Commentgasm: Best in Comments: December 2011

***Here we are at the end of a hilarious year in comments. I joined Bluzgirl for this month, because she was smart enough to get the hell out of here before the Toddlers and Tiaras tsuami (or shall I say soon on me in case Candice is reading?) began. Thanks to Bluz for all her labors and thanks to you guys for being so f ing hilarious. I have puffy eyes from reading these. Love and Happy New Year! And oh yeah. COCK! – Flipit

 

Plockeness monster on “Boardwalk Empire”:  “Teddy is totally one bed wetting away from being a serial killer.”

SuburBint on “The X Factor”:  “OMG, you guys, this show just gets more depressing with each episode. It’s like Simon Cowell’s public weekly ego-wank.”

Lajane81 on “Top Chef”:  “These “real” people were making me hope for a bad case of food poisoning.”

LAC on “RHOA”:  “Maybe the nurse should show Kim how to avoid cigarette ash or chardonnay spills on the baby instead.”

Sheesh on “Taylor Armstrong Signs A Book Deal”:  “It will be titled “Hanging in There”

Itchy on “The X Factor”:  “Blanket will grow up and find himself a gal with nice pillows.”

Snootchy Bootches on “Survivor”:  “I am brokenhearted!! I don’t think I will recover from Cochran’s demise for a very very very long ti…. Oh look, Christmas cookies!”

Tapnfeet99 on “Sister Wives”:  “Dayton sure has hit puberty….look at his breasts! Oh wait a second…..”

Sarcasatire on “It’s Official:  Madonna is Super Bowl Bound”:  “You skeptics will all turn around once a muscled boob pops out.”

Faye on “Baseball Wives”:  “The skinny one looked like she needed a sandwich and her D.U.F.F. (designated ugly fat friend) looked like the skinny one would have eaten a sandwich had she not ate them all.”

Fan-Ann on “VIDEO:  Taylor Armstrong Is One Crazy B”:  “Witness the rare Beverly Hills constrictor, Labiae Gigantum. The creature unhinges its’ jaw and stretches lips wide to consume prey. Cold blooded and considered dangerous.”

Ellemck1 on “Hawaii Five-O”:  “This episode finalized my decision to ad McG to the list of people I would go with without a question if they ever showed up at my doorstep saying “Come with me if you want to live.”

Wilma Fengherdu on “RHOBH”:  “If I wanted to see a bunch of overserved hags screeching at each other, I’d invite my sisters over.”

Chaosbutterfly on “Tough Love Miami”:  “I swear that Anthony is a serial killer. He has to be. Somewhere in this wide world, there is a law enforcement agency on a manhunt for Anthony. And if they’re not looking for his ass then they should be, because he is a serial killer. I know it in my soul.”

NotwithoutmyTV on “Top 10 TV Shows”:  “Chris North gives me the willies. He always looks like he’s smirking–because he’s thinking about eating your face.”

Cattyfan on “Toddlers and Tiaras”:  “If comments were all it took to send us to Hades, we would need a fleet of buses. And more drivers than just Flipit.”

Itchy on “Tonight’s Top 10 TV Shows”:  “Funny how my wife has the same “rare condition” as the gal in Unforgettable.”

Maryedith on “Project Accessory”:  “No actual unicorns were harmed in this episode.”

Fan-Ann on “Tonight’s Top 10 TV Shows”:  “Ahhh, Ghost Hunters, where the intrepid reporters get startled by noises in the dark. My dog does this also, only better. Strangely, he never gets anything on film either.”

Samela808 on “Boardwalk Empire”:  “I am now inspired to “menacingly crawl” into my 2:30 staff meeting today.”

Faye on “A Charlie Brown Christmas”:  “I absolutely adore all things Charles Brown and now seeing him through my adult eyes and TVgasm just lights up my world! Bullying, pent up sexual frustration, extortion, vanity … awwww these are the memories of a good childhood.”

LAC on “Top Chef”:  “I am with others on Mousy and her penis shaft neck screwing things up. I feel that her, groanyburger and FagHag are a chant and a Jack Nicholson away from becoming the Witches of Eastwick.”

Pegster on “Another Advertiser Pulls Out Of All-American”:  “I can’t believe that a show called, “All-American Muslim” would be about Muslim Americans. Poor kayak.com – duped by an ambiguous title.”

