Charm School: Double Penetration

This week on Charm School, the girls give back to the community by starring in PSAs. Seriously.

This is your brain on Charm School.

Me.

Hey Y’all- sorry I’ve been so tardy on Charm School. I had, uh, syphilis. And by Syphilis, I mean a raging case of awesome. Hmmm…so last week, we started out hearing Brandi C. yammer on about staying in the house and winning every challenge for her bff4evr, Megan. Really? Did you notice, that when she left, the girl was thrilled? Sounds like you’re making a big ‘ol fuss about nothing, Brandi C. That’s cool, though, because I like when you get upset…the more you cry, the more eyeliner gets all over your face and makes you look like a dirty lost boy.

Brandi M, on the other hand, is determined to be less controversial for all the right reasons…reasons that have nothing to do with that ‘ol skankwhore Megan. Brandi M. reads Sharon’s morning letter, saying that a true girl needs to be a “social chameleon.” Really? It seems as though the girls are already doing a good job disguising themselves…

My mom and Sasquatch share a moment of thought.

Inna says that now that there’s only nine of them, she needs to work twice as hard to win the competition, and by win the competition she means crushing them with her tremendous, dirty feet. “I can’t loose…” Inna says, with an air of desperation. I bet she’s homeless, and losing means living in her Ford Festiva and eating old, discarded Jack N’ the Box for breakfast. Am I right? Am I right?

Daniella the zombie-face says that the fourth commandment of Charm school is “thou shalt not rock rude.”

Pink Tampon scrolls hold the key.

Daniella goes on to say that real ladies (e.g. nobody in the vicinity) know the rules of etiquette and social interaction. These “ladies” know the rules of suck-a-dick and social fornication…does that count, Daniella zombie-face? Were do eating brains fall on the spectrum of lady-hood? Stop grunting and eyeing my cranium. Whaaat?

Oh dude, I love Sharon, though- her attitude is so great. She says that this is going to be a real tough one for these skanks, because they came out of their mother’s womb swearing, spitting, shouting and giving blow jobs. And, they’ve been the same ever since. I know! I came out of my mom’s womb in a gown made of crocodile and beaver tusk. that’s because I’m. all. class. Daniella introduces the charm schoolies to Lisa Gachet, this non-descript blond housewife lookin’ woman who looks just about as thrilled to be there as every other guest, who obviously doesn’t watch Rock of Love and thinks they’re going to be on some sort of Harry Potteresque project runway show.

Smile. Gag. Great to Be here.

Lisa Gachet is the president and co-founder of Beverly Hills Manners. Really? Is this still a real vocation? Not slurping soup and carrying a book on one’s head? Awesome, sign me up. I have flat feet, but I know I can act snooty. First, Lisa Gachet wants to talk to the ladies about their “presentation skills.” The obvious question is “what presentation skills?” Everyone’s thoughts exactly, right? L.Gash tells the girls to keep their legs and knees closed, first and foremost, which is a smart way to start with these ladies. Get em where they’re most vulnerable, around the vag area, and move up from there. What will these girls do without straddling somebody?

Turns out the first direction was harder than we all thought.

Next, Heather and Brandi M. have to eat soup. Ohhh! L. Gash! Pick me! I love soup. Fiine. Heather immediately begins to chow down on the soup, though Brandi M. does okay but slurps it a little.

Mmm…do you have any Tostino’s Pizza Rolls to go with this? How about a snack cake?

Brandi C. calls Brandi M. out as being a “faker,” but man, Brandi C….really? Remember when you pretend to be friends with everyone and then bitch about them and then whine and cry like a ten year old boy who’s wet himself, only with more mascara? Hmm? Guess not. Bitch away, pink-head. And by the way, “etiquette-ized” isn’t a word. And pink isn’t a real color of hair. Just sayin.’

The “ladies” then learn that Sharon has invited a very special guest for dinner to the house (house? What is this place? Mansion? VH1 set? I’m fairly certain this place didn’t exist before filming. Think “A real chance at love,” y’all- if you haven’t seen that house, it’s fucking ridiculous…) Daniella selects Dallas, Christie Jo and Inna to be team captains, because they haven’t “taken a leadership role” yet in these Charm School Competitions. Yeah, zombie face, there’s a reason for that. They. Aren’t. leaders. Dallas always looks like she shit herself and Inna can’t keep her feet clean. Christie Jo? Well? I dunno. She looks like a blow-up doll.

