Hey Gasmi! Well, after last week’s show, I thought for sure Jabby & Co’s trip to Orlando this week would finally be the “Nationals” competition that she’s been yammering on about. I’m so silly, aren’t I? Instead, we have yet another Nationals that everyone pretends isn’t really a Nationals. If Jabby was Pinocchio her nose would stretch from coast to coast by now.
Either Jabby’s been lying again OR she’s a giant dickface. Ummmmm……all of the above?
So, as I just mentioned, this week the gang is headed to Orlando. Just a little tidbit: they left the Mohegan Sun Starpower Nationals BEFORE Battle so that they could travel to this one which actually started the day after the Mohegan Sun one ended. Confused yet?
We catch up with the group riding in a van in Orlando, probably from the airport to the hotel. Jabby tells us they have a long road to Nationals.
If I make my super serious face at you it totally means I’m telling the truth.
Can I say again how fucking frustrating I find it that they are pretending that last week and this week are not Nationals? I swear I’m going to have an aneurysm before this season ends!
They head into a dance studio that Jabby must have borrowed for their trip. As everyone files in Jabby wonders where Cathy is. Don’t ya think she would have noticed Cathy and Vivi were missing from the van? It’s not like there’s a hundred of them travelling. UGH.
Jabby announces to everyone that she is just at the end of her rope with Cathy. Oh stop, Jabby. You and I both know Cathy is part of whatever storyline you’re trying to create for your fake drama. I have no doubt that Cathy’s “absence” is completely scripted.
Jabby tells Mackenzie that her Vivi are supposed to have a duet, but no Vivi. So she might be doing the dance by herself.
Damn. I thought the script said I had the week off. I wish I could read.
Both Mackenzie and Vivi are at the bottom of the pyramid (when aren’t they?), but Chloe is as well. This isn’t because of her performance, Jabby tells her; it’s because her mother was disappointed in her performance. HUH??????
Is this bitch for real?
Christi is shocked that Chloe’s on the bottom and therefore will be taking a week off and not doing a solo this time. Chloe is sad about that and wishes Jabby had picked a different week to bench. Poor Chloe.
Nia is also in the bottom row, but Holly is completely unsurprised by that and actually applauds the judges at the last competition for their failure to give recognition to the LaQuifa dance. Jabby tells Nia she was happy with her but her mother was unhappy with the choreography and then tells Holly she doesn’t want any more altercations like in Connecticut.
It was a CONVERSATION, Jabby
Whatever. No more conversations then, mmmkay?
We skip the second row entirely (Brooke and Paige) and then jump to the top which is OF COURSE Maddie. Jabby thinks Maddie did a great job (she won, duh), but she doesn’t want to see any tears. I think we all know the only way to prevent that is to make sure Maddie wins everything all the time; we can already tell this is not a kid that accepts losing. EVER.
Jabby tells them this week’s group number is called “Snapshot”, and they’ll all be models. Have any of them modeled before? Raise your hand if you have.
I’m not sure walking back and forth in your room and blowing kissy faces at your mirror counts, girls.
So they know what a runway is, says Jabby, what else is at a fashion show? A photographer. She’s been pondering the whole photographer thing, and she thinks they need to bring a boy in to do that part. What do they think?
Well, it really doesn’t matter what they think as Jabby is the boss of them all, so she’s already contacted a boy to come to Orlando and be the photographer. And it’s a kid named Brandon who we find out used to do duets with Brooke until recently because they’re now a little awkward together. Brooke tells us they used to like each other a couple of years ago, but it never really went anywhere. Not time to dwell on what might have been because here comes Brandon with his mom, Diane!
He seems like a nice kid right form the get go, saying hi to everyone while Jabby tells us he’s a good looking guy and very masculine on stage which is something that all her guys are, she’s very proud to say. He’s also old enough and strong enough to do overhead lifts.
He’ll be practicing on me
We meet his mom, Diane, and she tells us Brandon has been one of Jabby’s best dancers for years. Kelly talks about what great duet partners they were until they started liking each other, maybe because they were embarrassed about their feelings.