Un_freakin_believable! on “RHOBH”:  “No one, even the cameraman, came to Giggy’s rescue when he had his foot caught in the leg of his PJs and was trying to get it loose. (I wonder who helps Ken when he gets caught in his PJs and can’t get untangled without help.)”

Wilma Fengherdu on “Richard Hatch’s New Reality Show Idea”:  “The title of his show needs to utilize the built-in comedy in his name, for example:  “Mystery Kids: Who Did Dick Hatch?”

Randomnicole on “Top Chef”:  “Also, tequila is directly responsible for each of my 3 spawn. True.”

Deja Johnson on “Once Upon A Time”:  “This episode made me so sad… then I watch Boardwalk Empire and got depressed. I’ve been in mourning for the lost hot men all week.”

Kthxbai on “Kobe’s Wife Is Finally Leaving Him”:  “I guess when the best thing people can say about your man is “hey those rape charges were dropped” is when a girl starts to wonder if there might be something better out there…”

Ash1 on “Teen Mom 2”:  “The addendum to the Vermillion pact is that all the baby girls born to teen moms must have a name ending in “ee”…thereby ensuring their futures on the supreme court…”

Gypsy on “Tonight’s Top 10 TV Shows”:  “If I had my way, I’d be on The Layover in Hong Kong with Anthony Bourdain, drinking, watching Taylor & Russel get kicked out of the white people party.  Two birds, one stone.”

Notwithoutmytv on “The Newest Addition To The Real Housewives of Orange County”:  “I’m sure they’ll react to her the same way they react to everyone new: sniff her anus, lay their ears back, spit, and commence trying to claw the newbie into thin, trembling ribbons.  Then they’ll be besties.”

Wilma Fengherdu on “The Star Wars Holiday Special”:  “This sounds horrific!! So now I’ve gotta go find it somewhere…”

Kthxbai on “The Star Wars Holiday Special”:  I just dreamed this, right? I mean I dreamed about reading this bizarre recap and now I’m dreaming I’m typing?  Please say yes.”

Considerthis on “The Real World”:  “P.S. Can TVgasm buck up for spell check or at least send me to typing school? Sorry my post has the readabilty of a first grade story.”

NotwithoutmyTV on “NeNe Leakes Joins Glee”:  I was going to start watching Glee, too.  Actually no, that wasn’t me at all. I must’ve been thinking about someone else.”

TWhit on “RHOBH”:  “My phrase for today is “Give it to God and Don’t Talk About it.” Then afterwards I start screaming at people.”

Itchy on “David Archuleta Is Taking A Break And Going On A Mission”:  “Oh great. These idiots are always knocking on my door here in France. They’ve got millions of homes to choose from, but they always end up at my door. Well, I’m waiting for ya, Davey boy. Me and my Louisville Slugger.”

Cattyfan on “David Archuleta Is Taking A Break And Going On A Mission”:  “He’s taking a break from his father…”

Maryedith on “Work of Art”:  “I speak Starbucks, ice cream, and booze — fluently.”

LAC on “Top Chef”:  “Penis Hair needs to stop, for the love of Pete. I just see him speed reading through the Karma Sutra and thinking that he could do some move based on his cursory reading. He and the unlucky girl would end up in the ER trying to be separated, while he was shrieking that it worked last time.”

Sarcasatire on “Juicy Joe Is Busted!”:  “Even worse, he had to go home and bang another Tre.”

Alice on “Toddlers and Tiaras”:  “Yes, Alexes, whose mother should have been slapped when she put that name on the birth certificate, has “crazy face.” We’ll see her on tv someday as they lead her away in handcuffs after finding her parents in ziploc bags in the freezer.”

DearCrabby on “Toddlers and Tiaras”:  You know the rules…if you can’t say something nice about somebody, come to the T&T recap comments! Spill! Spill!

Gilty Plessur on “Toddlers and Tiaras”: Why is it that most of the homes these pageant parents live in look like the ones you see on Dateline and 48-Hours Mystery where there’s been a multiple slaying?

brzysmom on “Toddlers and Tiaras”: Did the real alexEs fly away to the land of flowers, sunshine and rainbows and this one showed up instead without mom/dad even noticing?

