Celebrity Apprentice: The Biggest Loser?

Fresh off the firing of Gary Busey (cigarette anyone?), Nene continues to kvetch about LaToya not wanting to stay in touch with her.  In fact, she actually says OUT LOUD that she has no idea what she has done to her personally to make her feel this way.  Bitch, PLEASE, you called her Casper the Ghost.  In fact, you SCREAMED IT AT HER.  You didn’t even include the word “friendly.”  Why are you surprised she ain’t phoning you up after the show is over?

Victory is mine!

The men return and Gary’s not with them.  Meat says, “YIPPPEEEEE!”  Everyone is thrilled crazy is gone because now they can close both eyes when they sleep.  Nene continues to sit sad and alone and check her crackberry.  Wah-wahhh.

FCK LTYA LOL BTCH SX

Hope introduces us to Caroline, her buddy from her charity Best Buddies who is totally adorable.  She is also there with Amber from the organization, and gives them the $20,000 she won from kicking Gary’s ass.  Caroline says she wants to go clubbing with Hope next time.  Awww.

Nene tells us, because she thinks we care, that it’s a new day and she doesn’t hold a grudge.  “But I don’t want to work with LaToya today,” she says. “I don’t want anything to do with LaToya.” Way to not hold that grudge.

And speaking of topics we don’t care about, Trump emerges and says everyone thinks he ought to run for president.  Only the democrats do.  He asks Meat who wholeheartedly agrees and says he’d work for him, as Secretary of Rock and Roll!  Actually, I’m sure he’d want a better position than that.

Who wants to be my campaign manager?  And what’s up with that yooge bag of Ivanka’s?

He asks everyone who would not vote for him and you can tell Ivanka and Don Jr. use all their willpower not to raise their hands.  He tells everyone they’re smart because anyone who wouldn’t vote for him would be immediately fired.

The task is, in my opinion, horrific and a cheap way to get labor.  Or so it would seem before the projects are completed.  Ivanka tells them that the concept is to create a conceptual ad campaign for the Trump Hotel Collection.  Are those on Boardwalk or Park Place?  I’m usually staying at those shitty purple ones at the beginning of the board – Baltic, I think.

They have to create a four-page ad but each page should be able to stand on its own.  The winning ad will be placed in Saveur magazine.  Ironically, the only subscribers to that magazine are Trump Hotels!

Judging the group is Jim the COO of Trump Hotels and James from Saveur who is too important to actually be at the task assignment.  Eric, Don Jr. Jr. says they will be judged on creativity and blah, blah, blah, brand blah, blah, blah, and the overall pitch.  No curveballs!

Pick your project managers!  The men have no clue about this and Star asks for the position.  The men continue to go back and forth and John admits his team is somewhat lacking in knowledge on the topic and Trump, the prick that he is, says, “I would say you’re all disadvantaged when it comes to super-luxury.”  Well, looks like they have a lot of experience with super-douche.

We’re just country/ghetto boys!

John takes the PM position and says he has no clue, like most of us middle managers.  He says when he’s touring they have to watch the money and it’s too high-end to stay at Trump anything.  Star admits to having stayed at “several, Mr. Trump.”  Hate.

Winner gets the requisite $20,000 and Trump Hotels are too cheap to match it with another $20,000.  In about 2 hours, we’ll see why.

Star gets started strong and says it’s less about the individual amenities and more about the Trump collection and brand imaging.  Thanks, marketing 101.  She says she’s had the “privilege” of staying at several hotels (probably paid for by someone else) and she “knows what their level of expectation is.”  Yes, they expect you to be a new-money bitch.

And this is how I work out my triceps.

Ivanka and Jim stop by to brief the women and tell them they want to be uncompromising and inspiring and glamorous.  Ivanka is totally brill when she says the ads you’ll see for the hotel industry are generic at best.  She says Trump Hotels has more personality as a company than most and I can see that…they are using the brand image of Trump and family…Thank God the Hilton family doesn’t, I’d be worried more about catching STDs than bed bugs if that were the case.

