Commentgasm: Best in Comments: May 2012

Recaps

By Alejandra | Friday, December 21, 2012 | 7:00 am | 43 Comments
Posted in: Commentgasm, Recaps

snowshoecat on Dear TVgasm: Simon Cowell: I laughed so hard at the pic following “somebody will be there waiting for you” that my appendix ruptured. I shall continue my paean as soon as I return from the ER. Wait for me and keep this terrific feature.
chickenlips on Toddlers & Tiaras: Coochmonkey? Where exactly do I submit the reimbursement form for a new keyboard because I just ruined it spitting out Crystal Light Appletini when I read that. Oh, and the choking. I should get something for that, too.
Derek Hazelton on TVGasm Gets A Facial: Can we just get Robin and Sarcasatire to battle it out Mayweather/Cotto style in a mud pit and call the PayPerView “Gorgeous Ladies of TVGasm Battle It Out.”
Melissa Martin on Toddlers & Tiaras: To the person who did this recap and the people who think it’s funny, I can not even believe people would put something like this on the internet, These are children that you are making fun of, most of them aren’t even old enough to understand what you are saying about them. Grow up and get some class and for heavens sake, pick on somebody your own size! In the end you know what they say “bad press is better than no press” ! The laugh is on all you terrible people who crack jokes at the innocent children in the end!
Pegster on TVgasm Gets A Facial: @# flipit: what’s the over/under on how long it will take J-Mo to break the site this time? I’m going with 12 days, three hours.
classy drunk on Miley Cyrus to Host the X FActor?: Her dolphin teeth would distract me.
Annie on Real Housewives of Orange County: I see Ryan has the whole “Homeless surfer heroin addict who can’t grow hair on this head anymore so he’ll grow it on his face instead” look going on. Im so happy he can afford his own couch…….at age 26. so proud of him!!!
ScottyWrangler on The Voice: Xtina is such a caricature of herself. She is just such a huge freaking coochwaffle. Her boobs are giant and janky, and that dress she wore during “The Prayer” was ridiculous, especially from behind where you could see all her back fat poking through. Is she on steroids? That would explain the puffiness, but nothing can explain that hair or those huge fake eyelashes!
Jennifer Lopez on Toddlers & Tiaras: Dear Crabby, you are a loser and for the rest of you get life’s. Im thinking you Internet geeks where bullied and made fun of so all you can do is come on here and make fun and bully kids. It’s so funny your all bad asses behind your computer screen but cowards to someone face. Anyone who knows me it’s not pretty when you trash talk my baby. Dear Crabby I’m also thinking your ass is a s broad as a Tralior and you lack a life so you get pleasure out of bullying kids. For all you calling Camarie autism you are stupid or autism yourself. She talks perfect and acts perfect and showed that on tv. She deserved ultimate. As for our dogs we feed them constantly and that’s how they are built. Camarie pushed the dog out of her face because no one wants a dog in there face. So she had every right to do that. She acted like a typical 3 year old acts and is perfect. I would never own a camry as I don’t do cheap cars. So fuck off.
Itchy on TVgasm Gets A Facial (The Robinez/Sarcasatire fued):Ha ha, you gals are still going at it? Yes, by all means, please, I’d love to have a separate ongoing thread just for Robinez and Sarcasatire! It’d be like Forever Eden (still the best reality television show of all time) only weirder because there’s no money (or sex or booze) involved. Although I don’t follow everyone of your cat fights. But it always seems to me that it goes like this:

  1. Sarcasatire posts a comment in a thread.
  2. Robinez pops ups and starts ragging on Sarcasatire’s comment
  3. The back-and-forth begins, while the rest of eat breakfast and/or drink beer
  4. A brand-new commenter suddenly appears who no one else recognizes and who always, somehow, takes Robinez’s side of things while spouting a bunch of non-truths.
  5. The rest of us, by now quite drunk, write things like “COCK!” and “LABIA!”.

