Well hello, Gasmii.
Are you looking for that perfect gift to give a child that you just don’t really care about?
Perhaps you are afflicted with a whiny niece or a spoiled grandson. Maybe you have to buy that obligatory present for the obnoxious brat who always gets your kid a present. Or maybe, you just don’t feel like there are enough presents under the tree for your kids and need a few throw away fillers.
Well look no further, because Crayola has found the solution for you!
Introducing the Crayola Story Studio!
Here is a product which allows children to turn themselves into a cartoon character and insert their annoying asses into what was previously a perfectly good story.
First your kid will have the computer do a face analysis to formulate his/her cartoon self.
Yeah, ok… we’re still working on the technology.
Then your kid will decide what to wear. Please note any anatomical anomalies are identical to the scanning of your delightful little one and are not an inherit flaw in our product.
We’re still working on the design aspects, so there isn’t that much flexibility in the choices your superhero child can have.
It’s kind of like digital paper dolls.
Also please be sure to take note of the highly visible disclaimers on our commercial.
Once your child has chosen their cartoon self, they are inserted into the story.
Actually this probably isn’t going to fly.
In a world where every kid gets a trophy for showing up to the soccer game, putting a child’s cartoon self in the background of the fairy tale is probably going to result in screaming tantrums.
Tell you what, you guys buy this product now and we’ll work on a better version to release next year – something like Cinderella will continue to sweep out the ashes while your little precious is the one that goes to the ball.
So once your prodigy has been weaved into the story, you print out the story (on our special paper provided). Then your child gets to color you brilliant new creation.
It won’t be professional looking unless you use our markers (provided in the box), but as you know, they won’t exactly cover evenly. After your darling has finished coloring his/her masterpiece, they can color the glossy cover we also create for you.
It’s not our fault if your colors aren’t as vibrant as ours.
And voila! There you have it, your very own child starring in a fairytale storybook. You can read them with your little bundle of joy for hours and hours.
All of this is included!
We’ll provide the binders for three actual books, but we’ll give you 6 glossy covers and 30 sheets of our special printing paper, so you can average a few more if you can distract your kids long enough to toss the stupid ones.
Don’t believe in the quality of our product? Check out these reviews on our own website.
Looks good, right?
Perhaps it would help to know that the 1 & 3 star ratings are for this product. All the 5 star ratings have erroneously been included in this product link but are actually for something called Kaskey Kids Hockey Guys.
Well, there you have it. The Crayola Story Studio – be sure to buy all three and torture as many unsuspecting moms as possible.