Jim says they want the messaging to show a new perspective on things.  This immediately made me think of what’s her name who won the real Apprentice (sans celebutards) over that country boy whenever that was…she said she wanted to work with the next generation of Trumps.  They need to appeal to the younger, up-and-coming generation…the ones in a position to start spending money.  Unfortunately, this Gen-Xer just spent about $2000 on vet bills this month, so I’ll be at the Motel 3 – they don’t keep the light on for me because it’s too damn expensive.

Over at Backbone’s war room, Jim says he wants the ad to look and feel different because the brand is different.  Ivanka specifically states she does not want what every other hotel has…a waiter holding up a glass of champagne, about to knock on the door and that’s it.  Jim says it comes down to three words, Live the Life.  “Trump is a lifestyle that a lot of people would love to have,” he says.  I wouldn’t because I’m not into plating everything with gold, but I would love his money!  Spiting enemies gets expensive.

John feels like he has a better handle on what they are looking for but he still doesn’t have a clue how to market it.  I’m with you…I’ve been marketing for years and the idea of coming up with such an in-depth marketing campaign and executing it in two days is total bullshit.  That is hard for marketing people, let alone non-marketers.  Just write a song and be done with it.

Star tells her team, “We won’t do any boring pictures.”  OH. MY. GOD.  Seriously, do you have actually tell your team that?  “No service pictures,” she says, probably because she doesn’t want anyone  in a serving capacity in the ads.  They just aren’t good enough.  Instead, she wants to “celebrate the lifestyle.”  Okay, now she’s finally on to something.

**PRETENTIOUS BITCH ALERT!**

“I have walked the streets of Paris, London, Morocco, St. Tropez and sailed the Mediterranean,” she interviews. SO HAVE LOTS OF PEOPLE, INCLUDING TERRORISTS!  “I know as much about luxury as I know about living.”  Now if she said she knew as much about luxury as she knows about getting sponsors for a wedding, marrying a gay guy, pissing off Rosie O’Donnell, and being a bossy bitch, well, then she might have something.  See you next Tuesday, Star!

I’m so impressed with my smooth self!

“An overall concept just came into my head,” Star says, but we all know full well she had it the second Trump announced the project. Give us a tagline, Star, and make it cheesy!  “Individual elegance, collective luxury.”  That doesn’t even make sense.  Is each individual hotel elegant but collectively they are luxurious?  Help me out here with your crappy slogan.  She is very impressed with herself which is probably not hard to do.

She wants to show ladies who lunch with – guess who? – their team sitting at the table!  Hope taking a bath and then she says it…she says, “You can finally LUXURIATE…” and my head explodes.  You have got to F#CKING be kidding me with this luxuriate nonsense. I am pretty sure I honey badgered someone over this in a Toddlers & Tiaras recap and the comments got UGLY.  And you know that word is going to show up on Webster’s in a few years as a legitimate word.

LaToya interviews that when she heard the concept there was nothing that was creatively different.  Wow, bonus points to her!  But she says when dealing with someone like Star who thinks her shit doesn’t stink, it’s hard.  “Star, you are not the greatest,” she interviews.  Yeah, Star is kinda…average.

She hands out the assignments because she’s already created a dissertation of a plan.  Each team member is responsible for a photo shoot – Nene is in charge of the Playboy Playmate luxuriating (GRRRR) in the tub, LaToya is going to do ladies who lunch (LaToya interviews that Star does this kind of stuff so she knows who to blame when things go wrong…and it’s NEVER Star) and we don’t hear the rest.

John and Meat go through their timeline and Meat is given the responsibility for the photos (bad move, I would have gone with Lil Jon).  John says when he thinks of Trump Hotels he says he says it’s too expensive for him and it’s really for people who land in private helicopters…like Donald Trump.

The men are intimidated by what the women and especially Star are doing.  Lil Jon says Star has been living the luxurious life for some time.  On her dime, though?

Meat comes up with some incomprehensible concept about some guy looking in the mirror seeing I don’t know, the back of his head as he looks towards the future…John says Meat is like a riddle wrapped in an enigma.  Always wrap things in bacon, much more tasty.  Also, the clown music makes it seem like Meat is now the Gary of the team.  Shudder.

Meat is put in a time-out for stupidity.

