Commentgasm: Best in Comments 2012: February

Classy Drunk on “Fashiongasm:  The 2011 SAG Awards”: “There’s no edit function b/c of Frasier…”

Itchy on “Jersey Shore”: “I imagine there are a few people in the world capable of licking their own asshole.  I hope never to meet any of them.”

Cattyfan on “Toddlers & Tiaras”: “I never like it when an upper lip rides up to reveal as much gum as teeth.  My family always referred to that as “llama lip”.  Not attractive, even on a llama.”

Sarcasatire on “Tweetgasm:  Righting Leech”: “Wait…how does a homeless orphan have a baby photo?  Where was it taken?  Where did he keep it, stitched in the lining of his threadbare tweeds?”

Steven Raff on “Gossip Girl”: “I should stick with gameshows.  I always enjoy a nice spin on a BIG wheel and I’m never one to turn down finding out what’s in the big box.”

Itchy on “Toddlers & Tiaras”: “Let’s see…so far this week I’ve learned about ‘tossed salads’ and ‘back boobs’.  What’s next?”

C8h10n402 on “Tabatha’s Salon Takeover”: “If you hire someone to handle your divorce because he popped by while you’re getting a relaxer you’re probably going to get what you pay for, though.”

Someguy on “V”: “Also that kid is a douche he would be in Ed Hardy if he did not wear the V video jacket.”

Trkaelin on “Jersey Shore”: “Ronnie should be used to being anally probed, his whole relationship with Sammi is one big anal probe.”

Sarcasatire on “Drag Race”: “I just need to be schooled on intercourse logistics that don’t reveal a hidden penis”.

Chris Velazquez on “Top Chef”: “Oh, man, first I had imagined a Beaker sitcom, now I imagine her in ANTM, walking all cool while Ronda and Juanita mess around with Tyra and try to trip Miss J.”

Nashuaf on “Grey’s Anatomy”: “Callie is the kind of girl you go home with at 3:00 in the morning when every attractive girl has left the bar and you’re deciding between her and an evening of Skinemax.”

Juddfan on “Drag Race”: “I’d probably put on a wig and heels if I thought it would get me some action with Armenian cab drivers in WeHo—I’m awful, just awful, I know…”

Bioscotto on “V”: “…and then my head started to hurt and I put my disbelief in the full upright position, and all was well again!”

Elmstreet on “Teen Mom 2”: “I wanted to take a big old wet wipe to Chelsea’s face.  Between her and Amber, I see in orange for days after watching Teen Mom”.

j.smartypants on “Biggest Loser”: “Also, Cara=Agitated Chihuahua.”

Itchy on “Glee”: “It’s exactly what would have happened if John Waters had been allowed to make a television series.  Or if they let monkeys write the show”.

ChickenLips on “Teen Mom 2”: “Oh, so much to say…is it wrong that I’m judging a bunch of kids.  Probably.  Do I care?  No.”

Rosalind Herbert on “Salon Takeover”: “Jeanee/pigskin looks like Sam Kinison in that pic O O OOO!”

Elmstreet on “Lyndsay Might Get off the Hook”: “I want that smug smirk on her face to meet my mom’s backhand.”

Crazy Rooster on “Lyndsay Might Get off the Hook”: “That reminds me, I need to return that Porsche I test drove the other day.  I’ve just been…so…busy”.

JC on “Roseanne is Coming Back to TV”: “Now, if they did a show where Roseanne spends half an hour every week getting knocked on her ass, like in the commercial, I’d never miss an episode.”

Snooty Bootches on “Top Chef”: [Re:  Fabio] “You used to be charming.  Now you are just Charmin.  Yes, in other words, you are an asswipe.”

Robinez on “Fashiongasm:  Grammy Glitz or Glamour”: “Peter, Paul and Mary had a message too.  They just got up on the stage and sang the message.  They didn’t hatch out of a fucking egg.”

Sardini on “Alex Baldwin Gets a Star on the Walk of Fame”: “That star is a little PIG!”

Vallegirl on “Drag Race”: “She’s Ee-yore with a Yorkie on her head.”

Jackie on “Skins”: “I am still watching this show—I think its kinda funny—I especially love how everyone shares their vodka, beer, drugs and apparently girlfriends, it wasn’t like that when I was in high school!”

Anastasia Beaverhausen on “RHOA”: “I think when Nene said one of her “cast mates” was a tranny, she was talking about Sweetie.  I thought she was a she-male the second I laid eyes on her no-neck no-hips beer gut bad weave wearin’ ass.”

