Dayana out of the spotlight.

If Penn has to listen to a woman bitch, might as well be a pretty one.

It’s show time for Forte and although Lisa is the comedienne it appears Clay is the one who steals the show. He has great comic timing and is a very quick thinker.

 

Eat your heart out Lisa, you weren’t the star
of the show, despite sidelining Dayana.

Team Unanimous is up next and Aubrey will be the first to tell you how stunning and amazing she was as the world’s best host. It’s clear the puppet company is lending a little more professional support for this team, as they do the first sketch with just Arsenio and a professional and they bring in Teresa in an ensemble piece for the second sketch.

Sadly, nothing will help cover how bad she is at this.

As the skit takes off with Teresa entering a therapy session to talk with Johnny Appleseed, she tells the Dr. that nothing is wrong with her and tells him he’s not Johnny Appleseed, forcing another puppeteer to step in as the main character. Remember that cardinal rule to never deny another person’s suggestion? It becomes clear as the audience goes dead and the energy stalls why it is you never kill another person’s suggestion. It’s a good thing professionals are working with them as nothing else would be able to save poor Teresa. But still, she gets kudos for even giving this a try – improv is hard and scary stuff!

Aubrey tells us that she actually had fun being a team player and she knows she and Arsenio did a great job and everyone loved Teresa, so her hopes are high that they won.

The judges meet with VampEric and tell him that they thought for Unanimous, Aubrey was a highlight with her skill at ending the sketches on a high note. They thought Arsenio’s performance was solid but the noticed that Teresa broke the rules alot. For Forte they thought Lisa was great, as expected but they were surprised at how good Clay turned out to be. The problem was that they got a little too bow-chick-a-bow-wow in one of their sketches (I don’t think we got to see it). They said nice things about Penn but they think he fell victim to forgetting he was the host and sometimes let the sketches run a little too long.

Boardroom Time

Trump starts out with team Forte and asks Dayana how it was working with Lisa. She tells him that it is like everyone who works with Lisa until she explodes. She tells him that Lisa was an okay project manager but not great. Then he asks Lisa what she thought of Dayana and she says not much. Remember that.

A discussion ensues about the casting for the team and everyone agrees that the casting was well done. Dayana asserts her issue was never that she had to be on stage, it was simply that she wanted to be used, rather than sitting on the sidelines watching everyone else rehearse. Sparky then asks Lisa why she said Dayana was bad if she was just left on the sidelines unused and Lisa corrects him saying she didn’t say Dayana was bad. She says she wasn’t yet asked what she thought how anyone did. Ummmm…. see last paragraph. Sounds like bitch is about to do some damage control because she’s finally listening to the concerns Dayana has been trying to vocalize all along.

Since her usual argument that Dayana is useless isn’t going to fly based on the preesent discussion, she tries to spin her Dayana slander in a different direction.

 

It’s insulting that Dayana thinks comedy is so easy.

WTF is wrong with this bitch? When has Dayana ever said that? I have seriously had it with Lisa Lampanelli and I will rejoice the day her evil soul is eliminated from this show.

Finally, Dayana is able to eloquently explain the problem with Lisa. She says she is amazed at the level of aggression and disrespect Lisa displays towards others and she thinks it is unprofessional to ever be that way to her own teammates. Finally, damaging honest words that may do Lisa in. Please fire her, Mr Trump!

Lisa recognizes her comeuppance and when asked by Trump who she’ll bring back to the boardroom, she starts to choke up.

I’m not sure if I will bring anyone back.

What the hell is this? Now she’s crying? Is this some kind of tactic or is she just bat shit crazy? She tells Trump that she may not bring anyone back because she got into this business to be funny and make people laugh, not to make women cry.

I don’t want to be a villain for my strong opinions.

Trump assures her that she is going to go down as a much nicer person that the world currently understands after this show. Ummm…..

Not likely, bitch! It’s a little too late for remorse.

Trump turns to Unanimous next and asks Paul if he thinks they won. He must be on some delicious pain meds, because he honestly believes they did win. But that doesn’t stop him from reluctantly naming Teresa as a weak player on the team. Ivanka points out that Paul is to be commended for managing the task despite his physical condition which leads to a discussion of how well he did.

Aubrey is surprisingly supportive and diplomatic in her answer and never outright says the man did nothing. She is definitely redeeming herself this week and getting back to the girl I was beginning to admire in the beginning.

If she keeps this up, she will be class valedictorian.

Sparky asks Eric what the judges thought about the two teams.

I’m creeped out that his lips match his tie.

The only thing of interest that he points out (for me) is that Dayana’s puppet was so good, they would use it in their own show. Try to call her useless now, Lisa.

Trump announces Forte is the winning team and now Lisa is so choked up she can barely squeak out that her winning chairty is Gay Men’s Health Crisis. This girl goes from 0 – 60 at a rather alarmingly fast rate. Perhaps there is a diagnosis for her extremes in mood. My guess: Rapid Cycling BiPolar Disorder.

Trump dismisses the Forte team and they head out the door.

See that Aubrey? The boys are still BFF’s.

As they are walking out the door, my classy Dayana rubs Lisa on the back and congratulates her on her win. Dear God, Lisa if you’re worried about someone’s image being destroyed by this show, you might want to check a mirror. You are picking on the nicest person on the show.

It’s been so long since Forte won, Dayana says she forgot what champagne tasted like and Lisa doesn’t even know how to turn on the tv to watch the showdown that is about to start. Ha!

Being an expert at winning, Clay shows Lisa how it’s done.

My favorite part is when Lisa toasts to the Gay Men’s Health Crises and Clay toasts to gay men in general. There is nothing better than seeing people happy with exactly who they are. Clay was in the closet for a long time, and it is such a shame when people have to hide their true essence. Seeing his big smile and making that toast is a glorious thing!