They narrow it down to “Live the Life,” which they were GIVEN, and now they have to come up with the photos and copy.  Sucks to be you guys!

Meat keeps saying if you build it they will come…but the hotels are already built!

Star takes everyone to the dining room where they can see the table where they can do the ladies who lunch scene.  Then she says, “We need to send two people to go pick up errands.”  Ha!  I closed-captioned it just to check.  She interviews that she knows how to highlight the strengths of her team and minimize the weaknesses, and the editors immediately cut to a shot of LaToya.  Low blow, she’s the only one on the team so far to show concern about Star’s concept.  Too bad she didn’t actually verbalize it.

Star says LaToya is “pretty useless” when it comes to “making things happen.”  I don’t know, she did set a burger on fire last week, that was cool.  So why did she put Nene with LaToya? Nene says it’s strategic because Star knows they hate each other.  Star really is a mean girl, isn’t she?

Star asks everyone to meet quickly over logistics and Nene says she really doesn’t want to work with LaToya.  Star asks Nene what she needs and Nene says it’s hard for her to work with fake women because she’s so real.  Again, way to not hold a grudge.  She brings up LaToya telling Trump she’d call everyone and left Nene off her list – and Nene’s voice starts to break – she was very upset.  “Suddenly she’s throwing one of us under the table,” she says.  Actually, it’s the bus.  Being under the table you could probably get in a good nap like George on Seinfeld.

Nene tells LaToya that she pretty much told Trump Nene didn’t like her…LaToya’s like, I thought you didn’t.  Star interviews that Nene was concerned that Trump was forming a negative opinion of her because of something LaToya said.  First of all, I doubt LaToya has that kind of mental grip on Trump and second, you kind of portray yourself as negative in the boardroom and maybe THAT’S where he got his impression of you.

LaToya said she didn’t say Nene’s name because she didn’t think Nene would want her to call.  Uh, how about the fact that after the last task Nene screamed her head off at you and called you Casper?   I mean, come on, she was awful to LaToya and ripped her head off.  You know who I don’t call?  People who do that to me, and I would totally tell Trump that.  While he had security escort me out.

Star says let’s deal with this now and when it’s been dealt with let’s be DONE.  Can a sister get an amen here?  She’s totally right that if this isn’t addressed now, it’s going to screw them up.  Worse than her shitty concept.

The men are still trying to fight their way out of the marketing paper bag when Eric, the other white Trump, stops by and tries to be as cool as Don Jr.  Eric asks where they are on the creative…John, “Uhhs” for a minute then says they are working on it.  They give him a brief overview.

So her boobs were this big and I was like, we won’t fit in the Delta aircraft’s bathroom!

Eric interviews the men’s concept is very long and no one is going to want to read a thesis.  Meat then explains to Eric how they are going to get a picture of someone in a suit but headless and explain to people they get service like they are Trump.  Or one of Henry VIII’s wives, apparently.

OMG, the women are still arguing and LaToya is like, well, if I called I felt like you’d hang up and Nene’s like, “I don’t know where you got that from.”  From when you yelled at her, Alzheimer’s!

LaToya then brings up the eye rolling and talking behind her back and tells everyone it hurts her feelings.  She chokes up.  Nene chokes up.  And FINALLY she says the day Nene cursed her out, it hurt her really badly.  THAT’S WHY SHE DOESN’T WANT TO CALL YOU.

I’m tired of this bullshit so let’s just say they kiss and hug and makeup and all is right with the world except for Star being in charge.  Then Nene blows it by interviewing that she is not a trusting person so she doesn’t know what to think.  This is why Trump may think you are negative.

Glad we didn’t pay HBO money to see that fight.

Star is bossy-mc-saucy-ing around one of the hotel rooms while models show up, Hope gets made up, and a rep from Ivanka’s jewelry collection appears with kajillions of dollars worth of jewelry.  The necklace with the emerald-cut stones that Star says they are going to wear?  $48,000 on the Ivanka site…and it has .86 carats of diamonds.  I guess she’s not going to Jared.

Nene calls with a big crisis – since their hands are going to be in the ad, they should go get manicures.  And we immediately see Star getting her nails done.