Tee on “Married to Rock”: “Great entertainment.  As someone with a brain, I also hate the fact that I love watching this show”.

Eurotra$h on “RHOA”: “Kandi is alright, but in that company even I would seem smart and normal”.

Gilty Plezzur on “American Idol”: “Lee Dewyze would be wyze to keep up with current paint-color trends”.

Whattafan on “Live to Dance”: “I watched the first 15 minutes of the first show and realized that there were an almost unlimited number of things I would rather do that sit through this steaming load of mediocrity…namely my nails, alphabetizing my spice rack, reorganizing my medicine cabinet come to mind.”

Elmstreet on “Oscargasm”: “Was “Toy Story 3” nominated for Best Picture?  Because there was totally a lesbian three-way between Jessie, Mrs. Potato Head, and Trixie Triceratops.  In like Flynt, baby!”

LOSTbean on “Biggest Loser”: “Rulon keeps his toe in a jar to remind him of his mortality?  LOL!”

Bananas on “Jersey Shore”: “I don’t make the kind of money needed for the alcohol requirements to watch this show anymore.”

Cattyfan on “Toddlers & Tiaras”: “Alternative spellings do seem to give a girl the edge.  Maybe I should change to katteephan.”

C8h10n4o2 on “Teen Mom”: “I just want to whap Chelsea upside the head with a cooked ham.”

Sheesh on “The Judge wants Lindsay Behind Bars”: “I wouldn’t mind the world ending so I wouldn’t have to be disappointed over and over again by the mainstream’s interest in what this chit is wearing.  To court.  Because she stole a $2500.00 necklace.”

Del on “Bad Girls Club”: “Rasputia is an obnoxious, controlling, big and anything else that’s negative and she’s from the movie ‘Norbit’”.

Sarcasatire on “RHOA”: “Nene just keeps getting lower and lower.  Pretty soon, all we’ll see of her is a crinkly wig, sticking up out of the soil like a ripe rutabaga.”

Itchy on “Glee”: “This episode was one long commercial sponsored by the American Alcoholic Beverages Association.  They succeeded only in making drinking look like a blast.  And it turns your vomit blue?  Sign me up!”

Sue Sylvester on “Biggest Loser”: “Every season I am oddly fascinated with the manboobs.  I had no idea there were so many kinds.  The banana boobs are my favorite.  They get more horrifying with every pound lost.”

Jayem on “Hawaii Five-O”: “I had never realized how bad of an actor the daughter is until you pointed it out.  She was really bad this episode.  It’s like she’s a robot.  She’s Small Wonder.”

Leigh Pfeiffer on “RHOM”: “This is one of the worst shows I have ever seen and I grew up in the 70’s and 80’s when they had shows like ‘Small Wonder’ and ‘Super Computer’!”

JC on “V”: “I think it’s become obvious that this show hires new writers for each episode and that they’re not allowed to read any of the previous scripts.”

Thiajok on “Top Chef”: “I have relatives in North Florida and I can attest they are definitely Southern.  The proof was when they mailed back a “Save The Date” notification for another relative’s wedding.  Why?  Well, because the machine it ran through at the post office had streaked the picture of the happy couple right along the genital area.  They thought it was a sign from the devil, so they mailed it back with a little note explaining why.  I really wish I was making this up, but I’m not.”

Notwithoutmytv on “Glee”: “I watch this show the same way I watch “American Idol”.  I just turn the sound off and think about who on the screen it would be fun to have sex with.”

Xouille on “ANTM”: “Although I admit that I enjoyed watching Dominque fall on her ass a few times.

*splat*

*Tries to stand up and ends up rolling in the stupid bubble*

*Makes stupid poses as if she fell on purpose*

*Look at me, I’m a butterfly!*

*Falls on her ass a million more times*

Bioscotto on “Survivor”: “Russell:  “You’re either with me, or against me!”

“Me:  “Well, I think you’re either with ME or against ME”…Meaningful look, snarky turn, and walk…WIN! J

HandyManda on “ANTM”: “I guess I’m getting jaded after 342 cycles of this show.  Tyra can pick any picture she wants, and if she wants you to go home she’ll pick a picture of you cross-eyed and picking your nose to make sure it happens.  Oh well…I’ll still watch”.

JC on “About Last Night—The Oscars”: “You actually watched The Oscars?  HaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHa… Loser…”

Robinez on “Jersey Shore”: “Snookie is the kind of gal that would poke a hole in a condom in hopes of getting pregger’s.  Except she is so dumb, she would try it AFTER the condom has been put on.”