PREVIOUSLY ON CELEBRITY REHAB….
Gummi Bear and JWahl attempted to escape rehab. Oh yeah, and Rachel is back.
WHAT TO LOOK FORWARD TO IN THIS EPISODE…
Gummi Bear deals with the aftermath of his police run-in and Leif Garrett really wants a beer.
DAY 13, 3 A.M.
Dr. Drew narrates police officers have arrived and late last night Gummi Bear attempted to flee rehab, but his get away car left before he could make it outside.
Gummi Bear – “Damn it!!! Yo Quiro Taco Bell!!!”
Gummi has been put on 12-hour room restriction and told Dr. Drew will decide his fate tomorrow. Now the police are here because they’ve been told that Gummi is being held against his will. Gummi is summoned to the lobby.
The police and Gummi meet in the administration room. The police ask Gummi what he wants them to do. Gummi replies it’s been a really rough day.
Gummi Bear – “First, Eric Roberts switched my toothpaste with Vagisil. Next Janice told me my ass looks like cottage cheese in a trashbag. Then Jeremy ate all the cheese pizza and told me if I wanted some that someone was going to have to barf it all up because it was gone.”
Gummi Bear feels like he is having a nervous breakdown. He hates being confined.
Gummi Bear – “I hate being confined, and it’s like having to cover myself in baby oil and take it up the ass from Hugh Hefner *cough Holly*.”
Gummi Bear decides he doesn’t want to start a war with these people so at this time he isn’t being held against his will. The police officers tell him they hope he doesn’t use again and stays clean.
Dr. Drew narrates that Gummi Bear’s behavior tonight is a testament to how strong addiction can be. Gummi was ready to throw two-weeks of rehab out the window.
DAY 13, 8:30 A.M.
Dr. Drew tells us this morning he and his staff are meeting with Gummi Bear and that the gloves must come off. Could a Christina Milian ‘A.M. to P.M.’ dance-off be just around the corner?
As Gummi Bear sits down he announces that he thought he’d dress up for the occassion. Bob asks Gummi why doesn’t he just leave right now? Gummi retorts “What would be the point?”
Gummi – “I don’t have a reality show lined up. This is my only way to get screen time until Celebrity Fit Club starts.”
Dr. Drew agrees with Bob. He wants to know why Gummi considered leaving. Was it the level of care? Gummi replies no.
Bob wants to know when the scam to go to the strip joint started. Gummi smirks and replies it started in the morning. He and JWahl wanted to get out for the night.
Dr. Drew – “You know you really could have gotten yourself into a Divine Brown situation.”
Gummi Bear – “That’s fine. I’m down with the BBC.”
Gummi explains to Dr. Drew that this “escape” from rehab was more-or-less a prank. Bob apologizes for sounding like an attorney and asks Gummi to clarify the timeline of events again. Gummi starts to recap and Dr. Drew interjects “Ohh he’s being an enabler.” Gummi is like hold up. He starts to define what an enabler is, but Dr. Drew cuts him off with a pointy index finger.
Dr. Drew – “Don’t tell me what an enabler is.” *3 snaps and a circle*
Dr. Drew gives his definition of an enabler. Don’t you all feel smarter now? What a condenscending asshole.
Dr. Drew asks Gummi what would his grandfather do if he was in Dr. Drew’s position. He doesn’t let Gummi answer. Dr. Drew says Gummi’s grandfather wouldn’t let anyone enable Gummi’s addiction. In fact, he would kill anyone that did with his bare hands.
Gummi apologizes for his actions and promises no more pranks. Dr. Drew tells us he will be keeping Gummi Bear on a short leash and if there are anymore issues he will discharge the Gum Bear.
AFTERNOON OF DAY 13…
Dr. Drew tells us tomorrow is family day. Rachel tells Eric it looks like she won’t have anyone for family day because no one supports this decision. Eric replies “That sucks a big one.”
Rachel – “Yeah, but I’ve sucked bigger.”
Dr. Drew tells us this is a big day for Eric. Eric is supposed to meet with his step-son. He hasn’t spoken to his step-son in 16 years.
The other day Dr. Drew had the opportunity to sit down with Eric and his wife Eliza. Eliza is apparently a fan of Blair Waldorf.
XOXO Middle-Aged Gossip Girl.
