Couples Therapy Minicap: Only my creepy old husband molests me

Couples Therapy

By eyediosmio | Wednesday, October 17, 2012 | 2:26 pm | 11 Comments

Hey there Gasmii!  I’m working on getting this recap up soon, but in the meantime let’s get a little amuse douche going, shall we?

This week we really start getting into some therapy.  The “Dr.” asks everyone to share their darkest moment in their relationship and starts off with Courtney and Doug.

I was suprised by their answer.  Apparently they had a fight and she called him fat, weird.  I thought their darkest moment would be where she realized she married a dirty old man because of all the sexual abuse she suffered as a kid.  Or she woke up and realized she was part of a cult of two. 

Speaking of molestation, Dr. Berman asks Courtney the question we’ve all been pondering which is whether she was a victim.  Courtney makes this face:

Why, no I’ve never been molested by anyone.  Other than my 51 year old husband. 

Nik also continues to grow on me as he constantly calls it like he sees it. You can’t help but love a guy like that.  This is the guy you date and fall for even though he explicitely tells you he’s going to bang all your friends.   And dammit, you’ll probably even stay friends with him, too.  He’s that charming. 

Too Short and his girlfriend Monica finally show up, and Nik hilariously interviews that he’s surprised Too Short is even there because he knows Too Short as a sex freak. Which if you’ve heard any of his songs, you’d know. The man likes his ladies. Lots and lots of ladies. And I am grossed out.

Too Short’s girlfriend arrives with legs up to her neck and properly schools Courtney as to how to dress provcatively without looking like you’re workin’ for your money.

Too Short is also the voice of the people when he hilariously comments on Courtney’s outfit by stating:  “I know strippers who don’t wear clothes like that when they’re not working.”

The couples work through some ugliness in therapy and Shayne cries, a lot.  Alex does her great wimpering cry face but NO HIVES!  If this woman does not bust out in hives, I am going to very disappointed.

And Tiny continues to be above it all.  Honestly, watch Tiny’s face when you watch this episode.  It’s fantastic.  She’s OVER all this foolishness. 

 

 

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eyediosmio

I'm a part time writer, full time wife and Doberman wrangler in steamy South Florida.  I try to keep my sanity by watching loads of reality tv so I can feel better about myself.  It's a lazy way to maintain my moral compass, but I'm too lazy to drive to church every Sunday. 

11 Comments

  1. 1
    Enrique's Mole
    Posted October 17, 2012 at 5:26 pm

    “Amuse douche”! Too funny, I’m stealing it…

  2. 2
    thespiral
    Posted October 18, 2012 at 6:32 am

    I don’t understand Doug’s angry, defensive reaction to people’s comments. Doesn’t he realize this is what EVERYONE, including America and his own family, thinks of him? I’m starting to believe he’s just an confused, unhappy old man with terrible decision-making skills. Courtney, on the other hand, is a weapons-grade TROLL and is only on the show (and in the marriage) for the purposes of infamy. She reminds me of kids I used to teach who lack basic social skills and act out for negative attention since they don’t know how to garner positive attention. I’d be surprised if she had any age-appropriate friends in real life.

    I actually like all the other couples, and wish the Doug-Courtney trainwreck didn’t take the forefront so often. Shayne and Nik are both immature douchebags, but they seem to be genuine about fixing their marriage for their daughter’s sake so I’m rooting for them. JoJo and Tiny make me really sad. They seem to be good people with a strong relationship, but he is absolutely not ready to start fighting his disease. I find Vh1′s “he might DIE!” marketing to be in awful taste, given their history with celebrity addicts. Unfortunately I fear his next step after this show will be “Celebrity Rehab”, which is better known for killing people than for helping them maintain sobriety. JoJo, stay away and go to a REAL rehab!

  3. 3
    eyediosmio eyediosmio
    Posted October 18, 2012 at 6:54 am

    @Enrique’s Mole: First, LOVE your name! And second, I cannot take full credit for that – I swear I’ve heard it somewhere before but it is SO appropriate for this crapfest.

  4. 4
    Gypsy Gypsy
    Posted October 18, 2012 at 1:06 pm

    Courtney is a very poor woman’s Tracy Lords.

  5. 5
    considerthis
    Posted October 18, 2012 at 1:51 pm

    I assume that there is the proper paperwork to prove me wrong BUT Courtney appears (physically) to be older than the 17 years she claims to be. It is obvious that she has had work done (boobs) so why not clean up the face a bit. Even to some degree her actions seem to be almost staged to appear really immature to “sell the product”. It is almost like she is trying too hard to be 17.

    I sincerely would not put it past a confirmed fame whore to create this whole robbing the cradle scenario to garner her 15 minutes of fame??

  6. 6
    creepydoug
    Posted October 18, 2012 at 3:37 pm

    I don’t know if she’s had work done. When I was her age, I had the same body. I was stick thin with double Ds. In fact, I was like that since I was thirteen. She did; however, have work done on her face. If you google her new pics, her nose is different. I just feel sorry for her. I think the only attention she feels she can get is of the sexual nature. She did make me mad when Shane said her bikini AT THE DINNER TABLE was making people uncomfortable, and she basically said she didn’t care. I agree Courtney needs to be in therapy, but probably not couples therapy.

  7. 7
    SurrealGirl
    Posted October 18, 2012 at 3:47 pm

    Courtney. What a mess. There is no way this is real. Any rehab/therapeutic environment would allow someone to dress like a whore. So disrespectful.

  8. 8
    sheesh sheesh
    Posted October 18, 2012 at 4:42 pm

    That Courtney girl is fucked up. Fucked. UP!

  9. 9
    eyediosmio eyediosmio
    Posted October 19, 2012 at 5:56 am

    You guys are all right on. Courtney definitely enjoys playing with the fact that she is “super sexy” yet underage. She seems to get a kick out of making people uncomfortable with her sexuality. I will be getting more in depth into it in the full recap, but I will say this: She makes me wonder, “what is her endgame here?”

  10. 10
    Mitt's Binder
    Posted October 20, 2012 at 6:14 am

    Courtney and Doug are a shit show. When Doug was saying how Courtney’s mother had told him she had never seen Courtney so in love, I had to wonder what kind of fucked up home she grew up in that her family was willing to hand her over to a 50 year old creeper. I mean actor. Despite the fact that I think The Dirty is just…well, dirty…. I find myself liking and agreeeing with Nik. Shayne irritates me. She’s beautiful, but sooo passive aggressive. Silex. Oh, Silex. Desperate, pathetic famewhores. They do seem to legitimately get on each others nerves, but we saw them on RHONY…that’s because they’re both pretentious, social-climbing assholes.

  11. 11
    Insanehousewife
    Posted October 21, 2012 at 1:06 pm

    How does Doug not understand why people would single him out as a pedofile/child molestor? And did anyone else notice, he seems to like calling himself that? I was doing the timeline for there romance. They got married when she was 16? How long did they know eachother? Since she was 15? Any why would her parents be okay with this? Had never seen her so in love? How many times had she fallen in love by the age of 16? I feel dirty when I watch them on the show.
    I do feel for the other couples though and some just break my heart. What Jojo and tiny are going through is horrible and heart wrenching. I’m pulling for Nick and Shayne. Nick seems like he wants to make it work and well Shayne is just spoiled, but I feel like there is alot of anger underneith it all with her. Possibly not at him, but its where it’s being directed.

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