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Hi Gasmii! How is everyone? Staying well, I hope. I’m writing this between gargling gallon mugs of Red Zinger and Throat Coat. I could really use a pick-me-up after the crappy few days that I’ve had, you know what I mean?
Still, I’m in nowhere near as much pain as this woman.
Don’t worry, I’m not looking for any mood elevation here.
Good God, what an emotional episode. It’s a good thing that I’m all dried up from the medicine, or else I’d be an even bigger puddle of tears than I was last week when little Max got put down. Heh, just kidding. They could put everyone down on this show and I probably wouldn’t cry, not anymore.On the bright side, there seems to be some progress to report. Some of them are finally growing a spine, while others are sadly just as lost as they were on drugs. I understand that this entire show is filmed over a short 21 day period and not to expect miracles but sometimes you need to slap a bitch, no? You know who I’m talking about. THOSE patients.
One of them begins day 15 by lying around on her messy ass while another is fulfilling his community service requirements by watering flowers as Shirley stands guard. SO difficult. I wish she would just haul off and slug him.
“Good morning Dennis, have you ever tasted a mug before?”
Where was he when Mikey was puking? I would have loved to see him put in a few hours cleaning that, and we’ll get to Sir Rodman later, but first up is our Olympic medal winning puker.
He’s got the ubiquitous headphones on and tells Shelly that if he doesn’t answer her, it’s because he’s listening to music. When she asks him what band, he tells her that he’s listening to Alice In Chains for the 70 billionth time, because he likes to hear Layne’s voice and remember happier times. He truly is stuck at those crossroads, isn’t he? They are obviously setting up his need for closure and it couldn’t happen fast enough. I mean, I love Alice In Chains and all but dude, a lot of music has come out since then.
He still looks terrible, like a Samoan migrant worker that subsists on only processed pork and cheese products, bloated and greasy. He’s the anti- Troy Polamalu, who is a sexy bitch by the way.
If Mr. McSlore ever kicks the bucket…
God forbid, but you know, just in case, it’s always good to have a back-up plan.
Mikey is meeting with Dr.Drew today to catch up on stuff and why is he always so bundled up? Is he used to the island breezes of his native land (he was born in Hawaii) or is he trying to hide the rehab bloat?
Get on the treadmill, buddy. You wouldn’t be half bad if you worked out a little, plus it’s really good for your circulation and might combat the shivers you have from detox and smoking.
It’s true, smoking makes you chilly. I smoked on and off for years. I always had icy red extremities until I quit cold turkey last July, and even my knees were perpetually pinkish. Within a month or two the redness was gone and even in this cold ass interminable winter I don’t get as chilly. Smoking shrinks your capillaries and cuts down your oxygen intake. Quitting was one of the smartest things I’ve ever done. I just wish that it hadn’t taken so long.
Sorry if I sound preachy because I don’t mean to be. If you smoke I have absolutley nothing against you. I’m just speaking from personal experience, and I’ve known people that smoked for decades and never developed even an ounce of a respitory problem. It’s also the last addiction you have when you quit drugs and alcohol, along with caffeine. I couldn’t imagine kicking everything at once. You’d end up killing innocent people. We don’t want Mikey doing that.
On second thought, take his Marlboros away, Dr. Drew!
Mikey’s brains are still all whacka doodle do-ing on a regular basis. He’s not going psycho on any cameramen anymore but he’s still having confused thought processes. Drew tells him that it’s the methadone withdrawal. You can thank German scientists for that. They developed it during World War II and even they knew better than to administer it to their soldiers because of the gruesome side effects of the withdrawal.
Modern American dope addicts? That’s a different story. Nobody cares, and the clinics receive their public money on a quota basis. Why on earth would they want you to stop? They don’t, and I could rant about it but I don’t have the energy right now.
Mikey likes talking to Dr. Drew. He says that it soothes him. There’s something to be said for that, especially when you are dealing with such fragile people. But since it’s already been about 2 weeks, can we move on to some ass kicking now? Please?
Not yet, first we get more of Mikey’s story- He began his time in AIC when he was 20. They made it big and Mikey remained a casual drug user until he got kicked out of the band in South America, or left the band like the Wiki entry says, to spend more time with his family. There are a bunch of different stories but Mikey says he was kicked out, so we’ll go with that.
He was upset, so he allowed Layne Staley and Kurt Cobain to shoot him up with heroin. Yeah, I know. Most people cry, or pull on some Jack daniels for a day or two but not Mikey.