Hope you get a fungus.

Star jokes they were getting manicures and makeup and blow-outs and trying on diamonds.  “I don’t think they guys were doing that,” she says.  Yeah, because they are WORKING…

…Albeit painfull…Meat takes off to “get the globe” and do the photos, but John says get them quick.  His face shows he’s panicked because all of them are really out of their league…but what about Lil Jon and his whole thinking outside the box ad for that phone company?  Where’s that spark of genius now?  Maybe Gary took it with him…along with the kites!

If Gary were here, he’d know where to put the pictures of the kites.

John reads his copy and it’s long and overcomplicated.  And it goes on and on and on…then John sort of starts trashing on Meat, saying once he’s out of the picture, he and Lil Jon are very focused and can get a lot done.  Wow, Meat IS the new Gary!

Don Jr. shows up to see what the women are up to and jokes about being in the penthouse suite of the hotel with a playmate.  I don’t get the feeling Don is like his dad, so his wife is probably more than safe.

Star is very impressed with herself as she says they look at this project as introducing luxury to a new generation.  When she said this, I knew they had won.  Then she mentioned the photo setups again and I was like, yeah, I think you lost…they are so cheesy, so icky, so…done already.

Star interviews that she is very confident in her concept but also feels the pressure…because if you lose the task you should be fired, right?  RIGHT?  She tells him about the pictures and he seems like he’s faking his enthusiasm because he knows the concept sucks.  He does say the women are very organized however he says they may be missing the big picture.  Well, it ain’t big for nothing!

It’s either the chili dog I had for lunch or your concept is giving me gas.  Painful gas.

“I think I can be a bit pretentious,” Star says and Don’s face looks like, NO SHIT and he says, “That would not be a stretch.” Star says for the first time in her life being pretentious “doesn’t hurt me…hahahahaha.”  Keep laughing.  Laugh and laugh and laugh.

Lil Jon is worried about what Meat is doing but John says Lil Jon has to stay to work on graphics…the best space for Meat is directing the photography.  And he chooses to have pictures of a butler with a towel draped over his arm, a.k.a. exactly what they weren’t supposed to do! D’oh!

“His face is absolutely perfect in this shot!” Meat says.  The model looks like a gay Bill Clinton and a total tightass.  Crap!  The men are going to lose!

Nene and LaToya are totally bonding in the errand van and LaToya now says not only will she call Nene, when she comes to Atlanta she’s going to stay with her in what I can only imagine will be the freaky-ish sleepover ever.  Laughs and hugs all around.

The photographer is laying down the law with Star saying he’s worried about getting all the shots they need while it’s still daylight.  Because that’s when people are at hotels bathing the most?  Get a night shot, amateur.

Star says she asked Nene and LaToya to do the errands in an hour and half and once again someone brain-farts on the traffic in New York.   She says she must have been smoking those funny cigarettes to think they could get everything done in that amount of time.

Star tells Hope to call Nene and tell her they are going to start shooting in 5 minutes.  She interviews that it was Nene’s responsibility to have this scene set up so they were delayed in starting the photoshoot.  Because…you sent her on an errand run and made her late for her task.  Who’s fault is that, STAR?

Nene and Star show up and instead of Star saying, hey, listen, here’s the situation, they need to get the shot with daylight so we need to set up quickly, she just says, “Forgive me, you have five minutes to set up the shot.”  If I were Nene, I’d be PISSED.

It’s my fault you’re late and I didn’t give you any time but I will blame you if necessary.

And she is!  Nene interviews, “BITCH!  Whatchu talkin’ about we got 5 minutes?”  She says Star is setting her up, then she tells Marlee they are driving her nuts.  Marlee asks if she’s on Nene’s nerves and Nene is like, you’re all acting like it’s an emergency.  “This is my scene so everybody shut the f#ck up.”  No kidding.

Luxurious swearing.

The shoot with Hope begins and Nene says to Star who is sticking her big fat nose into the room, “Star, you’re not in this shoot.”  They continue and Nene screams, “STAR!  YOU’RE NOT IN THIS!” and Star screams, “Excuse me you’re not looking” I guess at the photographs.  Hope is too covered up.  Finally Nene says, “Can we just do the shoot without you?”