Of course Brandon and Brooke will paired up in the routine to do some partner work together and Brooke could not possibly look any less enthusiastic about that prospect. Jabby tells Brandon he’s not used to the pace they’ve been on and tells him he’s got four days to learn the number. LIE. First of all, I think we all already know they’ve done this number before. Also? I know that they’ve arrived at the EARLIEST a day before the competition starts, so unless they’re not competing until the fourth day of competition (unlikely), they don’t have four days to learn the number.
Rehearsals begin and the moms retire to the visitor skybox. Christi can’t believe they’re in Orlando and she’s sitting in a dance studio. Since your kid will probably be there all day, I’m sure you could go out and do something. Oh wait, then you wouldn’t be on camera.
She then moves on to Holly’s saying that it was a conversation, not an altercation that she had with Jabby and Holly says that’s what it was. She’s not the type of person that has altercations. Christi’s upset about Jabby’s comment about Chloe getting fourth place and she was happy with it but her mom wasn’t.
Maybe this was a mistake.
Diane tells us she’s sitting listening to these guys and thinking what the hell did she get herself into. Holly says the surest way to end up at the bottom of the pyramid is to speak up about anything. I’m still speechless that they put up with that crap, but I guess being on TV takes the sting away a little, right ladies?
Down in studio, Jabby rehearses the kids, and is getting aggravated at the lack of chemistry between Brooke and Brandon; hell, they’re not even looking at each other! Come on! Kelly thinks that they both still like each other and that’s why they’re acting so weird. Jabby asks Brandon what he thinks she means when she tells them they need to have chemistry together.
I have to try to get in her pants???
Oh, he doesn’t really say that! He talks about having emotion and feeling between the two of them. What does it mean to Brooke? She says the same thing.
Translation: I try not to barf when he touches me
Diane and Kelly aren’t sure they want their kids to have too much chemistry together. Jabby tells them they need to step up to the plate and bring the performance. She tells us watching the two of them in rehearsal is like waiting for paste to get sticky. Um…….is paste sticky already? I’m confused.
She calls Kelly and Diane down into the studio to discuss the lack of stickiness. So her solution to this is to send them on a date. Yeah, because THAT won’t be awkward to do in front of cameras at all. Poor kids.
Jabby tells the moms they need to butt out of it; don’t get a table for four, get a table for two and another table for two. Let them do their own thing. Brooke does not look happy about this at all and I’m imagining she’s thinking about what her friends will say when they see her first date play out on TV. As a parent I find it ridiculous that Kelly and Diane would go for this.
We’ll get back to the matchmaking in a little while. Right now, it’s time for Nia’s solo rehearsal. You’ll be happy to hear that LaQuifa is taking some time off, but instead, Jabby is having her do a Bollywood routine. Holly is not sure that given their conversation last time that SHE would have then assigned another ethnic number to Nia.
Jabby calls her down to the studio to be a part of the rehearsal because of her concerns last time, but it’s really so that Jabby can point out all the things her kid is doing wrong. She tells Holly that Nia bobbles all over the place, she doesn’t engage her abdominals and then tells us she wants Holly there because she doesn’t have a clue that Nia doesn’t know how to take corrections.
Holly knows that Jabby is making a statement, and really thinks that she’s setting them up for failure because Holly spoke up. Jabby doesn’t get how the moms don’t know that she wants everyone to win. Ha! She’s so full of it; yes, she wants them to win, but she wants drama for her TV show more.
As long as Maddie wins it’s all good.
It’s now the fake next day and Jabby tells us it’s been two days since anyone has heard from Cathy. In all her years of teaching, she has never had a kid just not show up. Yeah, that doesn’t usually happen considering the investment that people put into this. That’s how we all know that this is yet another staged plot line.
Jabby calls Cathy on the phone and it just so happens that she answers! What wonderful timing! So Jabby asks her to come to her room. She arrives and asks if it’s her last rites before execution. Yes, Jabby has HAD IT.
I so don’t care.
She tells Cathy if she doesn’t want to be part of the team, don’t be part of the team. Cathy thinks that’s ridiculous because stuff happens. What a crock; I guarantee you Cathy wouldn’t take this shit from one of her dance moms. Well, Jabby is now gonna pull the duet, so I guess Cathy flew down to Orlando for nothing. Hope Vivi at least got to visit Disney while she was there!