Back in the boardroom, apparently one of the big complaints that Sparky wants to focus on is that the puppets were too complex to be able to play multiple personalities. Arsenio owns up that he made a rocker puppet which did box him in and limit his character’s ability to play parts such as a news anchor or a pharmacist. Teresa tells Sparky they all had input on the puppets and the final approval went to Paul. He responds that Teresa kept compounding her puppet’s accesories and making it more and more complicated. It sure looks like it will come down to our dullest member and our dumbest member fighting for survival.

Is Paul really this short or is it the bad back?

After a back and forth about who is slower (Teresa or Paul), Sparks asks Aubrey who she thinks would be the stronger competitor to keep going forward. Aubs has been diplomatic up to this point but here she has to point out in the best way possible that Teresa is not a quick thinker on her feet. I actually think Teresa is a quick thinker. In my opinion, her problem is that she is not a quick decision maker and she gets confused with all the rapid thoughts running through her head at the same time. In any event, when Sparks asks Aubrey if Teresa is a valuable member, the girl never out right says yes but instead says she loves Teresa and everyone on their team has value. To me that pretty much means Teresa isn’t a valuable member, but we all know that anyway.

Arsenio, of course, says he thinks Paul is the more valuable member to keep going forward.

When asked who he will not be calling back to the boardroom, Paul picks Arsenio. Aubrey is visibly pissed, as she should be – she was flawless on this task. My husband points out as they go to commercial that Paul just made a fatal error. Now Aubrey and Teresa will gang up to send Paul home and Arsenio had a weakness with his puppet design.

When the three are called back into the boardroom, Aubrey tells Trump she’s pulling the Dayana card; there is no reason for her to be there. Paul agrees that she did a phenomenal job and Trump keeps focusing on the fact that Arsenio made an error and Paul failed to bring him back to the boardroom.

Things are getting boring so I started checking out the dresses on the women.

Aubrey’s is lovely, but Teresa’s looks like those
rosette ribbons you win at a county fair.

Finally after untold minutes killing time asking the same questions over and over again, Trump tells Paul that he was the project manager, he brought back the wrong person and he is fired. This is not a big surprise.

Good-bye Paul Sr! You were a person I grew to love on the show.

Wish I could say the same for Lisa.

Mmmmm… biker meat. Am I drooling?

No fair. Dad! You promised I could have him.

Cool it, both of you. Those chopper sandwiches are all mine!

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Luscious
About

Luscious just got back from a one year backpacking trip around the world with her husband (TVgasm fill-in specialist, The Professor). She spends her days writing, knitting and sewing. She's only good at one of those hobbies, not saying which.  Her secret dream is to write romance novels and have critics say her brilliance is wasted on such a pointless genre. Also, she'd like to create a pair of pajamas for her niece where the sleeves actually work.

96 Comments

  1. 1
    KartofflMuter
    Posted April 16, 2012 at 11:57 pm

    Clay was by far,the best puppeteer. I’ve seen him perform dozens of times and even I was surprised. Lisa looked like and amateur next to him. Dayana’s accent wouldn’t have held her back in the slightest.If Lou could act and Sofia Vergara? can star on a weekly hit,the very classy Dayana could most assuredly at least be given an audition. If it’s not racism or stupidity,then it’s jealousy.

  2. 2
    emptymailbox
    Posted April 17, 2012 at 12:48 am

    Sure, Lisa is a terrible person, and undoubtedly has some deep-seated insecurities that come to light every time she talks about or even thinks about Dayana, but I think she redeemed herself a bit in the board room this episode.

    The glaring focal point of the drama for this challenge (undoubtedly dreamed up by the production team in one of their nastier moments) lies in the fact that it was a challenge that was really designed for three people: a host and two puppeteers.

    The only real tasks available were to build the two puppets and to train in improv, puppeteering, and hosting, depending on your determined role. I feel that the roles were allocated perfectly on Lisa’s team; Dayana is a solid performer, but she was on a team of individuals with much stronger comedic and performance backgrounds.

    The entire situation was contrived, and inevitably resulted in one player on each team feeling alienated from the action (Paul graciously removed himself from the equation on Unanimous). That being the case, I don’t blame Lisa for feeling frustrated at Dayana vocalizing a desire to do more — there simply wasn’t really anything of any real importance that she could do.

    I do of course blame Lisa for how poorly she handled her frustration, and as I stated before, it’s obvious that she has some deeply-rooted issues that are manifesting themselves in her treatment of Miss Universe.

    Last week she made a breakthrough and came to actually admire Dayana’s capacity for leadership. I simply feel that the structure of the challenge this week was nothing but a ratings ploy designed to prey on the contestants’ collective insecurities as they near the end of this emotionally draining experience, and Lisa’s recently-buried issues bubbled back up to the surface from their shallow graves.

    So yeah, she blew up at Dayana again this week and it was completely hateful and vitriolic and spiteful and unprofessional of her. I don’t respect her for how she handled the situation, and I have boundless respect for how classy Dayana has remained in the face of that.

    I guess all I’m really saying is that while I don’t agree with Lisa’s behavior, I do understand where her anger came from this week.

  3. 3
    messystation
    Posted April 17, 2012 at 4:57 am

    It bothers me that so many people (in this episode, Clay) want to attribute Lisa’s dislike (or irrational hatred) of Dayana to jealousy about looks. We women do have better things to think about/be irritated by than another woman looking better than we do. OF COURSE Dyana is cuter than Lisa, she is half her age. Why would that necessarily bother Lisa? Lisa is 50 – by that age, many people have been through enough that looks are much lower on the priority list (especially people who were never particularly valued for their looks, which is probably true of Lisa). I mean, Lisa was irritated by Lou too. Was it because she was jealous of his looks? I am not defending Lisa here, she is coming off like a crazy beast. It just rankles when people automatically assume that if there is a problem between women, it must be because one is prettier and the other is threatened. We have more going on in our heads than that.

