Confessions of a Teen Idol: Kick ‘em When They’re Down

***Please welcome another newbie to the TVgasm stable with a show that was just too good to ignore! TVannie with…

Confessions of a Teen Idol is the new VH1 show that promises to reunite 7 former teen idols under one roof and help them try to regain their careers. I have to admit, I’m kind of wondering if there is any drama when 7 men live together or if these guys will just be glad to be back on TV.

God help us.

This show premiers with Scott Baio (Happy Days, Joanie Loves Chachi and Charles in Charge) and Jason Hervey (The Wonder Years) along with 7 former teen idols. During this reality show, they will help the other 7 teen idols figure out how to regain their fame.

They want to help the 7 roomies figure out what is keeping them from regaining their fame and show them how to get their careers back on track. They want to teach them new skills and get them back in the game.

This show seems to have a bit of heart. I mean if they truly focus on helping these guys and coaching them and teaching them new life skills, we could actually have a heartwarming result. I’m usually a bit of a cynic, so part of me is wondering, when does the humiliation start?

The first guy to show up is Jeremy Jackson. I’ll be honest, I had no idea who this guy was even after they showed an old picture of him. He was 10 years old when he was hired to portray David Hassehof’s son on Baywatch. He was thrust into the adult environment, there were girls everywhere. He partied, went out of control on coke and was arrested 8 years ago for manufacturing meth. He was facing 8 years in jail and ended up with 6 months in rehab. After being in rehab 5 times and in jail, he says it is no problem to live with 6 other guys.

Jeremy Jackson

Next up is Chris Atkins. This is the guy that was in Blue Lagoon with Brooke Shields in 1980. He was discovered when he was a sailing instructor at a camp.

Chris Atkins and his 1980 hair disaster.

He was 18 when fame hit. He went to Studio 54 every night, sex, drugs and rock and roll. His drinking and partying eventually caused him to lose out on the lead role in the movie Footloose which was a huge success for Kevin Bacon.

Losing Footloose appears to be a key thing for Chris. Chris lost his house and everything. Now his kids are grown up and he is a pool builder. He does not miss the irony that the “Blue Lagoon” guy is now building lagoons. I feel kind of bad for him. He seems like a nice person.

So far, I feel kind of sorry for these guys. I mean they had some fame, but it was pulled out from under them. Maybe VH1 is really going to have a program for them to help them get back on top of their profession.

Next came Billy Hufsey. He was in the TV version of Fame. He said he retired from show business and went into corporate work. But he misses being on stage and singing. They showed a lot of footage of him dancing. He doesn’t look too bad except maybe he is a little too orange from a tanning bed.

Billy wants “Fame” back. Please cut down on the puns guys. I’m begging.

The fourth roommate is Jamie Walters who was on Beverly Hills 90210. He also had a #1 record with “How Do You Talk to an Angel” He dated Drew Barrymore and his career just slowed down.

For the past 8 years he concentrated on being a good father and firefighter. I have to say, this guy looks like he has a nice family and a good job. I’m not sure why he wants to put himself back into show business. He says he wants a record deal. I’d stay where I was if I was him, it looks like a nice life. Fame doesn’t always look like fun to me.

Baywatch Alum Hug

The fifth roommate is David Chokachi, another Baywatch alum. He played a lifeguard on the show. He is friends with Jeremy Jackson. He was in a #1 show all over the world. He went to the Playboy mansion, he slept with a lot of extras from the show. He feels he is not getting acting jobs because he is typecast as a Baywatch actor. He wants to prove that he has depth and an education.

Number six is Adrian Zmed. I remember this guy. He was in TJ Hooker on TV with Heather Locklear, William Shatner and William Shatner’s old toupee. It was a pretty good show, but he quit to go do other things. He was also in Grease 2. He should have stuck with Shatner.

Adrian Zmed today.

Adrian now has a one man show and he performs on cruise ships. He would love to get another TV series.

So far, this show has a lot of heart. And I was beginning to panic. If I didn’t find something to say about this show, I would lose this gig before I even got started. The only thing I could possibly comment on was Billy’s orange skin and Jeremy’s spikey hair. Just when my faith in the shallowness of TV shows’ was fading, VH1 must have read my mind and they threw me a bone. A bone in the shape of one lucky number 7, our final roommate.

Lucky number 7 is none other than Eric Nies from the Real World #1 and The Grind.. Eric, is sporting long hair, a hat, and is dressed like he is in the road company of “Jesus Christ Superstar”. He is also bringing a lot of stuff with him. He is carrying a big bottle of water. The ones for those water machines.

Eric has a big load.

Eric blames loosing his career on a manipulating manager. Things got so bad he considered suicide but decided to go back home to his Mom. Eric is unsure about wanting his show business career back. What he really wants to do is to do something good for the world.

Eric lives the live, raw, food lifestyle. I’m not sure about this, but I didn’t know a raw food diet would change your hair blonde, but I digress. And this my little GASMII is where it gets good.

Eric says he wants to share his knowledge with everyone and he would just like to say “Make sure your colon is clean.”