You Wish on “X Factor”: People don’t like others who are always negative and haters. (*Note: Um, we’re here to be negative haters you idiot. Thanks for reading! Love, Flipit)

Pegster on “OMG Guy Fieri Has a Jewelry Line”: Ooooh, is he selling ugly sunglasses to be worn on the back of my head? Count me in!

Chicken Lips on “Commentgasm”: I want to thank my parents and kindergarten teacher for teaching me to read and my second grade teacher for teaching me how to write complete sentences.

Chicken Lips on “Toddlers and Tiaras”: I don’t think pouring straight sugar down your kid’s gullet qualifies as “non-abuse”. All of these people were on a reality show when they clearly have never met reality.

Fan-Ann on “OMG Guy Fieri Has a Jewelry Line”: His only taste is in his mouth.

Messystation on “Toddlers and Tiaras”: Build A Bear money should go to rewarding Ayelexzess every time she pronounces a word correctly.

bubblesballentine on “Taylor Filed for Divorce to Get Back on Housewives”: Her face always makes me think of the Stretch Armstrong doll my kids had.

sagittariuskim on “Toddlers and Tiaras”: Annabelle is definitely going to become one of those annoying ‘Oh people’. You know the ones “Oh,you’ve never been?” “Oh,you never heard of it?”

MrsMiaWallace on “Top Chef”: This concludes tvgasm’s Guide to Spoiling Without Actual Spoilers

Sarcasatire on “RHOBH”: Dashing around in a flurry, dabbing tears as her dress trails behind her… where does Kyle think she is..Tara?

Stewinberri on “Taylor Files for Divorce”: I’m waiting for Kennedy’s tell all. I thought I hated Theresa but this one takes my hate to a whole ‘nother level.

pageantmomof2 on “Toddlers and Tiaras”: You Guys are uneducated fools that are all either obese ugle fat women or male pediphiles or welfare recepiants who need jobs instead of bashing kids. You guys are sick in the head. For one this show is not real its fake and staged for ratings. You could really get a real job and pay your bills instead sitting your fat asses on the computer all day. You idiots realize they do edit this show? They also stage everything and also tell the toddlers exactly what to say and do. Saying a kid is a serial killer and saying they are mental is pure sick. You guys should find God fast because your headed straight to hell or will karma back on your kids (which I pray you dont have and never will as you guys are all mental and prob would abuse them by the way your talking) . I think you guys are all just jealous your ugly ass kids cant do pageants and you live in trailors…tralior trash or like i said fat and ugly. Who bashes someone over the spelling of their kids name besides someone jealous that they are creative?? I really feel bad for you guys as you are all uneducated worthless low lives!!!! As far as fan pages teenagers run both Alexes and Samijos fan pages so yes their grammer is prob off. As far as Candice she has two college degress so im pretty sure her grammer is fine. LOL idiot whoever wrote that! i have seen Alexes at several pageants as my kids do pageants and in cheer and she is amazing and always win top titles. She was sick at this pageant and didnt get much sleep. Plus when toddlers and tiaras film you film for 12-15 hours a day for 2 days not a week so imagine a child not being able to eat or get a snack until the crew allows it or take a nap. The only time she was trully upset was when she was fixing to get a hair cut and was hungrey. Also you stupid asses her American Wear wasnt Sandy it was a red, white and blue wear that was shown at the booth they cut out her whole routine which was amazing and had the whole crowd cheering! Also she did a full routine for Sandy for OUTFIT OF CHOICE the pageant edited a ton of stuff out which they also cut out and edited she spun the wheel once and thats it at the very end! They also edited out 95% of their filming including all their field trips and family time. I personally know this family and also was at the pageant and seen the whole thing and watched t n t tell them what to say. So now you fools all know what really went on you can shut your mouths and get jobs!! We have enough welfare people as it is. So stop being jealous of these families because they can buy nice things and pay for pageants. Also T n t staged the whole bribe thing since I heard their family was so normal they were too boring which is why Alexes was told to say the things she said. She also speaks very well if you knew her. The funniest part is you guys believe everything you see on TV. TV is not real its for entertainment.

