Couples Therapy Recap: Bowling Virgins and Shanik


By eyediosmio | | 9:58 am | 20 Comments

Hello there Gasmii!  For some reason VH1 is not streaming Episode 4 online, just showing clips, so my screencaps in this first part of the recap will be scarce.  Which doesn’t really matter because most of it is really depressing.  (Alcoholism, anyone?)

The show opens and replays our favorite part of the show so far:  Alex’s epic ass splat.  I especially love this because her little fit she throws as she slip slides away seems so fake.   But holy Moses, that had to hurt. 

Simon redeems himself and brings his lady love an icepack for her tushy.  They sit out on the veranda and Alex admits she’s never fallen while being sober.  I can tell you, that taking a good spill while sober is never a good feeling because you experience gravity the entire way down.  Instead of waking up the next morning and thinking, “Huh?  How did I get that bruise?”  

Simon comforts his slippery bride and tells her he’s sorry she slipped and busted her ass.  They’re sweet weirdos.  I am still on the fence about whether or not these two are for real, her tears seem to be.  Also, the sound of her butt hitting the pavement was very real.  And hilarious.

The next segment brings us to Doug’s center stage monologue.  Today he’ll be performing, “I’m feeling sorry for myself because I like yoga and my underage bride isn’t here to stroke my ego.”

He tells Nik that he used to “do yoga prolifically, I was pretty tight.” What the HELL does that even mean? I can’t stand it when people use words incorrectly just because they want to sound intelligent.  It drives me absolutely bonkers.  Now we know why Courtney overuses the phrase “in that aspect.”  I am sure she got that weird verbal tic from this asshat.

Doug is whining and wandering around looking for his “better half,” and repeatedly referencing Courtney as “my wife, my wife, my wife.”  You guys, I do not call my husband, “my husband, my husband, my husband,” because he’s more than just a role in my life – he’s a person.  I call him by his name, “personal chef,” or “slave to my every whim.”  It’s called RESPECT you guys.  Yeesh.

Doug says that he thinks he looks like a moron because everyone is doing yoga with their husband/wife and he thinks he looks like a moron because he’s by himself.  Ummm, you look like a moron every day pretty much, and actually having your wife next to you just amplifies it. 

Shayne asks him if he’s sad, and Doug goes on and on about missing Courtney and she’s not here to do yoga with him, blah blah blah.  Shayne has reached her limit with his pity party and says two things:  1)  that he knew coming into this his situation would be different so quit yer bitchin’ and 2) maybe she just didn’t want to do yoga.

She then tells us that you can’t wear stripper shoes to yoga, so maybe that’s why Courtney opted out.  And I love her a little bit more for that.  Because it’s true.

eyediosmio

I'm a part time writer, full time wife and Doberman wrangler in steamy South Florida.  I try to keep my sanity by watching loads of reality tv so I can feel better about myself.  It's a lazy way to maintain my moral compass, but I'm too lazy to drive to church every Sunday. 

20 Comments

  1. 1
    merry
    Posted October 31, 2012 at 1:08 pm

    Courtney claimes she was a virgin before marriage. I claim I’m a fairy princess. Funny how claiming stuff doesn’t make it true.

    This girl disgusts me with her total lack of respect for herself and other people. I find myself feeling for Simon and Alex and for Nik and Shayne: these couples actually seem to have real feelings for each other and are making an effort with therapy. I also feel some sympathy for Tiny, but she’s contributed in large part to the bad situation. (Also, a grown woman who goes by “Tiny”? I can’t help thinking she’d have more backbone if she used a name that didn’t literally minimize her. That can’t be her legal name and it’s so ridiculous.)

  2. 2
    caligal
    Posted October 31, 2012 at 1:53 pm

    Courtney portrays herself as she thinks a grown woman would, if said grown woman was filming a porno 24/7. Girl is going to have an ugly, rude awakening one day. I hope the cameras are around to capture that moment.

  3. 3
    Honeybee
    Posted October 31, 2012 at 2:17 pm

    I don’t want to condone her actions, because her behavior is innappropriate. However if we consider for even just a fraction of a second if she didn’t look the way she does (clothing and behavior) the reaction to her would be completely different. Instead of calling her a skank or a whore…we would be focusing on Doug and she would be viewed as a child which she is. She would have NEVER been on this show to beging with.

    Admittingly I have a problem with her and how she presents herself. If she was a real life person that I saw in public or knew, or saw in a bar…I am sure I would be acting disturbed, bothered, and snarky (its just how me and the girls roll). I also think that she is more manipulative than she lets on. I think Doug although a creeper, is living out some twisted fantasy. In all their freak show is going to have a terrible ending. Give it a few years.

  4. 4
    considerthis
    Posted October 31, 2012 at 4:34 pm

    LOVE the fact that Dr. Jen has laid down an ultimatum with Courtney. Let’s see if her lust for the camera is bigger than her lust for attention (dressing) now that she is being forced to choose. Reminds me of the phrase “If a tree falls in the forrest does it make a sound” “If an attention whore dresses in the dark does anybody care?”

    While we are on the topic of dressing – Alex ditch the Joan Rivers QVC jewelry – not working for ya. Tiny – do you own ANYTHING with sleeves or some dumbells in which to tone those arms – firm up or cover up. Shane whiole I give you an A for effort – time to retire the Gucci cloth belt as it really doesn’t go with every outfit you own.

  5. 5
    featherhead
    Posted October 31, 2012 at 5:20 pm

    Courtney is totally wearing the pants in that relationship and when she is done ruining his life, he’s going to be a bunny boiler. Who you are at 16/17 is not the person you’re going to be at 26/27. There is such an age difference that there is no room for them to grow and change together. I don’t see her sticking around with him once the cameras are gone.

