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Friday, December 28, 2012
10:00 am
63 Comments
Tagged: chex, chia, christmas, Commercials, holiday, holiday song, irritating, jingles, new year, presents, vampire weekend
***One of our fave (and yours) Xmas articles of all time. Miss you, IceQueen!
Back when I was a young IcePrincess, I thought that I wanted to make a name for myself by making television commercials. Yessiree, I was gonna make it big — probably win a CLIO Award or three… maybe even get mentioned in a Kevin Nealon commercial special… and then go on to live the good life. Unfortunately, an internship showed me commercial making isn’t nearly as glamorous as I’d assumed. I spent hours standing in for people who were far more attractive and better-paid than I was. And once they came to the set, my job was to keep crackheads from walking into the shot. Even though my dream was destroyed, one angry tweaker at a time, I’ve never stopped enjoying commercials, especially the local, low-budget ones.
Didn’t I almost have it all…
This week, I watched a bunch of TV and did some YouTubing so I could share with you some of the holiday commercials that I love and loathe that are airing on the east coast this year. Consider it my gift to you. You’re welcome.
Let’s start with the car commercials. It’s a sign that the economy is improving when you have to see the same car commercial five times in half an hour. And if Facebook has taught me one thing this month, it’s that everyone has that freakin’ “Holiday” song from the Toyota commercials stuck in their heads. You know the one: “Holiday, oh holiday, and the best one of the year.” I wasn’t sure what the song was about, so I checked out the music video for the song. And I still don’t know what it’s about.
Whatever is happening here has nothing
to do with cars or holidays….
Vampire Weekend isn’t the only indie, hipster band featured in a car commercial this season. Pomplamoose did some weird multi-camera ads for Hyundai.
The scarf and beard give them the power to retain
their hipster cred.
Christmas wouldn’t be Christmas without ads for weird crap you’ll never need, but your second cousin and your secret Santa at work have to get you something. Topping the list is the Chia Pet, “the pottery that grows.” Chia Pet technology has not changed since it debuted in the early 80s, but something must be working because someone’s been buying ad time for the past 25+ years. Has anyone out there ever actually grown Chia? If so, what is it?
Ethnically diverse Chia Scooby comes with cornrows.
A more recent — though just as useless — invention that’s a holiday fave is the Snuggie, a robe for people who like to wear things backward. This year we saw the debut of the Snugarena. It’s an ancient Aztec word that means making an ass of yourself by doing the macarena while wearing a robe backwards.
It’s nice when we allow people to age with dignity.
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63 Comments
I like the commercial with Santa running to across the Target parking lot in slow motion, long white hair flying, desperate to get those last-minute gifts.
I have written on the gasm before about the long running joke with my husband about Kay or Jared Jewelers and the Jane Seymour ass inspired collection. When those commercials come on I casually threaten his life if he buys me anything from those stores and he “accidentally” leaves around errand lists…post office, bank, Kay Jewelers. Every time I see that guy in the stormy night commercial say “I’m right here” my brain screams stalker. My father ordered a Snuggie and when they offered him a second one for the cost of shipping and handling he bought one for me in electric blue. When it is very cold here he calls and asks if I am wearing mine and I always lie and say I just love it. I actually gave it to a homeless guy and have since sighted him several times wearing it like a coat!
Every time the Folgers commercial says ‘you’re my present this year’ I get a little uncomfortable. The commercial would make way more sense if it was her boyfriend or husband. If my brother told me I was his present I would tell him to back the fuck off!
I’ve never heard of Pomplamoose before, but I really dig that gal’s voice. Also, that Target commercial about the electronic Santa Claus, or whatever the hell they’re saying, is GROOVETASTIC. I always start dancing and singing when it comes on, and I’m gonna download that song the first time I don’t forget to 2 minutes after the commercial goes off.
Is it an advertising mortal sin to air beer commercials now? I really miss the Budweiser horses in the snow, and that commercial (I think for Corona) where you see palm trees in the dark and hear a guy whistling “Oh Christmas Tree” when suddenly Christmas lights come on in one of the palm trees.