Inna is nervous about being team captain, saying, that usually when she’s under pressure, she snaps. Yeah, that’s probably true. And what’s more pressure than having to wash your hair and keep your body clean? Exactly.

Um, Daniella? Do I smell feces?

And, of course, Brandi C. is pissed about…doing stuff she doesn’t like to do. LIke, challenges. And, interacting with people who are smarter and/or older and/or less slutty than her. I love this still:

Eww! Old People!

They both look like they just smelled Inna, or took big ‘ol steaming dumps in their little pleated skirts. Man, Charm School is hard! Oh, I also love this quote by Brandi C. “I don’t know how to entertain anyone but men that are in between the ages of eighteen and thirty six.” FINALLY, a little HONESTY up in this piece. And, she even gives a pretty narrow age bracket, at least for her. Somewhere, a boy of fourteen is crying and masturbating on his Rock of Love DVD set. Poor boy.

When they have to pick the other girls on their team (two, to be exact) Inna wants anyone besides Brandi C. and Lacey. Hmmm…maybe Inna, amidst stink, has some brain matter on her, at least enough to discern that those ladies are whack. Lacey wants Christie Jo to pick her, but Christie Jo gives the lame excuse that Lacey has pink hair, which will “not sit well with the dutchess.” Ah yes, period hair is frowned upon in the house of windsor, isn’t it ladies? Nice Save, Ho Jo. Soon, everyone gets picked by Ho Jo and Dallas, and poor, dumb Inna has to work with Lacey and Brandi C. Aww, the cutest thing is when Inna has to ask Dallas who her team is. Poor Inna. Your team is picked by YOU, Inna. That’s why you’re team captain. Hey, Inna, stop drawing hand turkeys on your Charm School Notebook. And playing with loose change. Inna! Focus! That’s not candy, that’s a pencil.

Brandi C. and Lacey go with Inna, and Ho Jo chooses Brandi M. and Jessica. (Jessica is pissed that Brandi M. is on their team, because she’s not a lady. Oy. Okay, news flash, none of these girls are ladies, and Inna just tried to eat the ficus in the corner. Ah, Charm School). Finally, Dallas picks Heather and Destiney. Then, Michael Breen comes in, who is the “Chief of Staff” for her royal highness. He looks like a cross between Ricky Gervais and a lump of oatmeal.

No, I didn’t especially care for the show “The Office.” (Sneer Sneer)

Then Ricky Gervais Oatmeal Face gives the girls the protocol that must be observed: Curtsey, bow, never turn your back on the Duchess, mind proper table manners, eat and drink at the pace of the duchess, no giving the Duchess a blowjob, no tasting or sipping unless the Duchess does so, no stealing the Duchess’ car, address the Duchess by her full name, Never put your titties in the Duchess face,

What? No Titties in the face??

Don’t give the Duchess alcohol, no rimming the Duchess, no giving the Duchess fruit leather, no taking the Duchess jewelery while she’s looking at Inna eating inanimate objects, no watching “Home Alone 3″ with the Duchess without enough buttered popcorn, no listening to the Duchess take a dump after dinner, no giving the Duchess any homemade mix tapes, and no waxing the Duchess bikini line unless she expressly agrees to do so.

Rules make me soil myself.

Simple, right, ladies?

Not for Inna, who goes over the rules with Lacey and Brandi C. while eating what seems like huge plates of Nachos. Nice, Ladies!

We can still look evil while eating. Look!

It is obvious that Inna is “Inna way over her head!” Get it, I’m awesome. She fucks up courtesy and curtsey, which makes me worry because she doesn’t know what either words mean. Also, Inna is drinking a HUGE glass of milk while she’s discussing this, which could mean one of two things: Inna’s gonna be stinkier when she started, or Inna is a seven year old girl. Let’s see if she orders fish sticks with her milk, I think then we’ll get our answers. With further difficulty with the word “decollatage” we know this teams in trouble. But hey, does anyone else find this still as hilarious as I do?

Class for Class.

So the girls who are most charming with this challenge will be exempt from expulsion, but everyone else will be able to get the boot. Oh Sharon must be giddy to see what happens…and she will see what happens, as she’s going to be watching the whole time through the spycam in her office. Hey, when does Ozzie get to go on the show and sip soup? Now that’s something I want to see. Sharon thinks it’s going to be like watching a “very bad car crash in slow motion.” Heheheh. Love ya, Sharon.