Candice on “Toddlers and Tiaras”: WOW! You are the lowest type of trash and very stupid!! So if you guys are truly this stupid to believe everything you see on TV then do you believe we have vampires and Santa clause? Or better yet the Easter bunny?? I really loath stupid people and each and every one of you have shown you forgot to go to college?? Which is why you sit on the computer talking about children. I wish you could find GOD as you do you have a lot of unresolved issues!! I’m guessing everyone of you have hurt a child either sexually or physically by your post but I pray to God you don’t have children and never do as your outrageous twisted sick behavior is the worse thing I have eve seen. I agree with pageant mom as I believe your right all obese, ugly, trailer trash or pedophiles on here and I bet all getting that welfare. HAHA and yes I do have 2 college degrees yes that’s right. I can tell this is all jealous. I LOVE HOW I SPELL ALEXES its original and different so all of you bashing me over spelling of my childs name you guys are very stupid. Who does that really?? I should be slapped over the spelling of her name. You should be slapped for being retarded you stupid piece of trash. What’s funny is you guys are all too big of pussies to even admit who you are especially the writer who probably couldn’t hack it at the local newspaper. So until you have the facts keep you mouths shut!!!!!!!!!! If you say another thing about my child I will report this to the feds since it’s a hate crime and violent behavior towards a child oh and since you guys are all stupid they can trace each and every one of you of internet use even though you are chicken to post your names. So I suggest this crap is deleted tonight. Since you guys don’t work and stay on the computer all day long have you guys noticed that its illegal to do and say these things plus its slander so try to think about what’s right and delete this devil worship shit now. Oh and when you say my CRAZY face that was when the crew told her to run and scream and physically shoed her how to throw a fit. Everyone who know us know my family and knows who and how we are and what a sweetheart Alexes is. She is amazing on stage which TLC failed to show any of that but she didn’t win the fourth highest title by standing their and again for the slow people on here was not her SANDY routine at all!! She scored perfect in each and every event. They didn’t even show her full beauty routine they showed her practicing before the pageant started per TLC crew. Or was you guys too stupid to notice 18 don’t come before 13 and 17? My child wins ultimate and grand supreme all over at any state at national level pageants which is all we do but TLC made us out to look bad which is why they cut out 95% of our filming because it showed how loving and fun Alexes is. They only showed us for about 10 minutes on the staged things. You people have to understand this or you may truly be that stupid you believe everything you see on the TV? Also did I, mention Alexes got that haircut at 10 o o’clock at night? Justin and Crystal cut Alexes hair every month and they love her and she never acts like that EVER but imagine a tired and hungry 3 year old at 10 o’clock at night!!!! Yes its our fault she was filmed finally my husband said let her do it as she can look back on it and say I was on TV as a child and it would be an awesome memory but TLC ruined that for us and Alexes cried when they didn’t show the diva studios and asked where all the fun stuff was at we filmed. As far as speech therapy she speaks very clear and well they asked and physically showed her to mumble they like that as you even see the 7 and 8 years old talking like babies. They don’t make the money if the show showed everyone being perfect and showed how smart the kids are. Alexes evaluated as a 7 year old when she first turned 4. So sorry but no mental issues. She is the youngest on her cheer squad and sees a routine once and knows it by heart which is why she is at the front on every routine plus she is amazing when its time to perform. As far as the fan page yes a teenager runs it and I gave her permission as toddlers and tiaras is a kid’s show. NEWSFLASH and really if you don’t like it tune into the biggest looser it will help you guys shed some pounds. Yes I looked fat on there two but they had me where three shirts and had things wrapped around my stomach and microphones and battery pacts on my back and stomach. So FYI I wear a size 5 so not fat at all. Oh and I haven’t ever wanted to do a pageant never never never…you couldnt beat the crap out of me to get me to do one. Alexes was watching t n t and begged me to let her try and she loved them which you guys would have seen if they showed any of her routines or interviews but they have to do what sells and it was our first time to film so we were chosen to make look bad. The contract states they can change or edit or voice over you to say whatever they want which they cut and pasted me to say American Wear is Sandy which again it wasn’t. The bible says do not judge or ever do harm to a child and everyone of you guys have done that so I feel sorry for karma to come back on each and everyone of your kids so when you have a mental challenged kid or an obese kid or an ugly or a slow kid please remember all this nasty stuff you said about my beautiful daughter because yes she is beautiful which is why other TV networks are already working with her for things and she was also chosen for a Disney part because she speaks so well and is so pretty and nailed the interview yes also at age three. This pageant was over a year ago and she is even better now but was amazing then. A friend and her kids went on the field trip to the runway fashion show and the pageant with her kids as well and she can verify how fake t n t actually is. Alexes also was sick and I never allow her to compete sick but t n t made us film as I singed a contract a month before filming, She was only sick because her private school let her play in ice and snow with out her coat zipped, no gloves on, no hat on in 32 degree weather the day before filming. Everything you saw was totally fake and the furthest thing from who we are and how we act. Boring doesn’t sell and that’s what they said we are. I refused to bash anyone or discuss money or brag or run another kid down and that made them mad. The crew said we are the nicest most normal family they have ever met and so caring and I just wish America got to see what truly happened and not this pathetic episode they poorly edited. Also are none of you smart enough to notice none of the story line didn’t make any sense with us? It was all cut and pasted and edited vey bad. Surely one of you idiots noticed her getting the puppy in a white, red, and blue outfit and noticed the Barbie box she was in at the house at the top of the stairs?? So you children molesters and abusers need to get a clue. I just wanted to clear this up as I feel so sorry for stupid people!! What’s funny is Alexes has made more than you guys earn in a whole year but anyone can get a job at Wal-Mart so go get an 8 dollar an hour job and get your fat asses off the computer and find something else to watch if you hate it sooooo bad. PS I have a medical license so can promise you my child isn’t “special” or have mental problems but can assure you each and every one of you who bashed her has some mental issue and has all the signs of a pedophile or murderer or thinks about these things because no one normal would ever write these things so go use that government funded welfare and get checked out by the doctor before you hurt another child???