Dr. Drew also sat down separately with Eric’s step-son Keaton. Keaton explains that he and Eric got into a big fight. Then he grabbed a bat and broke a bunch of Eric’s ribs.
Keaton – “I played his ribs like a Kenny G marimba that is if Kenny G wasn’t a pussy and played the marimba instead of the clarinet.”
But that’s not all. He also punched Eric and hit him in the head before leaving. The amazing part was Eric was still taunting Keaton as Keaton tried to leave.
Today, Dr. Drew will be reuniting Eric and Keaton for the first time in 16 years. Eliza will also be there to witness this momentous occasion. Dr. Drew tells Eliza and Eric that he wants them to just listen to Keaton.
Eric tells Dr. Drew that he wants to hug the 32-year-old Keaton to death.
Dr. Drew – “Let’s hope you mean figuratively and not literally, Eric.”
Dr. Drew tells Eric he doesn’t think that Keaton is ready for that yet. Keaton comes in. Dr. Drew lets Keaton know that he already told Eric to refrain from any touching until the end.
Keaton – “Good, but if things get out of hand I know how to use this recycled water bottle as a weapon.”
Keaton starts off the session by explaining that he doesn’t have anything specific to say. He just wants to move on with his life and deal with the emotional manifestation of Eric that he’s created. Keaton just wants to reach a place where he can let go of his anger. They rehash old feelings and Dr. Drew asks Eric if he remembers a baseball bat.
Eric – “Of course I do! How can you forget cracked ribs? That wiffle ball bat hurt!”
Keaton apologizes for cracking Eric’s ribs and Eric takes that opportunity to go in for a “death hug”.
Cue ‘Family Matters’ theme song.
Tears are shed. Eric sniffles.
Eric – “I hate this crying, happy shit. It irritates the piss out of me.”
Everyone chuckles at Eric’s statement.
Dr. Drew tells us the power of forgiveness is one of the most profound experiences anyone can ever have.
Everyone is eating outside. Rachel asks Eric how his reunion with his step-son went. Eric replies it went great. He thinks Keaton is a cool cat. Camera pans to Jeremy.
Jeremy – ‘gulp’ “I thought I was your cool cat.”
Eric – “You’re my Garfield, Chins. Keaton is my Nermal. “
DAY 14, 9 A.M.
Dr. Drew tells us today is family day, one of the most important days at rehab. The group is heading to Johnson Lake Retreat Center in Pasadena to be reunited with their loved ones.
AT ‘THE LAKE HOUSE’…
JWahl’s parents Rick and Denese show up.
Jason – “Did you bring me my golf clubs and my Katy Perry CD?”
Leif Garrett’s mom shows up too along with Frankie’s daughter.
Urban Dictionary definition: Unwed teenage mother dressed as Nefertiti for Halloween gives birth in high school cafeteria. Names baby Neffeteria.”
Dr. Drew and his colleague Dr. Michael Farinha are meeting with the group and their families to discuss addiction. Dr. Drew tells everyone he considers addiction a disease that is a family disorder.
Jeremy’s father goes first. He wants everyone to know he is very proud of his son Jeremy for being here.
“Jeremy, I’m so proud of you. You get’er done!”
Jeremy’s father goes on to say that Jeremy’s twin brother Jason is concerned for Jeremy. Jason wants to help Jeremy get better.
Jeremy – “Jason can help me by switching bodies a’la ‘Freaky Friday’.”
Jeremy’s father starts to tear up and his voice cracks as he announces that he loves Jeremy with all of his heart. Jeremy’s father then admits that he himself went through a meth addiction. Ah so the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. Right now he is in recovery, but admits that it is one day at a time. Everyone claps.
Frankie’s daughter Neffeteria goes next. Guess Keyshia Cole was too busy to show up?
Neffeteria’s biggest problem is keeping her children safe from the drunk Frankie.
Neffeteria – “When she goes on a bender and starts swinging her Flava Flav clock around I have to protect my kids. They still have soft spots on the top of their heads.”
Neffeteria asks Dr. Drew how to handle when Frankie refuses her help. Dr. Drew replies “Don’t walk on eggshells around a using addict and have an Al-Anon program for support.”
Frankie stands up and apologizes to everyone for her behavior. She asks for everyone’s support.
