Couples Therapy Recap: Only my creepy husband molests me

Recaps

By eyediosmio | Monday, October 22, 2012 | 4:46 pm | 21 Comments
Tagged: , , , , , , , ,
Posted in: Couples Therapy, Recaps

You guys, I am hating this show.  Initially I thought recapping this show would be hilarious and I’d be laughing my ass off at all the stupidity.  However, it’s really depressing if you think about it.  We have five couples (four if you don’t count Too Short and his friend with benefits) who are in disfunctional and unhealthy relationships.  If wasn’t for your hilarious feedback after every minicap and recap, I dont know how I would be able to go on. 

I will say this, after every show I give my husband a kiss and say:  Thank you for not being a completely self-absorbed piece of crap.  You’re awesome!  Then he cooks me dinner and does the laundry. We have a system, it works for us! 

The show opens with the Dr. Berman voiceover:  “Let’s face it, no relationship is perfect.  They all have their problems, but for the four couples who have just come into this relationship center, they are dealing with major issues that are tearing them apart.  But instead of looking at their own issues, they immediately turn on one another.”

Dear Dr. Berman, your stupid show cast this ridiculous excuse for a couple – what did you think would happen?  They would be ECSTATIC to have an underage girl who is pedophile-bait traipse around, demeaning their own relationships just by existing?  And let’s be clear, these two antagonized the situation – they stirred the pot and started the problems and then played victim.  SHUT UP DR. PHIL!  You suck.

The show returns in the middle of Doug’s confrontation with Nik.  Which Nik is brilliantly laughing off as Doug threatens that “you and I are going down.”  I have no idea what this means, unless they are in prison and then I am grossed out. 

Clearly, Nik is overcome with fear at Doug’s threats

Nik interviews that Doug is mindfucking him right now, and I have to giggle at that.  He is giving him WAAAAY to much credit.  And also, ew.

Doug begrudgingly leaves after his desperate grasp for more cameratime fades as quickly as Nik’s smile.  On his way out, Doug keeps repeating that everyone calls him a child molester (true) and says that Nik gives him the creeps (ironic).

Doug, in the most condescending voice imaginable, interviews that he was hoping to come into a non-judgmental environment, which causes me to laugh my ass off.   

I fall in love with the producers a little bit, as they subtly highlight the absurdity of the situation of these two even being in the house, by airing Child Bride’s interview about how since she is technically a child (despite that mini-skirt’s proclamation otherwise, she’s just misunderstood), and due to Child Labor Laws in the State of California, she can only work/attend therapy/stay the house for six hours a day. 

OMG, Life is so haaaard being an attention seeking underage creepshow!

She says it’s just one more thing that makes life super hard, due to the age difference.  I say she’s secretly thrilled not to be in bed with him and gets a break from his mouth breathing. 

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eyediosmio

I'm a part time writer, full time wife and Doberman wrangler in steamy South Florida.  I try to keep my sanity by watching loads of reality tv so I can feel better about myself.  It's a lazy way to maintain my moral compass, but I'm too lazy to drive to church every Sunday. 

21 Comments

  1. 1
    Poopsicle
    Posted October 22, 2012 at 7:56 pm

    I like Nik too, He’s the reason I even started watching this show. I wonder if Shayne also has a problem w/Courtney because she dresses exactly like her ex-stepmother Shauna Sand. I remember reading an article where Shayne pretty much said she doesn’t like Shauna and that she was a bad mom to her step sisters-which Shayne sort of took care of.
    Doug and Courtney freak me the fuck out. I totally get the heebie jeebies when they show them kissing or him touching her. How can a man that old legally marry a kid? And was it mentioned yet that he played a child rapist in a movie? That’s a pretty gross coincidence.
    Great recap btw!

  2. 2
    Stacey
    Posted October 22, 2012 at 8:22 pm

    Court showing up to dinner in her skank suit….I think the poor sweet little Christian needs shock therapy to get thru to her wooden brain….Simon needs to show up for breakfast in his Speedo! That will do it!

  3. 3
    Dinah
    Posted October 23, 2012 at 1:04 am

    If you go to the facebook page, “Courtney Stodden Needs More Drugs”, you’ll see, mostly in the screen caps, too much truth about Courtney. I live near Ocean Shores, and know a lot of people close to this.