  4. 4
    Poopsicle
    Posted April 17, 2012 at 6:41 am

    Then what the hell else is Lisa’s true problem with Dayana? That girl has been nothing but nice and gracious throughout this whole long ass show, oh, and she happens to be beautiful. So I guess I’ll just assume the beast hates nice pretty girls….. Lisa the Hut is one ugly, bipolar, hateful, C U N T! And comparing Lisa’s hate for Dayana to her irritation for Lou is not the same thing at all. Lou annoyed everybody.
    Anyway, Clay FTW. I’m really surprised by how much I like him. At first I was all about Dee winning, but Clay has impressed me from the very first episode and he gets better with every task.

  5. 5
    snowshoecat snowshoecat
    Posted April 17, 2012 at 7:18 am

    Loads o’ Luscious laughs!!

    “bow-chick-a-bow-wow”? Priceless!

  6. 6
    Meep
    Posted April 17, 2012 at 7:54 am

    While I agree with some of what you are saying, I do think Lisa has a jealousy thing with Dayana, and part of it is that she is half her age and Lisa sees it as Dayana has been handed things in life because of her looks whereas Lisa feels she has had to work for what she has. It’s still jealousy and it’s ugly. As for how she treats the others, funny that the one she works well with is also a loud obnoxious person (Aubrey). Lisa doesn’t seem to be able to handle different working styles – like how she wanted Clay and Penn to back up her yelling and screaming style. Dayana was spot on about how disrespectful LIsa is when she communicates. Dayana did a great job on the puppet and Lisa gave her ZERO credit for it. I didn’t know much about LIsa before this show, except that she was an insult comic, but I’ve come out thinking she’s also a pretty horrible person and probably has serious issues. No wonder she and Aubrey get along so well, 2 peas in a pod!!

  7. 7
    mtbleusky
    Posted April 17, 2012 at 8:13 am

    I don’t think Lisa is a terrible person, but she has become her professional persona, the queen of mean. I also think she may be bipolar. She has such strange reactions to normal situations. If she didn’t have Clay on that team, she would have lost again. I guess she thought her girl, Aubrey, could do comedy since she looks like Ronald McDonald’s slutty sister. I would have given my first born to see Clay & Arsenio do the puppet show.

  8. 8
    crankyguy crankyguy
    Posted April 17, 2012 at 8:21 am

    In one of Lisa’s confessionals in an earlier episode, she said that she hates those pretty girls who can just skate through life on their good looks. I think that Lisa resents Dayana being elevated to celebrity status, on equal footing with Lisa on the show, by her Miss Universe win which she obtained by the virtue of being pretty.

  9. 9
    crankyguy crankyguy
    Posted April 17, 2012 at 8:30 am

    Will somebody tell me what that necklace says that Aubrey always wears?

  10. 10
    hbgchick
    Posted April 17, 2012 at 8:34 am

    I agree with messystation that many women really don’t give a rat’s a** if another woman is “prettier” than they are (especially women like myself that have hit the big four-oh and am damned proud I made it this far), but I’m not sure that Lisa is one of those women. Add to Dayana’s beauty that she’s actually a nice person, and that probably makes Lisa even more crazy – if Dayana were hated by everyone else I’ll bet Lisa wouldn’t hate her as much.

    I think Lisa is just a generally unhappy person, and Dayana annoys her because she is beautiful, kind, and pretty damned smart too.

    All about Clay FTW. I have always liked him as an entertainer but I’m liking him even more as a person. He has the ability to say what needs to be said in a kind and professional manner, which goes a long way in business (and in life, now that I mention it!).

  11. 11
    KartofflMuter
    Posted April 17, 2012 at 8:39 am

    My guess is -a Pentagram.

  12. 12
    crankyguy crankyguy
    Posted April 17, 2012 at 8:46 am

    I think the necklace says something “girl.” Mrs. crankyguy watches something else when CA is on, so I don’t get to see it on the good TV.

  13. 13
    Luscious Luscious
    Posted April 17, 2012 at 8:50 am

    I’ve tried, Crank, I really have! I’ve freeze-framed on many episodes to read what that damn necklace says. It still eludes me. I’ve decided it is meant to be part of her signature branding so we’ll remember her. Since I’ll never get the image of her hair color out of my head I’ve given up – not going to forget that girl anytime soon.

  14. 14
    CattyFan cattyfan
    Posted April 17, 2012 at 8:53 am

    Bitchy fat hag whore should probably all be capitalized if it’s being used as a proper name. As for the story the woman told about Debbie Gibson (of whom I am certainly no fan,) who even knows if it’s true? Lisa may just have thought it was “funny.” For a supposed comedienne, Lisa displayed zero instincts or humor during the task. I’m sure she’ll blame Dayana for that, as well.

    And how amusing is it that Lisa accused Dayana of trying to use tears to manipulate, but then Lisa was the one who actually did that…and in the board room, no less.

  15. 15
    crankyguy crankyguy
    Posted April 17, 2012 at 8:56 am

    Thanks, Luscious. I’m glad not to be the only one who has tried to read it and failed. There has to be somebody on here with the combination of 20-20 vision and a 65″ screen who knows the secret.