  6. 6
    ecthelion
    Posted October 31, 2012 at 6:01 pm

    I thought the whole unrequited love thing was bizarre too, I am wondering if they know what unrequited means? I mean the definition is that one person loves another and the feeling is not mutual and that is not what that bizarre story told so who knows? I think everyone was confused and wondering what the purpose was as well.

  7. 7
    Mimo
    Posted November 1, 2012 at 7:54 am

    Are there any children of the early seventies watching and reading? I pulled out an old photo album from when I was 17/18 and throw in 7″ stilettos and it might appear that I had borrowed Courtney’s wardrobe. We were all about short shorts, micro mini’s, bare midriffs and low riding pants; we just wore them with platform shoes rather than the stilettos.

  8. 8
    Sloth
    Posted November 1, 2012 at 8:49 am

    It might have been close but I don’t recall seeing many with skirts so short their ass cheeks were literally hanging out in the Seventies.

  9. 9
    Gypsy Gypsy
    Posted November 1, 2012 at 10:23 am

    Marsha Brady, Courtney is not.

    Unless, Mimo you were off to Studio 54 in which case, mad props!

  10. 10
    Mimo
    Posted November 1, 2012 at 10:39 am

    Actually, the only reason my ass cheeks didn’t show was that most of my clothes were home made (Simplicity patterns) and I usually made a matching pair of underwear for the dresses and skirts. I hadn’t remembered how short the dresses were. My brother-in-law was stunned and said I’m not allowed to take his daughter shopping. lol

  11. 11
    Posted November 1, 2012 at 11:14 am

    @Mimo: my Mother used to make her own hot pants (Simplicity patterns) and dresses, too! But they were very short. The serious problem here is not that they are short, revealing (because they are) it’s the type of clothes she’s wearing. Those are only bought in stripper stores.

    I am constantly torn regarding Courtney, too b/c on the one hand she is obviously manipulative, but she’s also a kid. Doug is a creeper, but he’s also wrapped around her finger. It’s the weirdest situation and at it’s most basic unhealthy and gross.

    Did you all see last night’s episode? Minicap going up soon, but suffice it to say she does NOT redeem herself.

  12. 12
    SarahRita
    Posted November 1, 2012 at 11:17 am

    While I think Doug is such a creep, I can’t help but feel a slither of sympathy for him. He obviously has some very real issues, and really does live in his own fantasy world. It’s sick and he needs a different kind of therapy.

    I love Shayne and Nik, I really enjoyed that moment between them when they came up with “shanik”. I do feel that there is something real between them. Shayne is a self-absorbed brat, but she has some funny one liners.

  13. 13
    labowner
    Posted November 1, 2012 at 11:38 am

    Honoeybee – “if she was a real life person.” Too funny.

    Sadly, I see tons of chicks out here in California dress just like Courtney. Usually the B&T crowd.

  14. 14
    Posted November 1, 2012 at 12:55 pm

    @labowner – you know I live in Miami and on South Beach the women don’t wear that little clothes. Okay, okay sometimes they do but they are earning a living.

    @Sarahrita – I agree re: Shanik. That segment made me like them so much, they obviously have a friendship/love there and it was probably the most real moment on reality tv.

  15. 15
    Patty
    Posted November 1, 2012 at 1:31 pm

    I thought one of Doug’s issues was that he wanted Courtney to dress less revealingly? I thought I saw that on one of the earlier shows, but I could be wrong because I can barely remember yesterday!

  16. 16
    labowner
    Posted November 1, 2012 at 3:12 pm

    Eye the sleezy nylons/stockings are usually the only difference between some in the B&T crowd and the working girls. :(

  17. 17
    snowshoecat snowshoecat
    Posted November 1, 2012 at 6:24 pm

    It really is about power. Who has the power in a family?

    The infant.

    When parents can begin to civilize a child, that is when the power shift begins and the parents gain control.

    Power in an adult relationship is toxic. When responsibility is shared there is neither need nor desire for power. Don’t see much of that here, but there is hope for at least one couple.

  18. 18
    AmyOops AmyOops
    Posted November 3, 2012 at 5:28 pm

    I’m so behind on my shows! Once again, however, I have to comment on a show with another episode’s mini or full recap up…my bad.

    BUT..@featherhead I had an almost *physical* reaction when I read what you wrote about not being the same person you are are at sixteen or seventeen as you are ten years (or more) later. I think the reaction came because I’ve kept journals since I was fifteen, and when every few years I peruse the old ones, every time, I am absolutely disgusted by who I was at a young age. I realize I was just a kid and now I’m pushing forty, but wow. Do we EVER change!

    I hope that poor, misguided girl has the opportunity to do so.

  19. 19
    darlingclementine
    Posted November 4, 2012 at 11:11 am

    Right on about courtney being a peer… she is not even close to being a peer to those other women!

    I still think one of the reasons Shayne gets so upset at Courtney is bc of her previous step-mom Sauna Sand or whatever. I feel for Shayne so much! I went to her dad’s wiki page and man her life must have been an ever changing landscape of who was around. Also they probably put a big emphasis on looks and the appearance of things in a hollywood household like that. I can see why she would get so insecure!

  20. 20
    Lillie Lower
    Posted January 7, 2013 at 5:07 am

    This is an interesting show. I haven’t actually seen even one episode of this show but I heard a lot about it. I’ll check it out one of these days because I might actually like it. :)

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