He died for eleven minutes and awoke to Layne punching him and crying. Layne saved his life after almost killing him and Mikey feels guilt for not saving him back. Instead, he died alone on Mike’s birthday.
This is Layne in case you’ve never seen a picture of him before-
He feels haunted and guilty but Drew tells him that Layne died from addiction, not because of Mikey, and that there have been many times that he wished that he could save people too. Sometimes people die but Drew wants to make sure that he doesn’t end up one of those people.
What do you guys think? Didn’t that seem like a flashback, like it had been filmed at the beginning of Mikey’s stint at the PRC, not day 15? I’m confused. It felt like an initial evaluation to me.
It all ties in with family weekend, though, and that’s probably the point. That’s right, everybody’s closest relatives will be paying a visit this week and here’s the gorgeous poster they hung up in the hallway to herald the special day’s arrival-
How nice of them to give Raquel from the Real Housewives her first job as an artist!
This will be the first time some of the patients have been sober around their loved ones in years. There are going to be some strong emotions coming out. Joey is worried about what the process is going to be because his mom is so sensitive. I took that to mean that she’s not going to take kindly to the things he’s said about her in group.
Not to mention when beating the shit out of an automobile.
Get a load of Carrion’s room. How can she stand to spend so much time in there amidst all the chaos, and why do they let her get away with it? LOVE the hate painting.
I wonder if someone from her huge fan club sent it to her.
Or maybe it was one of her brothers. She interviews that seeing them again is going to be one of the hardest things that she’s ever done. They’ve lost all respect for her and can’t trust her anymore. Well, that’s what happens when you’re a flaming bitch. You should consider yourself lucky that they don’t sell you and your whoring ways out to Billy Bush or Janet Charlton.
They head out to a place called Johnson Lake, and the peeps start to arrive.
Is that Dennis’s porn name or did Carrion just want to relive some of her finer moments?
Lisa hugs her sister, and Patty the fabulous ‘lady of a certain age’ is nowhere to be found! What a travesty! I was so looking forward to seeing what kind of funky outfit from the 80s she was going to wear this time around. Shit. I had a whole inner monologue revolving around sock hops all planned out and everything.
Heidi is reunited with one of her birds and Carrion’s brothers Tony and Fabian arrive, proving Carrion’s mom to be not only a controlling avid lipstick proponent..
but a fan of the old American Bandstand too.
Joey has his (huge) mom and sweet looking sister, Dennis’s wife brought the kids, and Mikey has his sister, mom and Layne’s mom Nancy. Oh boy. When I saw that she was there, I started to get worried.
I shouldn’t have because she greets him with a big hug. She tells him to take as much time as he needs to get better and then sends him off to spend time with his family.
I see that Daddy Starr didn’t come. As a matter of fact, there are no daddies anywhere at all. What is up with that? I know that Mack’s is dead (hope you’re having fun in Hell, motherfucker) and Dennis’s is AWOL but what about everybody else? Oh well, Drew can be their daddy, the wonderful caring father they never had.
I hate the music they play on this show too. Who the fuck is Alpha Rev and why are they moping it up on my TV? Send them back to wussytown where they belong. I don’t have the time or patience for their sad sappy simpering stylings. If I want something good to get misty over, I’ll just listen to Mindy’s song again. And don’t tell me that VH1 has bands to promote. It’s been a long time since they gave a shit about that stuff and unless you’re a washed up rapper or hair metal singer surrounded by whores, nobody else cares either.
Geez, the flu makes me a bitch. I’m going to go glug some DayQuil.
They’ve set up some of those gold sprayed bamboo looking chairs that you sit on at outdoor weddings and Drew trots out Dr. Farinha again. I don’t know about this guy. He’s been on the show a bunch of times before but I never remember a damn thing he says, do you?
Yeah, set your brain to IGNORE
There’s some talk about how an addict affects everyone around him or her and DUH, especially when you catch them rooting around in your purse. This is the lead-in to hear the relative’s stories with Nancy being the Grand Finale.
Carrion’s brothers say that they live in fear of getting that phone call telling them that she’s dead. You call it fear.
Everyone else calls it wishful thinking.
That didn’t say dead from drugs, by the way. I found that to be interesting.
She isolates herself for months at a time, not answering their phone calls since they aren’t outcalls, and she apologizes but even that rings hollow. Does this girl have an unselfish bone in her body? She says that she doesn’t want to be coached, just supported. In other words, let me do things my own way while you kiss my ass. I’d say that I hope she relaspses BIG TIME but that would be bad karma so I won’t.