And just like that, we have a winner. This show is going to be great.

Eric brings in an inversion table, his own water and some other equipment. Jamie Walters is a little unsure about this guy. He says Eric looks like he just rolled out of the jungle.

Eric goes on to explain he has a whole bunch of stuff coming for all of the other roommates if they are interested. And then Eric comes out with another memorable quote.

He mentions that his nickname in Hawaiian is POO POO LE which means an abundance of poop. This is gold, are you kidding me!! We have a couple of memorable poop quotes and we aren’t even over the 30 minute mark in the first episode. Something tells me Eric is going to be a star after all.

So my little poo poo lee, how has life treated you in the past 15 years?

Eric says he has an abundance of poop and I have to say I’m just glad we’ll all be here to see it. This is just the first episode and we’ve already got to make sure we watch Eric very carefully. A guy who’s nickname means an abundance of poop, I love it.

Eric also tells us he is a life coach and that he helps to rebuild drug addicts (I’m assuming he means into something other than a drug addict). I don’t know how many people want an abundance of poop as a life coach, but I guess you never know.

Eric the life coach also attended the Bret Michael’s School of Hair Illusion. Notice how it almost looks full?

Adrian then makes a big mistake, he tells Eric that he and Billy both have a lot of arthritis from years of dancing which abused their bodies. Eric is so happy to be there, he pulls out a machine and says that it puts the frequency into your body that mimics the frequency of the Earth. Over 400,000 people in Europe are already using it. It kind of looks like an electronic scale, but it has a lot of buttons on it.

Eric enthusiastically wants to help all the roomies with their health issues. VH1 does not support this idea.

Billy makes an aside to the camera, “Eric says he has a vibrator for me. That made me feel good that I’m not in his room.”

I’m with you Billy. Somehow, poo poo guy can keep his vibrating thing to himself for now.

Now that they are all together, they receive a call sheet which tells them they have a group therapy meeting behind the big black door. To delve into the mind of poo poo guy will be a treat.

So everyone gets ready for their first group therapy session. Eric helps everyone by spraying them with a mist of deionized water that will help them stay focused and balanced and it will cleanse and recharge all of their shakras. I hope this special water doesn’t cause poo poo guy to let one loose.

That’s one hell of a spray, something tells me all of the other roommates are beginning to wonder about this guy. If his nickname is poo poo guy,can you trust what he sprays on you?

So we meet Cooper Forrest. She is a therapist and foremost authority on celebrity and fame. I don’t know how you get to be an authority on celebrity and fame. I guess she probably reads TVGasm. That’s where I get most of my dish.

Dr. Cooper “I’m an expert on celebrities. I want you to trust me.”

She tells the group that she has been working with celebrities for a long time. She tells them that there is a whole bunch of kids out there who think show business is easy.

Eric asks her if her work with celebrities has brought her any fame and she says no. I actually thought poo poo asked a valid question, but of course Jeremy thinks poo poo is attacking the therapist.

Jeremy Jackson accuses the others of giving her a hard time. He says he wants to learn what this is all about.

Cooper says she wants them to trust her so they can get to the next level.

Jeremy goes first. I’m not surprised, I think it has finally occurred to him that he should try and get camera time. He’s not a bad looking guy, but I don’t think he’s very recognizable as a former teen idol because he was so young when he was on Baywatch. Seriously, I would never have guessed that he was a former teen idol. I was not a Baywatch fan.

Jeremy says his career wasn’t taken away from him, he took it himself. He was 10 when he got Baywatch. He didn’t want anyone to hold him back. He wanted to be famous and wanted drugs and cigarettes. He went to crack houses in the middle of nowhere, with other people’s clothes on and no money in my pocket. He tale of his childhood is pretty ridiculous.

It begs the question, where were his clothes and how was he buying drugs with no money?? I guess being on Baywatch was a lot bigger deal than I thought. But seriously, buying drugs with no money????

Eric says he went full steam ahead for so many years. He blames his manager for ruining his carreer and his relationship with MTV. I guess poo poo is not at fault for losing his career, it is someone else’s problem. Something tells me that he will be eating those words before the end of this show. He’ll probably just spray water on something to cure his lack of insight regarding his own problems.

David C. (the other Baywatch guy) says the reason he’s here is similar to other guys. He would love to go to the next level. He wants to get back on a prime time series that’s well written.

This guy was on Baywatch. I’m guessing it won’t be too hard to find a series written as well as that one.

Adrian says If someone comes along and offers him a series, he ain’t gonna say no. But he is doing his own show on a cruise ship and he’s content.

Cooper the therapist asks Adrian if he is really content. She says that she thinks what he is saying is a “cop out”. (Cop out, he was on TJ Hooker) Gasmii, this is ok , let’s all groan. We get the pun Dr. Cooper but this isn’t Sex and The City. Let’s keep the puns to a minimum.

She goes onto say that there is so much more you could be doing and maybe you need a fire under you.

Jeremy says that he knows he is only 27 but he just heard Adrian say if someone offers him a TV show he would take it, but he’s not going to say he wants one. It sounds like a contradiction.

