Couples Therapy Recap: Depravity and Denial Make Good Television

Hola Gasmii!  Sorry so late, but I hope the minicap held you over.  Let’s be frank here, this show is awful and represents everything that is wrong with the state of marriage today.   I think if we were REALLY serious about defending the state of marriage in this country, we’d start by outlawing this kind of crap instead of taking aim at gay marriages, amiright? 

In true VH1 tradition, the show begins with a big chunk of “preview” scenes, which you know we are going to eventually see anyway.  So the first five minutes consists of basically a clip show, for a show that hasn’t even started yet.  Like a teeny tiny starter show, a trailer, or amuse douche if you will.  I am going to skip that because it’s stupid.  Let’s just jump into it.

VH1 is also extremely helpful because they let you know right off the bat exactly who these people are and what their problems are by their cute little “intros.”   It’s awesome and disturbing all at once. 

Observe:

Courtney Stodden and Doug Hutchinson

or I like to call them, Warren Jeffs and his child bride

Dancing with the Stars, How to Catch a Predator Edition

 She says:  He’s like my Daddy. 

He says:  “I’m raising my wife.

I say:  Kill me now.

Okay I am going to just the recap off with this, this couple is disgusting.  They’re not even a couple, they’re a circus freak sideshow.  He’s raising his wife and she calls him Daddy.  Really?  REALLY??!!   VH1 has reached a new low.  Let’s be frank, even the skeeze of all skeezes Hugh Heffner wants nothing to do with her. 

There is no therapy that can fix this hot mess of a situation.  Not only that, I cannot believe that he was never investigated.  He married her when she was 16.  Somewhere along the lines, something illegal had to have gone down.  It bears repeating:  she’s a little girl (she’s 17 in this show) and he’s 51.  

You know what?  Blame her parents, blame society, blame him – the whole situation is the worst thing to ever happen to Reality TV.  And we all know why they’re here.  There’s no “relationship fix” they need.  They’ve been trying to shop a reality show since their “marriage” became public.  They’re worse with the photo ops then Heidi and Spencer were.  Desperate and depraved, these two.  Gross.

Alex & Simon

Our next couple is Silex, or as you know them Alex and Simon from the Real Housewives of New York. Again, I’d like to say that I always found these two somewhat delightful even though Simon could be a shitstirrer.  But for the most part I thought they were harmless, seemed to love each other and were pretty devoted parents.  So it saddens me they’ve sold their soul to appear here and I hope it really is just a famewhoring incident and not a crack in their very weird marriage.  Hopefully Alex breaks out in hives this season, I LOVE THAT!

Simon does himself no favors trying to quell those gay rumors