Brandi C. says the Duchess looks like Sophia from the golden girls, but I think she looks a lot like a raisin in a blue suit. That’s just me, though. All the girls introduce themselves to the Duchess, and the only one who doesn’t really fuck up is Evil Lacy, who looks even Eviller in her supervillain frock.

I plan on sucking the life out of you after tea, Duchess of Harrington, Page Irvingcrow…Mid-wilshire…Dumbledorf….

Then the Duchess gets pissed because Inna the stinky slob is showing too much of her Sasquatch body to the world. So Inna scuttles up to her room and puts on a little shawl to cover the catastrophe that is her career in Charm School. So they all sit down for appeteazers, and Inna (miraculously, getting the Duchess’ name right,) offers to get her a drink and she wants wine. Wine, Inna! That’s a no-no. Inna, of course, is flummoxed and almost pees herself for like the seventh time that day. I know, Inna. Charm school is hard…

Ummm….I can’t give you alcohol, Duchess. Uh, how about a mojito?

Hahaha, then the Duchess makes fun of Brandi C’s pink period hair, telling her to wear a cap. Awesome. So then the next three girls waltz in, ready for their humiliation. They sit down for dinner as the duchess fucks with them, but at least they don’t make quite as big of fools of themselves as Inna, and just tell the duchess that they don’t have any wine, instead of saying “hey Duchess, alcoholic of hertefordshire, dame floozy of billingsworth, AA candidate of Castle Grayskull, no wine for you, cunthead.” Nope- they just tell her they’re all out of booze for the evening. Then they have dinner as Sharon cackles at the television. For the life of her, Brandi M. can not get the Duchess’ name right….Jessica switches seats with Brandi M. so that the fake Duchess (wait, spoiler alert!) can make fake conversation with a very real skank ho. Then Jessica tells the LAMEST JOKE IN THE WORLD TO THE DUCHESS (“what did the fish say when it hit the glass…nothing, fish cant’s speak.” what are you, four?) and awesomely, Jessica looks proud of herself and the Duchess moves them again! HA! Stupid Jessica. Better put your scholastic reader joke book away for another challenge.

Send in the next gaggle of Skanks! (Cackle Cackle)

Then Sharon actually reveals that the Duchess is an actress, but does it even matter? The last group gets the Duchess for Tea and Dessert, and in the midst of it, Dallas gets her name made fun of (ha! Good thing Rodeo isn’t here any more, heheheheh) and Heather spills tea over everything.

Okay, I can’t handle this anymore. Sombody call my agent and get me the hell out of here.

Oh, but no visit with a fake Duchess can go without an inevitable “Spotted Dick” joke, can it. Ugh. Its one of Sharon and the Duchess’ favorite desserts, so guess what? That’s somethign that everyone seems to have in common here at Charm school. Lame. And, Heather, calling it like it is, says to the camera that it’s a “good thing” she didn’t start cracking jokes about dick and cock. Yeah, Heather. That is a good thing. I would like to put you up for the nobel peace prize, or at least a PhD at a top university, you’re that perceptive.

then, of course, the inevitable game of not turning one’s back on the Duchess as she looks at all the shit in the room. Finally, the Duchess leaves and silmultaneously, all the girls shit their pants. Sharon emerges from her lairs to praise and chastize those darned Skanks (shakes fist!). Inna tries to defend her choice of dress but in vain- Spotted Dick eaters win the title!

The next day, the girls get back to what they do best, Drinking and looking ridiculous. And there’s Ho Jo, with the best of ‘em.

They don’t expel ducks from Charm School, do they?

Then, Inna struggles to read a note that Sharon gives the girls- they must pick someone from their team to come down to the carpet for expulsion. Destiney calls out that maybe team Evil should’ve told Inna to put a fucking shawl on, and team evil vehemently denies the fact that…well, that they knew all along and that they’re generally evil. Of course, Inna volunteers herself for expulsion. Brandi M. tells her team that she’ll go down to the carpet for the expulsion ceremony, because she couldn’t get that darned duchess’ name right . But then she didn’t want to go, because Brandi M. thought that she would go home, for sure. She somehow coerces Jessica to go down to the carpet for expulsion. Darn, why do I like Brandi M. So much? Even her tattoos are sort of cute. Oh well, can’t pick who you love, right, ladies? and I love that boyish, little ramshackle boozehound slut.

