Celebrity Apprentice: Workout that Wallet

Recaps

By Monamonzano | Friday, April 30, 2010 | 7:15 pm | 16 Comments
Posted in: Celebrity Apprentice, Recaps

Business as usual.

This week on celebrity Apprentice, the guys and gals re-team and have to create an exercise class for 24 hour fitness. Rocksolid goes the rocker route, while Tenacity goes for buns and guns. Who will win? Who will  be asking rock of love groupies for favors? Will Holly’s head explode? It’s all here on Celebrity Apprentice!

Well, here we are again folks. Even Sharon is here! But, she wants to leave. Will she leave this wild ride known as celebrity apprentice? Dunno. All I know is that Cyndi is looking like the Wicked Witch of the West more and more…


I’ll get you, my pretties.

She gives a bunch o’ money to the True Colors foundation…20 thou, to be exact.  Then talks a lot about how she feels just like a gay teenager.  Okay, Cyndi.

The next day, we meet Melania, Trump’s wife, and their kid.  I guess…just cause?  We’ll see. And- Rock Solid and Tenacity get mixed up!

The fake redheads to go Rock Solid.


This is just like Rock of Love, only everyone is wearing more clothes!

Sharon is the project manager for RockSolid, while Holly (ugh) gives it another go.  Their challenge: create a workout class and get all their big celeb friends to take it, or send their assistants down to do it for them.  24 hour fitness sponsors the shindig, the premiere workout establishment where somebody once fucking stole my new workout shoes.

fuck you, shoe thief!  But, I digress.

In team Tenacity’s bungalow, Curtis wants to show the women he means business.


and that purple cardigan will do just the trick.

Cyndi makes it KNOWN that she has an appointment working with LADY GAGA.  A thing. With LADY GAGA. Do you know her? Well, she’s a SUPERSTAR. LADY GAGA.  Summer is the Cyndi whisperer, keeping Cyndi in the loop without getting to the point where anyone is ripping their eyes and eardrums out.

Sharon LOVES Rocksolid because she isn’t being torn apart in a gaggle of bitches.

Still, RockSolid, like Bret says, has taken on uh, a weird perverted new incarnation. Eg, jokes about multiple hand jobs and doggie style dick on dick action.


uh, whee?

Tenacity is calling their class “Guns and Bums.” Sounds like a gross british candy.

RockSolid goes to 24 hour fitness to check it out, and now I know for sure: Bret would BANG ANYONE.  Even this surly albino trainer.


Dear god, why am I here?

They’re going for ridiculous, while team Tenacity sends Curtis and Summer to the gym and they get serious…you know, like they’re really concerned that their workout will be good and want that money from 24 hour fitness.  They’re so into the workout that Holly is left alone with the orphan graphic designer.


Can I have some snapple while we wait?

Of course, Bret also wants to bang team RockSolid’s graphic designer. Cripes. No girl is safe.


ew.

Other news: Cyndi’s mom is coming and possibly Yoko Ono. Oh, dear.  Donald comes in and does his little gutteral assessment…boring.

Bret calls some Rock of Love slutz to come down and get sweaty- so that’s probably good.  I mean, as long as they can read so as to find the place! But speaking of reading, Bret can’t! Eek!  All the fliers look like an 8 year old Golden retriever wrote them…

At the gym, maria is concerned about getting a good workout going. Bret- always momma’s little helper- sits down and oogles.


great, team playing.

and for all you ladies out there starved for Mr. Michaels, here’s him without his shirt.


not too shabby, Mr. Douche!

On Tenacity, Summer is worried about the music and needs help from Holly, but she fucked up and brought the CD with her, so I guess they need to go all the way back? Somehow, summer fucked up and I don’t really get it, I just know I’m sick of looking at holly’s clumpy eye makeup.

Sharon goes to the WWE and gets fucking 40 thousand bucks from those fools! DANG!


holy shit muscles. Holy shit, cash!

The next day, Cyndi gets back.  And she DIDN’T bring Lady Gaga.

At the gym, RockSolid gets a visit by Busty Mcbusterson.


seriously, look at those tits.

Team Tenacity are in a mad dash to get their shit squared away.  While RockSolid’s skanks rally for a cause!


Cant’ see that? It’s Bret Michael’s signature on an aging skank’s hip.

One Skank says Bret is in her top 5 celebrity passes- meaning she can fuck 5 celebrities with no repricussions. Fancy!

Everyone’s rallying for getting bodies in for classes….and here’s Cyndi Lauper’s mom, who is ready to tone her buns as well as her guns.


Let’s cut the bullshit and WORK OUT!

It’s sorta cute, not gonna lie.  But the race is on for the best class with the most people! EEk!