  16. 16
    crankyguy crankyguy
    Posted April 17, 2012 at 9:00 am

    @cattyfan, if you have ever watched Lisa’s act, it’s ALL shock humor. The Debbie Gibson comment was the most she could get away with on broadcast TV. I sure Gibson is pissed about it, but on the other hand, show me somebody who claims to have never taken a four-alarm dump and I will show you a liar.

  17. 17
    CattyFan cattyfan
    Posted April 17, 2012 at 9:02 am

    Maybe I’m missing something, but I don’t see any humor in it. And if that’s indicative of her “show,” then you probably couldn’t pay me enough to watch it.

  18. 18
    crankyguy crankyguy
    Posted April 17, 2012 at 9:04 am

    That is perfectly indicative of her show. Shock, racism, and insults.

  19. 19
    snowshoecat snowshoecat
    Posted April 17, 2012 at 9:13 am

    Isn’t that amazing? The so-called comedienne has never displayed one single iota of humor. Luscious and the Gasmii (we’re the backup) are funny.

  20. 20
    Musicleader
    Posted April 17, 2012 at 9:59 am

    There you go, TVGasm. Making my day AGAIN. LOL

    Do you take notes during the show or review it afterwards in slo-mo? I would have to do both to catch all the good stuff.

    I noticed that you did not mention that Theresa was able to promo her new cookbook coming out in May. Really NBC? That was the only semi intelligent thing she did. What is it with her? How embarrassing to not know what an adjective is, and that was during rehearsal! Her kids must be proud.

    Both Aubrey and Lisa still make me want to heave my last meal. At least I KINDA understand Lisa in that she has trouble stepping away from her “on stage” persona when the cameras are rolling. But Aubrey – her narcissism continues to show through a veil of pseudo contriteness. If she is in the finale, I will change over to watch a Storage Wars marathon which I find thoroughly entertaining – so sue me.

    Thanks again for your ever so delightful and insightful reviews. Next week I hope Team Forte again smells SUCCESS!

  21. 21
    Cotton
    Posted April 17, 2012 at 10:00 am

    I noticed it in previous eps. She is declaring that she self-identifies as: WhiteBitch.

    Really? I’m sure I’d never have known if she hadn’t told me w jewelry.
    She did, after all, tell me repeatedly that she is, aMAzing!
    Lordy.

  22. 22
    sheesh
    Posted April 17, 2012 at 10:01 am

    It says KatieGirl

  23. 23
    sheesh
    Posted April 17, 2012 at 10:07 am

    It says “KatieGirl”

  24. 24
    lindaw205
    Posted April 17, 2012 at 10:23 am

    I love Storage Wars, too. I can’t stomach the donald and would rather watch a test pattern than have to look at his pumpkin face. I did enjoy the season with crazy Gary Busey, though, but alwasy used FF during the boardroom.

  25. 25
    Real Ity Lover
    Posted April 17, 2012 at 10:44 am

    I think the show was a real bad move for Lisa Lampanelli. I knew she was a comedienne before, but not much else; so yes, she has gotten tons of exposure, some money for charity, and a bit of money for herself. Supposedly the queen of mean, but she is really just a complete lunatic. She really appears to have major mental problems and insecurities and just has to always has to have a target. She also seems to not understand what really goes on around her and mistakingly thinks everyone is after HER. She belongs in a straight jacket. Does anyone know if it’s true that she’s married? Who is this masochist married to this witch? Did he commit suicide yet? But Aubrey, omg what a self righteous c u n t. Never have I heard someone who thinks so highly of themselves- not even Kanye. And sidetrack catty comment, what is with her 1995 makeup style? I know she always impresses herself with everything she does but, can she impress herself with a better mirror in her dressing room with a bit better lighting?

  26. 26
    April
    Posted April 17, 2012 at 10:48 am

    I thought Dayana’s impression of Lisa was spot on. It cracked me up! Dayana really is lovely. Lisa’s rant to Penn and Clay was just wow. I really wish instead of just remaining mute they would have defended Dayana and stood up to Lisa.

    I love Teresa. She is so cute and airheady sometimes. I bet she is a fun mom to have. Her daughters are lucky. I would love to have a playdate with her kids and my kids so she and I can hang out. She seems like a cool person to know.

    I liked Paul but I agree with his firing.

  27. 27
    kitwild
    Posted April 17, 2012 at 11:01 am

    Love your recaps, Luscious. You are one funnneeeee gal! I’m rooting for Clay to take the $250,000 prize for his own charity, the National Inclusion Project. He was surprisingly great as a puppeteer. I’ve always known he was a spectacular singer and devoted humanitarian, but I had no idea he’d be so talented and amusing as an actor. I agree with an early commenter that Clay and Arsenio working together as puppeteers would have been spectacular. In fact, wouldn’t it be too wonderful if those two had a TV show together? I think the ratings would go through the roof!

  28. 28
    Classy Drunk classy drunk
    Posted April 17, 2012 at 11:20 am

    Soooooooo no one with comedic performance experience, eh?!?!?! I know that she’s young and may not have seen Coming To America or this little show named the ARSENIOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HALL SHOW. (I want to bark like I am in the dog pound but that would be inapprops at work) But I would assume you would know how each person on the show is a “celebrity”.

  29. 29
    Morgain
    Posted April 17, 2012 at 11:22 am

    I think you are about as vile, hateful and insulting as Lisa L. Why do you call Trump “Sparky”? It took me forever to figure out who you were referring to. Why is Eric a vampire? He’s a pretty good looking man. I’m not reading your stupid reviews anymore if you can’t stop insulting everything and everyone who are simply doing their job.

  30. 30
    sarcasatire sarcasatire
    Posted April 17, 2012 at 11:27 am

    Someone took a wrong turn! Lisa Lampinelli’s fan page is THAT way!

