Confessions of a Teen Idol: Master Thespian

Week 3 finds our idols relaxing in their bachelor pad. They are talking and playing pool when they get another call sheet. Adrian says “Every time we think it’s going to be good, they stab us in the heart.” Adrian gets a gold star this week for his observation about the call sheets. Congratulations Adrian, you’re learning to duck when they lob a call sheet your way.

The call sheet says they will need sunscreen for a tour of Hollywood in a convertible. They wonder if it’s going to be a big stretch limo with a hot tub just like the old days. Well, not exactly.

The guys go outside and see a large red double decker tour bus. They climb aboard and get to the top level. Jason Hervey tells them that they will be going on a special tour of Hollywood. The tour guide is Brian. Before they leave Jason tells them “to move forward, they must address their past”. This is a trip down memory lane for our teen idols.

So off we go on the top of the tour bus, right smack down Sunset Boulevard. Driving by all the famous buildings. Jeremy stands up with arms out-stretched and yells “Sunset Boulevard, Daddy’s back!!!”

I do not know how Jeremy expects anyone to recognize him as the kid from “Baywatch”. He is a grown man and does not resemble that little kid anymore. Maybe if you were a big fan and you actually personally know him, you would recognize him, otherwise I think he might need a nametag.

Whenever they take Jeremy anywhere, he acts like he is walking through a magic door and he will be famous and rich again. I don’t think he understands that regaining his fame requires hard work.

The first stop on our tour is Paramount Studio. This is where the movie “Footloose” was filmed. Chris was up for the lead in “Footloose” but he didn’t get it. Chris considers this a big downward turn in his life. As the bus stops in front of Paramount, Chris shares something about his past. Chris was out partying before the big meeting with the producers and director of “Footloose”. He showed up to the meeting drunk or high or both and that’s how he lost the part.

As a result of this big disappointment, Chris had a breakdown. He went to a hospital and then on to rehab. He hasn’t touched anything in 22 years. Chris seems really relieved to finally tell this whole story and get it out in the open. He says he never told anyone that story before. He never admitted losing that part was the result of his partying. Good for you Chris, taking responsibility.

At this point, I feel really sorry and happy for Chris at the same time. I just want to hug this guy and tell him to go home to his family and his pool business and please, please don’t let fame eat you up and spit your out again. But that’s not why he’s on this show. He wants the fame and he wants to get back in the business. I hope he realizes how much it costs to be a famous actor.

I have the feeling that as much as all of our former idols love this business, they are beginning to understand that avoiding the pitfalls will be like running through a mine field.

Next up is Warner Brothers Studio where “TJ Hooker” was filmed. Adrian was on TJ Hooker and left the show to go to “Dance Fever”. He wanted to be a star instead of a sidekick.

Adrian walked away from “TJ Hooker” and he has regrets. He tells the others that when he left the TV show, he could actually use binoculars to see the set where they were still shooting TJ Hooker. It sounds like Adrian was actively watching his career pass him by, right from his own house.

As Adrian talked about this, you could picture him in his big house on the hill looking down at that studio He said he never let himself feel bad about the choice he made, but maybe now after revisiting this place, he can let it go. Bravo Adrian, let go of the mistake and leave it in the past where it belongs. Maybe now he can move on.

Next up is the MTV Studio. This is where “The Grind” was filmed. Eric famously walked away from “The Grind”. Eric says he thought Jenny McCarthy was added to the show to steal his thunder and he didn’t want any part of that. Eric said he felt like “The Grind” was his show.

I thought it was interesting that he blamed Jenny McCarthy as the reason he walked away. On the first episode he blamed everything on his manager. Perhaps the giant poo had a vision and it was revealed that Jenny McCarthy was the real villain in his life. Or not.

Next Brian the tour guide asks them if they’ve been to the Playboy Mansion, I think they all raised their hands. Then he asks them how many of them dated a playmate and again it looks like everyone raised their hands. Brian wonders if any of them “dated” the same playmate. There is an uncomfortable moment of silence and then they move on.

COME ON VH1, this had the possibility of being a really explosive moment. Finding out that they slept with the same woman could have been a huge conflict. WTF, What kind of reality show is this? We want at least one bitch slap per episode. Come on you guys, get angry! once!! Please!!!

Ok I’m over it.

Next it’s the Aaron Spelling house. Aaron Spelling produced 90210 the TV show that made Jamie famously anonymous. I know some of you watched 90210, but seriously this guy is completely unrecognizable to me. Jamie was also going to have the lead in a show “The Heights”. However, the day he got the call that his song was #1, he received a call that “The Heights” was canceled. All in about 10 minutes time.

