Hello there Gasmii! For some reason VH1 is not streaming Episode 4 online, just showing clips, so my screencaps in this first part of the recap will be scarce. Which doesn’t really matter because most of it is really depressing. (Alcoholism, anyone?)
The show opens and replays our favorite part of the show so far: Alex’s epic ass splat. I especially love this because her little fit she throws as she slip slides away seems so fake. But holy Moses, that had to hurt.
Simon redeems himself and brings his lady love an icepack for her tushy. They sit out on the veranda and Alex admits she’s never fallen while being sober. I can tell you, that taking a good spill while sober is never a good feeling because you experience gravity the entire way down. Instead of waking up the next morning and thinking, “Huh? How did I get that bruise?”
Simon comforts his slippery bride and tells her he’s sorry she slipped and busted her ass. They’re sweet weirdos. I am still on the fence about whether or not these two are for real, her tears seem to be. Also, the sound of her butt hitting the pavement was very real. And hilarious.
The next segment brings us to Doug’s center stage monologue. Today he’ll be performing, “I’m feeling sorry for myself because I like yoga and my underage bride isn’t here to stroke my ego.”
He tells Nik that he used to “do yoga prolifically, I was pretty tight.” What the HELL does that even mean? I can’t stand it when people use words incorrectly just because they want to sound intelligent. It drives me absolutely bonkers. Now we know why Courtney overuses the phrase “in that aspect.” I am sure she got that weird verbal tic from this asshat.
Doug is whining and wandering around looking for his “better half,” and repeatedly referencing Courtney as “my wife, my wife, my wife.” You guys, I do not call my husband, “my husband, my husband, my husband,” because he’s more than just a role in my life – he’s a person. I call him by his name, “personal chef,” or “slave to my every whim.” It’s called RESPECT you guys. Yeesh.
Doug says that he thinks he looks like a moron because everyone is doing yoga with their husband/wife and he thinks he looks like a moron because he’s by himself. Ummm, you look like a moron every day pretty much, and actually having your wife next to you just amplifies it.
Shayne asks him if he’s sad, and Doug goes on and on about missing Courtney and she’s not here to do yoga with him, blah blah blah. Shayne has reached her limit with his pity party and says two things: 1) that he knew coming into this his situation would be different so quit yer bitchin’ and 2) maybe she just didn’t want to do yoga.
She then tells us that you can’t wear stripper shoes to yoga, so maybe that’s why Courtney opted out. And I love her a little bit more for that. Because it’s true.