Alex is still feeling the pain after that major ass splat, or she’s listening to Doug and Courtney’s pretend problems about their pretend relationship, which is it? Hmmmmm?
Hi Gasmii! I owe you all an apology, apparently I’m behind a whole episode, so the next recap will be two in one for you so we can get caught up. I have no excuse except maybe watching Whoreteny and Doug cavort seared a piece of my brain that controls counting. Let’s go with that.
So real quick, I am going to go through this by couple:
1. Silex: I think you all were on the money with these two in that they came on the show for the paycheck, but ended up really having to address real issues in their relationship. Episode 4 opens with Simon bringing Alex ice for her fanny, and she’s appreciative of the gesture. The two of them open up in group about how when they met she was very young and readily gave him the reigns and now she feels controlled and lessened. I say, ouchie. By the way, I still don’t think Simon is gay. I think he swings both ways, and I think he genuinely loves Alex and I still think they are a couple of weirdos.
2. Shayne and Nik: These two simultaneously crack me up, and break my heart. Shayne continues to isolate Nik, and he says he’s lonely in this marriage. And I say, ouch. She finally reveals that she isolates due to never having a loving relationship with her parents growing up and I say, “Ah-ha!” and then want to kick Lorenzo Lamas in the nuts for ignoring his pretty daughter. Jerk. Also, Shayne wins the award for the most hilarious comment, which I’ll share with you later when we talk about:
3. Whoretney and Chester the Molester: These two just don’t quit. Doug has a fake emotional breakdown over Courtney’s absence in couple’s yoga and he leaves the room. I think it’s because he farted and didn’t want to get blamed for it, he says he misses her. I use Dr. J’s favorite word and call bullshit. Also, Whoreteny has a booty call ex-boyfriend (who is 21! How old was she when she hooked up with this guy? Virgin, my ass.) Also Dr. J lays down the law in episode 5 and demands that Whorteny wear appropriate clothes that don’t distract others and that you can’t see her underwear. Dr. J really says this, and I am horrified, but also I’m just glad this girl wears underwear.
4. Tiny and JoJo: Dear lord, this is depressing. Tiny threatens to leave JoJo if he doesn’t stop drinking and he knows it’s not true and tells her to pack a bag for him. Dr. J tells him he’ll die if he doesn’t quit drinking and JoJo is honeybadger and clearly doesn’t give a shit. I tear up a little because it’s so incredibly sad and JoJo is in complete denial and refuses to attend AA meetings and just says he’ll “try,” which means he snuck a bottle into Couples Therapy.