For Tenacity, the 24 hour fitness lady is there- but there were only two ladies in the class. Cripes.


crickets

RockSolid’s class is fun and packed…and of course, reeking of class.

24 hour fitness brothel

The 24 hour CEO loved Curtis and Summer- and loved the balance.  The 24 CEO in RockSolid thinks that the class was really fun and consistent with their theme…but you know, some of the moves…pretty inappropriate.

Tenacity got fifty grand from Ron Berkel…some philanthropist? Confused.  But then RockSolid gets some awesome donations, too, so the heat is on.  And when the clock strikes 12:30…it’s GAME OVER!

In the Boardroom…

Sharon loves loves loves her team.  And is happy to be away from them.  Yow! Holly thinks that she did well in donations, but thinks that her weakest player- or least satisfied person- is…nobody? Then she starts crying. Okay…so, an answer to the question? Not really.  Holly can’t throw anyone under the bus!

If Rocksolid loses, who would Sharon kick under the bus? Nobody! There is love everywhere!  Then both get to see the promotional material from both groups, and Rocksolid thinks that Tenacity’s group’s promo material is blah.

And the 24 thousand dollars? Both leaders think the other team has it.  But who does? ROCKSOLID! DANG. Slap in the face to Summer!

Then Trump asks Tenacity who would be fired, since they lost the challenge.  They didn’t know.  Ivanka thinks that RockSolid had a cohesive, fun vibe, but hey,  Tenacity also was pretty damn businessy and focused!

RockSolid earned 131,803 dollars total!  Wohooo!

Tenacity earned 206,090 dollars!  DANG!

So who gets fired? Tenacity thinks that Maria, maybe, should be fired? But then it’s brought up that Sharon wanted to go home…by Holly.  Erg, that’s awkward!

Sharon thinks it’s time for her to get kicked out because she raised the money.  And…it…is…nobody?

NOBODY IS FIRED!  UGH. Boo!!

Rebecca Leib (aka Monamonzano) was born in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. With a MFA in writing and well versed in comedy, Rebecca started writing sketch and performing improv, theatre and stand-up in Los Angeles. She has produced many short videos for funny or die, UCBComedy and often performs at the Moth Storyslam in Los Angeles, and can be seen in print on TVgasm.com, Beautiful/Decay Magazine and Artillery Magazine. When she is not writing or performing, she likes drawing and quiet reading.

16 Comments

  1. 1
    giffordsaz
    Posted April 30, 2010 at 8:23 pm

    Wow, did I just take the time to read that whole recap?

  2. 2
    dudeIrock
    Posted April 30, 2010 at 10:50 pm

    Too drunk to read the rest without giving some comments first..
    First paragraph, you’re ‘Holly (ugh)’ made my life. I hate that biatch. Now to read the rest…

  3. 3
    dudeIrock
    Posted April 30, 2010 at 10:58 pm

    Ok I’m back (keep in mind the drunkenness). I enjoyed the recap. I too was shocked by Bret Michaels’s bod. I still hate Holly. I can see why you might get some flack cuz the recap was short and missed some details..but that’s a RECAP. You’re here for free, you call it like you see it, and I enjoy your humour – that ‘u’ isn’t a typo, I’m Canadian. Keep it up, I enjoy reading and really, 2 hours is far too long anyways….

  4. 4
    Snootchy Bootches
    Posted May 1, 2010 at 2:05 am

    Mona, I know you do this for free out of your own time. And I appreciate that. But why waste your time and ours if you aren’t feeling it. I know you are capable of writing some super funny recaps. I’ve read them and laughed out loud! If this show isn’t inspiring you, you should just hang it up and move on to a show that is more your style. Know what I mean?

  5. 5
    messystation
    Posted May 1, 2010 at 3:34 am

    I agree that Holly sucks. Did you notice that she said she does this “for a living”? And her charity was founded by her? So, basically, her salary comes out of the charity and she will personally gain from winning, unlike Bret and Cyndi, who are playing for unrelated charities. (Not sure what the deal is with the Sharon Osbourne Colon Cancer whatever).

    Also, where were the Rock of Love skanks we were promised??? I had my hopes high for a Heather sighting. Conversely, I am glad they made NO mention of the fact that Tara from Biggest Loser seemed to have been at every single Buns and Guns session because she is an attention whore. (Don’t ask why I enjoy famewhoring on the part of Rock of Love contestants, but cannot tolerate it for Biggest Losers. I have no explanation).

  6. 6
    cattyfan
    Posted May 1, 2010 at 8:33 am

    Watching this show was odd this week. Here’s Bret on my screen looking all healthy and happy…while in real life he’s in critical condition.