Hope is in the tub full of bubbles and rose petals – yeah, that’s original – and Star busts in and says, “This shoot is still being done?” and Nene screams back that she’s acting like it’s been two hours.  They bitch at each other because there is not enough time for Nene and Star knows they have other shots, blah blah blah I guess they are going to have to have a loving moment during the next task…if they both make it through this one.

Lil Jon and John are using pictures of their hotels in their ads.  Original.  Also, they hate the pictures of the butler because his face is so stern John thinks he looks like an undertaker.  Then he says why did they take all those pictures if they were going to do the same thing every time.  Uh, because you told Meat to plow through and take what he needed and not anything excessive.  Basically, the pictures suck.

Yes, things are looking just as good for the men as they are for  the women.

Lil John says let’s chop his head off and just have the towel over his arm.  Yes, muuuuch better to behead the butler as well as the faux Trump.  Meat takes responsibility for the bad shots because he had something else in mind.  Man, they are blowing this bigtime.  At least Meat takes responsibility.

Oh good, the ladies who lunch, something the new generation loves.  Star bitches that there isn’t enough food, there aren’t flowers, and basically blames LaToya for having an idea but having someone else execute.  And personal chefs.  The pictures looks really cheesy.

This is why ladies don’t lunch anymore…the look like total assholes.

Now the men are spell-checking everything.  Doesn’t the graphics program you are using have it?  Mine does…or copy/paste into Word and check it.  With all that copy, you’re bound to miss something.

Well, it’s no Key Lim Pie.

Also, their graphics person must be dumber than a box of rocks if she doesn’t see the typos or if she typed it incorrectly in the first place.  Ads?  Done.

Can you feel the excitement?

The women are rushing to complete their ads which are really, really, really busy.  Too much in one place.  LaToya brings up the fact the ads were supposed to be conceptual and these were literal.  Is she the brains of the family, because she totally does get it.

“Everything we’ve done for this ad has been done,” she says, pointing out Hope in the bathtub with rose petals and the guy giving jewelry to his girlfriend.  “If this concept should fail, the blame should go to Star.”  Agreed and agreed!

With one minute left, Star says she’s happy with the concept and she now needs to work on the presentation.  She’s normally good with presentations so here’s hoping.

All hail Star!

Presentation day!  John still looks nervous but interviews that it “dawned on him” that they are staying at a Trump Hotel, so they have personal experience with a Trump property.  You have GOT to be kidding me.  You just now realized it?  Enjoy your trip home.

The men present first.  Pictures of their ads are behind them and to be honest, I thought the one of the headless Trump looked like an ad for his ties – turns out I wasn’t the only one who thought so.

A power tie and an overblown phallic symbol – Live the Trump Life!

Lil Jon starts them off with “Live the Life” but his presentation makes it sound like he’s making fun of the copy they wrote because he emphasizes in such a way that it’s totally corny.  It’s odd.

John tells the executives that when he came to Trump Hotel and walked into his room with his wife and son, he saw the crib with a stuffed bear in it.  He said he was totally impressed at their level of service.  Meat talks about when he checked in, the doorman said he said Meat hadn’t been there in about a year and half and Meat said he was right.  That’s service!  They finish with “Live the Life” and the execs thank them.

The women are next.  Star does the presentation and their cluttered mess of ads is behind them.  Star overdoes it then the women behind her say one word at a time… “Power.  Glamour.  Wealth. Consistency (which…WTF?).  Compassion (this is Trump we’re talking about, right?).  Sophistication (they must be talking about his gold-plated fill-in-the-blank).

This is awful.  It’s like freshman year college stupid presentation skill 101 being taught by a professor who has never worked in the real world.  AWFUL.  Total cheeseball with nuts.  The execs almost look embarrassed for them.  LaToya snarks that she thinks it’s pretty stupid too.  “Corny,” she says.  Star ends with “Welcome to the Trump Hotel Collection.”  And they’re done.

And a partridge in a pear tree!

Star is humble when she says they gave them everything they asked for, the layout is perfect and the presentation rocked.  In Bizarro World where she’s currently living.  They don’t have a Trump Hotel there!

