Hello there Gasmii! I’m a longtime fan of this website, and I am just beside myself with excitement over being asked to recap this season 2 of Couples’ Therapy, or as I like to call it, “Therapy?” In my real life, I judge not lest ye be judged. However, this isn’t real life, this is the internet, so I shall judge away. Welcome to my Courtroom, Judge Eyediosmio presiding. Let’s bang some gavels my friends. The first episode is basically an introduction to our “couples,” who are all famewhores and disasters to varying degrees. They all have an addiction: alcohol, eyeliner, little girls, aviator sunglasses, tacky pants. Let’s see which is which, shall we?
Nik Richie and Shayne Lamas. She’s famous because her dad is Lorenzo Lamas and she won an episode of the Bachelor. He’s famous because he runs a gossip website. They’re both idiots because they married each other within eight hours of knowing each other.
Problem: They married each other within eight hours of knowing each other. Now they have “issues.” Yes, their issue is their marriage is a plot device for a bad romantic comedy. Now we know what REALLY happens after that airport reunion scene when she doesn’t get on the plane. A baby and lots of arguing.
Solution: Honestly, they really seem to need some sort of direction and problem solving skills, so hopefully they’ll get a little bit of that here. Which I doubt, since it’s VH1.
Alex McCord and Simon Van Kemp: They’re both former castmembers of the Real Housewives of New York. I have a confession to make Gasmii, I love the hell out of this weirdo couple. He was always wearing those brightly colored pants, she was always covered in hives and they were SO pretentious over absolutely NOTHING. I loved it. I found them to be pretty harmless and they never seemed to be mean or nasty (I’m looking at YOU Jill Zarin!). Anyhow, I am sad to see that now they are on this pathetic reality show ready to expose all the problems in what was always considered before to be a pretty successful relationship.
Problem: After all the “media scrutiny” caused extreme stress in their relationship they now fight all the time. So what better way to solve this problem then to expose all of our nasty fights to the rest of the world! Surely this won’t affect us negatively. Right Bethenny and Jason?
Solution: Stop going on reality shows you idiots! Seriously. Just stay in with a glass of wine, and rent a damn movie. (By the way, while watching this show, hubby declared that Simon has the bloated craggy face of a serious alcoholic. Which if you read the internets, is a gossip item frequently.) Let’s see if later in the season he doesn’t escape on a bender with JoJo.
JoJo and Tiny: JoJo is a singer from the popular 90’s R&B groups Jodeci and KC and JoJo. JoJo has been slowly drinking himself to death since he met Tiny, his wife. He actually says in one of his interviews that when he proposed he was drunk, so what is she complaining about?