Ugh, I HATE the Seymour ass inspired pieces of crap. Ditto for the stupid Journey necklace and those kindergarten inspired bead bracelets.
Pomplamoose is the most emotionless, soulless crap music I’ve heard used in quite some time. There’s so much machinery used, who knows what her weak little voice REALLY sounds like.
Have you seen the Chia Presidents collection? Nothin’ says Christmas like a Chia-fro’d Obama.
Kenneth the Blue Elf is the latest entry in the cartoon characters who seem to have a bad case of hydrocephalus. The creepy Poptart kids with their huge heads and miniscule feet affect me the same way.
And my husband knows NEVER to buy me any piece of jewelry which appears in a TV ad.
Glad I’m not the only one who spends so much time thinking about these commercials…
Hahahaha, I’m seriously laughing so hard right now for your observations on that damn ‘Holiday oh Holiday’ song. It has been stuck in my head for the last week and I was just mentioning to my boyfriend this morning that it’s time for me to move on and find a new song… and now it’s stuck back in my head again. CURSES.
Aaaand I have to add, I’ve just recently gotten into the whole chex mix craze. It’s easy to make and season your own mix and it lasts forever. It’s awesome! In fact… thanks for giving me my POTLUCK item for tomorrow!
Thank you about the friggin’ jared, kay, etc junk ass jewelry commercials. I need to check to see if my vajayjay is still with me, because I loathe them. I hate the guys in them, the girls in them, their friends ooohing and ahhing in them. All the commercials have this threatening air about them – “buy this bitch something shiny!!”
My fav christmas commercial is the walmart one “wake up its christmas” with the kids trying to wake their parents and running downstairs. Just reminds me of me and my brother when we were little
I hate that freaking Hyundai commercial. The song sucks and the stop animation way it’s filmed(probably to distract us from the song) could cause a seizure. And why is the whole band in their pj’s?
For a while I thought I was the only one whose mind went to a dark & creepy place when I watched those Folger’s & Kay’s ads. Makes you wonder about the future felon’s who are creating and approving those commercials. As far as the Snuggie-I got one for Christmas last year, & I have to say I LOVE it!! Don’t knock it till you try it. But the commercials are heinous.
“every kiss begins with kay” HATE!
But I looooove my snuggie! I want an electric one – best invention ever.
The Snuggie lol
I miss that craxy Target lady and her tight jogging suit already!
Oops, that was crazy, not craxy! Although craxy kind of fits.
My boyfriend and I bought snuggies for ourselves and our dog and did a snuggie Christmas Card, complete with posed “snuggie dance moves”– you know what I’m talking about!! I have to say it was full of awesome cheeziness.
@captain – OMG! Not that one they did in the first commercial? LOL!! With the “raise the roof” sofa dance!
@ LAC… Totally the ‘raise the roof’ dance! I mean sitting on the couch of course like that commercial… where she’s like reading a book or something and the guy is just randomly behind her raising the roof. We tried to capture that awesome awkwardness. It was PURE GOLD. Thank God my boyfriend has a sense of humor because I would have just been devastated if we couldn’t pull of the magic of the snuggy in the card! And our dog, Sir Charles…. loves his snuggy! LOL
@Clair: The Santa running to Target one is my favorite, too. Honorable mention: The M&M commercial where Santa and the M&M faint after saying, “He IS real!”
kittkatt, love the Snuggie video!
Target has ALWAYS had good commercials. Their advertising department maybe be one of the best in the world!
The Electronic Santa Claus commercial just came on as I was typing this! AWESOME!
I had no idea there were so many Snuggie fans! If only I had patented my idea for wearing my robe backwards when I was six…. Between the raising of the roof and that goofy guy who’s on the couch looking at a centerfold in a Snuggie, those commercials are pure corny genius.
Where I live, Kay has locked down holiday jewelry commercials. It’s been awhile since I’ve heard some woman squeal “He went to Jared!”
The Target one, “Toy Jackpot?” with the kids running down the stairs and ripping open the presents in reverse is pretty cool. The tune is catchy.
What?…. no one has mentioned Kevin Bacon?