At elimination, Inna comes down for elimination, and Ho Jo, in a suprising move, decides on herself for elimination. Seems sorta smart, considering she did well and doesn’t have a chance of being sent home. Still, controversy reigns suprime in Skanktown, so Jessica uses what little backbone she has to further complicate the matter and the bickering. Sigh. So Ho Jo goes back to the riser-things and Jessica gets further bullied by the Judges into having a backbone. HA! Sharon calls down Brandi M. , also, for elmination. So Inna doesn’t listen, Jessica has no confidence and Brandi M. can’t really focus. Brandi M., with her passion for cocksucking and learning, gets saved. In the end, amidst blubbering and poly-bend, Inna gets the axe.

Y’all will miss my stink. That, I pwomise.

So, let’s hit the next episode, shall we folks? And look at this:

Inna can write!

Also, that Lacey is always taking credit for people going home? Lacey, you certainly look evil, but just cause your Daddy is rich doesn’t mean you’re smarter than anyone else, this I can promise. To prove that she’s “evil” her and Brandi C. bang pots and pans to get everyone up in the morning. Ohhh, it’s like you’re a little, period-haired Mussolini, Lacey. You go on with your bad self. Does anyone ever notice that the girls are terribly hung over in the morning after the elimination ceremony? Nothing says class like getting hammered after not being elminiated from Charm School. Dallas finds another note while wandering around the grounds in her sunglasses, and this one is from Sharon, complete with champagne. Oh, and what does holy pink tampon oracle say is this weeks commandment?

Thou shalt eat french fries in bed.

Okay, maybe that caption was wishful thinking. Rock my body? What am I, Moby? (I’m not, though I have a history of patten baldness in my family, but that’s neither here nor there). So the “Ladies” strut out to the pool and…what have we here?

A Generic Wine Sign?

Charm-School Brand Cigars?

Heather’s family reunion?

Now I’m no Detective Awesome Superspy (or am I?) but I’d say by the looks of things these ladies are gonna get HAMMERED. Daniella zombie-face introduces the girls to the wide world of tasting, and the ladies will each have an opportunity to do some of it at a booth, manned by some of the biggest nerds in the world. How exciting! Dallas is initially suspicious, but wastes no oppornity getting hammered off of free liquor, courtesy of VH1. She then goes on to blatantly hit on the fourteen year old boy that’s manning the tequila station (hey, this is drunken television, anything can happen!) and I also want to make note that it seems like it’s about ten in the morning. Classy!

Cheese platter? (hiccup) How about a condom platter? Meh, nevermind.

We learn that, suprisingly enough, tasting isn’t really Brandi C’s “style.” She’s more of a chugger. Really, that’s flabbergasting. Alert the media! Nobody realizes that you can actually just sip liquor, you don’t really need to chug the whole bottle and wind up in a three way with your landlord. What? Newsflash to the ladies!

Dallas, of course, keeps the discomfort train chugging right along, and continues to hit on the nervous nerds manning the booth. Oh, Dallas. You’d fuck anything, wouldn’t you? (watch, one of you readers is like, dating one of the booth guys and I get yelled at for this).

Who wants to be the booth guy’s first lay?

Oh awesome, now Lacey gets started on her hunting thing, and we learn that Brandi M’s MOM BOWHUNTS, and that Brandi M. Hunts with her! WHA? Where did you grow up, Brandi M? The Mezozoic era? Did you chisel those tattoos into yourself with mastadon blood? Did you make your own alcohol with reeds and berries? My god, you are a fascinating woman. Take me back to your long house and teach me your ways.

Of course, it’s hard for Lacey to respect people who can kill animals, which I get, but man, do people respect me if I just had a fantasy about Mrs. Brandi M and Brandi M bow hunting evil Lacey in a prehistoric forest?

Dallas probably agrees with me, because she calls Lacey out on having salmon and caviar on her plate, and then stumbles away, probably to go try and give a drunken handjob to the guy at the Tequila booth. The men awkwardly leave as Lacey keeps pushing drunk Dallas’ buttons… and all that.

thank you ladies (voicecrack voicecrack) for enjoying the finer things in life with us…please stop slapping each other. Take care.