  4. 4
    thespiral
    Posted October 23, 2012 at 3:45 am

    @ Poopsicle -

    I thought of the Shauna Sand connection too as soon as I realized Shayne was Lorenzo Lamas’ daughter. Courtney is the spitting image of Shauna, and has the same trolling/attention whoring persona, and I think she’s triggering some personal/familial angst in Shayne apart from the issue of what her husband is looking at while he eats potatoes.

    And I agree Doug and Courtney are ruining this show. I absolutely can’t stand these two trolls, they aren’t even entertaining in a trainwreck way (and I LOVE a good Hollywood trainwreck) and their stupid charade is drawing energy away from the other couples’ therapy process. Although Nik and Shayne are both immature douchebags, I admire their honesty and hope they get it together as a couple for their daughter’s sake. I’m also rooting for Tiny and JoJo, although I agree their problems are too deep and immediate to be fixed on this show. The other couples range from likeable to mildly irritating, but all of them are more watchable than the pathetic middle-aged loser and his deranged child bride.

  5. 5
    thespiral
    Posted October 23, 2012 at 3:46 am

    @ Dinah -

    And I don’t need a Facebook page to realize Courtney is high off her ass, the constant twitching and vacant staring is evidence enough.

  6. 6
    eyediosmio eyediosmio
    Posted October 23, 2012 at 7:07 am

    @thespiral: I thought of the Shauna Sand connection too, that woman is HIDEOUS always running around in bikinis and lucite hells, like the older more busted up version of whoreteny.

    And I have to concur with @Dinah, Whoreteny has to be on drugs, the way her face is always twitching. It’s so weird. I remember thinking that the first time I saw an interview. It has to be revealed that she’s not underage, otherwise its so very very tragic

  7. 7
    merry
    Posted October 23, 2012 at 7:44 am

    I refuse to believe that Courtney is 17. Maybe it’s just the caked-on makeup, the dry-looking dye job, and the pathetic need to show everyone how “sexy” she is, but she really looks like that 40-year-old mom who embarasses her kids by pretending she’s still the princess-whore of the sorority. There’s just something so washed-up about her, but then again Lindsay Lohan looks much the same these days, so maybe Courtney’s age is for real. If so, I agree with the doctor that the poor thing was probably molested or somehow traumatized and needs real help. Oh, and her “husband” needs to be locked up immediately.

    Maybe I’m kind of pathetic too in my desperation to believe that real people couldn’t possibly be this gross, stupid, and awful. (Please, for the sake of my sense of decency, let Doug and Courtney be actors!!)

  8. 8
    merry
    Posted October 23, 2012 at 7:49 am

    I refuse to believe that Courtney is 17. Maybe it’s just the caked-on makeup, the dry-looking dye job, and the pathetic need to show everyone how “sexy” she is, but she really looks like that 40-year-old mom who embarasses her kids by pretending she’s still the princess-bimbo of the sorority. There’s just something so washed-up about her, but then again Lindsay Lohan looks much the same these days, so maybe Courtney’s age is for real. If so, I agree with the doctor that the poor thing was probably molested or somehow traumatized and needs real help. Oh, and her “husband” needs to be locked up immediately.

    Maybe I’m kind of pathetic too in my desperation to believe that real people couldn’t possibly be this gross, stupid, and awful. (Please, for the sake of my sense of decency, let Doug and Courtney be actors!!)

  9. 9
    SurrealGirl
    Posted October 23, 2012 at 9:05 am

    This could be an interesting show if Doug and Whortney didn’t dominate the attention. Doug crying like a baby during couples yoga just demonstrates how codependent he is. Whortney seems to lack affect. She loves to skank it up as she walks around in her hoochie outfits. I wonder what she does during the hours that she’s NOT being filmed. Or WHO she’s doing…

  10. 10
    labowner
    Posted October 23, 2012 at 9:19 am

    Yes she is that young. From my understanding her parents gave the permission for her to marry that skizzbo.

  11. 11
    Derek Hazelton
    Posted October 23, 2012 at 9:47 am

    The theory that these couples actually want therapy and not the VH1 paycheck is laughable, at best.

    I don’t get the Nick love. He uses Doug as a target to avoid dealing with the issues in his own relationship. Nick needs to stop focusing on another couple, whether he disagrees with their lifestyle/personal choices or not, and focus on the supposed reason he’s there (that doesn’t involve getting paid). Get to a better understanding with your wife and actually deal with the problems within your relationship instead of harping on something that isn’t going to change. To me, he’s an annoying douchebag, not the voice of the audience.