@Betsy, I mentioned it in the forums. I LOVE that commercial. I giggle every time he crosses his fingers in hopes that he’ll turn into Kevin Bacon.
Ha! Those 2 annyoing car commercials were the first on my holiday ad rant this year. That Pompous-aloo chick needs to stop staring at my family like that! I cannot wait for those ads to run.
Speaking of creepy, has anyone seen the Coca Cola Shake Up Christmas commercial? It looks like the elves slipped some potent weed in Santa’s brownies. Dude’s having a spacey trip while watching the trails in his snow globe.
@ Betsey & Classy Drunk, I think that is Kevin Bacon.
LOL @where’smycoffee: “stop staring at my family like that!” LOLOLOLOL That’s great. I hate those ads, I hate that chick, and I’m so glad to have a place where like-minded folk converge to share our hatred!!!
Every punch begins with Kay.
@wheremycoffee, can’t speak for Betsey, but I know it’s Kevin Bacon. That’s what makes it so funny.
“Every punch begins with Kay.” hahahahaha! SexyPanda, I think I’ll need to borrow that! It’s like the commercial where it shows men from different countries proposing, & the ad starts out with a voice telling you there’s something you need to know before this moment. (or something along those lines) And all I can think is “run, run as fast as you can! Don’t do it!” (to the ladies that is)
There was an e-mail that made the rounds a few months back that said they were willing to bet more kisses began with Miller Lite than they did Kay’s!!
mere2142-that’s how it is in my world!
Classy Drunk: I love that last week they ran the Kevin Bacon add at EVERY commercial break during “The Closer”.
Tvaholic(aka:Tvaheelic): Those Folgers adds!!! You do have to watch it a couple of times before you’re like,”Ugh, yep. That’s his sister, not his girlfriend/wife.” Plus, he didn’t give her The Diamond Eternity Forever Mine Infinity Necklace from Jaredkays, so that pretty much sealed it.
I love Maria Bamford (Target lady)! No one does crazy better than her! Anyone ever seen her on the Tim and Eric Awesome Show, or her stand-up? She is amazing!
skatt-what, now I’m a heel??!!
Well, I guess that does go well with alcohol & hell… You know, you should market the Diamond Eternity Forever Mine Infinity Necklace-I’m sure there are some preacher’s wives, both in Texas & OC, that would buy 1 off of QVC late at night while they’re getting Botox facials and lip injections. It’s the gift that keeps on giving..haha, get it? I’ve had too much coffee this morning.
Tvaholic: On AOL’s homepage this morning there is a Xmas video from your very favorite Texas preacher and his lovely wife. I think they both must hold their smiles in place while they are getting injected with Botox. I don’t know how else to explain being able to pull off The Joker Face 24/7.
You’re on to something with the Diamond Eternity Forever Mine Infinity Necklace. Maybe a Perpetual Foreclosure Karma’s A Bitch Charm Bracelet to add to the line? (Once it’s a QVC hit. naturally)
@Skatt- “You’re on to something with the Diamond Eternity Forever Mine Infinity Necklace. Maybe a Perpetual Foreclosure Karma’s A Bitch Charm Bracelet to add to the line? (Once it’s a QVC hit. naturally)” Can you send me one for my birthday? Its on Monday
Hmm let me think here, I am tired of the Famous Footwear add! That was supposed to only be a Black Friday/weekend buy one get one half off. Although I did partake in it….The Lexus/Acura/Honda/Kia/Toyota Christmas to remember event, those are getting old and quick. So I guess that if I can’t find my stocking on Christmas morning it is because Hubbs decided to make it the size of a house, it because he bought me a new -insert car dealerhere-.
I have to say that I do like the robo santa and Santa running through the Target parking lot. I don’t mind the BestBuy add, I like the snowman! I also like the Pier 1 Imports commercials. I am partial to penguins come the holidays….there are more, but I am trying to clean/unpack the apartment before MIL comes over…..
HeY! Quit chucking my wood!
Oooooops. I thought I was so smart re: Kevin Bacon. lol
“I’m not your Daddy, I’m your Grand..pa!”
