Celebrity Wife Swap Recap: Sabato/Foley

Recaps

By TheMiki | Wednesday, February 8, 2012 | 12:01 am | 23 Comments
Tagged: , , , , , ,
Posted in: Celebrity Wife Swap, Featured, Recaps

Hey hey Gasmii!  Oh how I’ve missed you.  I thought that Wife Swap was on break for the past two weeks, because my Tivo swore it wasn’t on, but somehow I missed the Tina Yothers/Niecy Nash episode in there somewhere.

Even my Tivo refuses to recognize that this is a celebrity…. (P.S. TheMiki has a birthday coming up and this book is available on Amazon…)

I was trying like hell to find a repeat to record, but since that didn’t work out, and since I’m gonna have to find the damn episode online, I figured I might as well recap the episode from this week, since I have that one recorded.  Sorry it’s late.  I know, I know… I’m late a lot.  Sorry kids.  It’s been overtime central at work for the past few months, and my broke ass needs the money, and then when I get home my overworked ass needs a nap, and then nothing winds up getting done because I’m half-asleep and lazy.

 

Enough with the whining and justifying, eh?  Let’s get to some recapping!

 

This week, Mick “Mankind” Foley of WWF fame is swapping wives with Antonio Sabato Jr, of dimples and rock hard abs fame.

 

Antonio is a Model/Actor (and not the other way around)

 

He has two kids and a fiance.  They have already been through couple’s therapy and they’re not even married yet.  The older child, Mina, is very self-sufficient and driven and wicked adorable.

Kids this cute make my biological clock tick like a fucking time-bomb

The fiance is OCD and a little psycho and has the “Crazy eyes.”

If you meet a girl with eyes like this, you run the fuck away

Mick, on the other hand, has been married for 21 years and has four kids.  Mick calls them, “A Handful” which means they’re probably total assholes.  Mrs. WWF is exhausted because her husband and chitlins are useless around the house, and they’re hoping the wife swap can introduce the family to some structure.

The wives kiss their families goodbye and hop in their limos to meet their new families.  The Sabato family lives in L.A., while the Foleys reside in Florida in a luxury beach front condo.  Right off the bat, Mrs Sabato is freaked out by how dirty her new home is, but it turns out she’s a huge wrestling fan and she gets crazy excited when she realizes she’ll be living with Mankind.

ABC paid me a lot of money to pretend to know who this guy is…

Manual reading time!

Seen here pretending she can read…

The Sabatos are neat freaks, the Foleys are not. Mick is a slob, Antonio is a pretty boy.  Mrs Foley is worried about Mina’s gymnastics schedule (9 hours a week) and Mrs Sabato is worried about how little help the Foley kids provide their mommy.

 

The husbands get home with the kids and the introductions are mostly uneventful.  Holy crap is Mina precious! I’m waiting to see if some sort of crazy brat behavior rears its ugly head, but holy shit, she’s making my ovaries twitch.  I’m gonna have to put on Toddlers and Tiaras to convince myself not to run out and reproduce as soon as this show is over.

Someone play a horrific Pixie Stix fueled meltdown before I start shopping for a turkey baster!

 

No one warns you, but when you’re getting ready to turn 30 your girly parts take on a mind of their own.

 

Right off the bat Colette (that’s Mrs Foley) struggles with all the crap that needs to be checked off the giant list of chores on the fridge.

#17. Try to take over the world…

We get to watch Antonio work out at the gym, which does nothing for me, but since most of the ‘Gasm like the penis, here are some screenshots:

**yawn**

 

Over at The Foleys, Cheryl is cleaning a super messy house while four kids and a husband sit on their asses doing nothing.  Okay, that’s helping with the ovary twitches.

This is like a snooze button for a biological clock

Back at the Sabatos, Colette is having an easier time because Mina is helping her with all of her chores and GODDAMMITTHEOVARIESARETWITCHINGAGAIN!!!!

Twitchtwitchtwitch

Turns out that Mick has an injury that causes him to be incapable of putting a shoe or sock on his right foot.  Also, he stays in his pajamas all day.  The kids rough-house, the dog tears shit apart, and Mick just sits around on the computer and ignores it all.  This is how we wind up with a generation of kids with no manners, okay?  Mick and Colette both seem like very nice people, but those kids have no concept of what it means to be polite or to think of others.  If you’re not part of the solution, you’re part of the problem, guys.

 

It’s rule change time!!!  Colette is going to get rid of some structure, Cheryl is gonna add some.  Let’s see how it goes.