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About

Alejandra lives in Los Angeles and is an actor/writer/producer of opinions.  She loves the beach, but never goes, and hates reality stars, but follows them religiously.  In addition to TVGasm, you can read her writing at the online magazine DigN2It, or various fanfiction websites if you're industrious enough to find her.  If you're not industrious at all, a bottle of fine wine will always be an acceptable bribe.

43 Comments

  1. 1
    sheesh sheesh
    Posted December 21, 2012 at 7:52 am

    I’m trying to remember if I was posting these at work or at home.
    I’m praying I was at home because I would have to wonder if I am secretly drinking at work.

  2. 2
    Gypsy Gypsy
    Posted December 21, 2012 at 8:00 am

    @snowshoecat: on Real Housewives of New Jersey: Fun fact: Gorja is the term Gypsys use for slutty non-Gypsy girls, as opposed to slutty Gypsy girls … I am, of course, not referring to our own Gypsy.

    Why thank you @SSC, I do appreciate you not calling me a slut, SLUT PIG, a COCK, an ASSHOLE, A LABIA or a BITCH with INSURANCE either! XOXO

  3. 3
    J-Mo J-Mo
    Posted December 21, 2012 at 8:53 am

    Holy fuckballs, Page 7 is like they tried to hold back the commentgasm and then suddenly bore down and PUSHED, and out they all spewed… I LOVE IT!

    love, J-Mo :)

  4. 4
    snowshoecat snowshoecat
    Posted December 21, 2012 at 9:30 am

    @Gypsy, you are sooooooooooooo welcome.

    You are also not a Conniving, Untrustworthy, Nasty, Troublemaker either.

    XOXOXOXO

  5. 5
    snowshoecat snowshoecat
    Posted December 21, 2012 at 9:34 am

    Flipit, many of us have whined that we really preferred having the posts all on one page. The reason is illustrated on pages 3 and 4 separating Simon’s picture from my comment about it.

    Kinda loses something in the translation.

    Thank you for your kind attention, oh fearless Leader. Now back to reading and laughing. Thank goodness I am using my patented Computer Keyboard SpitShield.

  6. 6
    Mere2142
    Posted December 21, 2012 at 10:09 am

    Happy birthday to me! I made tvgasm history again.

    I know it’s a huge undertaking to do these but I so love reading them!

  7. 7
    sheesh sheesh
    Posted December 21, 2012 at 10:32 am

    Happy Birthday Mere!

  8. 8
    labowner
    Posted December 21, 2012 at 10:37 am

    I hate to be picky but it’s – Idiots Out Wandering Around. Idiots don’t wander about – that is too high brow.

  9. 9
    labowner
    Posted December 21, 2012 at 10:41 am

    Mere happy b-day and congrats.

  10. 10
    hot cawfee
    Posted December 21, 2012 at 10:51 am

    YAY Mere!!!!! Happy b-day—passing champs and cup-cakes. Holy Cow– we are a very funny group zallllll I am sayin’. I am laughing all over again—-great to read these b/c some of the shows I dont watch–and the comments are still funny!!!!!!

  11. 11
    sagittariuskim sagittariuskim
    Posted December 21, 2012 at 11:45 am

    Yay, I was funny once so far this year. And I’m perfectly happy with that, nothing I said this year top my fancy pedophile comment. That Candass or whoever it was( these pageant moms blend together after a while), really brought the best out of all of us.

    Happy Birthday Mere! The world not ending must be the best present ever.

  12. 12
    JimbobJones
    Posted December 21, 2012 at 12:53 pm

    @Cranky – “Those hedgehogs look like hairy eggs with a face. I want one.”

    When I read this, the first thing to pop into my head was “Hedgehogs, don’t you mean ‘Snooki’?”

  13. 13
    Clair Clair
    Posted December 21, 2012 at 1:59 pm

    I finally made it! Twice!!!! Yay me.

  14. 14
    AmyOops AmyOops
    Posted December 21, 2012 at 2:26 pm

    @sagittariuskim: Oh, damn! I’d forgotten all about Candass, too. Good times. Good times.

    Page 7 really was a “beautiful spew”, as J-Mo pointed out. Thanks for letting me be a part of it, Alejandra and Luscious :-)

  15. 15
    thisbuggs4u
    Posted December 21, 2012 at 4:05 pm

    ok, I swear I posted a comment earlier…they keep getting eaten!!

