The 12 Men of Xmas Recap

At first she’s tickled because she looks under the stall and finds that the male boinker is wearing Dolce and Gabana shoes. Then horror strikes as she realizes those are the D&Gs she got her fiancée.

The two boinkers comically fall out of the stall due to the sheer force of their lovemaking and her heart is broken.

I guess this little New Yorker doesn’t have the perfect life after all. I’m just surprised flaming fiancée wasn’t boinking another guy.

I honestly think that Lifetime is sending subconscious messages to women that if you want to be a powerful female, you are going to be alone and if you are willing to put aside everything you want for your husband and submit like a docile little flower to all his demands and put all his babies in your uterus, you won’t be alone.

EJ exacts her revenge in the only way she knows how: breaking the other woman’s heel off on the bathroom sink.

Her ex-fiancee is more horrified about the shoe than his fellow boinker.

And what do you know; the “other woman” is wearing red. Scarlet letter anyone?

My theory is looking more and more solid with every minute I venture deeper into this Lifetime Movie of the Week Christmas Special.

As she is driven home, totally distraught and drunk, EJ has a heart-to-heart with her cab driver. Looks like this was a Taxicab confession I missed. E.J reveals to the cab driver, who is cute for Lifetime women standards and will probably end up saving the day at some point, that she proposed to her now ex-fiancée.

Oh I see what happened. She was too forward as a woman and turned her man away. That’ll teach her to take initiative. She should have waited for a man to ask HER. Who wrote this, an Amish man?

Next day, EJ runs into her ex-fiancée at the office. Literally. Haha! Oh Lifetime! What a joyful joke you’ve played on the character. Slapstick comedy is making a comeback with the lady viewers.

Ex-fiancée immediately asks for his ring back. EJ tries to take it off but can’t and then he asks her if she gained weight. What a gentleman. It’s a good thing she’s getting rid of this guy. Am I right ladies?

EJ eats Chinese food from a box while she watches black and white movies in her PJs. Wait a minute, am I watching Sleepless in Seattle?

Post her Sleepless in Seattle Chinese food haze, she gets back up on her feet again; cue montage of her on the phone trying to get a new job with her new sense of self.