 

Cheryl is instituting family dinner, making the kids clean their rooms, and giving Mick a makeover.  Also, Mick is taking Cheryl on a date because Mick should take his wife on dates.

 

Colette is getting rid of the chore lists and letting everyone relax.  Antonio freaks out a bit, but does it quietly.  Mina looks stoked to get a break from piano and gymnastics lessons.

We’re putting you to work as soon as your new mommy isn’t looking

Cheryl has all the kids helping her cook and clean, and they’re all decent about it except for Mickey, who is like twelve years old and behaving like a petulant toddler.  Once they get him to try the food he mellows out, but someone needs to put that kid in his place, STAT.

 

The next morning Cheryl posts a checklist for the kids to do some chores, and then she takes Mick for a makeover.  First stop: Dentist!  Oh, thank Jeebus.  Then there’s a trip to the barber for a haircut and a beard trim.

I’m a pretty princess!!!

Colette takes Mina and Antonio to the amusement park while Antonio’s mom watches the baby.  Antonio is hesitant, but he’s a really good sport about following the new rules.  Mina looks crazy happy, and yeah… We so need to cue up a full on Toddlers and Tiaras marathon after this.  Goddamn you, biological clock!  And goddamn you, children that me want to reproduce!

It’s just not a fair fight…

Mick and Cheryl get home to show off his new look.  He looks much better, and still like himself, so they did a good job.  The kids did a really thorough job of cleaning everything while they were gone, so it’s time for the family to go to the beach together.  Since the beach is like, ten feet from their condo, it’s pretty ridiculous that they never go there as a family.  Later, Cheryl has a dance class so that Mick can take Colette dancing when she gets home, and all in all things are pretty boring and drama free.

Where’s a floating hooker corpse when you need one?

Time for the wives to go home.  Looks like Colette is as enamored with little Mina as I am, and she has tears in her eyes when she hugs her goodbye.  Cheryl has a nice farewell with the Foley kids, and then the couples meet up at the park to discuss their weeks.  Now, you’d think since everything went so smooth and everyone got along so well that this would be a pretty easy meet-up, right?  It’s looking like no…

Why?  Because crazy eyes!

Antonio says that he learned that the whole family should relax, and Colette tells Cheryl that she needs to ease up on Mina.  Mick says that Cheryl’s rules about the kids helping and everyone eating together is what they should have been doing for years.  Antonio tells Cheryl that they both need to relax and stop trying to be perfect all the time, and then the bitch-crazy comes out!  Holy shit!  Cheryl freaks and starts yelling at him for making her look bad.  Colette says that he’s just trying to communicate openly and Cheryl should listen, but once the Bitch-Crazy comes out there’s no putting it away.

I’m as confused as you are, Colette

Cheryl tells Antonio if the loved her that he would filter himself, and then she tries to bring up God and how God is watching and they have to be perfect for God and Antonio isn’t lifting her up and she’s staying at a hotel cause there’s no way she’s going home after this.  Colette laughs because she thinks Cheryl is joking.  She says there’s no way she can be serious about being upset about this.  Yeah… what she said.  Antonio is trying to apologize and find out what he did wrong, but she says she never wants to talk to him again and then storms off, while the Foleys look dumbfounded wondering what the fuck just happened.

This is why you should never date a model.  They’re too pretty to have to learn to keep their crazy in check.

 

After some goading the Sabatos get in the limo together.  Antonio is clearly frustrated, but he’s trying.  Cheryl is just being a twat-waffle.  She says that it’s not love since Antonio had the gall to bring up a minor issue he felt they both needed to work on.

How dare you make me look bad by bringing up a relatively minor issue?  I’ll show you!!!  I’ll make me look like a crazy cunt-bot from hell

Mick and Colette get in their limo and say they feel bad because they were brought so much closer by swap and clearly it didn’t do the same thing for the other couple.

 

Cheryl remains batshit insane and keeps chewing Antonio out and says they’re OVER. For GOOD.  I hope she realizes what a crazy cunt she looks like when this episode airs, but chicks like that can never see through their own crazy.

Oh hey, but look, it’s two weeks later and everything’s fine now.  Cheryl proves me wrong by saying she realized how crazy she was being and she felt terrible about it.  So they’re back together, and I’m sure a stable chick like that will be a great asset to a healthy relationship.  I’m sure these two crazy kids are gonna make it.  Dibs on the perfect, adorable child if they murder each other.  I would rather not tempt fate and genetics (and I’d rather not push a baby out of my lady-parts either) if I can just steal a kid I know is awesome.