Cooper says that is the passion she wants all of them to feel. Jeremy is proud, the doctor wants all the other boys to behave just like Jeremy. Gold star for you young man. As your reward, poo poo will spray you with more of his magic water.

Jamie Walters says the cool thing about the group session is that he is learning something about each of the guys. Really Jamie? so listening to others is a way to learn things. What a concept.

Chris Atkins says he didn’t pursue the business, but his kids are in college now and he is single again so maybe it’s time now.

Chris says he wants back in the business. He made a lot of people happy all over the world and that was kind of fun. That sounds like a pretty good goal. He doesn’t seem to be delusional about his life or career and I have to say I’m pulling for Chris so far. I’m sure I’ll live to regret those words.

Bill (who looks like he has a tanning bed at home and perhaps has been botoxed a little)says Chris was a superstar before he even thought of being in show business.

But Billy has something no one else seems to have, ambition. He’s cutting another record because he said so. Then in a speech reminiscent of a hero in an alien invader/disaster movie Billy says “Because until they nail that last nail in the coffin, I’m going to be singing that last song. ” Billy goes on to say “maybe I’m not going to be Frank Sinatra” .

Gasmii, no truer words were ever spoken, but you have to like him for his ambition. If nothing else, this guy seems really driven, maybe he will get back in show business. Perhaps not as an iconic singer like Frank Sinatra, but he might have a great talent. It could happen.

Then Billy utters his pun “I want Fame again”. Come on guys, we’re not going to speak pun after pun are we????? If we are going to be subjected to puns, please give us a little warning so I can turn away from the screen or maybe just skip over that part. I mean seriously, either really go all out and make the cast goofy or knock it off.

Adrian laughs at Billy’s enthusiasm. Billy probably reminds him a little of William Shatner. You know, the other guy named William that won’t go away.

With the session over, the guys go back behind the black door and find they have another call sheet. It says that they are going to a red carpet event tonight in their honor.

I have to admit, I was a little skeptical at first, but they all got ready to go out and I thought maybe VH1 was throwing them a first night bash to get them all drunk and angry like they do on the MTV shows. But maybe VH1 will do something nice for these guys and help them build up their self esteem.

When our 7 roomies are getting ready they are all pretty happy. They are busy ironing shirts, fixing hair, etc. Then they all pile in a limo and there are smiles all around Adrian says it feels the way it used to be. Geez I wish he didn’t look so happy, I have a bad feeling about this. And very soon, you’ll see why.

It’s so good to be back.

They pull up in front of a club where there are some cheering fans, and some photographers. Not a lot, but a few and there is a red carpet and all our guys get out and pose for pictures. Big smiles all around.

The guys are escorted to the backstage area where they can hear the crowd. As each of their names is read, they hear clapping and cheering. Finally the curtain opens and the guys find themselves standing in front of an empty club except for Scott and Jason.

The big event is a hoax, kick ‘em when they’re down.

This was all a set up to show them how quickly it can be taken away.

Scott tells them they are all here to examine their addiction to fame and see what it takes to get back in.

Jason tells them it’s not going to be an easy process and that the stakes are real and they are in for the performance of a lifetime.

Then the Scott and Jason leave and our 7 roomies are left standing on the stage alone. Chris says he felt like he was kick in the gut, Adrian says he understands why they did it.

Well maybe Adrian does, but I think that VH1 just kicked these guys while they were down. It was kind of mean to humiliate them that way. If they did this on the Bad Girls Club, they would have burned down the club and trashed the house.

David, the Baywatch guy is mad because he was played. He storms off to his room and starts packing his stuff. Jamie Walters is also angry. David says this is not what he signed up for and he leaves.

David packs up and heads for home at the end of day one.

Eric and Jamie go after David while Adrian calls Jason to get help and get David back in the house.

David says he doesn’t want to get punked and act like an ass on the show for the whole world to see. Sorry David, but by packing your clothes and stomping off out the door, you achieved becoming a big ass on TV for the whole world to see.

They convince David to stay by saying that he should at least stay long enough to confront Jason. David tells Jason that they are all pissed (which isn’t true) .

Jason tells the roomies that they gave them the cheering fans and then they took it away so they will want fame again. That’s what the show is about. They need thick skin and they need to really want to succeed in this business.

David relents and says he is only staying for his house mates and that he is in complete attack mode. Funny how quickly David bonded with these guys he met a few hours ago. Maybe Eric will spray him down with that mist of his.

Eric says we’re a band of brothers and we’re going to go through this roller coaster. I didn’t really understand how you go through a roller coaster but Eric’s supercharged water probably helps you do that. After all whatever poo poo says is gold.

The last line of the show appears on the screen:

“Fame is a bitch and they all want her back.”

Stay tuned to see how long it is before this show makes it on The Soup and in the meantime, remember what the Giant Poo said :

Keep your colon clean.

Even if the rest of this series is a complete waste of time, I’ll never forget the immortal words of poo poo.

Until next time Gasmii…..