Commentgasm: Best in Comments 2011: July

Truthsquad on “Toddlers and Tiaras”: “Run Alaska, Run!! (Hide at the local Dentist office…Mom will never find you there!)”

Faye on “The Challenge”: “The only way anyone should be scared of Jasmine is if you get her wet and feed her after midnight.”

Pikey on “The Voice”: “I *gasp* found *gasp* Dia’s *gasp* method *gasp* of singing *gasp* her original *gasp* song hard to listen to.”

Fnord on “RHONYC”: “So apparently the Pinot Grigio grape is a clone of the Pinot Gris grape, which is itself a mutant version of Pinot Noir… So Rammy’s favorite wine is based on the clone of a mutant grape. How appropriate!”

Enrique’s Mole on “Celebrity Rehab”: “Funny Amy has such a problem with cameras “being up her ass” when she’s chosen porn as a profession.”

Vallegirl on “Masterchef”: “Also…did no one else think of a circus bear on a scooter when Teddy Graham rode up on his motorcycle?“

Considerthis on “16 & Pregnant”: “The fact that Ryan (drunk – cheatin baby daddy) has gotten laid at least twice in his life rocks me to the core! Is it his PhD or maybe his alluring personality? Perhaps his witty sense of humor – No it has to be those dashing rodent like good looks.”

Jimbob Jones on “Masterchef”: “This episode also didn’t have nearly enough Hooch. I want her to win, because I want a copy of her cookbook. I know it isn’t a prize this time, but I already have a few title options: “Recipes I Learned from the Voices in my Head” or “101 Ways to Cook that Asian Bitch Who Threw You Under the Bus”.

Vallegirl on “SYTYCD”: “As for Woobert…a lot of things are infectious, that’s why we have the CDC. Woobert’s enthusiasm was not the good kind of infection.”

Itchy on “Big Brother”: “I like that sleazy punk gay porn guy and the nasal-voiced gal with the fake tits. Names. Who needs ‘em.”

Wherewordsfail on “RHONJ”: “Joe and Teresa and the cock ring on national television? I can’t even. I…stop it. (Dies.)”

NotWithoutMyTV on “Platinum Hit Gets Buried”: “I thought Jewel’s rack alone would carry the show for at least a little while.”

Waffleboy on “Entourage Season 8 Trailer”: “Another season of Entourage. You know what that means. Mark Walberg has pictures of the head of HBO naked with a goat.”

Emmarmot on “Pretty Little Liars”: “First of all, I may or may not have gotten drunk and watched Revenge of the Bridesmaids three weeks ago.”

Danielle on “Pia Signed A Record Deal!”: “Her name still makes me hungry. I’ll have the Pia Toscano with extra olives, please.”

Chicken Lips on “Toddlers and Tiaras”: “I’m just curious why they said Sidney was a title stealer…she didn’t win the big time, so what exactly did she steal? Did she mug the real winner in the parking lot to get the big crown? Did they do a black ops mission to Betty’s room the night before to get get it then?”

Sarcasatire on “Toddlers and Tiaras”: “I’m too scared to yell “Beam me up, Scotty!” Only because that may get me even higher. As if I drank 3 Four Lokos, loaded with Guarana, followed by an 8-ball chaser. Or as I like to call it…Tuesday.”

Iamrufus on “The Challenge”: “I hope CT chokes Wes with one of his wife beaters until he cries “uncle”. Looking at him makes my skin crawl. And go easy on Evan–it’s gotta be hard to compete going into your second trimester.”

Susanl on “RHONJ”: “Yeah, let’s just spend a gizillion dollars on a recording studio for the howler monkey just because she thinks she’s all that an a bag of chips. Oh, and if she wouldn’t cut up and feed him her 4 year olds food, he might just learn to eat on his own.”

Jimbob Jones on “Masterchef”: “Knowing her dumb ass, she’d eat the humble pie, then spend 45 minutes explaining how she could make it better.”

Roger on “Famous Food”: “Is this really a show?”

Here4beer on “SYTYCD”: “Nigel is an asscrack and needs someone to stab him in the nostril with an icepick (but that’s not really a comment on this season, either, is it?).”

LAC on “Food Network Star”: “I have an idea for a show for her not on Food Network: Penny, Vicki from OC housewives, and Danielle Staub on a road trip destroying America’s faith in its resilience, one state at a time.”

NotwithoutmyTV on “The Challenge”: “I’m from Boston. I guess there is some genetic cretinism around, mainly in South Boston, where guys take pride in being expelled from junior high, going to juvie, brawling at the local vomit-smelling bar, getting charged with assault, maybe a little domestic violence, getting a job as a car mechanic, and aging into a racist, outsider-fearing old windbag without ever leaving the town limits of South Boston. It’s lovely.”

Elmstreet on “True Blood”: “I’ve been convinced since season one that Arlene was pregnant with Rene’s baby, but I don’t think Mickey is evil. He’s just … Cajun.”

Jeanine Schaefer on “True Blood”: “I’m still waiting for a plausible excuse for me to use the phrase “I’m going to eat, fuck, and kill all of you.”

NotwithoutmyTV on “Oprah is Now OWN’s CEO”: “I don’t know about OWN, but Oprah is definitely too big to fail.”

Betty Treacle on “Big Brother”: “LaWrong just killed 2-tone jackets from ever taking off.”

To get the funniest quotes from TVgasm recaps as they’re posted, follow us on Twitter or like our Facebook page! You can post your favorite lines right back at us. Thanks for being here!