I guess this would all seem much more tragic for Jamie if we all recognized him. I swear he comes on the screen and I just want them to put a name tag on him “Hi I’m Jamie and I swear, I was famous”. I just don’t get this guy. I know I’ve said that every week, but I just don’t get it and it’s not getting better.

Next Jeremy says he could tell they were heading to the beach because they went over the hill. So the bus pulls up on Roy Rogers Beach. This is where they filmed “Baywatch”.

Both Jeremy and David were on Baywatch so I expect this may take a while. David said he got to choose between Pam Anderson or Yasmine Bleeth as his love interest. He chose Pam and says that Tommy Lee didn’t like it and punched some holes in Pam’s trailer. He and Pam played boyfriend and girlfriend for 2 years on Baywatch. David misses that fame and having a beautiful famous girlfriend, even if it was just on TV.

And now it’s Jeremy’s turn. At a young age. he was late for work and he had a bad attitude. Sometimes he didn’t show up at all. Eventually he walked away giving everyone the finger. Brian the tour guide says that over 1.1 billion people watched Baywatch. So Jeremy mentions again how disappointed he is that no one in the focus group recognized him even though the show had such a huge audience.

How many times is Jeremy going to tell us that he can’t believe no one recognizes him???

By the way, while looking for old pictures of Jeremy I came across some rumors regarding plastic surgery. I don’t know if they are true. The picture on the left does not really look like Jeremy at all, but you decide. One thing for sure, he wears too much eyeliner.

Jeremy jumps off the bus and gets in a row boat and says “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times”. I’m shocked. I don’t know if I’m shocked that Jeremy quoted Dickens or that the other guys applauded.

The last stop on the tour is a church. Billy says that years ago when he was homeless and didn’t have food, he went to this church and prayed every day. And now he is proud of how far he has come since those days. Billy gets off the bus and kneels at the entrance of the church and prays. I’m kind of surprised the rest of the guys didn’t join him. I’m glad our little Billy/Natalie has faith and it seems to really comfort him.

The tour is over and the guide Brian thanks them for this tour through Hollywood. Brian says this is the best tour he has ever been on. Brian needs to get out more.

The men are deposited back to their house.

Jeremy and Adrian are talking outside by the pool. Jeremy remembers how he put his Mom through so much hell. Adrian tells him it wasn’t his fault, he was just a kid.. Adrian tells Jeremy it’s ok to look at the past, but it should remain in the past. You can’t dwell there. Jeremy and Adrian hug. Another feel good moment for these guys.

Adrian helps Jeremy get over his guilt.

David C. is in the house and decides to find out what the star meter rating is for each of our idols. The star rating thing is on IMDB and you can look at this during a free 14 day trial or by paying a membership fee. Lucky for us David looks up all 7 of our guys. I’m sure he is hoping he is number one, but to no one’s surprise, Chris is #1.

David seems really concerned about these rankings as though they really mean something. Maybe in the entertainment industry people use the rankings, but to the rest of the world, it’s pretty meaningless.

Jason stops by and tells the guys they will have the opportunity to audition for a commercial for Aussie hair products. The commercial will air on VH1 and whoever gets the commercial gets to keep the money. All the guys seem really excited at first, except for David.

David pulls Jason aside and tells him that he was told by his agents not to do commercials. David says if you go down that path it is like admitting you are a failure. He also says there are certain things he just won’t do. He wants to be a serious actor.

Is he serious? Some things he won’t do? I think the one thing David won’t do is work. When is the last time this guy worked? He was on Baywatch and now he’s such a serious actor he won’t do a hair product commercial? You need to work, who cares if it is a commercial? If your are lucky enough to have an opportunity fall in your lap, take the money and run.

Eric wakes up early on audition day and leaves a note on the refrigerator saying he isn’t going to audition either because he doesn’t promote that type of product. Remember Eric is the healthy guy and wants to be true to his lifestyle. I guess that promoting shampoo and styling products is too much for the giant poo. Afterall, he doesn’t use shampoo. So I guess Eric is also too serious for a shampoo commercial.

The guys get the scripts and start rehearsing. They need to memorize the lines and work on how they will “act” in the commercial.

Jeremy is ok with it and starts to rehearse He is working on his acting skills. When Jeremy starts working on the script, all I could think about was the Jon Lovitz skit on SNL “Master Thespian”.

Adrian goes off to find Billy to help him rehearse. Billy is dyslexic and he doesn’t see very well so Adrian helps him learn his lines.

Can I just say that this is a big hug moment. Seriously, these guys are trying to break back into a very competitive business and the fact that Adrian would put his own rehearsal on hold to help Billy says a lot about that guy. I think Adrian deserves a big hug. All together now ” Awwwwww”. Ok, now wipe your tears so we can move on to the big audition.

