Commentgasm: Best in Comments 2011: May

Flippy Floppy on “DWTS”: “Anyone else remember when Chris Jericho used to do commentary for the VH1 series, I Love the 80’s and I Love the 90’s? He is really funny! I bet he would be fun to hang out with…and rub up against.”

Cattyfan on “American Idol”: “Jacob belongs on Broadway, not the Top 40. James belongs on Lythium, and not on my TV screen.”

Itchy on “American Idol”: “Casey will make a fine backup musician for someone who can truly sing. He can play jazz and piddlepoo pop all he wants and still be allowed to step forward for that one growly song in the set, just before they call the bride and groom to come cut the cake.”

NotwithoutmyTV on “Real World”: “I think they usually walk away with new levels of alcohol-related cognitive impairment. Don’t be fooled by the sensitive guitar music that’s supposed to indicate personal growth moments.”

Dramaqn on “The Situation Might Get a Show on MTV”: “The Situation has all the sex appeal of a school bus fire.”

Gypsy on “Pregnant in Heels”: “These bitches should be put down. At the very least have their reproductive organs removed and their husbands should be castrated.”

LAjane82 on “RHONYC”: “How is it possible that Kelly and the Countess are the least obnoxious this season? It’s like the sun started revolving around the earth or something.”

Stef on “American Idol”: “Every dog in my neighborhood was howling during Scotty’s second song.”

Poopsicle on “Celebrity Apprentice”: “I hate Star Jones. She looks like a turtle without it’s shell.”

Ohralphie on “RHOC”: “What the hell is happening to our OC housewives? Who knew bedazzled hoochie blouses cost so much…”

Razzbeth on “Hawaii Five-0”: “Is there not a single child in Hawaii that can actually act? There has to be one somewhere – please find them. For our sake.  That is all.”

Vallegirl on “Amazing Race”: “And I will be having nightmares about Kent’s creepy eyeball for the rest of my life.”

Elmstreet on “Saddle Ranch”: “My friend Mike used to say to me “Ink on the skin, she’ll let you right in!”. I’m starting to see why. Yes, I have a tattoo, why do you ask? ”

LAC on “RHOC”: “Has Satan promised the folks at the St. Regis a chance to build a hotel chain in hell? Because that would explain why this place gets more air time than Tamra’s coochie.”

Enrique’s Mole on “Survivor”: “I like Rob and think he should win. Not a popular opinion, but eff it. I’m living on the edge.”

JudgyWudgy on “Real World”: “If there weren’t already enough reasons that Naomi and Roy Lee are too irresponsible and naive to have a child, let’s throw in that she pronounces “vaginal” wrong.”

Chicken Lips on “Mob Wives”: “I wonder how all the other mob folks appreciate this show…makes them look real bad. And that’s saying something considering, you know, they rob and kill and stuff.”

Crazy rooster on “ABDC”: “I just don’t understand the krumping, but I try to keep an open mind, so I tried it the other night while I was making spagetti and my son came in and asked me if he needed to call 911. I must have been doing it wrong.”

Considerthis on “16 & Pregnant”: “It think it is safe to say Danielle is going to be a freshman forevah! The closest thing to school she is ever going to absorb is chalk dust.”

Aldrick on “Survivor”: “I propose this for the final challenge: All remaining contestants will be required to dress in chicken suits, and released (randomly) in the forest. Shambo will then make a surprise appearance and will chase them through the woods with a giant net. If they get caught, then they will be eaten by “GET IN MY MOUTH!” Lunch Lady Denise. The last chicken standing will face off against the last two remaining contestants from RI.”

Xouille on “ANTM”: “Tyra is an asshole.  It should answer every question about her you ever will ask yourself.”

Vallegirl on “American Idol”: “And the things I loved about watching James get canned: His pancake foundation streaking down his cheeks as he cried and the face on the guy who got hit by James’ jacket. He was all “Dude, WTF?”  I’m not a nice person.”

NotwithoutmyTV on “RHONJ”: “Wait a minute? WHY haven’t we ever seen Melissa and Joe before? They’re ignorant, hyper-dramatic, cartoonishly guido, drunken and violent. THEY WERE GENETICALLY DESIGNED TO ANCHOR THIS SHOW.”

Mary Frances on “Celebrity Apprentice”: “I never see that oxygen tank LaToya must have with her. A four word sentence does her in.”

NotwithoutmyTV on “RHONJ”: “Caroline and the other son talk in gibberish so that Albie (who is learning disabled, flunked out of law school, and wore a helmet until he was 13 years old) doesn’t feel left out.”

Finerthings on “DWTS”: “I think if Kirstie wins this shit, then we can take a gander at Scientology, cuz that would have to be a damn miracle!”

PlathAddict on “Desperate Housewives”: “Oh, I am drunk and rambling. About Desperate Housewives. I just might have a problem.”

Snootchy Bootches on “Survivor”: “Dear Rob, You have now won a show and a million dollars. Please stay the fuck off of my tv forever. No love, Snootchy.”

RazzBeth on “Top Chef Masters”: “If you have to acquire a taste for something, that means it tasted like shit the first time you ate it, but you kept eating it until your taste buds died so you could feel above the little people eating steak and potatoes.”

Aldrick on “Survivor”: “Mister Dangerous –I agree. Russell should have his own show in which he’s the only contestant. Maybe that way he’ll actually win.  ”

Robinez on “RHONJ”: “If Jesus came to my house I wouldn’t offer him a glass of wine. I would pour water in our glasses and ask him very politely to turn it into wine.”

Crabby Old Bat on “American Idol”: “I think Lauren has a really great chance to win if she can just convince Scotty to strangle a puppy and stomp a kitten to death on stage.”

Enrique’s Mole on “The Voice”: “And, seriously Cee-lo…the Thompson Twins? Kee rist, Howler monkeys make better music FFS.”

Jess Chapman on “Audrina”: “Audrina’s real to-do list: Fashion shoot. Answer text from Corey. Bite lip as Drunken Shrew and Casey tear each other a new one. Answer text from Corey. Answer text from Corey. Pout.”

Singleinmymind on “The Voice”: “I’ll keep watching because I think Adam’s hot and I can’t stop watching Cee -Lo’s really abnormally short arms wave about.”

Chicken Lips on “Sister Wives”: “I hope they are happier in Vegas – in that town, there is so much other crazy crap going on, people probably just look at them and go, ‘Eh. Welcome to town. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go get my 99 cent lobster dinner.’”

Eurotra$h on “RHONJ”: “i beat the english language to death with a bat all the time, but i moved to America in my thirties, what’s Theresa’s excuse??”

Miss Molly on “RHONJ”: “I can’t wait till Ashley pulls out Joe’s weave.”