  31. 31
    snowshoecat snowshoecat
    Posted April 17, 2012 at 11:29 am

    Lisa, that is you, isn’t it? C’m on “Morgain” we know it’s you Lisa.

  32. 32
    Classy Drunk classy drunk
    Posted April 17, 2012 at 11:39 am

    I guess you haven’t gotten the point of the recaps yet. Keep reading. You’ll get it sooner or later.

  33. 33
    Gypsy Gypsy
    Posted April 17, 2012 at 11:48 am

    Tre is cute and funny and her girls are lucky? Is this the bizarro Gasm?

  34. 34
    SuburBint
    Posted April 17, 2012 at 11:50 am

    Lisa actually enjoyed the recap that she read and understands the concept of satire.

  35. 35
    snowshoecat snowshoecat
    Posted April 17, 2012 at 11:56 am

    SuperB, I just thought she was, you know, messin’ with us. She’s such a madcap free spirit.

  36. 36
    MJH
    Posted April 17, 2012 at 11:56 am

    I am going to jump in and agree with April here. I am getting very frustrated at everyone cowering in fear to Lisa except Dayana, who responds to Lisa’s insults and racism with class. Where were Clay and Penn to defend Dayana and tell Lisa that she was wrong. If the team would agree to step up in the board room and admonish Lisa’s boorish behavior then maybe it would stop.

    Great point by the recapper that until this episode only Lisa and Aubrey were left and had not won money for their charities. Lisa is so great at creative that she is now 3-7 using her ideas. The scary thing is that the recapper is also right – Aubrey has learned how to play the game which makes her very dangerous. She saves all of cheat shots and insults for side bars now.

    FYI – I went into this show as a fan of only Adam, Penn and………Lisa’s. I have seen Lisa in person twice. After this show I will never put another dime in her pocket. I hope Dayana pulls it out. But if not I can’t believe I am pulling for Clay. I knew nothing about him besides American Idol before and find him to be incredibly likable.

  37. 37
    Morgain
    Posted April 17, 2012 at 11:57 am

    Making fun of and insulting people isn’t funny. You hate LIsa for it; why is it okay here? Personally, I think whoever writes these reviews is jealous because Trump is rich, his kids are rich and good looking, not to mention nice people.

  38. 38
    Flipit Flipit
    Posted April 17, 2012 at 12:08 pm

    HAHAH!! thought the same thing. I had to read it twice.

  39. 39
    snowshoecat snowshoecat
    Posted April 17, 2012 at 12:10 pm

    Hi Morgain, I guess you aren’t Lisa after all. The whole point of TVgasm is to make snarky fun of people on tv shows who, for the most part, justly deserve it.

    I might add that Sparky didn’t get as rich as he is by being nice. Just sayin’

    Other Gasmii could probably explain the concept better than I, so keep reading.

  40. 40
    Gypsy Gypsy
    Posted April 17, 2012 at 12:11 pm

    WTF Flip, AMIRITE? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

    Bless your heart Candice, I mean Mogain.

  41. 41
    Classy Drunk classy drunk
    Posted April 17, 2012 at 12:13 pm

    @Morgain, if you read the “about us” tab it will provide you with the essence of tvgasm. Lucious’ recap falls right in line.

  42. 42
    Classy Drunk classy drunk
    Posted April 17, 2012 at 12:14 pm

    I miss Candice.

  43. 43
    Gypsy Gypsy
    Posted April 17, 2012 at 12:14 pm

    @SSC the voice I am narrating in my head of your post is uber condescending and hilarious…just thought I’d share.

  44. 44
    Gypsy Gypsy
    Posted April 17, 2012 at 12:15 pm

    ^^^^for you Classy^^^^

    *TAPS softly playing in the background on a trumpet*

  45. 45
    crankyguy crankyguy
    Posted April 17, 2012 at 12:16 pm

    Yeah, she’s married…to Jimmy “Big Balls” so called by Lisa because of his hideous, ginormous, disgusting, hairy nut sack. Well, you asked.

  46. 46
    snowshoecat snowshoecat
    Posted April 17, 2012 at 12:18 pm

    Condescending? Moi?

    Why Gypsy, I don’t know the meaning of the word. And a lot of others.

  47. 47
    Poopsicle
    Posted April 17, 2012 at 12:19 pm

    ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh……..this”review” really got your briefs in a bunch. It’s snark. It’s supposed to make fun of people. With that being said(and so fucking obvious) I’m pretty sure nobody is hating Lisa for making fun of people, she’s being hated for being a raging, angry, psycho, cunt-rag, bully.

  48. 48
    Luscious Luscious
    Posted April 17, 2012 at 12:21 pm

    Morgain it sounds like our form of satire is definitely not your style. I would encourage you to stop reading; life is too short not to be able to enjoy yourself.
    As for why I call Trump Sparky, I would very much appreciate it if you could enlighten me. I don’t know why I call him Sparky – it’s just the first word that comes to mind every time I look at him.
    Lisa has deserved every name she has been called. You don’t see me calling Lou, Dayana or Clay terrible names do you?
    I hope you find a medium that you can appreciate. But please move along – this clearly isn’t for you.

  49. 49
    Gypsy Gypsy
    Posted April 17, 2012 at 12:31 pm

    that was really “low hanging fruit” cranky but nice pick up anyway.

  50. 50
    crankyguy crankyguy
    Posted April 17, 2012 at 12:31 pm

    Tre is a lot nicer that I expected her to be, and also a lot dumber. Cute and funny? That, I don’t see at all.

  51. 51
    Gypsy Gypsy
    Posted April 17, 2012 at 12:35 pm

    are you illiterate in two languages? Muy impressive ;-)

  52. 52
    April
    Posted April 17, 2012 at 12:35 pm

    were u referring to what I wrote? I don’t watch Real Housewives so all I know of Teresa is what I saw on CA and on there she seems nice, funny and kinda goofy.