So much cuter than anything my dna would create

The Foleys return home too, but we don’t hear much more from them because ABC was focusing on the crazy models and their crazy drama.  I think we just assume that they’re fine.

 

Okay kids, sorry about the tardiness, and that this was a relatively boring episode. My Tivo cut off the very end, so I’m not even sure who is on the next episode, but hopefully they’ll bring a little more of the crazy than these guys did.

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TheMiki
About

I enjoy mocking other people because it's the only thing I'm really good at, and I think we should all use the gifts God gave us.  My childhood was way more fucked up than yours, and yet I'm a fully productive member of society with no criminal record or bastard children.  As such, listening to coked-out hookers whine about their baby-daddies getting arrested and how they live this life cause their mama didn't breastfeed them makes me want to throw furniture at my TV.  When I'm not tearing down people on television I like to paint, write, drink coffee, hike, and make pathetic attempts to play the guitar, because chicks dig a lady with an instrument.

23 Comments

  1. 1
    SuburBint
    Posted February 8, 2012 at 6:27 am

    Oh, TheMiki! I have been waiting and waiting for your Tina Yothers/ Niecy Nash recap cos a) that shit is crazy, and b) I have the biggest straight-girl crush on you and your recaps. But this was fine in a pinch.

    I spend all day in my pj’s (usually; and I swap them out for clean ones after I take my shower), and I spend all day on the computer too, but my kids still say please and thank you. And mostly do their chores. And are snarky as hell just like their momma, which makes them fun to be around but dangerous to take out in public.

    Mrs. Sabato-to-Be reminded me of the Crazy/Hotness chart on How I Met Your Mother. And Mr. Sabato is obviously still living in The Bubble. I would take the Foley’s messy house and chaos over the Sabato’s “perfection” any day. That adorable little daughter of theirs is totally going to develop an eating disorder and push herself into a nervous breakdown by the time she’s 16 because that’s what such intense pressure to be perfect does to nice little girls who want to make Mommy and Daddy happy, especially if they’re the oldest.

    In regards to your biological clock, I think MikiSpawn would rock, because he/she/it would have you for a mom. But “the miracle of childbirth” is vastly overrated. As does most of being pregnant. I wouldn’t start pricing turkey basters just yet, if I were you.

    Looking forward to your next recap!

    <3, SuburBint

  2. 2
    Nikki Hughes
    Posted February 8, 2012 at 6:32 am

    I don’t watch this, but wasn’t Saboto JUST on a reality show trying to find a wife? Who is this fiance and baby?

  3. 3
    TheMiki themiki
    Posted February 8, 2012 at 7:16 am

    Never fear! It looks like Hulu has the Yothers/Nash swap, so I’ll be jumping on that grenade in the next day or two. Also, I was trying to make sure my Tivo didn’t spaz out on me and miss anymore episodes, and while trying to find when the next episode aired I discovered that this was the season finale. So they did like, five episodes…? I have no idea. I already emailed Flipit to assign my ass a new show, but I had no idea this season would be so freakishly short.

    And yeah, that show was called, “My Antonio” (I think). I only ever watched the clips that Joel McHale decided were mock-worthy…

  4. 4
    snowshoecat snowshoecat
    Posted February 8, 2012 at 7:42 am

    Thank you TheMiki for a great recap and the promise of a makeupcap. I read every word (Several times over in many cases) and I still have no idea who these people are.

    I agree with you about that little cutie. I almost asked HubbyCat if he would get unsnipped if I could be guaranteed a sweetie like that. Almost.

  5. 5
    sheesh
    Posted February 8, 2012 at 10:29 am

    Antonio’s ex-wife on “My Antonio” was crazypants as well.

  6. 6
    AmyOops AmyOops
    Posted February 8, 2012 at 10:35 am

    Yay you’re back! I haven’t the foggiest idea who these people are, either (although I have at least heard the name Antonio Sabato Jr).

    Oh, and I have a bi-girl crush on you! Is it wrong to proposition the recapper?

  7. 7
    Val
    Posted February 8, 2012 at 10:47 am

    I saw that “My Antonio on “The Soup”. I think his mother was involved in the process as well!

  8. 8
    TheMiki themiki
    Posted February 8, 2012 at 11:05 am

    Bwahaha… This particular recapper loves getting propositioned by random girls, regardless of their sexuality. I have a girlfriend, and she’s awesome, but nothing boosts my ego harder than earning girl-crushes through the sheer power of my snark and cynicism.

    And yes, I recall that Antonio’s mother made some of the ladies cry pretty horrifically. Even from only seeing her on The Soup, I grew to fear that terrifying woman.