They hate it.

So they show the execs talking and James says the women’s campaign reminds them of ads that are placed under windshield wipers for sleazy clubs.  Nail on head.  Star may act like she lives the luxurious life, but bitch used the phrase luxuriate.  Now we know deep down she’s the African-American white trash.  Is that “greige” trash?

James also points out some major flaws – Hope was in the tub with a towel on and they know that because they can see it and the champagne bottle is still corked despite the fact she’s drinking some.

I’m opening a can of doyeeeeeeeeeeeee on your sorry asses.

They said the ad shows the Trump name a lot which is good, but her jack-in-the-box presentation style made him “cringe a little.”  That’s when you know an ad campaign ROCKS.

What a catastrophuck!

In terms of the men, the copy was overwhelming.  They also had some major typos and despite the fact Ivanka said to stay away from servers/butlers with towels on their arms and champagne ready to uncork, that is exactly what they used!  Worst of all – no contact info – no phone or website.  Oops.  However, there is this great thing called Google.  Look into it.  And, that’s one way to keep the elderly out and appeal to the younger folks.

The funny thing is, this is actually correct…

Bottom line, both teams screwed the pooch on this one.  Now it comes down to the lesser of two evils.  And at this point I thought it was a toss-up.

These execs want each other soooo badly.

The execs meet with Trump and James says it was more of a car wreck than an ad campaign.  He even calls the women’s spread a “terrible cacophony of images…the ads are a mess.”  Trump asks about the pitches and they said the men did a much better job whereas Star’s presentation didn’t have any heart.

BOARDROOM!  Okay, these are really getting long and old, so we’re going to summarize until it gets mean.  Star crawls up Trump’s ass about his hotels then tells him their ad campaign was good.

Hope says Star is the best person on the team (she’s young) but Nene says Marlee is the strongest.  Who else is left that you 1-Like and 2-Is actually competent?  Then Nene gets into the whole negative feelings and phoniness, says Hope and Marlee were crawling up Star’s ass (she doesn’t really say them but she didn’t include LaToya so who does that leave).

Besides, being up Star’s ass makes it incredibly difficult to sign without getting your hands dirty. Luxurious it ain’t!

Then Trump says the dumbest thing, like he’s years behind the rest of us in pop culture, which is that it is “much easier to crawl up Star’s ass now that she’s lost all the weight.”  No, I’m sure it was just as easy to crawl up her FAT pretentious ass as it is to crawl up her CHUBBY pretentious ass.  Just ask her riding pants.

Even Don Jr. is surprised and says he’s going to need a lot of time to get over that image.  And the fact his dad brought it up.  Gross!

I’m laughing because the thought of Star’s ass is making me very uncomfortable

Over to the men, John says they did really well…sadly, his eyes betray him.  He said they have a strong chance at winning because everyone did a great job.  They all admit it was a tough task because of the amount of work and the number of people on the team.  When Trump asks if he was at a disadvantage, Lil Jon says, “HELL yes!”

Get to the point, Trump.  I can’t wait to hear this.  Here it comes.  “The judges did not like either team,” he says.  Star is trying to play it cool but she’s not. That has both gotta hurt but also be somewhat satisfying to John to know his team wasn’t blown out of the water by a gaggle of chicks.

Also, the suckiness of both teams has aged Trump terribly.

Eric tells the men their pros and cons while Don Jr. admits he usually memorizes the positives and negatives, but there were so many negatives on the women’s campaign he brought a list.  A LIST!  That had to embarrass braggadocio Star.  I love it!

Elocution lessons made me the tight ass that I am today.

Teams swap ads and they ooh and ahh and each team finds something wrong with the other team’s.  Trump mentions how one of their ads looks like a Trump tie ad.  See?  SEE?  Don Jr. says it seems generic and he has no idea what the waiter has to do with anything…it’s been done before and he says they specifically asked them to do just the opposite.