(Note: WOW. I would cut out the best lines of this crazy bitch’s rants, but how can you pick? Stay klassy, Candy!-F)

Candice on “Toddlers and Tiaras”: S-Snatch I think your name describes you to a T.

SnootchyBootches on “Toddlers and Tiaras”: Merry Christmas to all you lowlife abusing stupid fat ugly slanderers!

PageantRefugee on “Toddlers and Tiaras”: My Eyes!! My Eyes!!! Oohh the pain! Blinded by abysmal punctuation and lack of paragraphing…

beebs on “Toddlers and Tiaras”: What was all that mumbo jumbo at the end of the comment section? Did somebody hit their head against their keyboard repeatedly? And crabby? I think you should stop “praying” on children, too.

dearcrabby on “Toddlers and Tiaras”: Candice – seriously, there is something wrong with Alexes – not just the brattyness and total lack of manners (try discipline!), but something is definitely OFF. Seek a therapist soon before SHE becomes a recapper!

Alice on “Toddlers and Tiaras”: I hope you will be back with more…I had an image of your head exploding and landing on your spittle-covered keyboard.

sheesh on “Toddlers and Tiaras”: Candice how many pixie stix and red bulls did you chug before you wrote that epic? Serious.

hot cawfee on “Taylor Filed for Divorce”: She is giveing a smidge of credibility to Michale Salahi and that aint no easy task.

Dear Crabby’s Attorney on “Toddlers and Tiaras”: You offer an unsubstantiated claim that the Bible says we should never judge or harm children. In fact, Deuteronomy 21.18ff commands parents to drag their disobedient children to the town square to be stoned to death by the town elders. I’m sure you’ll agree with me that such an act would qualify as harming children.

Wtf on “Toddlers and Tiaras”: Did you seriously imply this THREE year old is destined to be a serial killer?

sheesh on “Toddlers and Tiaras”: The only reason this site is not drowning in pagaent moms defending their “honor” is because they can’t get beyond captcha.

saffie on “Toddlers and Tiaras”: I AM a Christian, but I’m a redneck Christian so I can’t help running off at the mouth every now and then and I can’t I blame anybody else for doing the same. Just MAKE IT LEGIBLE! Come on, prostitot pageant defenders! Use that mail-order GED for some good!

Libithina on “Toddlers and Tiaras”: If finding baby pageants disturbing and creepy makes one a pedophile, then…thank you?

shantigal on “RHOBH”: Russell should have just had his attorney send a sis(al) and decease letter.