    I’m glad no one went home this week. And I like Holly’s gesture of making a contribution to Sharon’s cause. Sometimes niceness is a good alternative to what normally goes on…in the world and on reality TV.

  7. 7
    Mooshie
    Posted May 1, 2010 at 8:33 am

    In the boardroom.
    Cyndi Lauper: “I feel bad.”
    Trump: “BadLY. You feel badLY.”
    GAH!

  8. 8
    scottywrangler scottywrangler
    Posted May 1, 2010 at 11:00 am

    @Mooshie,

    I always heard from people a lot smarter than me (or is it I?), that it’s “I feel bad.”

    I couldn’t believe when Trump corrected her. I know someone who corrects the English of others a lot and it’s just freaking annoying! And, you can’t wait for them to screw up so you can correct them. (Unless you have some class, like us!)

  9. 9
    pixielated
    Posted May 1, 2010 at 12:28 pm

    “I feel badly” would mean that your sense of touch is bad, I believe.

    Certainly, “I feel bad” is fine, since it is part of our vernacular.

    Maybe Cyndi just gets on Trump’s nerves.

  10. 10
    thlayly5
    Posted May 1, 2010 at 1:13 pm

    This recap sucks. You barely wrote anything. Yeah, I know its for free, blah blah blah- but don’t you have to audition to get the gig? Isn’t there some kind of standard? And I have read your recaps before and they have been funny and decent length- I’m talking like 5 or 6 pages of snark. This show just screams hilarity- one could go on for pages. I dunno- I’m sure our recapper is crazy busy, a lovely person, very funny, kind to animals, etc., but I’m missing the snark.

  11. 11
    thatswhatshesaid
    Posted May 1, 2010 at 9:24 pm

    I just finally watched this episode tonight and I agree – 2 hours is just too long for this show! Why is it 2 hours long??

    My crush on Bret Michaels is over. You’re right Mona, he will bang ANYONE. I didn’t see Rock of Love so I was fooled by his humility?? I don’t know, but anyhoo, I was very glad to read that he’s doing better health-wise.

    I enjoyed the recap! I LOL’d at several points. I still think the Diabetes one was the funniest one. I think of the screen grab of Bret with “hilarious” at the bottom and I crack up. I know it’s a sensitive issue and caused a fire storm on here, but I still thought it was funny.

    I thought it was lame that no one got fired on this episode. I guess they didn’t want to have 2 people on a team again and have to switch people two weeks in a row. Maybe the wrong people got fired off of Rock Solid because they keep losing and the only common denominator now is Bret…
    I thought it was in VERY poor taste of Holly to out Sharon like that! To me, it made her look bad after her win. She looked petty. Why was she answering at all? Her team won! She should have stayed out of it. I didn’t like that. :(

    What happened to all of Cyndi’s gays?! Where were her peeps?! She won that money and gave that check and not one person showed up to represent! Lame!

    Why didn’t Lady GaGa make a cameo?! She kept Cyndi away all day and not one appearance?? Weird! At least she gave money. That was nice.

    Okay, I’m done :)

  12. 12
    dudeIrock
    Posted May 1, 2010 at 11:47 pm

    thatswhatshesaid: What you said.

  13. 13
    what?
    Posted May 2, 2010 at 1:07 pm

    2 hours is tooooooooooo long for this show.

    I cannot stand Holly, what a witch! There are a lot of actresses/actors I like until they open their mouths on their own time, Holly is such person. I really liked her on the few shows she had, but the apprentice has ruined her for me. I do not think I will be able to watch her in anything again.

    Hubby just loves this show, I tolerate it. I do not understand why shows like this (celebrity apprentice, top chef, the design shows etc) have unrealistic time limits for the tasks and expect unbelievable results. Whatever!

  14. 14
    juddfan
    Posted May 3, 2010 at 3:40 pm

    messy station, I agree 100%–didn’t watch last night, but when she handed her hubby the check last night, I thought the same thing . . . I do hope she is doing well with it. I don’t hate her, she seems pretty sharp to me, and Cyndi, tho I love, seems quite annoying . . . but I love, right . . . . it’s not just her past, right!? Who knows, I have a feeling I could get along with her.

  15. 15
    juddfan
    Posted May 5, 2010 at 1:40 pm

    and was this the epi they showed the boy from brazil, I mean, trumps young spawn . . . “cough” the anti christ “cough”

  16. 16
    leslilly
    Posted May 13, 2010 at 9:24 pm

    Remember that Holly said she would be writing Sharon a check for the portion that RockSolid earned for their charity? Then they show Holly telling hubby – LOOK, we’ve got 347k!!!!! I hope she at least attempted to pay Sharon.

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