Cathy tells Jabby she’s hurting Mackenzie as well by doing this. Oh no, says Jabby, CATHY is the one hurting Mackenzie. Besides, it’s not like Melissa will pitch a fit about this; we all know she cares more about Maddie’s dances that little Mackenzie. Jabby points out to Cathy that she has to set an example for the team; if it’s not okay for Cathy to show up then why should anyone show up? She does have a good point there.
Back in the land of young non romance, Brooke, Brandon, and their moms are visiting an amusement park. Damn! Couldn’t the producers have sprung for Disney? Or at least Seaworld??? Damn they’re cheap.
How everyone imagines their first date
Kelly and Diane give the kids some time alone, saying they’ll meet back up with them in an hour. They seem to have fun on the rides; in fact, I see juuuuuuust a little bit of a smile from Brooke when they ride the racing cars. Branson wonders if this means he can drive her around when he gets his license. She responds by rolling her eyes and saying she’ll die. But not I’ll die in a good way, like she would DIE. Yep, I can feel that chemistry percolating already can’t you?
Kelly and Diane are catching up and Kelly tells her she is so excited that Diane is here. Yeah, it’s been so weird, Diane tells her. They used to hang out all the time but now Kelly is always with Christi. She tells Kelly she’s calls her but Kelly doesn’t answer. She gives some excuses to Diane about Chloe and Paige being in the same age category, but you can tell Diane isn’t buying the excuses.
Back with the kids, Brandon asks Brooke what she thinks about Jabby sending them out on a date. She’s weird. LOLOLOLOLOL. I love Brooke! Brandon keeps at it, saying that she can understand where Jabby is coming from though, right?
Yeah, the land of self-delusion.
She tells us that if Brandon thinks anything is going to happen between the two of them he is nuts. Brandon’s trying to do what Jabby told him, but Brooke wants to talk about something else. Look how high the rollercoaster is!
I hope I don’t get blamed for this shit
In case you haven’t already figured it out…..the date’s a bust. If anything, I think it probably made the situation worse.
Time for Maddie’s solo rehearsal. Blah, blah, blah. Different name, pretty much all the same moves we’ve seen already. Maddie tells us sometimes she feels a little pressure, but winning all the time sure takes care of that. She’s a perfectionist; that’s what her mom tells her. I can’t even imagine what this poor kid is going to be like when she doesn’t win all the time. She may have a mental breakdown.
What is this “not winning” you speak of?
Maddie tells us she wants to dance forever and dreams of being a professional dancer on Broadway. She would kill herself if she couldn’t dance. She is totally and completely serious when she says this and I got a little shiver up my spine because that is a little too much if you ask me. Yikes.
The next day we join up with Holly and Nia. Holly has Nia rehearsing her solo and is going through the corrections that Jabby made that Holly wrote down in a little notebook. Holly says when she signed up for dance, she expected a dance teacher to do this. Well, I think she’s being a bit naïve. When your kid is dancing at a competitive level (really, any level), just dancing in class is not enough for them to really get it and do well; they NEED to rehearse. It’s not just up to the teachers to rehearse with them; they need to rehearse at home, away from class as well. Parents should really think of this as a dancer’s homework.
Sometime later Jabby gets the girls together to tell them that Starpower has a pageant as part of the competition. I have never heard of this before. My sister tells me that they have a modeling category, but you rarely see anyone in it. I don’t know why you’d enter a pageant at a dance competition since the worlds are very different.
Jabby has registered everyone for the pageant and she wants to rehearse with all of them. First she has Brooke walk so she can tell her it’s crap, and then she demonstrates to the girls how the walk should be done.
Mackenzie solidifies my love of her when she tells us that Jabby doesn’t look like a model to her.
Out of the mouths of babes
Jabby next grills them for the question section. She asks Mackenzie what her favorite gymnastics move is and then blows a whistle at her after two seconds because she looks down. She asks Nia to explain the heritage of her name. HUH? Nia says may she please ask what that word means.
How the fuck am I supposed to know? It just sounds like something you should ask an African-American child.