    @bedheadjen-flippers and pimp cups! LOL girl!

    Happy Birthday Mere!

    Oh and Jho comments 2 days in a row! woo

  16. 16
    Luscious Luscious
    Posted December 21, 2012 at 4:19 pm

    thisbugg – In May many people were complaining about missing comments as the site was rebooted. Seeing your comment brought the memories alive again! Yay for flashbacks and cyber fuckery.

  17. 17
    sarcasatire sarcasatire
    Posted December 21, 2012 at 4:33 pm

    Happy Birthday, Mere!

    I tell ya, nothing is more gratifying than a commentgasm mention. I smile, I cheer, I swell up with pride. I’d take a bow to an empty room but this chair is sooooooooo comfortable.

    Side note: Remember when captcha was just a word or two? Now we’re writing mission statements just to post one-liners. Captcha codes are longer than the original post. lol

  18. 18
    Chicken Lips
    Posted December 21, 2012 at 5:28 pm

    I love reliving all the T&T craziness! It’s like the perfect Christmas gift.

  19. 19
    sheesh sheesh
    Posted December 21, 2012 at 5:30 pm

    Captcha will now make it hard for pagaent moms to visit. Aw man..there went 2013.

  20. 20
    snowshoecat snowshoecat
    Posted December 21, 2012 at 5:51 pm

    @Sheesh, oh nooooooooooooooooooo!! Best part of the fun is often the delusinea defending their young. Before eating them, I have often noted.

    Happy birthday Mere. What a wonderful way to celebrate.

  21. 21
    Classy Drunk Classy Drunk
    Posted December 21, 2012 at 7:24 pm

    Happy Birthday Mere! What a great way to be honored on your birthday! Snarky comments about unsuspecting people.

    My captcha code had punctuation….

  22. 22
    BedHeadJen
    Posted December 21, 2012 at 7:51 pm

    My need for more Jennifer Slowpez is equal to Bruce Dickenson’s need for more cowbell! Batshit crazy never gets old.
    @Clair-You’re ‘playing favorites’ comment is one of my all time favs! Happy Birthday Mere :)

  23. 23
    JimbobJones
    Posted December 21, 2012 at 8:50 pm

    Awesome set of comments, as usual.

    Just 4 more months, and I break my last year total of being in 8 of the 12 months.

    I’m not too proud of most of my comments though — they’re chuckle-worthy, but not exactly hilarious. Then again, June/July is when Masterchef and Hell’s Kitchen came on, and for those I act SUPER-botarded. So I think I’m good those months.

    Actually, should we have a vote for “comment section of the year”? Because I would totally put the Masterchef 200+ comment thread up, and the CandASS thread from T&T (if that was this year — I think it was). Both of those devolved into awesome, awesome spectacles.

  24. 24
    chaosbutterfly
    Posted December 22, 2012 at 12:21 am

    Actually, should we have a vote for “comment section of the year”? Because I would totally put the Masterchef 200+ comment thread up, and the CandASS thread from T&T (if that was this year — I think it was). Both of those devolved into awesome, awesome spectacles.

    Yess the 200+ thread on Master Chef was hilarious.
    I would also like to nominate that thread from the Newsgasm about Lance Armstrong getting his Tour de France titles stripped from him.
    That one had tears streaming down my face.

  25. 25
    CynTV CynTV
    Posted December 22, 2012 at 12:54 am

    Wow. I made it AGAIN. I AM awesome.

    Back to reading.

  26. 26
    CynTV CynTV
    Posted December 22, 2012 at 1:09 am

    <>

    Oh. my. God. I am stealing this.

  27. 27
    CynTV CynTV
    Posted December 22, 2012 at 7:53 am

    Note to self: Do not comment at 1 AM when half-asleep and sober…please ignore comment 26…

    Clair on Toddlers & Tiaras: My dad had a favorite child, and it wasn’t me. It didn’t bother me too much because I had a favorite parent, and it wasn’t him.