Mikey’s sister says that she’s afraid that he’ll never be happy again. Ain’t that the truth. The only thing he has approaching joy in his life is freebasing with a guy that looks like he could helm the Black Pearl without any makeup.
His mom says that he’s like Jekyll and Hyde, and we sure can back that up, can’t we Gasmii? He’s simply lovely when he’s jonesing.
Now it’s Nancy’s turn and she is a damn good speaker. She stands up and tells all of them to get their heads out of their asses because her son is gone forever and they could be next, as rotting worm food or dust in a can. I want to stand up and applaud her but my electric blanket just kicked in and it’s taking all my energy just to blink once in a while.
She says that her son died even though he had every tool at his disposal, the money, the family, the love, and still he succombed to his addiction. They better take advantage of the situation to get better before it’s too late. She doesn’t want to see any of them go through what she did and never get to hug their loved on again.
I really, really loved the last thing that she says because it sums up one of the major underlying issues with these ‘celebrity’ addicts. She tells them to consider accepting a boring predictable existence over their constant hunger for fame because it’s a life that can be very rich, only they’ll never know it until they try it. Joey’s sister needs an Amen up in here because she totally gives him the side-eye. It gave me the biggest laugh of the season so far.
If only she were running this show.
Group is over and it’s time for some more intimate therapy. Drew and whatshisname want to talk to Dennis and his pock marked wifey, Michelle.
The pitfalls of being married to a celebrity.
They want to know what Dennis needs from his woman. He says that they work well together because they are often apart or some such nonsense but wifey is not happy. Poor Dr. Asskisser looks confused. You mean you’re not happy doing whatever your famous husband tells you to do? Really, why is he surprised?
“But have you SEEN what he looks like when he’s partying?”
She says that he keeps her seperate, not to protect her from his boozing ways like the good doctor thinks, but to protect himself from being found out. Whores at the hotel, Episode 1, anyone? Why do they act like they’re shocked when she wants a divorce? I don’t get it. Look at the body language, the freaking puff of smoke from his cigar-
Yay, the cameraman finally found your best angle.
Can they film him through smoke in every episode, pretty please?
Dennis inarticulates that he doesn’t want his dirty laundry aired in public and laughs at her for saying that she would like ‘somewhat of a husband.’ He says that she’s been living as a single woman for nine years and he supports her so that should be enough. I’m willing to bet that he got an iron clad pre-nup since he seems unfazed by the idea of her leaving.
Anyway, he doesn’t care, she’s resigned to it and I would like to adopt their adorable kids. They deserve more than an absentee dad and a mom that takes bribes from Dr. Phil. Besides, my eggs are almost as dried up as my throat and I’m good with children when I’m not swearing at the TV.
Two uglies equal one cutie. That’s some kind of weird DNA law of negatives.
Mikey is up next and he sits down with his mom and nancy. Drew wants him to be able to move forward and he asks if he needs Nancy’s forgiveness to do so. He does, so let’s get right to it.
Mikey was the last person to see Layne alive. He softly tells nancy that he wishes that he had called 911 that day but he was too stupid and petulant from the benzos. Layne told him that he would never speak to him again if he called an ambulance, called him a fool for taking downers and then Mikey left in a huff, saying “Fine, I’ll leave then.” The last words that Layne said to him were, “Not like this,” and he was found dead two weeks later.
Nancy asks him if he saw Layne die, he says no. When he was there, Layne told him he was sick and Mikey told him that he’d come back. He never did. Instead, he blacked out in his mother’s basement until he found out about Layne’s demise. What a nightmare.
It’s the first time he ever told anyone what happened and he apologizes to Nancy again. She tells him that Layne could have gotten help or called 911 on his own if he wanted to. He was just too messed up and embarrased from squandering his life and talent so badly. She doesn’t blame him and she never has. Poor lady. Mikey’s lucky that she’s so understanding. There are plenty who would carry a death wish and a grudge to the grave over smaller things.
Drew chimes in at this point and tells him to save his own life in tribute to Layne. That’s why Nancy’s there, because that’s what Layne would want him to do, that and to know that he forgives him.
Mikey hangs his head and closes his eyes. I think he finally got some peace. Somebody give Nancy a medal for doing what she did, and not the one Mikey got for his record shattering puke fest.
It’s Day 17 and time for Carrion to act like an irrational ass! Ahhh, what would we do without these times together, Gasmii? How else could we bond if it weren’t for her late blooming terrible twos (not referring to her tits) and Tom’s questionable presence?