  9. 9
    kthxbai
    Posted February 8, 2012 at 8:11 pm

    I have a suspicous mind so I thought the whole melt down thing at the end was just getting us set up for My Antonio 2.

    I sure hope so. And with more Ma Sabato! She was the best part!

  10. 10
    chaosbutterfly
    Posted February 8, 2012 at 11:55 pm

    Cheryl is the queen of the asses.
    She pulled a list our from her bra of everything wrong with Collette’s home and was fixing to read it in its entirety, but she flipped the fuck out when Antonio told her that they need to stop trying so hard to be perfect?
    That bitch was fully up out of her mind.
    I liked Collette alot though. I would have slaughtered her children and that damn dog (how many pieces of paper did it rip up?!) long ago, but she was a delight. I love how she got kind of stank when Cheryl started talking shit.

    And why in God’s name was the Sabato’s baby so fat? That is the fattest baby I’ve ever seen. Like, fat to the point where it’s not cute anymore.

  11. 11
    MissV
    Posted February 10, 2012 at 2:32 am

    They’ve had couples therapy already? They’ve only been together for 2years. Cheryl is a lunatic. Nothing more than a turn off than a woman of her age having a dummy spit & crying like a baby. She likes to dish it to Antonio but doesn’t like it dished to her. What’s with the God bullshit. Bringing God into the equation was in very poor taste. Run Antonio Run. Pay her child support & get the fuck out of this weird relationship if that’s what it’s called

  12. 12
    Grace
    Posted February 10, 2012 at 2:22 pm

    Cheryl didn’t get her own way so she decided to make Antonio’s life a living hell by embarrassing & humiliating him on national television. That isn’t love that’s revenge. Poor Mick & Colette that situation would’ve been extremely uncomfortable for them watching two grown adults acting like they’re in high school. If Antonio chooses to be mentally abused like clearly this happens regularly, he’s a fool! She obviously wears the pants in that house, & big ones from what we see. I agree with chaosbutterfly that baby is too fat for his age. He must take after his Mom, Cheryl is fat too & she’s very ugly for an ex model. But I guess that’s why she’s an ex model. Could imagine how filthy she would look with no make up on.

  13. 13
    Rebecca
    Posted February 10, 2012 at 2:43 pm

    I was friends with Cheryl when she lived in Hawaii. I stopped being friends with her because she’s CRAZY! I’m not surprised she has hooked up with Antonio Sabato Jr. She used to be obsessed with marrying someone rich or famous she didn’t have to work. She claims to be a good christian girl & she would never sin but she has slept with many different men in the past & she thought she was pregnant when she was 20. Her parents divorced when she was young because her Dad cheated on her Mom. Her Mom is like Cheryl a real bitch! She has trapped Antonio by getting pregnant she had all intentions of doing this & that’s why she chased to meet him. He was desperate to meet someone after My Antonio so took the first girl that came along. She has always been OCD & she also has Borderline Personality Disorder. The list just goes on & on about Cheryl. She has always used God as an escape for her behavior, insane attitude & crazy life

  14. 14
    Grace
    Posted February 10, 2012 at 6:31 pm

    Why is Cheryl controlling Mina when Mina isn’t her daughter? Cheryl shouldn’t have a say & why is Antonio letting her take over his & his daughters life? He is weak & he’s inane if he marries her. Cheryl looks like that sort of nasty dog that will eventually take him for everything

  15. 15
    MrsMiaWallace
    Posted February 10, 2012 at 9:14 pm

    I was also appalled at Cheryl, but I had to wonder a few things:

    1. That blowup seemed so disproportionate it seemed to me like the tip of the iceberg of underlying problems or ongoing stress in the relationship
    2. She could be crazy but he picked her and he cannot be faultless. What was he like on the other show? He seemed a wee bit controlling here
    3. If nothing else, Collette could’ve been right on (and kind to say so) when she mentioned it could be hormones. The woman has a brand new baby and is fighting for the perfect household-she is probably a bit on edge

    It bothered me in the intro when Antonio introduced his son before his much older daughter. I dislike traditional male-dominated, son-before-daughter cultures but I was very touched at how good he was with Mina during the day out and how he broke down a little talking about her. I agree she is wonderful and eager to please and obey so I hope they ease up and she doesn’t gain a million complexes about perfection which could result in EDs, obesity, drug use etc etc as she hits the confusing teen years. Great kid, please make her smile more!