Laci C. decides that she can’t loose another member of the bitch patrol at elimination, and tries to talk some sense into Lacey. Oh yeah, and Brandi C. is also wearing this weird looking, white uncomfortable spandex dress that she can’t stop playing with.

I still stand by this dress being a great idea.

Lacey, who is disgusting, sits in Dallas’ bed and rubs her grubby feet on Dallas’ shit and then wipes her feet on Dallas’ clothes. Ugh. Can I nominate Lacey not for expulsion, but for being put to sleep, like her animal bretheren? I think we can all agree that it’s time. Dallas comes in and gives Lacey the silent treatment, sort of, giving Lacey license to get all up in Dallas’ scowly face. I actually can’t believe Dallas doesn’t punch Lacey in her old mannish, evil face. Heather comes in to watch (with a plate of food, suprise suprise) and a hideous hat.

Just here for the view.

After Lacey makes a joke about Dallas smelling like her crotch and Dallas agrees that Lacey’s breath smells like her crotch and it can’t get any classier, it does! Lacey gets “clumsy” and spills a drink on Dallas.

The finer things…wasted.

Dalls says that she could easily have “kicked Lacey in her fucking nuts.” I guess, if she had them. I’d still say go for the face, though- because man, that is one. ugly. face. Suddenly, a cop arrives back in the pool area. Hmmm. Everyone has a look of utter guilt on their faces, which is awesome. Brandi M. hopes that the cop is here to arrest Lacey, but come on, Brandi M., why don’t you just whip out your crossbow and aim for her old man face? Sure, you’d get expelled, but you’d be doing everyone in the world a public service.

I love that Ho Jo thinks the cop is a stripper! Hilarious. She goes up to him like a kid in a candy store, and I wonder how many times she’s eagerly went up to a cop and thought, “where’s the music? I think I have a couple singles in my purse…” God bless her. Turns out, great minds think alike and Heather also assumes the cop is, indeed, a stripper.

I mean, think it out, girls- is it common practice to get some man candy strippermeat after a proper, boothed tasting? Maybe where y’all come from but where I come from (classyville, U.S.A.) we just get tanked and throw up in the garden shrubs. To each his own, though.

The officer tells the girls to come into the Judging area, and the girls are confronted with all the things they know best- mainly condoms, video cameras, sexual paraphenalia and pregnancy suits. Ho Jo thinks they’re making a porn (of course) and actually, she’s not too far off.

But I forgot my french maid outfit back in Hobokken…

First on the neverending string of humiliation is Officer Rick administrating a breathylizer test on the poor, confused drunken women. It is obvious that some of them are still clinging to the hope that he’s still a stripper…it’s cute and sad! Officer Rick then gives a speech about the legal limit being .08 but wait a minute- didn’t these women chow down before the breathylizer? Officer, I think that’s cheating! Arrest them all and kill them with crossbows! Ahh, promises.

In order of least-drunken-est, it went Ho Jo, Heather, Jessica, Destiney, Brandi C., Brandi M., with a .042 evil Lacey, and a whopping .087, Dallas McSulksalot. The girls pair up based on their blood alcohol content, putting together Ho Jo and Heather, Jessica and Destiney, the two Brandis and best friends forever Dallas and Lacey.

No, really. We’re thrilled.

In their pairs, they need to make Public service announcements going over the dangers of drinking. HAH! Ho Jo and Heather do “exessive drinking is harmful to my unborn baby,” Jessica and Destiney get “Exessive drinking is harmful to my body,” the Brandis get “Exessive drinking leads to sexual promiscuity” (does anyone think Brandi C. has gained weight since she got to charm school?) and the two bffs get “Exessive drinking puts me in dangerous situations,” ah, poetic justics. If Poetic means slutty, ho-perpetuating and justice means dumb-assedness. They each have one hour to shoot their PSA. Man, thank god Inna isn’t here- she would probably start to deep-fry the camera. The person with the highest blood alcohol content gets the priveledge of being the spokesman for the PSA (ah, Dallas, you charmer you) and the “ladies” learn that expulsion will be tonight, after the PSA viewing.

Oh, and P.S., please don’t rape the police officer.

Everyone gets to work but Dallas, who sorta just decides to fume and waffle around the house. Very mature. We know Lacey is an evil, stupid bitch from hell, but come on, just do it! Even Destiney pleads for Dallas to do it- all the girls are, but dumbass Brandi C., so that their lives can be rid of that period-head. Ugh! Dallas, we all knew you were a pouty little baby, but don’t cry about it. Suck it up!