There’s something in AA about service to others and that’s what this excursion to an empty storefront is all about. The place is bare down to the brick walls and they are supposed to transform it into a dining hall where they will serve their friends and family. It’s time to give back to those from whom so much has been taken, and since it’s almost time for Carrion to act a fool, it is also time for me to dance with the Orange Fairy again.
Not this one. DayQuil.
Okay, his skin is actually yellow and I did bother to Google the guy. He’s the genius responsible for those ‘gifting lounges’ you always hear about celebrities running amok in. People like Lindsay Lohan and other Dlisters populate them and take bets on how much free swag they can carry out before someone stops them.
He organizes gift bags for bigwig award show nonsense and is an event co-ordinator. It was really nice of him to donate his time today. He’s about to wish he hadn’t bothered, although he should be used to insane celebrities by now, shouldn’t he?
They go shopping in Chinatown for table and room decor and I am so jealous. The Asian Village here in Cleveland consists of a strip mall and a grocery store. It was a bitch finding ornaments for my Chinese themed Christmas tree last year. One trip to this store would have been heaven.
Poor Mindy, she tries on a silk jacket and she can’t close it around her ginormous knockers. She tells Mack that she wants to get breast reduction surgery. I feel ya, sistah.
While you are at it, could you get Carrion’s mouth sewn shut?
They act like kids in a candy store, wanting to take home a big papier mache elephant and some faux Samarai swords. At least most of them act like kids. Carrion has a full-on temper tantrum over a six hundred dollar dragon. No one can convince her that it’s a wee bit impractical to buy a huge flying paper dragon that will probably scare the kids anyway, not to mention the druggy metaphor.
She says “But I want it,” over and over again.
If it’s true that you revert back to the emotional maturity level you had when you first started drugs, I’m going to assume she started at age five. I can totally picture it- little Carrion sitting at her miniature white dressing table, tiara askew, making Care Bear bow to her as she slurs the beauty pageant acceptance speech she thought up before stealing mommy’s valium. I’m never going to be able to look at Toddlers and Tiaras the same way again.
Lash calmly explains to her that she can’t have it. Besides, once she gets it home it will be like opening gifts when you were a kid- after you played with it once, you didn’t want it anymore. He should know and here’s a quote of his I found: “You never get too rich or too famous to enjoy receiving a present. It’s like Christmas all year long for some of these celebrities.”
Or in her case, Halloween.
She finally ditches the bag with the dragon into a shopping cart and stomps out of the store. Two Asian ladies in the background want to know why nobody told them Godzilla was back in town.
Give crazy white lady her ritalin, please!
They get back to the space and go right to work except for Heidi. She’s too busy makin out with her bird to be bothered. I swear that if there was a way to hump that thing she’d be grinding on it right now.
Well, he IS cuter than Sizemore.
Joey shows off the muscles that
roids God gave him by picking up a huge bench all by himself. Sweet goofy Joey. Sometimes I think that he’s the happiest to be there, like he finally belongs to something. Too bad he had to do all those drugs to fit in, but he’s young. He’ll recover. he just needs to lay off the juice.
The table is almost finished and Loesha asks Heidi to drop the bird and participate. She hands it off to her friend after telling Loesha to fuck off, with a smile of course, and Loesha reminds her that she could snap her in two like a twig. Brilliant. That’s not exactly what I had in mind when I said that I wanted to see some ass kicking this week. I was thinking of something a little less literal.
Here’s the room before-
All in all, they did a pretty good job and I’m totally stealing the table design for the next time we do Pad Thai night.
Family starts to shuffle in and once again, no dads anywhere. Heidi goes back outside to hang with her family- Toucan Sam. Loesha is back, insisting that the bird has to go. Can’t she just put it on a tree limb or the back of a chair or something? What’s the big deal?
If she doesn’t want any animals there then why doesn’t she kick out Joey first?
Supposedly, it’s a distraction and Loesha tells her to take it out front or across the street. Heidi says no problem, walks the bird across the street, saying that she’s going back to Nevada with it. She’s sober and everybody can just fuck off now. The poor bird is squawking away in fright and Loesha says that she isn’t going to chase her.
That’s funny, cuz it looked like you were chasing her away.
I think that bringing that bird into this setting was a huge mistake. It gave Heidi the excuse that she needed in order to leave. She has her reasons, but I can’t help but think that as soon as she saw Tom she was planning to ditch. So, yay casting! You drove her away.
