The 12 Men of Xmas Recap

Everyone turns her away, except for one job opportunity in Montana. But she can’t leave New York! Her lady bits will plum fall off.

Nevertheless, she risks the loss of her lady bits for the job. On her way to Montana they play twangy country music to tell us, the viewer, she’s headed west.

One day in Montana and she’s already gotten roped into assisting in a bake sale. That’s a far cry from Cosmo’s in the upper west side. Oh E.J, what have you gotten yourself into?

While at the post office, EJ runs into none other than a hunky mountain man. Every housewife in America just felt her lady bits tickle, just a little.

I know what Mr. Mountain Man is doing in the storyline. Can you say love interest? Unfortunately, he is just so talky. He just goes on and on and on and on about his sister. I think this means he’s sensitive.

Ridiculously un-posh bake sale time! EJ is there, much to her chagrin, and touches the brownies as if they are individually wrapped pieces of poop. The other ladies tell her about how they volunteer and E.J thinks it’s preposterous! Can you imagine?! Doing work for no money??! I won’t do that until I see a major rock on this finger!

I honestly don’t think people like this EJ exist. I’m sure that even if you are a high-powered stockbroker you know what bake sales are. Work on your character development Lifetime Television for Women!

EJ goes over to a property to take pictures for her press kit, which is the first time we’ve seen her do her job in the mountain town. While photographing, she finds sexy Mr. Mountain Man naked in a pool. What a treat!

As EJ stares at his bits, Mr. Mountain Man says, “Are you enjoying the view? It’ll grow on you.” Zing!

Wait, am I watching Skin-e-max?

After seeing Mr. Mountain Man’s massive yulelog, E.J. gets the brilliant idea of making a nude-y calendar for horny mountain ladies. She calls a town meeting and it turns out all mountain men are male models, but they do NOT want to wear bikinis! They want man-kinis.

Mr. Mountain Man has a thing with E.J. He keeps getting on her case about how pretty she looks and how she sits on a pedestal and she’s a pretty pretty princess.

But the meeting must go on. “Will people still respect me if I pose?” No Mayor Bob, they absolutely won’t, but you should go along so the lead female character can prove how pushy she is.