Commercialgasm: LittleMissMatched

Hello again Gasmii!

Today, we are examining LittleMissMatched socks, a product that was brought to our attention not through an annoying commercial, but via an aware reader (thanks ChickenLips)!

LittleMissMatched is a company that started with socks but has expanded to clothes and accessories. It appears to be someone’s grad school project that blossomed into an actual business. The idea is to celebrate individuality and perhaps thwart bullies with the in-your-face defiance of wearing mismatched socks. They are sold in packages of 3 at a whopping $13 per pack.

I’m too OCD for this. I would have to buy two packs so they all had mates.

I don’t have a commercial to review for you, but I have something better! Here, in (most of) its quoted glory, is a message from the actual president of LittleMissMatched.

He is as stiff and dull as he looks.

Presidential Message: “Ladies and gentleman, members of the kooky council, distinguished shoppers and those who rock their socks- Our nation is at a crossroads. One road leads to the dull… where we all eat vanilla ice cream, where we all wear matching socks. Booorrriiinnnggggg.

I’ve heard you call out for one day, every year where we can stand together, rocking our socks. Declaring that fashion and creativity are whatever we want them to be.

We are petitioning to create a day – National Rock Your Socks Day. All we need is a zillion signatures. Yes, a zillion, to make this an official day. I have pledged that for every signature we get, Little MissMatched will make a donation in your name to the Rock Your Socks Fund. A fund to foster creativity and self-expression in kids throughout the world.”

That’s exactly what these boys need.

“Foster creativity and self-expression in kids throughout the world”???? I tried to find a picture of children living in the third world who were already expressing their individuality with mismatched socks, but I couldn’t locate a single one. That’s when I realized what we have here is a

I don’t want to conform so I mix up my socks.

Here are some other vital First Wold Problems that require attention.

Perhaps Little MissMatched should also fixate on these with their new charity:

Oops. This one’s not a FWP. My bad.

Dear Mr. President of LittleMissMatched,

It’s okay to run a company geared towards tweeners whose biggest concern in life is that they not get a zit the night before the big dance. But don’t go all Ben & Jerry and pretend you have a social cause that you care about, because with great sock power comes great sock responsibility. Be careful what you say and what you promise. While your website does say local store branches have donated to certain schools, there is no indication what they donated or how much. And those donations were done through DonorsChoose.org (which is awesome, by the way).

So what’s up with the Rock Your Socks Fund you mentioned and where has all that petition money gone? (I’m guessing you got the zillion signatures required because October 21st was declared National Rock Your Socks Day.)

This is the Rock Your Socks Day mascot?
Clearly you didn’t spend the money on campaign design.

I tried to find some information on the Rock Your Socks Fund and what good it might be doing for self-expression in kids worldwide. But I couldn’t find anything. Did you send it to a home for abandoned socks in Ecuador?

Orphanages are so cruel!

For one moment during your speech, Mr. President, you actually showed some life:

“Ask not what your socks can do for you,
but what you can do with your socks.”

I really hope your Rock Your Socks Fund actually exists and is working, as you promised. I’m going to have faith and believe that it does.

Love,

Luscious

And so, tomorrow I will do my part to foster creativity and self-expression.  I plan on racing through the streets of my inner city, grabbing the left sock of every sleeping homeless guy I see. Don’t worry, I’ll leave a different left sock for him to find when he wakes (or toss it over my shoulder as I run from him). It will be my small and humble contribution to creating a world in which we all assert our unique identities and eliminate bullies.

And now it’s your turn, readers. How will you rock the world with socks?