  16. 16
    Tania
    Posted February 10, 2012 at 10:59 pm

    MrsMiaWallace that is a fantastic comment. I have to agree with you I think there are many problems in their relationship too but I’m sorry I don’t agree with the hormones part. She signed the contract to go on the show & also what man would expect their partner to do it after just having a baby? I have four children but I have never behaved ‘erratic’ like that. Clearly Cheryl would be a hard person to please & there is no justification for that kind of mental abuse to your partner etc. My sister is married to an Italian & my nieces aren’t treated the way my nephews are. So yes it is an ethnic thing. The part on the show that got me was the God part, please she & Antonio have & are breaking every rule in the book. I think Mina is a doll she’s a beautiful child, people say she is exactly like her Mom Kristin in looks & in personality. Good job done by her Mommy I see. I think Mina secretly enjoyed her time with ‘no Cheryl’ there. Cheryl would be like Adolf Hitler to live with. The Hawaiian version of Adolf Hitler that is lol.

  17. 17
    Heather
    Posted February 11, 2012 at 12:09 am

    I totally agree with you there MrsMiaWallace, your comments are great. I think their relationship has been rocky for ages even before the baby was born & I think the last thing they should’ve done was go on national television when their relationship is clearly unstable. My sister is married to an Italian man & he is the same way with my Nieces. I think Mina is adorable. A friend told me she is exactly like her Mom Kristin, in looks & in personality. I think deep down Mina was happy Cheryl wasn’t around. It must be terrible for her sometimes living under Cheryl’s ‘Hitler Rules’ it’s all about what Cheryl wants. I don’t believe ‘hormones’ is an excuse for Cheryl’s psycho behavior. I’ve had 4 children & I didn’t behave like a mental case. I believe in composure & being mature where you have to be mature. Nobody is perfect & God has clearly indicated that in the bible & doesn’t expect us to be perfect. From what it seems like as soon as Cheryl moved into Antonio’s house it was HER RULES he went along with things to please her, now he’s probably thinking what the hell have I done? I hope Mina turns out to be more like her Mom & not like Cheryl the crazy woman that she is.

  18. 18
    James
    Posted February 11, 2012 at 12:16 am

    she’s only using him to have a baby. but now the dickhead has 3 kids to 3 different women and never married any of them. cheryl is a gold digger wants antonio to promote her shit house crap music. she is a waste of time and waste of space. he should kick her ass to the kerb and find someone normal.

  19. 19
    Cassandra
    Posted February 11, 2012 at 2:31 am

    Without saying too much, my sister lives in Antonio & Cheryl’s neighborhood. Talk about dramas. She’s extremely jealous & insecure. They’ve broken up before & got back together. They fight A LOT. He bought her an engagement ring to shut her up. She tells people the Porsche is her car, HARDLY. He got the car after My Antonio & before he hooked up with her. She is rude & a show off. She pretends they are happy & perfect, you be the judge of that

  20. 20
    Naomi
    Posted February 11, 2012 at 12:48 pm

    Antonio had a brief fling with Christi (from My Antonio) after the show. Cheryl and Antonio have had too much plastic surgery and what’s with Cheryl’s fake eyelashes? Eeerkkkk! She’s one big horrible mess and wouldn’t hurt for her to loose some kilo’s her ass is bigger than the grand canon

  21. 21
    Robin Robinez
    Posted February 11, 2012 at 5:38 pm

    Who’d have thunk it. This was the stupidest show on TV that entire week and for some reason I watched it. Miki managed to turn a boring episode into something worth reading about, gathered some girl crushes along the way and now we have GOSSIP! For The Win!

    For such a shitty show, this has been an entertaining recap and thread. ;)

    Robin

  22. 22
    Victoria
    Posted February 12, 2012 at 3:43 pm

    Perfect for God. Cheryl is a hypocrite. She was the biggest skank in high school. Stupid Antonio for putting up with her lies & psycho behavior. Her brother Wendall & sister in law Iris are disgusted with the way she treats Antonio & making a fool of him on television. She has no career to protect because she is unemployed living off his money but is currently putting his career at risk. What a selfish bitch!

  23. 23
    Mitchell
    Posted February 16, 2012 at 3:05 am

    I dated Cheryl when we were 30. She is far from a good christian girl. She is an obsessed clean freak she used to spend too much time cleaning and being compulsive over things being the right way. She was always obsessed with Antonio Sabato Jr. I am not surprised they hooked up. She used to tell me she wanted to marry him one day. I wasn’t too worried but I did think at the time she was too old to have a crush. She used to have a picture of him in a frame hidden in her wardrobe. if that’s not scary I don’t know what is.

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