Alice on “Toddlers and Tiaras”: DearCrabby has done hired me as this site’s official person who teaches moms to talk real good and wright good because we seen so many moms who come up on hear and show there lack of smartness and tell us that we are children molesters and that we are fat and stupid and will burn in hell for our evilness and fatness and stupidness.

Lindaw205 on “Tonight’s Top 10 Shows”: Has anyone ever seen Say Yes to the Dress Beverly Hills? THAT show should be on SyFy because those are some scary looking people!

Derek Hazelton on “Commentgasm”: OMG, who do I have to blow to get a comment on the Commentgasm? (Note: Thanks Derek. I needed that. – Flip)

itchy on “Commentgasm”: I’m still trying to get over the fact that I rooted for a reality show contestant who didn’t have breasts.

sagittariuskim on “Toddlers and Tiaras”: What’s difference between a normal child molester and a fancy one? Does the fancy one wear a monocle and atop hat? Do they snatch your child into a Rolls-Royce instead of a van? I bet they lure kids with custom made lollipops instead of store brought ones.

Fan-Ann on “Toddlers and Tiaras”: Oh dear, looks like Pageantmomof2 and Candice got an early start celebrating Chris-meth.

sarcasatire on “NeNe Joins Glee”: I think Nene has grossly underestimated scripted TV. After fifty takes of rolling her neck, her head is liable to fall off.

chaosbutterfly on “Tough Love Miami”: I wouldn’t drink anything he gave me, nor would I get into his car at the end of the night. I just feel like it would end with me in an ice chest while he fries up my gallbladder to eat with some tater tots.

Clair on “Desperate Housewives”: Marcia Cross’ forehead still irritates me.

Tonya on “Toddlers and Tiaras”: Crabby is very Hilarious and I have had many laughs about myself from her comments. She may have even saved my life as she diagnosed my thyroid issue!!

beebs on “Toddlers and Tiaras”: How many Alexes does this woman need? Is that like two kids named Alex, so you have Alexes?

Bananas on “Commentgasm”: Oh Snap that is two months that I didn’t get picked. I blame my ex I blame my adoption and I that man in the moon!

Snootchy Bootches on “Toddlers and Tiaras:” There are only two kinds of people in this world: those who read the bible and terrorists.

Victory on “Toddlers and Tiaras”: for Christmas my daughter is getting a can of unicorn meat in her stocking. She’ll think it is funny. You open it up and there is a dismembered stuffed unicorn inside. Sick, just the way we like it.

thisbuggs4u on “Toddlers and Tiaras”: Oh gurl, them there stirrup pants is total Walmart wear…them things can do wonders for a front butt!

kthnxbai on “Toddlers and Tiaras”: How can anybody in their right mind think their 100% average 2 yr old can remember a “routine?” In case anybody reading this doesn’t know, any kid that age that can remember stuff like that and do it on command is gifted. And I don’t mean facially.

(and again)

I think instead of apologizing for the typos I’ll say they were on purpose to help maintain architectural integrity.

RazzBeth on “Toddlers and Tiaras”: Every single one of them insults us by claiming we are on welfare, fat, ugly and jealous. Why can’t they come up with something original? Something like, “Your momma eats kitty litter.” Creativity is key!

Elmstreet on “Happy Holidays, Gasmii!”: I drew Cattyfan’s name in the Gasm Gift Exchange pool. I wonder what she thinks of the Micheal Kors tanning kit I got her.

Isabelle on “Toddlers and Tiaras”: p.s. Excuse any mistake in this thing. My first language is french… And I guess it also has to do with the fact I only have one college degree.

ash1 on “Toddlers and Tiaras”: As much as I enjoyed “Shallow Hal,” I will never forgive the writers for unleashing the awfulness that is “Cadence” (Kaidynce, Kaidenz, Cayedenss) into the Big Book of White Trash Baby Names.

shantae on “Toddlers and Tiaras”: i love eden eood if u dont av money den dont go ina glitz pagent ur childs gonna lose .think some parents think they dont need to spen alot so they go around curves that aint gonna help ur child. stp being stupi if u dont av d money dont enterur child cuz wen she lose n strts to cry its ur fault fo nt finding her needs that caused her to l0se

kthnxbai on “Commentgasm”: If SexyPanda has 680 slices of pizza and throws 50% of them at you, how many cupcakes would you have on your head?

