Here comes the part all the lonely housewives have been awaiting for the last hour and 19 minutes: THE PHOTOSHOOT! Men’s clothes are flying everywhere! I don’t know why they can’t seem to place their clothes in piles and they can only throw them to shot 1: the rock, shot 2: the tree or shot 3: the grass.
These poor men are posing out in the freezing cold in nothing but their skivvies! Talk about T.H.O!
Cue crazy montage of shy mountain men having difficulty posing. To be fair, the poses EJ is requiring of them are nothing that occur in nature and is supremely awkward for all involved.
They show the final product, which of course sucks, but there is no December.
For your reading pleasure, I have included the final product of the photoshoot. You’re welcome.
Mr. January, what a scrawny knee and lack of pec definition you have!
Mr. February, I’m pretty sure your body shot was cut off above the nipple for a reason.
Mr. March, you are getting too old for this shit.
Mr. April, your dog captures my eye more than you do. Look at that lustrous coat!
Ok Mr. May, you pass.
Mr. June, you should have been Mr. April. Everyone knows showers come in April.
Mr. July, your hair is longer than mine and that creeps me out.
Mr. August, you’re drinking coffee in a towel at a campsite. Think about it.
Mr. September, bike shorts are never sexy.
Mr. October, you would benefit from a few more crunches at the gym.
Mr. November, you forgot your shirt. Oh wait, you obtain warmth from your excessive amount of chest hair.
Where is Mr. December??
OMG! Who could want to be our Mr. December??
As they are fretting the lack of December, they get a phone call in the office from a man who is willing to be Mr. December. Who could this mystery man be? Let’s use our tools of deductive reasoning to solve this! Now, we know there are only 13 men total in this town. Twelve of the 13 men were asked to pose for the calendar, because one of them was too pompous for EJ to ask. One of the men absolutely refused to pose, which leaves 11 posing men. That would mean that the man who must have called in is the same man that EJ refused to ask: MR. MOUNTAIN MAN!!!