  53. 53
    crankyguy crankyguy
    Posted April 17, 2012 at 12:38 pm

    I was responding to Gypsy who was responding to what you wrote.

  54. 54
    Gypsy Gypsy
    Posted April 17, 2012 at 12:39 pm

    Yes, I was. I think most share a different view of Tre.

  55. 55
    April
    Posted April 17, 2012 at 12:40 pm

    Also Teresa said she was going home at night to be with her kids so that poor woman is probably running on less sleep and rest than everyone else. But she cracked me up with her cluelessness on this episode but it was in a all in good fun way so it was cute.

  56. 56
    Gypsy Gypsy
    Posted April 17, 2012 at 12:43 pm

    @April, I gotta respect you’re flagrant flove for Tre. You should catch a RHONJ trailer on you tube or Bravo someday.

  57. 57
    snowshoecat snowshoecat
    Posted April 17, 2012 at 1:07 pm

    Danke.

  58. 58
    Sparkle McSnarkle marisa
    Posted April 17, 2012 at 1:12 pm

    Aw, Morgain, look at you acting all brand new. How cute.

  59. 59
    sheesh
    Posted April 17, 2012 at 1:34 pm

    Morgain, not only is making fun of and insulting people funny but when done right (as demonstrated ovah and ovah on the ‘Gasm) it can be a warm blankie one can wrap themselves in.

  60. 60
    snowshoecat snowshoecat
    Posted April 17, 2012 at 1:40 pm

    Waaaaaiiiiiiiiit a sec! (I’m a tad slow on the uptake) I just caught that comment Gyps. I’ll have you know that my parents were married.

  61. 61
    Gypsy Gypsy
    Posted April 17, 2012 at 1:42 pm

    Prego!

  62. 62
    maryedith
    Posted April 17, 2012 at 2:05 pm

    For some reason the thought of being jealous of someone because his KIDS are rich strikes me as really funny.

  63. 63
    Musicleader
    Posted April 17, 2012 at 2:07 pm

    From my female perspective….. another thought after seeing this picture (http://twitpic.com/9aye2c) of Theresa at a CHARITY function for Nephcure.

    Other than Lisa, Cheryl T and the two Venezuelan beauties (most of the time), why in the world do/did Theresa, Aubrey, Debbie G et al feel that they have to wear revealing dresses during the Boardroom scenes? They dress like they are going to some Vegas cocktail party! Who wants to see fake boobs hanging all over the place? The picture above of TG, in particular, shows how inappropriately dressed they can be.

    Aubrey I understand (UGH) since she has made a living with nudity but the others – what are they thinking?

  64. 64
    April
    Posted April 17, 2012 at 2:24 pm

    lol I might have to.

  65. 65
    April
    Posted April 17, 2012 at 2:31 pm

    Alright I watched a couple vids on youtube and she yells a lot and acts completely different than she does on CA. So either RHONJ is all an act and set up or she is just very very toned down on CA. From just CA she seems quirky and nice and funny and ditzy and that would be someone fun to be around.

  66. 66
    snowshoecat snowshoecat
    Posted April 17, 2012 at 2:37 pm

    Hey! Where did Morgain go? Lush, ya scared her off with your stern rebuke.

    We were just getting started. Classy (among others) remembers what fun we had with CandiAss.

  67. 67
    Susan Reynolds
    Posted April 17, 2012 at 2:37 pm

    I am amazed how Lisa thinks she is so creative. Insult humor is not creative. There has been so much great comedy (Monty Python, Smother Bros., Bob Newhart, etc). For me insult humor is to comedy as karaoke is to music.

  68. 68
    CattyFan cattyfan
    Posted April 17, 2012 at 4:44 pm

    Sparky…as in fire. As in the bizarre shade of tan-in-a-can orange he is. Just a guess.

  69. 69
    Krys
    Posted April 17, 2012 at 5:01 pm

    The only ones who have never been called back to the BR for a second time is Clay and Penn. Well, that might change this week. :/ But nonetheless I believe Clay will win. :)

  70. 70
    featherhead
    Posted April 17, 2012 at 5:03 pm

    And Sparky, I mean Trump has way better hair then Lusious does. Know that!

  71. 71
    featherhead
    Posted April 17, 2012 at 5:13 pm

    @April – Theresa is very toned down for CA. You should catch a clip showing her misbehaving spawn (especially Milania named after Sparky’s wife). The term Prostitution Whore that we use around here came from sweet Theresa’s mouth. NJ ho wivess starts Sunday, it’s all kinds of awesome.

  72. 72
    Luscious Luscious
    Posted April 17, 2012 at 5:18 pm

    Damn straight! Curse that comely man!

  73. 73
    AmyOops AmyOops
    Posted April 17, 2012 at 6:30 pm

    I agree with you 110%, @messystation (sorry – couldn’t resist). It really saddens when someone assumes jealousy in regard to another female due to “looks” or “youth”.

    I’m a bit surprised no one has pointed out (although I haven’t finished reading the comments) that Lisa absolutely adores Aubrey…a young, beautiful, intelligent (and devilish, LOL) woman.

    I’m certainly not trying to defend Lisa’s behavior, either, but I honestly think her annoyance and outright anger come from a totally different place than jealousy. Women constantly get strapped with that, and it is not good for us. My very firm favorite this season is, was, and likely will always be Clay, but even he voiced that thought. Disappointed, my angel-voiced funny/smart cutie pie gay boy!

    On the plus side, another great recap! OMG, Luscious, puh-LEEZE keep the “family feast” banter at the end of he ‘caps. Priceless!