  12. 12
    Elaine Comstock-leir
    Posted October 23, 2012 at 12:06 pm

    I can see Simon in his bordello decorated kitchen in Cobble Hill, telling Alex, lets go on this Therapy show nd we will pretend to have a problem and recap the show and collect a pay check. Alex, always the enabler, agrees. There is a snag in Simon’s plan, Alex really does have a problem. There is no room in Simon’s world for anyone but Simon. Always controlling, always talking, always right, never gainfully employed…..Simon. This problem, gradually makes itself known. Simon is caught short. What te hell is this Alex, your discomfort with MY behavior is YOUR problem. My behavior doesn’t bother me. Here let me bring you an icepack. Isn;t he sweet says Alex.

  13. 13
    Patty
    Posted October 23, 2012 at 1:26 pm

    I can appreciate your comment that you thank your husband for being awesome after watching this show! I used to watch Super Nanny and thank my daughter for not being a holy terror. You learn to appreciate your own life after watching these shows!

  14. 14
    Miss Delight
    Posted October 23, 2012 at 5:25 pm

    @Dinah

    My good friend runs that page. It’s funny to see it mentioned here.

  15. 15
    eyediosmio eyediosmio
    Posted October 24, 2012 at 11:15 am

    @Derek: That’s a very interesting point regarding Nik. I think Nik is used to calling people out, though which is why it comes so easily to him. Apparently that’s what his website is all about.

    He needs to quit that website if he wants to save his marriage. Those two need to stop and listen to each other.

    @Elaine: That is genius. You just may be onto something. I can definitely see that happening! Brilliant.

  16. 16
    jp
    Posted October 24, 2012 at 11:59 am

    Yes I like the plan for nik to quit the website, I think he probably just does not know how or what to do next.

    I too wonder what Courtney does in her spare time away… its not like she has any friends. At least 5 hours are probably spent in the mirror. We saw everyone else in their PJs chilling in bed, I wonder if she owns any cozy PJs? Plaid PJ pants with a drawstring? She would probably say she is a nude sleeper but really who does not own any lounge clothes at all??

  17. 17
    SurrealGirl
    Posted October 24, 2012 at 12:31 pm

    I took a look at Whortney’s Twitter page and just about every pic is of her in red lipstick, trying to look sultry. But instead, she looks slutty. I’m sure she entertains her ex-bf who she apparently is very close to. Friends. Right. Friends with benefits I bet.

    Whortney thinks she’s cute when in fact she is just a try-hard.

    Simon and Alex. Where does one begin? He thinks he is the center of the universe. If he pisses you off, it clearly isn’t HIS fault. He clearly has an alcohol problem. I think his outbursts are a result of wet brain.

  18. 18
    Elaine Comstock-leir
    Posted October 24, 2012 at 4:39 pm

    @ surreal girl…….not wet brain yet……try this…dad dies……..Simon is head of family,,,,,,,,,mom re marries….Simon is displaced…….Simon gets older………reinacts his old roll………in charge, in control, screws everything up. How is that for a semi diagnosis……..Alex dad dies…….still looking for dad, guy in charge but she is growing up now and wants her own voice

  19. 19
    Elaine Comstock-leir
    Posted October 24, 2012 at 4:45 pm

    Do any of the commenters here remember the fumferewr colonel chicken, played as if he was a senator, just in love with the sound of his own voice….Simon

  20. 20
    Elaine Comstock-leir
    Posted October 24, 2012 at 4:51 pm

    I realize that the producers of Couples Therapy need an attraction to amass viewers. Courtney and Doug have done the job. The responsible thing now is if they are there are they making the problems of the other couples worse.

  21. 21
    random
    Posted November 2, 2012 at 8:45 pm

    Hate to say it but I think nik is kind of fighting feelings for Courtney. Feel sorry for Shayne. She senses it. Nik deals with these girls daily and here is one girl
    that isn’t just a photo. I don’t know I just have a weird feeling when I watch how much Courtney gets to nick. One minute he says she’s a baby next when she mentions her 20 something friend and the generation gap…nick says age just numbers. He has way more emotion when it comes to Courtney than anyone else in that house. He is struggling.

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