Commentgasm: Best in Comments 2011: October

Maryedith on “Project Runway”: “It’s these little things that make me hope that one day they will end the insanity and legalize marriage between gay men and straight women.”

Luke on “Ringer”: “Machado’s eyes don’t even have makeup, it’s all his natural lashes. And yes, I was sad enough to google this.”

LisaNM on “Sister Wives”: “Why is it that a man might want multiple wives but I have never met a woman who would want more than one husband?”

NotwithoutmyTV on “Forbes: “The World’s Most Powerful Women List Released”:  Where’s Andy Cohen on that list?? He was ROBBED, I tell you!”

Bre on “Sister Wives”: “Also, I’ve always wanted to kick the shit out of a mormon just to prove to them that that freakin’ underwear won’t protect their ass from my foot!”

Maryedith on “Project Runway”: “Am I the only person who misses choosing the models? I liked it when they would be afraid of getting someone with a “big” butt. But I’m deep like that.”

Carol on “Tough Love Miami”: “Don’t they have to sign a contract that is as thick as a phone book? Can phone book still be used as a reference since there is a whole generation growing up now that has no clue what a phone book is?”

Itchy on “Survivor”: “I knew Hantzy was short, didn’t realize he was that short. Now I feel kind of sorry for him. Here he is, wanting to relive the Life of Jesus and instead he finds himself stuck in Snow White and The Seven Dwarfs.”

Fan-Ann on “RHONJ”: “Watching Teresa has been like watching a clown ride a Vespa through a car wash. We could laugh at her and be entertained by the spectacle.”

Truthsquad on “American Horror Story”: “Watching this show, I thought – this must be what it’s like to drop acid – or as close to it as I can imagine. (No personal experience myself – not so sure about the writers).”

Considerthis on “X Factor”: “Who is the host and who did he blow to get this job? He sucks both literally & figuratively”

Hbgchick on “Tough Love Miami”: “I thought FML was F*ck Me Later, too – and thought “who would SAY that?”. LOL!!! Guess I’m showing my age.”

Chicken Lips on “Desperate Housewives”: “Bree needs to watch more TV because I totally knew what was in the package. I attribute my keen skills to all the TV I watch.”

Classy drunk on “Bad Girls Club”: “I will eat etouffee, but I’m not sucking the head of anything that can’t buy me fine joorey.”

LAC on “RHOBH”: “Camille – still an asshole, but she’s our asshole.”

Shana on “RHOBH”: “But I would have loved nothing more then Brandi, slowly and with feeling, respond to Kim and Kyle’s “you’re a slut!” accusations, by enunciating the word “COCK” over and over in response. Would have laughed myself into a coma.“

ClassyDrunk on “Kim Kardashian’s Wedding Didn’t Get The Ratings They Expected”: “What’s a Kardashian?”

Waffleboy on “Kim Kardashian’s Wedding Didn’t Get The Ratings They Expected”: “Oh man, am I the only romantic here? I mean a girl gets married for the second time only once in her life.”

Saffie on “Sister Wives”: “Please don’t use the term “sexy” and Kody Brown in the same sentence. I’m sure it’s like time traveling and meeting yourself in the past.”

Another Crazy Viewer on “RHONJ”: “Please forgive me. But when Jacq told Chris the run was for disabled people I thought how cruel. Making disabled people run a 5K.”

JuneSummer on “Kim Kardashian’s Wedding Didn’t Get The Ratings They Expected”: “Nobody held a gun to my head so, I did not watch.”

Gypsy Rose Lee on “Boardwalk Empire”: “When ever Lucky Luciano is on the screen, I can hardly listen to anything he says, because I keep thinking, “He dates Ashlee Simpson.”

Theo on “Survivor”: “Albert is beyond yummy. They should do a whole season just with him alone on an island in his underwear, like a soft porn version of Castaway.”

PlathAddict on “RHOBH”: “It’s the dog in the kitchen that I have trouble with. Anything that licks it’s own butt does not belong near food – just as a general rule.”

Crankyguy on “Work of Art”: “And call me provincial, but one of the top three works, of that woman in chains being barbequed over an open fire with a rotisserie spit stuck up her ass, is not something that I would ever want to see hanging on one of my walls.”