Trump gets on their case about not having a phone number or website and Meat agrees it’s a flaw.  Trump asks the women what they think and Star is all over the place with opinions – too focused on Chicago (as opposed to her just shooting the photos in ONE hotel despite the fact it’s a collection of hotels).  Don Jr. jumps on her and says yes, but I see Trump Chicago, Trump Las Vegas and things that speak to luxury but hers only focused on luxury, then clarifies at that one hotel…it doesn’t speak to the whole collection.  “It was very myopic in its focus.”  Oh, buuurn.

But she’s a lawyer so of course she’s going to argue.  She says they did include other hotels but focused on luxury because they were told each ad had to be able to stand alone.  Yeah, I was told to clean my room as a child, now I barely make my bed.  Trump calls it cluttered.  John says they missed the whole customized service, but where is it in the men’s ads?  Unless it’s in that dissertation they call ad copy.

Jesus, get to the winner – or in this case, the lesser of two losers.  They said they felt the real total and complete losers are THE WOMEN, meaning the men win and John gets $20K more for St. Jude’s and really sick kids.

The agony of being defeated by losers.  Thanks, Star.

I bet Star was stunned and crapping her Spanx bigtime because she was convinced they were going to win, convinced they kicked ass and convinced her shit don’t stink.  Oh, it does.  Looks like next task, you’ll need to do something other than play with the computer and stuff your caviar hole.

To celebrate the do shots and Lil Jon says pour a little bit out for the brother who ain’t here.  Biggie Small?  Tupac?  Notorious B.I.G.?  Bill Cosby?  Oh wait, he’s not dead. Yet.

What it takes to get the image of Star’s ass out of one’s mind.

Trump says it’s getting too hard to fire someone and Star asks if he has to.  Why, because you know you’re closer to the chopping block than anyone?   She asks if she can make that argument and Trump is like, look, if the execs had loved your stuff and it was a close loss, maybe.  But the truth is you sucked monkey balls and sucked ‘em hard, so now’s not the time to whip out your “if the gloves don’t fit, you must acquit.”

Trump says the execs preferred the men’s team’s presentation much better and Star admits she was responsible for that.  Trump asks if she should be fired and she immediately says no. Shocking.

Marlee says she thinks their ad was more visually interesting but maybe her interpreter was wrong and she actually signed “visually assaulting” because that is much more accurate.  But she said the men did exactly what they were NOT supposed to do…the arm with the towel draped over it.  And it was very masculine, which is a good point.

Then Don Jr. says that the women did the same thing too…the woman in the tub of bubbles and rose petals drinking champagne was very “cheesy 70s.”  Yeah, that pretty much describes that decade.  Was Don even around then?

Don wants to know who did that and Nene says she did the shoot, they collectively came up with the ideas (I thought they were all Star’s ideas), then she says nothing would have made it to that print ad without Star’s approval.  Guess we know where she’s landing tonight.

I don’t want to point the finger so I’ll use my whole hand.

Trump corners Nene and asks if she should be fired and she says no.  Star?  No.  Who should be fired??? WHO?  Nene says she doesn’t know.  So he goes to LaToya and she immediately says Star.  Then she flat-out says it’s either Star’s way or no way and although she delegates work, it’s all so they can support the ideas and concept she wants, it’s really not collaborative.  Star looks tight.

I am going to get you so freakin’ fired.

Marlee, who should he fire?  She says LaToya but is talking about the run of the show because she’s the weakest.  Don says yeah, that’s fine, but you could say that about Hope.  Marlee disagrees.  Nene agrees with Marlee if we’re talking about overall.  Trump says how come on two tasks execs thought LaToya was the best?  Bitches!

Star, bring two people back to the boardroom.  She picks LaToya and Nene.  Nene is pissed because she knows that Star wants her to side against LaToya and Trump knows it too.  Star says for the argument she needs to make, this is the best strategic decision.  Trump says he doesn’t understand…he does, he just wants those of us in middle America to know what she means.  Jerk.  She needs Nene to fight LaToya.  Hope and Marlee are safe tonight.

Damn, I should have asked Dionne for some Polygrip before dad fired her sorry ass.

In the lobby, it’s ice cold.  Nene interviews that she’s pissed that Star is manipulating her especially since she and LaToya have just started getting along.  At this point, I was sure Star was going home and it was going to be sweet!