She then tells the girls that if they get on stage and freeze or stutter, they’ll look like idiots in front of everyone. Yes, this is money well spent, isn’t it? I really wish I could send my kid to Jabby so she could tell him ways to look like an idiot. Because idiot is a word we use in my house ALLLLLLLLLLL the time. Seriously? I would lose my shit if she said that to my kid. Of course I would never subject my child to her, so I guess I wouldn’t lose my shit since he would never be there.
After fake pageant rehearsal everyone heads back to the dressing room where Melissa tells us she’s been trying to reach Cathy for a couple of days and she wonders where she and Vivi are. Well, wonder no more Melissa! It just so happens that at that very moment, Cathy and Vivi walk in.
They receive a somewhat chilly reception and Cathy seems a little irritated by this. Melissa tells Cathy that Jabby pulled the duet because they didn’t come to the pyramid ceremony or any rehearsals so far.
Melissa tells Cathy that Mackenzie was so upset. Cathy is sorry for Mackenzie, but she missed her flight and anyway, they’re doing the same choreography so she doesn’t think it’s a big deal. I wonder if she doesn’t think it’s a big deal if a dancer from HER studio decides to miss rehearsals.
Kelly pipes up saying she thought it was two days ago that Cathy missed her flight. So? So where has she been the last two days? None of your beeswax. Anyway, it doesn’t affect them. Holly says it does affect them because they all have to be here and put on a performance. Well, this is just more of that teamwork talk that Cathy loathes so much, so she is having none of it.
La la la…..I can’t hear you
This storyline is so contrived, it’s ridiculous. Oh wait, the entire show is contrived. Never mind.
Cathy is so sick of hearing about how they’re all a team and Vivi is not even in any of “their” numbers; she doesn’t classify sitting on a swing as being in a dance. I can’t say I disagree with her on that one. Vivi and Mackenzie are in that number for the sole purpose of lowering the age classification, pure and simple.
Kelly tells Cathy the only reason Vivi was on the swing was because she couldn’t do what the other kids were doing (true). Well, she’s only six! Well, that’s why. Holly doesn’t even care what Cathy has to say and Cathy wants Holly to shut up. Holly’s frustrated because Melissa is not sticking up for herself. Who she’s REALLY not sticking up for is Mackenzie. But you bet your ass she’d have something to say if her precious Maddie were involved in this.
Time for a little R&R. The girls and the moms (minus Cathy, Vivi, Diane and Brandon) join Jabby at her (HER MOM’S) house for a little poolside gathering. She bitches to the ladies about Cathy which is completely inappropriate and then the kids go swimming while Christi and Kelly make themselves a drink.
This proves to be too relaxing of an atmosphere for Jabby, so she greases up a watermelon and throws it in the pool to see which kid can get it first. They’re grabbing at it and jumping for and seeming to have a great time until…..
Everyone sees through Maddie’s “injury” and knows she’s crying and carrying on because she didn’t win the game. After all, winning is everything. Melissa’s going off saying they’re girls, not boys, and I think she’s high if she doesn’t realize girls can be just as tough and rambunctious as boys. Maddie is a sore loser, THAT’S what the tears are about and everyone (including Melissa) knows it.
Competition day has arrived and everyone is really excited. Melissa is excited at the caliber of the competition because she really likes it for Maddie to be challenged. In fact, there’s another girl practicing who is supposed to be Maddie’s big competition, but Melissa thinks she ain’t got nothing on Maddie.
Maddie also tells us that Julianna is her toughest competitor, but I think Julianna’s mom is the only one that was willing to sign a release.
Smile pretty for the cameras honey!
They come over to wish Maddie luck and Julianna’s mom tries to get Maddie to say it’s all about fun, right? RIGHT? It’s not just about winning, right????
It’s gonna be fun when I wipe the floor with your kid.
Maddie dances, but I completely distracted by someone in the audience.
Isn’t that Gia Guidice????
Maddie does her standard solo, Julianna does her solo, and then they have the speaking portion of the fake pageant. Julianna seems to do well at that part while Maddie stumbles over her words. How much you wanna make a bet she started crying the second she got offstage? It doesn’t matter in the end because Maddie wins first place. Oh, and Julianna won fourth which further cements for me the idea that her mom was the only one that would sign that release.