Back inside, Drew is making an alcohol free toast to all the hard work and the spirit of giving back that will hopefully contribute to their sobriety, and I realise that I like drunken toasts much better. Those usually involve embarrassing stories and teary ‘I love you, man’s” instead of boring pats on the back.
And should they really be drinking out of wine glasses?
He tells them that Heidi left and then asks if anyone has any toasts of their own. Tom is first and he thanks Dr. Drew and Mikey for helping him through his withdrawals. Mikey thanks him for thanking him and I notice how close they have become.
I wonder if this is something that Mikey is doing subconsciously, like if he helps save Tom it will erase the fact that he didn’t save Layne. Does anyone else feel that way? Maybe he just always wanted a big brother, I don’t know, but he seems almost compelled to cling to him. I thought it was strange.
It’s Mackenzie’s turn and they call her Mack Attack so I guess that we aren’t the only ones to shorten her name like that. She says something about living a better life and that she’s moved but take that for what it’s worth.
She cries if you get pensive while washing dishes, for goodness sake.
Joey gets all choked up when he thanks everybody for helping him conquer his demons. His big mama starts blubbering all over her napkin when he tells her that she doesn’t suck so bad anymore. I got the awkward icks when he said that she wasn’t a good mother when he was growing up, didn’t you? Un-comfortable, to say the least.
Mindy gets up to sing a song that she wrote in jail. How bad-ass of her. I don’t think that you can truly write a good country song until you’ve written one in jail. She’s right up there with Johnny Cash now, at least in my book, and I hate country music.
She sings about trainwrecks only lasting one night, how she’ll be okay, I’m still here, etc….as a montage of photos from everyone’s younger days is playing on the screen behind her. I particularly liked the photo of Carrion in the bathtub. She looks so sad, but then again she doesn’t like bathing alone, now does she?
Mommy, where’s my pipe?
Mindy’s voice is heartbreakingly perfect and everyone is moved, especially Tom, but even Dr. Drew is fighting back tears.
Mack reacts to EVERYTHING like she suffers from some kind of emotional Tourettes, and it was a really nice moment for everyone to recognise how far they’ve come already.
Tom cries over how young they used to be. How do you account for all those lost years, huh Tom? It can only get worse if you go back to the way you were, you know. Give yourself a decnt chance to heal, for a change, and thank God that Mikey cares for you so much.
The real world isn’t going to be so good at kissing your ass when you get out.
I wonder what the little Rodman kids make of all this. Should they even be there? It seems a bit much for a kid to take before they’re in their teens. I hope that somebody explains what is going on in a way that they can understand without being confused and frightened.
It’s time to say goodbye, which Loesha says to them a few times in that charming bitchy babysitter way of hers, and heidi is still across the street with her bird. Drew voice-overs that the feelings raised by today’s activities were just too much for her, and he heads over to try and convince her to stay.
I don’t see the point. Heidi strikes me as the kind of person who will stick to her guns when her mind is made up. I’d be shocked if she stayed.
As he walks up to her, she tells him that she’s had enough and she’s sober now and she wants to go home. She’s grateful but maybe she’s just weird. Maybe she’s just a strange person who doesn’t really like other people very much.
Now that she’s sober she likes people even less than she did when she was using. Now she is GLAD that she’s lonely. Drew says, “But people LIKE you.”
“They just don’t like to look at you, honey.”
I guess that’s just not enough. She kinda has to like them back, you know? Besides, birds are easier. They don’t have any of those tough icky human emotions.
She drives off and Drew says that he fears that her isolation will force her to relapse and I say,
YOU SHOULD HAVE THOUGHT ABOUT THAT BEFORE YOU MADE HER SHARE REHAB WITH HER ABUSER.
I realise from some of your comments that you are starting to lose faith in Dr. Drew. I have thought about it and it strikes me that although he is a hugely empathetic person, he lacks some of the tough love that is needed here. There needs to be a bad cop to go with his good cop and as much as it pains me to say it, The Bob doesn’t look to be cutting it. I would like the SuperNanny to pay a visit, wouldn’t you? Especially with Carrion. She’d have her cleaning her room and crying into her weave in fear before you could say McSteamy threesome.
Next time, Heidi crashes in the desert, we hear heartbreaking stories from the little children of addicts and Carrion does what she knows best- taking her clothes off. Didn’t see that coming, now didja?
Now it’s time for the green fairy, NyQuil here I come.
Love and Kisses,