Commentgasm: Best in Comments: June 2012


By ApplePie | | 7:00 am | 10 Comments

kthxbai on “Minicap Don’t Be Tardy for the Wedding 3″:  Sure. If [Kim Z's] having [clothes] made for her they’ll put a label that says 2 in there.

Caroling on “Sister Wives Recap:  Q & A Panels Are Super Boring”:  This show is my guilty pleasure, but without the pleasure part.

notwithoutmytv on “RHOC Recap:  Trees of Life … and Death”:  Vicki should get a role on the Walking Dead.  Not as one of the humans, though. Make up technology hasn’t progressed that far yet.

fancyface on “Sister Wives Recap: One Disappointment After Another”:  When you think Kody Brown is a catch, it’s time to reevaluate the relationships in your life.

DirtWhoreMouth on “Game of Thrones: Nightmares”:  I can’t wait a whole year for the next season. Does anyone have a Delorean I can borrow?

Elmstreet on “Mad Men: The Price is Right”:  I hope she shoots Pete with that rifle from season 1. I hope she remembers to double tap, too. That smarmy little shit has it coming.

Andyourlittledogtoo on “Dance Moms Recap: Really, Lifetime?”:  God, there should be a CPS file open on all of these mothers for exposing their daughters to all of this. And by all of this I mean Jabby and the cameras.

LAC on “True Blood: Season 5 Episode 1 Recap”:  Do you think that the actress playing Nora was running through the set, high fiving folks when she read the sex scene between her and Eric? ‘Cause that is what I would do…

classydrunk on “Mob Wives Chicago Recap: Strippers Are People Too”:  I am actually a bit more leery of people who turn down free drinks than who take them.

Chicken Lips on “Teen Mom Dual Premier Episode: Minicap”:  My foot would be so far up Farrah’s ass the water on my knee would quench her thirst. And then I’d kill her. And then I’d be ashamed that I raised such a monster.

irishkate on “My Big Fat American Gypsy Wedding Recap: Incest and Lesbians”:  Did one of these hilljacks refer to marrying your first cousin as a “sexual orientation” instead of incest?  AND Lauren (unfortunately, I don’t think this was said in jest):  Linda could have had a Sondra dress. But she chose to spend the money on getting her teeth work done.

Coming Fall 2013, TLC debuts its most exciting reality show to date: “Fake Reality Show ‘Star’ Profiles on TVgasm”.  They make comment threads so much better.

LAC on “Food Network Star Recap: POV MPV DMV KFC ASAP”:  Really, Martie? Got to half of what you wanted to say? What did we miss? Recap of season one of Downton Abbey? Analysis of the Pacquiao v Bradley decision?

snowshoecat on “Eden’s World Recap: Dream Small”:  You know those days when you have a presentation and you wake up to find a zit the size of Rhode Island on the end of your nose? Well that pic is going to make me feel so much better. ‘Cause it could be permanent.  Yes I’m evil. Sue me.

Chris Velasquez on “Hell’s Kitchen (Part 2) Recap: Nut So Good”:  I say please, do not hold back on making jokes about Kimmie regarding her massive overweight. Bitch’s got her own zodiac sign, it’s called Whale. She’s the poster girl for “yo momma so fat” jokes. See? It’s easy!

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10 Comments

  1. 1
    Chicken Lips
    Posted December 24, 2012 at 4:46 pm

    ApplePie, wouldn’t you rather your daughter learns those types of words at home rather on the cruel, cruel playground at kindergarten? Congrats on her mad skillz!

  2. 2
    ApplePie
    Posted December 24, 2012 at 5:20 pm

    @CL, very good point! I want to be the one to destroy her dreams, make her cry, and disappoint her in general … but woe to anyone else who tries do so!

  3. 3
    sagittariuskim sagittariuskim
    Posted December 24, 2012 at 5:39 pm

    Yay I was funny twice this year so far. Although I was trying to be funny with either of the comments that have made Commentgasm.

  4. 4
    sagittariuskim sagittariuskim
    Posted December 24, 2012 at 5:40 pm

    *wasn’t

  5. 5
    CynTV CynTV
    Posted December 24, 2012 at 11:43 pm

    Wow. I am snarkier than I thought!

    Thank God!

  6. 6
    niknakflipflop niknakflipflop
    Posted December 25, 2012 at 7:26 am

    Went to the “Scotty McCreery Graduated” page and just wanted to give awfuleyebrow a shout out! Very funny!

  7. 7
    Chris Velazquez
    Posted December 25, 2012 at 9:59 am

    It figures, I manage to make it on one of the funniest comments of the month, and I end up spelling my last name wrong by one letter. Great, now my OCD’s gonna act up till I get a goddamn aneurysm.

  8. 8
    ApplePie
    Posted December 25, 2012 at 3:10 pm

    @Chris Velazquez, I am SO sorry. Of course you didn’t misspell your own name (though I often misspell my own), that was all me! I grew up in El Paso, where there were a lot of “Velasquez” families and I did not know a single “Velazquez”. Now, I finally meet the elusive “Velazquez” and I make a seriously bad first impression. Though I am a good speller in general, I am terrible with names and I apologize because I can’t correct the article now.

  9. 9
    Classy Drunk Classy Drunk
    Posted December 25, 2012 at 5:43 pm

    Yes…so Flipit, apple pie and myself RULE because we grew up in El Paso…no wait…I’ve rarely thought growing up in El Paso was a good thing outside of hamburger stand and Panchos

  10. 10
    Irishkate
    Posted December 29, 2012 at 3:02 pm

    Holy crap! One of my comments made it?! I’ve made it! That Lauren person of the teeth fixing post responded to my comment with outrage of my use of the term “hilljack” and not the incest.

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