The hip gyrations are just too much!
Another favorite of mine is..
“I like tacos.” hehe
@fire, that’s easily my second. And the pig that goes wee wee wee all the way home. The pig’s little teeth are so funny! Geico is awesome!
fire@will…I LOVE the “darn woodchucks” chuckin’ the wood. The best part is they throw one more piece before running off. I also like the little piggy (Maxwell) crying WEEEEEE all the way home.
Cattyfan: Ha!! “Max…MAXWELL!!!!!” Love that.
I hate the “A-holes At The Mall”, with their Marshalls/TJMaxx bags trying to shame the Mall customers into dropping everything and heading over to the awesomeness that is Marshalls/TjMaxx. I know it’s totally irrational, but I just want to smack their smug faces, especially that one blonde. All I can think is “What are you doing IN the Mall WITH your bags in the first place???” It drives me nuts and I don’t know why.
and the “shame the shoppers” singers end their song singing about stemware, but in my tiny brain I always hear them singing about buying underwear, which is far more useful…I wonder what that says about me.
At least the TJMaxx/Marshalls assholes can sing…which is apparently unlike everyone who has ever worked for Overstock.com. If I have to hear those tone deaf losers abuse that bastardized version of “Jingle Bells” one more time, Overstock.com may get sued for the cost of a new Samsung TV. I’m pretty sure I’ll have a case.
My CAPTCHA code is H8ME. Awesome.
Wait, @sweet_dee, who was she on T&E? The cat lady?
The Radio Shack Holiday Hero ads are weird and pervy. They remind me of everything bad and creepy about the 1970′s.
hes anyone seen the Planters commercial?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J0L2br7XsCI
All I can think is “That’s a scary ass nutcracker.”
SexyPanda- YES! And FYI: it’s cat “specialist.”
;P
I don’t think Christmas really happened this year because I didn’t see the Norelco one where the little Santa and reindeer coast around the curves of snow, so I don’t think we really had a Christmas this year. That commercial has been the same as long as I can remember, and older people say it was the same as far back as they can remember, but this year it wasn’t on at all, which is all the proof you need of global warming.
All the most popular perfumes any more smell like candy and cake. Supposedly this helps you lose weight because 90 per cent or something of taste is smell, so when you crave creme brulee or lemon meringue pie the idea is that you will just smell your arm or your hair and it will be just as good as if you ate it but not fattening, but I believe it causes bugs.
What you have to do to Chex Mix is, when you go to the store to get it, get a jar of caramel ice cream sauce, some baby wipes, and also get one of those big cans of nuts that says “no peanuts.” Depending on how many people you have coming, you might need to get 2.
When you get home, put the oven on 400 degrees, open the nuts and dump them in a big dish, stir around in case there is a concentration of one kind somewhere.
Then you take half of them and wrap them in aluminum foil because all you’re going to do is just warm them up in the oven, because they only have salt and that’s all you need.
Take a cookie sheet or big oblong baking pan and line it with aluminum foil and spray it with Pam.
Now take some Tej if you can get it, but if not you can take just any brandy or rum you have, just about a quarter cup, and pour it into a plastic bowl with not quite a teaspoonful of butter or margarine and a little bit of honey. The best way to measure the honey is take a chopstick, dip it in, and make a spiral all round and round the bowl, but no more than 2 or 3 dips worth.
Stir it up with the chopstick and put it in the microwave just long enough to melt almost all of the butter. That last little bit is going to melt when you take it out and stir it up good.
Take it over to the dish with the half of the nuts that didn’t get wrapped up in foil and drizzle the brandy/rum/butter/honey stuff over them, and stir them up. It’s better if you have some left over than to put too much on there. You don’t want them to be too sweet, because remember they are already salted, and too much will taste weird. Stir them up so all the nuts get coated with just a little bit of it, and dump them into the baking pan lined with Pam’d foil.
Cut the fire down to 350 or 325 if it runs hot, and put in the wrapped up foil package of nuts and the baking pan with the Pam’d foil and the sweet nuts and make sure to notice the time, because you don’t want them to stay in there too long, remember they are already roasted.