Dr. Drew turns to Rachel and tells her although her family members couldn’t be there, her mom did send something. He wants Rachel to read it aloud. The letter is a heartfelt recollection of Rachel as a baby who loved a musical toy. In the letter, her mother also mentions the story about the silver ball near everyone’s heart. Her mother sends Rachel the musical toy as a way of reminding her when she was little and pure, a way of recapping her tarnished silver ball.
Dr. Drew tells Rachel the silver ball made him think of the World Trade Center ball. He promises to encourage Rachel’s mom to go to Al-Anon and support Rachel’s recovery.
After morning group, Dr. Michael and Dr. Drew sit down with Jason and his parents. Dr. Drew tells Jason’s parents that he has been doing well in treatment. He then asks how many times has this been? Jason replies it’s his eighth time in rehab.
Jason – “8th time is a charm.” Jason’s father – “It better fucking be.”
Dr. Drew points out that Jason’s peers have moved on while he continues to self-destruct. Jason points out that he was paid to party on a reality show, getting paid $5,000 for two hours to basically drink.
His mother mentions that they didn’t know the extent of Jason’s drinking on the show until months later when the episodes aired. In fact, she admits that Jason never drank around of them at their house, even to this day. Jason’s father asks where do they go from here? He doesn’t understand why Jason continues to do this to himself and his family.
Dr. Michael suggests to Jason’s parents that they regress Jason back to the age of 17 and attempt to repair him from there.
Moving onto Leif. Dr. Drew and Dr. Michael sit down with Leif and his mom. Dr. Michael asks Leif what has been the hardest thing he’s experienced so far.
Leif – “Trying to be a peaceful person. I tried listening to ‘Pure Moods,’ but Enya just incites the rage in me.”
Leif admits he is a drug addict but it hurts to hear other people say it. Leif’s mom says she will always be there for Leif. Dr. Drew says that’s wrong. Leif’s mom needs to stop bailing Leif out.
Leif says he would never let anyone sit in jail. Dr. Michael asks Leif if there is someone in his life who he could connect with. Leif reveals the one person who he loved and could connect with died of pneumonia because she had a hole in her heart. He wasn’t there for her because he was in the depths of his addiction. Now Leif’s mom is dealing with level 4 lung cancer.
EVENING OF FAMILY DAY…
Dr. Drew tells us they have gathered the patients and their families for dinner at the Chef’s Center.
Clinking his glass like that Chris Harrison, Dr. Drew announces to everyone that Keaton will perform a special song while a montage plays in the background.
Montage of the addicts as children, teens and adults flash by. Of course Janice’s picture is typical Janice.
Janice – “Me and the Hamburglar just stole this ship. Off to the Cook Islands we go!!! Mwhahaha.”
Jeremy ‘Chins’ London is full on water works as he watches. Mourning the days when he was an attractive young male actor.
Everyone claps and cheers at the conclusion of Keaton’s song/montage.
Dr. Drew narrates that spirits are high after an emotional weekend with family. In less than a week, the patients will be graduating. For preparation, Bob takes the patients out on a field trip to the facility he and Shelly run: Hollywood Recovery Services located at Hollywood and Vine.
Bob explains to the patients that the location is real-world, away from the bubble of Malibu. As the rehabbers make their way through the busy downtown area, Gummi Bear sing-songs that he wants to score.
Jason – “Let’s go score. Can’t be tardy to the party.” Rachel – “Oh, yes you can.”
The gang heads to Tender Greens Cafe. Everyone is counting down the days until the end of rehab. Bob warns them that the light at the end of the tunnel may be an oncoming train. Suddenly Frankie announces that she is feeling like a non-alcoholic beer. Shelly tells Frankie “No, your brain is not well.” Frankie asks “What’s wrong with a non-alcoholic beer?” Leif wonders aloud what would happen if he had a beer right now?
Leif – “I bet Enya would sound a hell of a lot better!!”
Leif gets up and heads inside. Gummi Bear yells after him “I want a beer!!” Bob runs after Leif.
Next time on Celebrity Rehab: Shelly tells everyone that she and Bob are in charge, but Leif begs to differ; he’s a 48-year-old man. Meanwhile Jeremy’s wife is randomly hiding in the bushes. He spots her and confronts her about the IRS who told him she made money from the National Inquirer that she didn’t claim. Uh oh!