Catfight!  Let’s get to it.  Nene sits next to LaToya who is in the middle…interesting.  Star says she’s had two great mentors in her career…Johnnie Cochrane when it came to the law and Barbara Walters when it came to television.  Is Barbara even on speaking terms with Star?  Not if you read about Star on The Wik.

And then Star sucks up to Trump even more by saying it’s been an honor to have been mentored by Donald Trump in the business world.  When?  When has he mentored you?  Has he helped you on tasks?  Provided guidance?  HELL NO.  He gives you the task then heads back to the office/massage/blow job.  She’s like a freakin’ Dyson at this point.

Trump wants to know why she brought Nene and Star says so she can back up what’s been happening throughout the past weeks.  That was brilliant on Star’s part – making this about the whole process and not about this task which was totally and completely her fault and loss. She absolutely should be fired and we all know it.

Nene says doesn’t know what the hell Star is talking about.  Star says she can lay out what her argument is and Trump’s like, you just said Nene was going to back you up and she has no clue what you mean.

Whatchutalkinboutwillis?

Trump asks Nene what she thinks of LaToya.  After a pause, she says, “LaToya is not a strong player.  That’s just how it is.”  Yes, true, but she’s not the reason you lost the task.  Poor LaToya has laryngitis and sounds like shit which puts her at a disadvantage, which is not lost on Trump.  She disagrees with Nene.

LaToya says that the first task the women won was a fundraiser and it wasn’t based on creativity, the next task they lost because Star wrote the damn book and they lost based on the book, the next task they lost because of Star’s script (I’m losing track of which task was when…) and Star kind of yells, “Could you write a script?”  Uh, yours LOST.  I’d be real careful here.  “Who can write anything when you’re there?” LaToya snots back – I love it!  Star keeps trying to interrupt and Trump tells Star to let her talk.

LaToya says what they did for this project was stiff, it was amateur and it wasn’t professional whatsoever.  Ouch, that had to hurt.

Then Star brings up the fact that they had to stop what they were doing to clear the air between LaToya and Nene.  Is that why you lost?  You said you had plenty of time when that happened which is why you had Apprentice Therapy™ on the schedule.

God I’m bored.

Trump asks why LaToya didn’t say anything during the task and she tells the truth.  “You can’t say anything to Star when she’s running a task,” to which Star looks surprised and says, “Wow.”  Nene does say that Star is a strong player.

I can’t believe you don’t love me as much as I love myself!

“Who should be fired?” Trump asks.  Nene says LaToya because she’s not strong enough to move forward.  Wow, I really thought she was going to go after Star for this specific task.

Trump says the men’s team is very strong but thinks the women’s team will only be strong if they have a team that has people who work well together on it.  He admires LaToya and says she’s stronger than he thought she’d be, however it seems like the team doesn’t want LaToya to continue.  That didn’t stop you from keeping Gary Busey, dumbass.

I’m mixing it up today…LaToya, PULL MY FINGER!

Just kidding. “LaToya, you’re fired!”

Nene touches her hand and they all get up to leave.  In the lobby, Star asks her if she wants them to wait with her and she refuses to look at Star or answer.  Star’s like, “Bye!”

Form of…an ICICLE…shape of…a HUGE BITCH!

She does hug Nene before getting on the elevator.

However Nene should really reconsider that dress.

But it’s not over.  Nene tells Star that she had a friendship with LaToya and this was not a good situation.  She interviews that Star orchestrated this whole thing and she’s willing to “cut your damn head off to win.”  Crying, Nene tells her they have to be a team and Star says she doesn’t like losing.  Unless it’s weight.  Or a gay ex-husband.

Star, you are THE WORST human being ever to roam Mother Earth.

Nene says she has to learn to listen to other people and Star says this was a good lesson for her, but what she really meant was, “I ain’t changing so bite me.”  They head into the suite.

LaToya says Star is a “very manipulative person, very conniving and very evil.”   Yup.

Next week?  Nene goes batshit crazy on Star and screams at her for being, well, Star, and then she says, “You play a good game, now where’s your street game?  Where’s Barbara Walters now?”  Oh, it’s ON like DONKEY KONG.  Bring it!