Super Bowl XXXIX – Advertisers as Lame as the Rest of the Broadcast

Yes, we will be watching the Super Bowl today at the TVgasm offices. Many chicken wings will be eaten, many St. Pauli Girls will be sipped. I may even bake a pie. While we are not going to liveblog the entire thing, if there happens to be a particular commercial that we find particularly funny, we will post some screenshots or video of it here.

UPDATE: It was quite the lackluster Super Bowl for commercials. Some of our thoughts and three videos after the jump.On the whole, originality was sorely lacking this year. Most companies were very wary of pushing the envelope, so it made for some safe and predictable additions to existing franchises.

-Godaddy.com tried to be provocative with their big-boobed girl with only one strap holding her together in front of a Senate panel, but the wardrobe malfunction aspect of the joke was really old. Didn’t anybody learn from all those ads in 2000 when .com companies advertised on the Super Bowl and then managed to go out of business within a year?

-Bud Light. There are usually some good ones from Bud Light. The best this year was the skydiving ad with the pilot jumping from the plane. Not so great was that cockatoo at the bar.

-Cedric the Entertainer had two uninteresting commercials. I literally forgot what the point of each was five minutes later. I would say put a fork in it, but I have to save that for some other themes.

-FedEx had a decent commercial. I can’t speak negatively about anything that had a talking bear kicking Burt Reynolds in the nuts.

-Can somebody take a shotgun to the stupid Budweiser donkey? It’s nice to trot out the clydesdales every now and then, but you are just killing the franchise with this type of shit.

-Brad Pitt tried to pull off his too hip/cool for everybody else in a Heineken commercial. I would say it sucked, but I am going to give them another chance when Steven Soderbergh directs and George Clooney cameos.

-So MC Hammer is not that great anymore. If he landed in my backyard, I wouldn’t throw him back. Admit it, you know you loved the parachute pants.

-What was the deal with that Mustang commercial? Stop trying to be Fargo, especially when you don’t have Frances McDormand.

Grand Prize Winner: P Diddy’s New Ride. While this commercial was funny for everybody, it really makes us people in Los Angeles laugh or asses off. Some of you might think that it would be improbable for anybody to want to drive a such a monstrosity, but you would be wrong. The sad thing is that this ad might inspire celebrities to actually buy a freezer truck to pick up their lunch at Urth Cafe or for spending the night out at Prey. The hipsters who can’t afford their own will be waiting for the ironic t-shirt at Urban Outfitters.

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1st Runner Up: Marinara Killed the Cat. We love commercials with a message, and this message is a lesson that we should all take to heart. If your girlfriend’s cat ruins the surprise dinner you had planned, make sure to kill the cat before your girlfriend gets home, or she might break up with you. I sort of made up that last part, but the commercial is still really funny. It also stars the same girl from the Southwest commercial featuring the girl who uses the bathroom at her boyfriend’s place, looks at a bottle of medicine, and then trashes the whole cabinet. I wonder if the guy killing her cat is that guy or a new man.

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Honorable Mention: Gladys Knight’s Rugby Adventure. So this wasn’t the greatest commercial, but we have to give props for any company that puts Gladys Knight on the rugby pitch.

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