  74. 74
    AmyOops AmyOops
    Posted April 17, 2012 at 6:45 pm

    Ditto.

  75. 75
    jandbzmom
    Posted April 17, 2012 at 8:03 pm

    Another hilarious recap. Just one minor correction however. I believe that Brian Henson was actually spawned by Jim and one of improv’s greats…Ryan Stiles. See for yourself…
    http://trialx.com/curetalk/wp-content/blogs.dir/7/files/2011/04/gcelebrities/Ryan_Stiles-3.jpg

  76. 76
    Chicken Lips
    Posted April 17, 2012 at 8:21 pm

    Oh my God – I can’t believe that Luscious had the audacity to push in and recap this show and make everyone else just comment. You think that just because you are there you deserve to be in the front and not one of the back up commenters. What the are you thinking – THIS ISN’T ALL ABOUT LUSCIOUS. You know what, you can just do whatever the you want for all I give a .

    WHOA! What the hell happened to me – did I fall and hit my head and start spouting random nonsense like Lisa Lampenelli? I must have because all of a sudden Penn and Clay are sitting in my living room doing jackcrap to stick up for Luscious and I think Luscious is sitting in a corner mocking me. As she should.

    When I was watching the scene in the “dressing room”, I thought I had passed out and came to after missing something major to cause her to go the frick off like that. She acted like Dayana started clubbing baby seals with dead puppies in the middle of Lisa’s bubble bath. The woman is off balance and she should look into meditation or shock treatments or something.

  77. 77
    CattyFan cattyfan
    Posted April 17, 2012 at 8:58 pm

    “She acted like Dayana started clubbing baby seals with dead puppies in the middle of Lisa’s bubble bath.”

    Brilliant!! LOL

  78. 78
    chaosbutterfly
    Posted April 17, 2012 at 9:34 pm

    Aubrey is alright. She’s nowhere near as beautiful, exquisitely graceful, or as good-hearted as Dayana. And personality-wise, Aubrey is much more like Lisa Lampanelli than Dayana, who is completely on the other end of the spectrum of human behavior than Lisa. So of course Lisa is going to be friends with Aubrey.

    Also, I don’t think anyone is just assuming that Lisa hates Dayana for her looks. Lisa herself has alluded to why she hates Dayana in past episodes. At one point early on, she was making fun of Dayana, saying that Dayana is so pretty and thin that she makes her sick. A few episodes later, Lisa was like….screaming into the camera about how Dayana has just gotten through life based on her looks and how Dayana is just a pretty face with no ideas in her head, and how she hates people like Dayana because they get everything for just being pretty while people like Lisa have to work hard and get things based on their brain. She was going off for no reason, and the whole core of it is the fact that Dayana is so beautiful that looking at her is like staring directly into the sun. Lisa is jealous of Dayana.
    It is what it is.

  79. 79
    sarcasatire sarcasatire
    Posted April 17, 2012 at 10:05 pm

    Well said. I’m sure the main issue of Lisa’s resentment is she feels that she worked 20+ years in the industry to be deemed a celebrity and she is now put on the same team, and in the same league, with someone whose claim to fame is winning a beauty pageant. Burn!!

    Of course, Dayana competed against beautiful women all the world..the universe even! She beat bitches from Mars, clobbered those hoes from Jupiter, and smiled when Pluto’s girls were told they no longer qualified. So it comes down to more than just a pretty face, because in a beauty pageant, they are all pretty.

    Also, Dayana jumping in to save Penn’s “Walmart” snafu is an indication of her improv skills. I would’ve let her participate in one skit with Clay, and then Lisa and Clay could do the others. If Lisa were smart, and wanted Dayana to be eliminated, if Dayan’s skit bombed, there would’ve been her excuse to have Dayana fired. But sticking Dayana in a corner each task is actually giving little reason for her to be fired because she didn’t contribute to the team’s loss. You would think Lisa would have realized this by now and changed her tactic. Then again, Lisa’s “creative” ideas are the reason her team loses so much and she hasn’t changed that tactic either.

    To date, Dayana has raised $50,000 for her charity. Lisa has only raised $20,000. But since they are both representing charities that focus on those living with AIDS, you would think Lisa would respect that commonality. But you would think wrong.

  80. 80
    sarcasatire sarcasatire
    Posted April 17, 2012 at 10:16 pm

    Methinks Teresa was doing a bit of sucking up saying she named her daughter Milania after Trump’s latest wife. On RHoNJ she said she named her daughter that because she was conceived in Milan.

  81. 81
    cherryred
    Posted April 17, 2012 at 11:23 pm

    Yep. If Lisa hadn’t said with her own ugly mouth that she hates Dayana for being beautiful, then you’d have an argument that the issue is deeper than that but she’s said that models/pageant girls are vapid empty vessels handed their success simply because they are beautiful.

  82. 82
    cherryred
    Posted April 17, 2012 at 11:36 pm

    Everyone shocked at how affable Clay is and funny and witty and quick on his feet, etc. must have never tuned in when he filled in for Regis on many occasions opposite Kelly Ripa. I was secretly hoping he’d be her new co-host…he’s THAT good at it.

  83. 83
    cherryred
    Posted April 17, 2012 at 11:40 pm

    Dayana also raised as that much or more for her teammates charities as well.

  84. 84
    cherryred
    Posted April 17, 2012 at 11:44 pm

    she’s related to the majority of the cast of RHONJ so you’re always going to be more vocal and such with your family and that kind of back up vs being head to head with people you don’t know. She looses her bravado when she doesn’t have her goombas watching her back. Do you really think she would have called whatserface a prostitution whore and flipped a table if everyone else at the table hadn’t been her sisters or sisters-in-law? LOL But the show is 90% bogus and semi-scripted anyway.