    I am stealing this…..

  28. 28
    Derek Hazelton
    Posted December 22, 2012 at 4:51 pm

    I remember the 100+ comment thread from the beginning of the most recent season of Survivor. Any time there’s overt Christianity, the mention of hot sauce, and the bootee speaking in tongues, you know the Comments section is going to blow up.

  29. 29
    scottywrangler scottywrangler
    Posted December 22, 2012 at 5:42 pm

    Yay! I finally made it! Of course it was at poor, puffy Xtina’s expense.

    I was so excited my husband congratulated me!

  30. 30
    April
    Posted December 22, 2012 at 6:59 pm

    Yay I got two on this month! I am so happy!

  31. 31
    lindaw205
    Posted December 22, 2012 at 10:47 pm

    @ssc – you’re so right! I wonder how many pageant moms have tried to post and gave up out of frustration??

  32. 32
    snowshoecat snowshoecat
    Posted December 23, 2012 at 5:11 am

    @Linda, sadly we will never know.

  33. 33
    Mere2142
    Posted December 23, 2012 at 6:48 am

    Thanks for the bdaycwishes…glad we all survived the supposed end of the world. Now we can be funny for another year!

  34. 34
    JimbobJones
    Posted December 23, 2012 at 5:42 pm

    Looking at some of these insane threads, we need to have another vote for “Poster of the Year”

    My nomination: KartofflMuter

    Half of those threads that devolved into insanity simply because of the “insanity wick” that is KM.

  35. 35
    snowshoecat snowshoecat
    Posted December 23, 2012 at 6:46 pm

    @Jimbob, you crafty devil! You’re just baiting KM to get her here with one of her insanely entertaining rants.

    We’re on to you.

    Hope it works.

    Happy… Um… Whatever, KM.

  36. 36
    lindaw205
    Posted December 23, 2012 at 7:01 pm

    Please don’t feed peanuts to the monkey! Her posts make my head explode. Really. It’s a mess to clean up and I don’t know how many more heads I have left.

  37. 37
    JimbobJones
    Posted December 23, 2012 at 7:38 pm

    @linda – LOL (seriously. I never type that if I don’t actually laugh). I hate her posts, too. But they always seem to bring out the best/worst in all of us. She’s like a snark lightning-rod or something — you don’t pay attention to the rod, you just want to see all the lightning that happens around it.

  38. 38
    JimbobJones
    Posted December 23, 2012 at 8:23 pm

    OK, so how about “Best Poster” and “Most Infamous Poster”?

    Best for me would be a toss-up between notwithoutmytv, sarcastire, and itchy. (Depending on the day and who gives me the most money).

    Most Infamous would have to go to KM — nobody has stirred up more s*** than she has (even though I think the T&T threads are a bit more insane, KM wins on longevity, and her ability to turn any topic into a “fun” one).

  39. 39
    lindaw205
    Posted December 23, 2012 at 9:57 pm

    I agree wholeheartedly with your nominations, Jimbob. I would also like to add a nomination of my own. “Poster most likely to enter into a prolonged religious/political debate” – I’d say it’s a tie between itchy and crankyguy.

  40. 40
    Gypsy Gypsy
    Posted December 24, 2012 at 3:57 am

    @JimbobJones, BRILLIANT!

    I agree KM for most infamous and inciting the most comment wars/riots on the site which made my 2012 on the Gasm so amazing in so many ways

    Might I add Sheesh to the list of nominees for the one liners and zingers and outrageously funny humor?!?

    We should take a vote after the December on commenters of the year….just an idea @flipit.

  41. 41
    sheesh sheesh
    Posted December 24, 2012 at 5:41 am

    Aw thanks Gypsy…that is so nice…

  42. 42
    Jessi
    Posted December 27, 2012 at 1:28 pm

    Hooray, I made it on this one! I have ABSOLUTELY no clue what I was talking to MaryEdith and Vallegirl about. Is Baskerville a cat?

  43. 43
    Pat Ledoux
    Posted January 28, 2013 at 10:00 am

    So honored to be on the list, thanks Guys!!!

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