Commentgasm: Best in Comments 2011: June

NotwithoutmyTV on “Snooki Punk’d Us”: “ The Jersey kids are so over-exposed now that nothing they could do would really effect me. I could read “Snooki skins and eats infant in Vatican Square while hiding a dirty nuclear device inside her vagina!” and I’d be like “Whatevs. Guess I’ll Google ‘nude pics of Natalie Portman’ again…”

Vallegirl on “Snooki Punk’d Us”: “I thought Snook’s vag WAS a dirty nuclear device.”

Moli on “Mob Wives”: “The one thing that terrifies me is somehow liking Karen by the end of the season……reality TV can do that to you. Dear Jebbus please let the Karen hate continue forever and ever…..Ramen.”

Plockedness monster on “Jersey Shore:  Renewed for a Fifth Season”: “WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY??????????????///”

Jimbob Jones on “Jersey Shore:  Renewed for a Fifth Season”: “It’s coming back.  Yet another thing the show has in common with VD.”

Crazy Rooster on “Next Food Network Star”: “Anyway, Giardia, or whatever her name is, gets on my nerves. Wait, I think Giardia is actually a waterborne bacteria. My bad. (cue 32 teeth smile).”

JasonR on “Paul McDonald is Engaged to Nikki Reed”: “Much better to walk away with than a Ford Focus.”

NotwithoutmyTV on “SYTYCD”: “Why does Mary do anything she does? Because she is completely rat-shit crazy. Paula Abdul and Whitney Houston would BOTH be like “Girl, I hope your health plan has prescription drug coverage.” And then Meat Loaf would say “You’re being a little OTT, Mary. Why don’t you dial it back some?”

Sarcasatire on “RHONYC”: “Truthfully speaking, if Alex really wants us to believe she is a model, homegirl needs to get her ass off the back of her thighs. Cellulite says, “You’re crowding me!”

LAC on “RHOC”: “And I could have done without the HD enchanced viewing of that truffle hunting face in full teary mode. I wanted to spread vaseline on my TV.”

Joy Subtraction on “RHONYC”: “Did anyone else find Sonja’s excuse of being on her period ridiculous? That woman hasn’t seen a period since the Reagan administration.”

Brittany on “The Bachelorette”: “I’d sell my soul to Bentley to see Ames’ forehead become the next Bachelor.”

Shana on “Game of Thrones”: “regarding the dress-with-breast-feeding-cutouts: they should totally market that dress at maternity stores everywhere, “Having an evening out with the family, and your ten year old psycopath child gets hungry? No water around? No problem! This dress has the solution to it all.”

C8h10n402 on “Whale Wars”: “Animal Planet: For People Who Are Regularly Outsmarted By Their Pets”

LAC on “Bridezillas”: “This show is the very definition of eye bleach…”

Crisps on “Pretty Little Liars”: “I am throwing virtual panties at your blog!! Ok, too much I know.”

Tracy Lund on “Toddlers and Tiaras”: “I have to admit, Makenzie makes me laugh sometimes. Mostly in that “im laughing, but oh thank you jesus that she isnt mine”.

Itchy on “The Bachelorette”: “They really need to restock the fish in this pond.”

Lilmommaj on “The Glee Project”: “You know what would make this show awesome? If the loser from every week got slusheed….”

NotwithoutmyTV on “RHONJ”: “ I AM convinced that those “Text your answer to this Housewives quiz” commercials have a subliminal message from Miss Andy that encourages teens to text while driving very, very fast.”

Alice on “Toddlers and Tiaras”: “This was a disappointing episode. I knew it would be the minute I saw that there was actually a large audience. The best pageants have that smattering of fat moms, grandmas, and the occasional skinny dad wearing a sweat-stained hat.”

Someguy on “RHONJY”: “I do think it sad that such a talented singer has to go a reality TV show to get a record deal.The music industry just won’t give a women whose husband will waste money on making a record a chance.I mean look what they did they did to Jo and Slade.They put up wall after wall and denying us of her talents.I pray the same thing does not happen to that poor Itailan wrench like me.”

Moli on “Toddlers and Tiaras”: “Is it bad that I’m wishing that the girls are afflicted with the ‘Middle School uglies’.”

Fan-Ann on “Toddlers and Tiaras”: “As for all her praying….when I pray to end wars, help tornado victims, and stop flooding, I hope the line won’t be busy with prayers to find a hairbrush, bless a pageant, dry nail polish, etc.”

Anniemp on “Pretty Little Liars”: “I too was waiting for A to snap the dog’s neck but then I remembered I was watching ABC Family and not Dexter.”

Elmstreet on “Saddle Ranch”: “Why did I just write an essay about Saddle Ranch?”

Itchy on “The Voice”: “I do believe that with this episode the producers of the Voice figured out how to slow down time.”

Pegster on “The Challenge”: “I would totally hit CT.  With my car.”

Sarcasatire on “RHONJ”: “Seeing Juicy Joe practicing his split just shows how willing he is to make the most of his jail sentence. Gotta love a man who doesn’t rely on commissary for cigarettes and fruit cups.”

NotWithoutMyTV on “Celebrity Rehab”: “Michael fuckin’ Lohan. Didn’t that human-shaped bag of fail say a while back that he wasn’t going to talk about his human-shaped bag of fail daughter a while back?”

Someguy on “Celebrity Rehab”: “This show is a bigger stepping stone to super stardom then playboy.”

Kdognatl on “Toddlers and Tiaras”: “Much needed laughs since I was getting ready to hurt somebody, anybody in my office.”

Pegster on “Celebrity Rehab”: “Poor Amy Fisher – people just never seem to forget anymore. It’s getting so that a girl can’t even shoot someone in the face anymore.”

Cattyfan on “Puck from The Real World: Still A Douche”: “Isn’t saying Puck is still a douche the same as saying the world is still turning?”

LaPetiteChanteuse on “The Countess LuAnn’s Chic C’est La Vie Video”: “This is like a mashup of a self-help tape with a learn basic French tape remixed by a hipster to be enjoyed ironically in some Brooklyn warehouse.”

Someguy on “Brad Womack and Emily Maynard are Dunzo”: “ This is crushing news does anyone know if we can do something to help”

Enrique’s Mole on “True Blood”: “And, I better get my gawd.damned. shower scene this season, or I’m gonna go Mikey on Alan’s head.”

Mick on “The Countess LuAnn’s Chic C’est La Vie Video”: “Oh, dear God.”

Waffleboy on “True Blood”: “The first rule of underground lesbian fight club is not to make a face when the show runner tells you your character will be in an underground lesbian fight club this season.”