Sidenote: I think I forgot to mention in last week’s recap that our dance team was actually approached to sign releases. Not my son’s age, but the older girls (my niece was among them. One of the producers approached our team director with release forms for all the parents to sign. You see, they told her, they wanted to show footage of our girls and it would be just some footage with no audio.
HA! What a joke. I read the release form my sister got, and if people had signed it basically that camera crew could have followed and filmed them anywhere and edited the footage however they wanted to. They could have eavesdropped on people’s conversations, filmed them while they were unaware, etc, etc. You would not believe just how many of those parents were going to sign that release. Their reasoning? The guy said there’s no audio. Did they READ what was there? Oh sure, but the guy said there was no audio so that’s okay, right. In the end they didn’t sign them but that’s only because the owner of the studio got involved and said not to do it. It just goes to show you how really smart people can do really stupid things.
ANYWAY, it’s now time for the group number. Jabby is in the dressing room telling Brandon and Brook they both look miserable.
That’s because WE ARE
Kelly says it’s obvious that Brandon and Brooke aren’t connecting the way Jabby wants them to, but she thinks everyone should have expected this; this is the reason they didn’t do a duet last year. Brandon tells us he’s been trying to connect with Brooke but she’s been pretty cold toward him.
The dance is pretty terrible. They get NOTHING at awards and Jabby thinks they were robbed. Nope, sorry Jabby, that dance was just not good and REALLY sloppy.
Jabby pulls Nia out of the dressing room to rehearse her solo before it’s time to compete. Hey! Guess what? She berates her the entire time she’s rehearsing because that always helps pump a kid up before performing. Holly asks her to please stop barking at her kid, and Jabby doesn’t give a crap what Holly has to say. Also? She’s not happy that Holly said she was barking because dogs bark.
If the leash fits…..
The stress of the situation finally gets to Holly and she breaks down and starts crying. She tells Nia she’s sorry. Nia is really cute with her mom and she is the one that comforts Holly. Their reverse roles are not something that escapes Holly’s attention and she feels badly that Nia is supporting her when she should be the one supporting Nia. I think these two have a really great relationship. I also think Holly should get her daughter out of this fucking situation.
Nia’s solo seems to go pretty well. At awards we hear her get announced for a special award, but once again they show a trophy for that instead of the yellow ribbons that Starpower gives out for special awards. It looks to me like Nia probably got first place in her category, what we don’t see is if anyone else was entered in it. Whether there was only Nia or twenty other kids, Holly is happy about the first place trophy. So I guess it was all worth it?
For the next five minutes at least.
Oh, I think I forgot to mention that Diane and Brandon hightailed it outta there right after the “Snapshot” dance, not even staying for awards. Diane said she just knew Jabby was going to try and blame the dance’s failure on her son and she was having none of that! Hooray for a mom that refuses to let her kid be berated on national TV!!!!
Back in the dressing room, Jabby tells the girls she has news for them that she thinks is going to make their moms fall out of their chairs. They are leaving Orlando and going to Vegas. And then they’re going to L.A., then Lake Tahoe. Yeah, I’m suuuuuure no one knew about this. Uh huh. Yep, totally buying it. Because I’m sure we’ll see in the next episodes the moms and kids wearing the same clothes over and over and over again, right? I’m sure the dads have NO problem taking care of any other kids. Yep. Totally plausible.
I’ve been practicing my shocked face. Did you believe it?
Cathy is rolling her eyes and says this is impossible for them and she has her own shit going on. She tells Jabby they are not going to Vegas; they are getting off the party train. Jabby asks if maybe Cathy’s mom could bring Vivi. Nope. Her mom does not have the skills to properly berate Vivi; only Cathy is equipped for that job.
Don’t let the door hit ya where the good lord split ya!
So that’s the end of Cathy. Or so it seems.
And that’s it for this week, Gasmi. What did you think? Were you embarrassed for Brooke and Brandon? How obnoxious CAN Cathy get? Will anyone ever FREE VIVI?!?!?!? Can’t wait to hear from you guys!!