  85. 85
    chaosbutterfly
    Posted April 18, 2012 at 1:20 am

    Did ya’ll know that Lisa called Dayana a spic on a radio show recently? She also some other degrading stuff about her/latinas in general.

    What is wrong with Lisa?
    She needs help.

  86. 86
    snowshoecat snowshoecat
    Posted April 18, 2012 at 4:50 am

    Chaos mentioned that Lisa insulted Dayana/Latinas on radio recently. KlasSAY! I’m surprised that nobody mentioned how Lisa mocked Dayana with the puppet early on in rehearsal with the most awful mock-Spanish accent. Dayana interviewed about it, insulting not only her but all Hispanics.

    Mean. Viscious. Comic? I think not.

  87. 87
    Lynds
    Posted April 18, 2012 at 5:06 am

    Check out the picture captioned “Sure enough, Lisa has nothing for Dayana to do.” again. WTH is that in the foreground?!

  88. 88
    snowshoecat snowshoecat
    Posted April 18, 2012 at 5:43 am

    Lynds, *whew* it’s only Clay and his puppet’s… um… nose.

  89. 89
    Fred
    Posted April 18, 2012 at 8:37 am

    I think you & others who’ve mentioned this are forgetting that when Lisa went off on Dayana, they were only minutes away from going on stage. I’m sure Penn & Clay are both seasoned enough performers to realize that getting into a fight just before a performance can be deadly. Obviously, Lisa is not.

  90. 90
    Fred
    Posted April 18, 2012 at 8:47 am

    Just have to step in to say that Clay Aiken is all kinds of awesome at improv comedy!

  91. 91
    Fred
    Posted April 18, 2012 at 8:49 am

    Just have to step in to say that Clay Aiken is awesome at improv comedy! When is he going to be hosting SNL??????

  92. 92
    chaosbutterfly
    Posted April 18, 2012 at 10:29 am

    I was really shocked, because yeah Lisa is known for her potty mouth and racist jokes blah blah blah, but it’s one thing to speak to random audience members in a show as part of standup. Those people come to be insulted, and good for those masochists.
    But to say something like that about Dayana in particular, who wasn’t even there, without being provoked….it’s ridiculous.
    She also called her a retard on top of calling her a spic.

    I mean…come on Lisa. That’s not funny, it’s just mean.
    I don’t even know how people can zero in on Arsenio or Clay of all people as being a bully, while Lisa Lampanelli is sitting there all large and in charge and in your face.

  93. 93
    AmyOops AmyOops
    Posted April 18, 2012 at 10:57 am

    I’m okay with agreeing to disagree :-) Hopefully you guys are, too, although I do think you make an excellent point, @chaosbutterfly, about Lisa’s past comments.

    What Lisa has said may SEEM point to her being simply “jealous”, but in my opinion Lisa really, honestly believes Dayana IS practically useless. As much as I now like Dayana (lately she’s really showing what a class act she is…love!), I DO recall some of her past “ideas” (oh so, SO bad) and her limited abilities, etc.

    Of course that in no way excuses Lisa for being such an effing bitch to her. This is the woman who talks about “professionalism”? While I do think the stress/sleep deprivation has taken a toll on her, she seriously needs to revisit what being a professional actually means, as well as maybe getting some therapy to figure out why she’s capable of treating another human being that badly.

  94. 94
    kacy64
    Posted April 18, 2012 at 6:36 pm

    What you said!

  95. 95
    kacy64
    Posted April 18, 2012 at 6:46 pm

    ” If Lisa were smart, and wanted Dayana to be eliminated, if Dayan’s skit bombed, there would’ve been her excuse to have Dayana fired. ”

    Ah, but as you point out in your previous sentences, Dayana has shown a flair for improv, so Lisa probably figured she would not bomb! Dilemma.

    Btw, to be fair, tho I also think Lisa needs sleep or counseling or her hubby to visit NY, it’s not her fault that suddenly there’s no additional 30K.

  96. 96
    kacy64
    Posted April 18, 2012 at 8:03 pm

    Luscious, thanks for the great recap, you’re hilarious, and I love all the pix and their captions. (Um, but wasn’t that bit about brokering peace between Palestine and Israel what Clay said, in a walk-by interview w/Trump when Clay was asked about his brokering peace between Trump and Rosie??)

    Speaking of Clay, I’m for Clay all the way, he’s so cute and smart and funny. I totally agree with the commenters who want him to host SNL, yes!, and to do a show with Arsenio, that would rock!! I love the two of them together, their wrestling over the script earlier is one of my favorite bits.

    Poor Lisa. I think the commenter who said her ire stems from resentment of the sort of life she thinks beautiful women have is right. (But I know some, and scary things happen to them because of their beauty, and they don’t trust that a guy loves them for themselves, and they worry will hubby still love them if they lose their looks, and people often assume they have no brains, hello, etc.).

    Dayana is stunning, yes, and she may just be playing smarter than we know. Astute caption, Luscious, to the pic of her and Penn holding hands…

    Teresa is sort of cute when she’s ditzy, but sort of “oh, dear…” as well. And sarcasatire, thanks for the enlightenment! If she was sucking up, it worked, LOL.

    Aubrey, on the other hand, is pretty shrewd. In “Clay’s Take” on NBC.com CA site, he said this Sunday is gonna be “the battle of the gingers”!! Can’t wait to see how that works out…

    Um, to the commenter who was concerned about Eric being labeled a vampire, aren’t they what’s really hot right now? I mean, Twilight stuff is huge, right? And Ivanka has the guy reviewers drooling, haha. I’m quite liking Trump and his kids.

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