Adrian was first to audition. There is a guy from VH1 and a woman from Aussie hair products. I thought Adrian was really funny. He sits at a picnic table telling a pretty dark haired girl that she changed his life and got him to wax the hair between his shoulder blades. Adrian finishes and they say he did fine. Then they tell him the second part of the commercial they have to dress up in spandex and rock out on top of a car and really ham it up.

This part of the commercial is a surprise to Adrian and the rest of the guys. Some of the idols are starting to think they might not want to go out and make fools of themselves.

Adrian does not do the spandex pants, but does a fair rock guitar player. He’s a very good sport. And I thought he was pretty funny.

Chris is second and I thought his version was hilarious. He really put himself out there and didn’t mind making fun of himself. And the spandex pants? nothing wrong with him in those tight pants. Chris is also a good sport and would probably do just fine in this commercial.

Next up is Jeremy. Jeremy likes the wardrobe. He is pretty over the top. Almost like he is trying to hard. He was probably just nervous. After watching Chris and Adrian, he probably felt that he had to be more over the top to get noticed

Jeremy finishes his audition and and goes in and tells the guys he feels that same rush he felt when he was acting in Baywatch and he was just so excited. Unfortunately he is still wearing the zebra striped spandex pants while talking to the other guys and the fact that he is excited is obvious. He has bulges. And he doesn’t care who looks sees his package.

At this point Jamie (the guy no one remembers) bails and says that he does not want to participate in the audition. I don’t know if he really didn’t want to do it or if Jeremy’s “audition high” scared him. Or maybe the fact that he has no hair at all is a good reason not to do the commercial.

And that leaves us with Billy. So the poor little Billy/Natalie is going up against the others in spandex. And you won’t believe what happened next.

Billy totally rocked out! He put himself out there and acted like a hair band guy from the ’80′s. He was awesome. He finished by doing the splits on the roof of the car!! Then he thanked the guy from VH1 and the lady from Aussie and smashed the guitar into bits. It was fantastic. The other guys were watching from inside and they were all cheering for him.

Rock on Billy, you totally owned that audition. All of the guys are proud of Billy. You can’t help but love him for that performance. And what a supportive audience. They are great to each other and it’s a good environment for all of them.

Next up the guys have therapy with Dr. Cooper. She is wearing a green blouse similar to stylist Jen’s shirt from last week. She says she has to get something off of her chest (not the ugly shirt). She is angry that 3 of our 7 idols did not audition. She tells them that fame is essential to their careers.

She wants to know what she is doing here if they are not willing to take opportunities that are handed to them.

Adrian said he is afraid that Jeremy will get fame and will end up being a druggie again. Jeremy walks out but Chris goes after him and tells him they all care about him and only want what is best for him. Chris convinces Jeremy to come back to the group.

Both Chris and Adrian are afraid for Jeremy. They don’t know if he is ready for fame. They are worried he will fall right back into his bad habits.

Jeremy returns to the group and apologizes to the others for leaving and tells them he has trouble dealing with confrontations.

Chachi sees all of the action from the control booth and comes down to save the day. Chachi boots Dr.Cooper to take over the therapy session and explain this fame problem to the idols. The only thing Chachi is missing is the superhero tights and cape.

Chachi tells the idols that there is nothing wrong with fame. It’s ok that Jeremy wants fame. Fame gets us where we want to go. He tells them they are all still here because they all want to be famous and that’s ok.

Chachi says they are all brothers. They were all chewed up and spit out by this business, but they are all still here.

This is the end of the therapy session for this week. All of the idols want fame, but they have to keep away from the bad parts of fame, and no the spandex pants aren’t the bad parts.

Next up the guys are playing pool when the call comes from the Aussie people and they announce that Billy got the commercial!!! Our little Natalie is the winner!! We’re so happy for you. Natalie proved that you can do anything that Blair and Jo can do and that you can do it even better!!

Jeremy wants to know if they said who was their second choice. All of the other guys start laughing like this is a joke. But then Jeremy says what if something happens to Billy and he can’t do it???

I don’t think the other guys heard this. It was kind of creepy. Last week I was afraid Chris would get hurt, but now I’m thinking Billy should watch where he goes so he doesn’t “accidentally” fall down a flight of stairs or get hit by a bus. Jeremy is starting to think like the women on “Bad Girls Club”. Billy should sleep with one eye open.

Jeremy, don’t even think about hurting Billy, or I’ll have to get tough with you!!

Everyone congratulates Billy. His hard work and awesome splits paid off.

It was a good week. Adrian showed us all he is a really good guy. He helped Billy. He is not a cutthroat person. Most people do not help their competition. It shows us a lot about Adrian’s character. Unfortunately nice guys do not finish first in this business.

And this is where our idols all joined hands and sang Kum Bye Yah. OK, they didn’t really do that, but it could happen.

Until next week Gasmii.

TVAnnie.