No! I’ll never take off my sunglasses! Not now not never!

Finally, while the rest of the girls are off working like busy little slutty badgers, Dallas finally scuttles out of the woodwork and decides to work. Seriously, Dallas, how many times can you say “good times” and not mean it? Or, “buddy?” Just do it!

Awesome attitude, awesome bun-puff.

Aging Judge RIki watches from the shadows.

Then, the show has a precious little montage of the girls swearing to themselves as they sorta fuck up their psas. Cute! Heather and Ho Jo do a little TMZ stye paparazzi thing with Britney spears, which is actually sort of promising, except they fuck up their first take and need to do an inferior one in the fifteen minutes they have left. Lacey and Dallas do some boring as shit thing with a knight’s armor and a school bus. Anybody? Anybody? Bueller?

We’re gonna make out later.

The Destiney Jessica group does something about hosptial gowns and the Brandis just fuck a couplea blow up dolls and call it a day. An exasperating Riki takes the tapes and Sharon gives her shpiel on the importance of being informative, blah blah blah. Come on, let’s see these failures in action!

Destiney and Jessica’s is lame. Was it a suprise to anyone that Destiney was a shitty actor? She can’t even spell her name right. The judges find fault in it that it was unconvincing, as well. Heather and Ho Jo get a laugh out of everyone for Heather’s realistic, albeit uglier portrayal of Britney Spears as a drunk mom. The Brandis pretty much just make a little porno, starring a large plastic hunk of man. Officer Rick awkwardly makes steps towards saying that this was inappropriate for a PSA, and all the judges agree. I don’t know what the fuck is happenning in Dallas and Lacey’s PSA, is a complete failure in the eyes of the judges and myself, unless Unless the PSA is trying to thwart the dangers of having inatimate objects drive school busses. and hey, it’s a danger. Know what else is dangerous? Unicorns eating too many gumdrops. And, me being around too many men. I can’t help it, guys dig me. Prolly cause I’m awesome.

Sharon goes on about how Dallas and Lacey’s video was not as good as taking a pee. Or, sort of like taking a pee? Or, just, pissing? I dunno, and who cares. Ship ‘em both out. Overall, the winners were Heather and Ho Jo, who are both safe from expulsion. Then, the girls all get to fight over who porks officer Rick. Just kidding! Heather’s man arms get him first. Just kidding, he actually goes home and weeps for his soul based on his involvement with this quality T.V. program.

After they leave, Heather hopes Britney’s not mad at her, because she loves her. Yeah, Heather, I’m sure Britney’s watching. These girls need to remember something- they aren’t famous. Nope, not even you, Lacey. Sharon Osbourne is barely famous, y’all. Come on! Still, Brandi C. chides Lacey for being a bitch, whici s a nice suprise. Finally, she quit blubblering and is trying to act sorta constructively for herself and her friends. Still, I’d like to see her in more uncomfortable clothing. That was hilarious!

Ahh, and finally, another elimination. The Brandis, Lacey and Dallas all get called down, and Lacey says she’s confident because she’s like, diabolical or something. Whatever. Brandi C. is shocked that she’s called down, because obviously the judges don’t see the brilliance that is Brandi C. So the Brandis get a scolding and get to say in Charm School, so it’s down to Dallas and Lacey. Sharon asks Lacey how the fight starts, and Lacey spouts the usual bullshit and more bickering ensues. Classy, ladies. Then Heather and Brandi start to pipe in and Sharon yells at Brandi for her little screechy bullshittings.

Charm School: like, so, totally unfair.

Sharon asks Brandi to step out of the room and then asks the girls what they think, though Riki decides to talk instead. He says that Dallas seems too good for this, and that Lacey’s a bitch. So, both of the girls are bitches. Sharon asks Dallas if she put her all in the PSA, and Dallas says no. Sharon asks Dallas if she gives a shit, and Dallas says yes. Oh, wow, and Dallas is crying. Really? Weird, I didn’t know she had tear ducts.

in the end, Dallas says goodbye to Charm School.

See Ya’ll, Mofos.

Dallas leaves by saying that she’s still perfect and that she regrets not punching Lacey in the face and cursing out more people. Ah, wishes.

Next time, Spitting, spitting and more spitting! I’m shitting my pants with excitement!