lindaw205 on “American Horror Story”: Ryan Murphy really chafes my ass.

crankyguy on “Toddlers and Tiaras”: Candice, behold the Streisand Effect.

saffie on “Toddlers and Tiaras”: Alexes actually served a useful purpose for me. I’m thinking of emailing Ryan Murphy and Brad Falchuk and suggesting that some of the ghosts in their NEW horror house should be a child like Alexes who drove her bribing, illiterate pageant mom to strangle her bratty, “diva” kid with a grand supreme sash then off herself by taking two sceptors and forcefully driving the handle end of them up her nostrils and into her brain against a marble countertop, ala the urban legend about the kid who killed himself by doing the same with pencils.

mick on “Teen Mom”: Does anyone else see the similarity between Jenelle and that awful Kristen Stewart? It’s the dead eyes, I think.

ohthelulz on “Toddlers and Tiaras”: I threaten my daughter with pageants using T&T videos to back myself up.

cosmonala on “Commentgasm”: I look for my name with great anticipation, only to see it’s not there. I haven’t been this disappointed since the last time I had sex with my ex-husband.

spinal11 on “Toddlers and Tiaras”: Candyass should be asking herself if the producers are so evil and manipulative, why all the other kids on this episode seemed fairly reasonable and normal, and ONLY HER DAUGHTER came across like a screaming autistic trainwreck.

Clair on “Toddlers and Tiaras”: Where the hell is CanDice? It’s like you go to all this trouble to invite someone to a party and then they don’t show up.

Lindaw205 on “Tonight’s Top 10 TV Shows”: I loved the original Willy Wonka, too, but it always bothered me that Grampa Joe laid in that bed for 20 years but then jumped up and started dancing when they got that golden ticket. Lazy bum.

notwithoutmytv on “Tonight’s Top 10 TV Shows”: Yeah, no way on Earth was Grampa Joe was making three legitimate job contacts a week.

Bananas on “Toddlers and Tiaras”: I feel cheated lied to and used. I want Khandiss to comment. I am like tinker bell I need her crazy ass to live.

BLT on “Toddlers and Tiaras”: Sarah McLachlan should do a commercial for these poor children. Child abuse, much?

Alice on “Toddlers and Tiaras”: At our house (adults only) we use Chuck E Cheese as a threat. One of us will get all squinty-eyed and hiss through clenched teeth, “Do you want me to take you to Chuck E Cheese? WELL DO YOU???”

Nightingale on “Toddlers and Tiaras”: SamiJo, cute kid, but will probably grow up thinking she is amazing, but when she marries the first guy out of high school and starts a pidgeon farm, gets her implants find a friend with a mole to do her bidding. But hey, I’m currently sitting here with my cat getting excited over the prospect of popcorn, so I am in no place to judge.

MyrnaTyrna on “Top Chef”: Enjoy your new car…in which you will be tearfully driving, all alone, to Barnes & Noble where you will purchase “Pressure Cooking For Dummies(TM)”.

shan_evans on “Toddlers and Tiaras”: To be fair to Kahndass, in her version of the Bible calling people fat, ugly, uneducated, welfare receiving, fancy child molester murderers makes an angel gets its wings…but only if you do it with really bad grammar.

mick on “Real World”:  Are we not allowed to fucking curse on this site anymore?

sheesh on “Top Chef”: Heather looks like the love child of John Candy and…uh John Candy.

dazzyfresh on “Top Chef”:  i had the same reaction meeting Beyonce, right before she became fake pregnated by an alien.

Maegan on “Toddlers and Tiaras”: You are all disgusting saying such HATEFUL things about a CHILD.

