Christmas Special Recap: A Princess for Christmas

The staff are outside the Hall.  For some reason, the housekeeper is not dressed as one, but as a maid.  I immediately lose all respect for her.  Although everyone else speaks British English, She talks like Magenta from Rocky Horror.  She’s named Mrs. Birch.  If she’s German, shouldn’t that be Frau?  And B-tch?

Sadly, no sweet transvestites in this movie.

Jules, Milo and Maddie are shown to their enormous rooms.  It’s clear the housekeeper hates Jules.  Nothing like contempt in a German accent.

Achtung!  Ve do not like ze riff raff.  Only ze Riff Raff.

Jules is prone to clumsiness.  So am I.  I have stabbed, sliced open, broken and burned pretty much every part of me – all accidentally – and I’ve electrocuted myself.  Twice.  However, when I’m clumsy people just mock and belittle me.  Those ER docs are bastards! Jules, on the other hand, manages to make clumsy appear “cute”.  Go. To. Hell.  Anyhoo, she’s out in the hallway and literally runs into some guy, and that leads to Jules breaking an antique piece of molding off the wall.  And really, if someone is clumsy, should they be working in an antique store?  Wouldn’t that, plus china shops, really be off limits?

The guy turns out to be the Duke’s other (not dead) son, Ashton.

Jules asks the way to the dining room but she’s still wearing her hat and jacket, so I surmise she just made up that question to cover being flustered.  And I was correct, because now we are in the dining hall.  Duke Stick Up His Ass is checking the time.  Jules, Milo and the kid come in running.  Stick Up His Ass asks Paisley if he’s sure he brought the right family.  Oh hoo ha ha.  Shut the f up.  Maddie, saucy minx, hugs the Duke but he doesn’t respond. Well, at least he’s not a pedophile.

Stick Up His Ass pronounces that he hates hockey.  Ashton asks them how long they’ll be staying, in a tone that people ask other people to pick up dog doo from the lawn.  Milo asks the Duke why he gave them the shaft all these years, and Stick Up His Ass responds that their mother was unsuitable.  He had a change of heart when he had a bout of the flu.

I notice that the three visitors are all sitting on one side of the table.  Really, they couldn’t put 2 cameras on that set?  Cheezy.

After dinner, Jules finds a huge TV being installed in Milo’s room, and has it removed.  He’s on a no TV restriction due to the stealing.  Milo tells her she’s not his mother, to which she responds she’s doing the best she can, and tries to hug him.  Then Jules moves on to Maddie’s room, and they pray together.  Maddie prays that Santa will find them.  I throw up a little in my mouth.