Kthxbai on “Most Eligible Dallas”: “You tell them you love them but you’re not IN love with them. So you can also use it to slap a friend zone sticker on their head. Because you mean you love them for being such a great person but you wouldn’t hook up with them even if zombies ate everybody else in the world.”

Cattyfan on “ANTM”: “At the Michael Jackson shoot I kept waiting for one of the girls to pose with a bevy of little boys and zoo animals while grabbing her crotch.”

Kthxbai on “Millionaire Matchmaker”: “This episode made me feel proud to be a couch potato and so glad I don’t have to go out with boys that think doing exercises is a date.”

No cars go on “Sister Wives”: “Another thing…my suggestion for a family business would be a store that sells nothing but flowery and patterned short sleeved or tank tops and solid long sleeved tops for layering. if that goes well they can expand to mens douchey purple button down shirts. sell what you know.”

Zbird on “Top Chef:  Just Desserts”: “My captcha code is uray. What does that mean? I am NOT ray. I’m zbird. Is TVGasm trying to rename me? Is this some sort of mind-control thing? I’m not giving in, TVG.”

Enrique’s Mole on “The Ringer”: “PS – I never understand why people who are being suffocated with plastic bags don’t just rip the plastic bag open and breathe. Malcolm’s hands weren’t tied. He was trying to grab the hands holding the bag. Seems simple to me, but maybe heroin makes you stupid. Need more research money…”

Gilty Plezzur on “X Factor”: “All that damn crying is getting stale. You’d think they were going to face a firing squad if they don’t make the next round. I kind of wish they would.”

Jayem on “The Walking Dead”: “I’m a little in love with Darryl. I would totally repopulate the planet with his post-apocalyptic hillbilly babies.”

Considerthis on “Real World”: “Nate’s skin tone is Oompa Loompa Orange. Willie Wonka is still trying to figure out how he escaped the factory.”

Sardini on “Ten Really Dumb Plot Twists in Famous Movies”: “I caught Steve Martin’s “Father of the Bride” the other day. I remember liking it as a kid. Well, I must have been a stupid kid.”

Chicken Lips on “Amazing Race”: “Team Manning is OK – I’m afraid they might eventually fall behind because they have to keep stopping to pick up all those names they keep dropping.”

Truthsquad on “Rumor:  Kim Kardashian’s Marriage Is In Troubs”: “If this is true, then I believe protocol dictates that they need to return the blender I gave them, right?”

Giffordsaz on “Work of Art”: “When the hell can something pretty or nice be a freaking work of Art? Stop assalting me with body parts, pedophiles, shit, vaginas, and digestion… draw a freaking snow capped mountain with a daffodil sprouting in the snow for god’s sake.”

Lando on “Vampire Diaries”: “I was thinking the same thing about Jeremy getting it on with the ghost… I wonder what that says about me??”

Mike on “Most Eligible Dallas”: “We have a story about a man and woman, each maxed out on every possible debt, marrying thinking the other was rich and all problems solved. Always get the CarFax.”

l.e.boe on “Amazing Race”: “The fish feeding roadblock would have been much less lame if they did it while being attacked by seagulls.”

Considerthis on “Real World”: “Whaaaalexandra annoys the shit out of me. Put down the helium balloon you suck on, rip off those rose colored glasses and learn how to be bitchy, suspicious and cynical like a real person!”

Lovesthehobbitses on “Sister Wives”: “I was so excited that she weighed more than me… then realized she was pregnant and I felt really badly about myself…”

Mnkid on “Project Runway”: “My cats would have loved playing with the strings on Chore-boy’s green shorts. They both have claws so I hope he would be wearing them at the time.”

Pegster on “Survivor”: “OMG, the ridiculousness. Everybody knows that God only cares about Big Brother!”

Robinez on “Survivor”: “I think his problem with the pygmies started because he liked to get on his knees and it had nothing to do with religion.”

Zerocool on “Confirmed:  Kim Kardashian Filing for Divorce”: “I am so not watching her next wedding.“

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