Snootchy Bootches on “Toddlers and Tiaras”: Wow… we are even pulling the crazies onto recaps from last year!

missyshep on “Toddlers and Tiaras”: lingerie football is a team of whores playing another team of whores while wearing lingerie.

missyshep on “Toddlers and Tiaras”: Just watched TnT repeat of “Halloween Bash” and guess who was on it all her nose picking glory? Allexxxeessss! T was like watching Rain Man in a mirror maze! Mole lip was there too!is sh a roadie or groupie? Awesome crab walk by Alexass. I’m sure she was edited that way! LOL

georgiababe on “Toddlers and Tiaras”: Since I’m such a fat and disgusting child molester (and a fancy one, at that) I’m going to ride around on my motorized scooter with my top hat on, stuffing my face with Little Debbies and running over children so that they’re easier to capture.

saffie on “Toddlers and Tiaras”: You don’t pray to God to let your kid win a hooker pageant! You just don’t!

urfavegrl on “Toddlers and Tiaras”: I’m so glad that you guys spotted Alexes on the repeat too! I wasn’t sure if that was her at first, but when she yelled out & did that weird crawl across the stage I knew it was our little antichrist.

missyshep on “Toddlers and Tiaras”: Candice: “The camera crew told her to walk like a crab onstage and wouldn’t let us eat or sleep until she did it”

Wilma Fengherdu on “RHOA”: Thank you for making a cupcake out of a urinal cake

notwithoutmytv on “RHOA”: Next episode, I bet we find out that Peter was just in the can.

Tapnfeet99 on “Top 10 Shows”: Poor Janelle. She’s trying but food keeps getting in the way!

notwithoutmytv on “RHOA”: Cynthia, never, under any circumstances, lend money to a person who says “axe” instead of “ask”. Marry them if you want, but don’t even lend them 25 cents to get a handful of Chicklets out of one of those Shriner’s gumball machines.

Gypsy on “Real World”: Zach’s asshole has surpassed Camille’s asshole in size, shape and shittiness.

LAC on “Top Chef”: Bitch, an Irish jig was about to start up in there as soon as your wide ass left. Justice!!

LAC on “RHOA”: Thank you for turning this toilet into a tiara.

Derek on “Commentgasm”:  I’ve been upgraded from not funny to mildly amusing.

ash1 on “Teen Mom”: I fear Adam would probably get bored of Aubree and leave her in a Texaco bathroom or sell her….tooo sad!

Robinez on “We’re Baaaack! …Kinda”: I keep losing my COCK!

Jimbob Jones on “Top Chef”: As happy as I am with Hag’s departure, I don’t think we’ll be laughing when she murders the cook at P.F. Chang’s.

Pikey on “Survivor”: he looked like a 12 year old girl with a beard.

Jimbob Jones on “Russell Brand and Katy Perry are Splitting”: It got weird when Russell shaved one morning, and they couldn’t tell themselves apart.

Snootchy Bootches on “Survivor”: We’ll show up at your house with torches and pitchforks. We’ll look just like a Hantz family reunion!

itchy on “We’re Baaaack!”: But now the comment editng function is broke. Oh well.

Xouille on “Survivor”: I laughed when I saw Ozzy with pigtails at tribal council. I was like “Damn, Laura Ingalls really let herself go.” I will stop atching if Russell comes back… actually I think I will fly to the states just so I can snag one of the spots for that new season and drown the midget myself

WaffleBoy on “Russell Brand and Katy Perry are Splitting”: My god, if these two can’t make a marriage work that had live tigers and elephants at the wedding, what chance do the rest of us have with just our ice sculptures and harpists?

lindaw on “Weekend’s Top TV Shows”: I have decided that the devil spawn of Tate and Vivien from American Horror Story is none other than Ryan Seacrest. AHS is, in reality, Ryan Seacrest’s very onw E! biography. There’s no other explanation.

ChaCha on “Survivor”: I felt sad for Hantzy Pantz too…that kid is from one fugly family.

kthnxbai on Teen Mom: he could probably get Chelsea declared developmentally not a good fit for having custody and win.

 

Then he’d sell her for car parts.

kthnxbai on “RHOA”: The National Scrolling Alert Service has issued an I Took A Pain Pill Warning for this comment effective immediately

 

Wima Fengherdu on “We’re Baaaaack…Kinda”: I just assumed the crazy mom from the Toddlers & Tiaras minicap put some bad juju on TVGasm. Never underestimate the destructive powers of a crazy pageant mom…

And that sums up the best of you in 2011!! Thanks for all the laughs you guys! Here’s to a great NY! xo

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