While you are waiting for the nuts, if you have a divided chafing dish, that is the best, but if not, just get down 2 and set them up. (If setting them up is going to mean you have to hunt for the sterno then don’t do that yet, because you might forget the nuts).
Go ahead and open up the caramel ice cream sauce and put it in a plastic bowl with a lump of butter or margarine and put it in the microwave. Just like with the other stuff, take it out as soon as most of the butter is melted and stir it up.
If about 7 minutes have passed, you will start to smell the nuts. Take them out and cut the fire off.
Put the foil packet of salty nuts in one side of your divided chafing dish and open it up. Pick up the foil the sweet ones are on by the diagonal edges, top right and bottom left, so they won’t spill, and lay that into the other side, or if you’re using 2, but the salty ones in one and the sweet ones in another. It’s important to leave the foil in there, because it will help the chafing dish with the work of keeping them warm, and also be a layer of protection from scorching if they are in there too long, which probably won’t happen, or if you put the fire too high, which might, so be careful.
Light the chafing dish(es), cut the fire down real, real low, and set them out on the table or the sideboard or wherever the rest of your appetizers are.
Now dump the Chex Mix onto a big platter, drizzle the buttered caramel sauce over it, stir it around a little bit, open the baby wipes and arrange them on another big platter, and put both those platters on the kids’ table.
This will keep them out of the nuts so the adults can eat them up and you also have a good excuse to tell them they have to stay at the kids table and not run around because their hands are way too sticky from the caramel and baby wipes don’t really get them clean enough to touch furniture.
Wow – I so don’t watch commercials anymore. Who needs a snuggie when your mom knits afghans for you?
If you need to get a song out of your head just sing “By Mennen” and it will be gone.
Pink – no peanuts? Blasphemy.
I don’t find the folger commercial creepy, I think it is sweet. There must be brothers and sisters that love each other that much out there. Of course not in my family, I doubt I would have gotten up early to make him coffee if he was coming home from Iraq! Besides, if she really loved him, she would have dumped the folgers and gotten him some good coffee!!
By the way, I got my sister a Forever Lazy, which is a snuggie with legs and a back flap for taking care of business. According to the commercial, you can wear it to tailgate, go to the game, walk your dog, just about anywhere in public you don’t mind being laughed at!! It comes with non slip socks too! An extra $10 value!
I usually reserve hate for terrorists and people who don’t cover their mouth when they cough. But you just got my dander up when you mentioned commercials
I hate the ones that show animals in terrible conditions! It is like Sally fucking Struthers all over again! Nobody will give them a fucking sandwich???!!!!
I hate these commercials too; why do I need to hear your # 47,000 times?
Just call 1-888-555-1212
1-888-555-1212
again,1-888-555-1212
1-888-555-1212
just call 1-888-555-1212
1-888-555-1212
In case you are really slow and didn’t hear it the first 100 times
1-888-555-1212
My favorite commercials lately are the Jimmy Fallen with the kids, commercials. I am sure it took alot of takes to get that, but I still like it. My fav is the little boy who shook his head with the most wonderful grin on his face :8)
Happy New Year!
Robin
C’mon! Nobody has mentioned the Old Navy/National Lampoon Vacation ones? With Chevy Chase, Beverly D’Angelo and ALL the Audreys & Rustys? CLASSIC!! Makes me laugh every. single. time.
@ Robin…now I can’t watch those commercials without thinking about you and giggling. My brother thinks I am crazy because he has no idea why I’m laughing about orphaned animals.
@pinkblingidiva–WOW! I read that all the way through because I really, really, really wanted to know HOW you were gonna use those baby wipes in that cereal recipe.
IceQueen you’re so right, I DO want to smell like Paris Hilton–antibiotics and chihuahua pee! Nailed it!
@So911babe I was going to say those. Those are great. I didn’t realize they had ALL the Audrey’s and Rusty’s. Did they have Johny Galecki? I saw the one with Juliette Lewis. Regardless, they were inspired.
The hess truck’s here and it’s better than ever for Christmas this year! The hess truck’s here!