Error: Twitter did not respond. Please wait a few minutes and refresh this page.
Previously on Dance Moms Miami: Brigette was “surprised” that VictAng gave Hannah a solo; the kids danced through their insecurities; the group number came in fifth place and threats of sabotage were levied.
Is it me, or did they retool the opening sequence? It’s possible I just never paid attention to it before, but I thought it seemed more colorful. More likely I just never paid attention. Now that I am trying to let go of my DMM antipathy, I’m paying closer attention to the little things. Embrace the pink light, SnoopK8.
The kids line up and VictAng say they were a mess last week.
Victor says he is embarrassed because the goal is to win Nationals and it doesn’t look like they’ll get there at this rate.
The List: Kimmy is number one. She is on top because she came in second place last week and only missed first place by one point. Go, Kimmy! Second place: Sammy and her stripper dance. Angel says last week’s performance was Sammy’s best at Stars and her technique is amazing, but they do need to work on her artistry.
Jessi has clawed her way up to third place because of her recent good behavior. Angel says she “nailed” the group number and she was brave to admit her insecurities in front of the group. For once, neither Jessi nor Susan is crying. Jessi interviews that being on the bottom the past couple of weeks has made her realize she has to work hard to show everyone she is not mean. Good job, Jessi.
In the fourth slot, we have Lucas because he made lots of mistakes last week. Uh-oh. Someone is not happy about this. Can you guess who? But Brigette (she’s still Brigette at this point) says when Lucas eventually makes his way back to the top, he will stay there.
Fifth and last is our old friend Hapless Hannah. Victor tells her she has improved, but then again, he says, so has everyone else. Hannah interviews that she thinks The List is “rude,” but she admits it’s made her work harder. Positive thoughts! That’s the ticket, Hannah.
This week they are going to Energy! in Michigan. I don’t know if Energy! is supposed to have an exclamation point, but I feel like it should. Angel tells the kids that anything less than their “A” game is unacceptable. Kimmy and Jessi are getting solos because of their recent good work. Sammy’s getting a duet and Lucas is getting…nothing! Brigette can’t believe it! How could this happen! She snots that she doesn’t feel like going all the way to Michigan to not compete.
Meanwhile, Abby is starting to realize something. It’s like when you suspect your boyfriend is cheating, but it’s too awful to fully contemplate until you come home from work early one day and find him and your best friend naked in your bed. Abby opens the bedroom door and finds out that Sammy’s duet partner will be Hannah! Ha ha.
To her credit, she just says she would have preferred that Sammy have a solo. Bob can’t believe it because Hannah and Sammy’s “styles” are so drastically different.
The group dance will be about “discipline.” Angel says they picked this theme because the kids are “out of control.” I don’t really see that. I’m not liking them as much as our Pittsburgh girls, but I wouldn’t say they are bratty or anything. The moms on the other hand… Anyway, VictAng dismiss the moms and get down to the bidness of rehearsing.
VictAng equates “discipline” with “prison,” which, okay, if you want to go that far. Angel asks the kids if any of them have ever been to prison and Lucas says he’s been in time out. Angel says time out in Lucas’ house is probably worse than prison. LOL. Angel says the moms need discipline too, and each kid’s role in the number will reflect his or her parent. For example, Lucas’ “crime” will be that of tax evasion. Lucas says “that’s my mom.”
In the moms’ lounge, Bob laughs hysterically, but Brigette is pissed.
She says, “Shut up, Debi. It’s not funny.” Susan is laughing also. Brigette informs us that she just paid four years of back taxes so she doesn’t think it’s funny. Ah, but that’s where you’re wrong, Brigette. Schadenfreude is funny. Also, what is that all about? Any of our resident detectives want to investigate why Brigette owed four years of back taxes?
VictAng says Jessi will play the role of a thief. Cut to footage of her grabbing the trophy from Hannah in week one. (God, was that only three episodes ago? It seems so much longer.) Susan interviews that it’s funny that Jessi has to be a thief because her husband is a police officer. I guess we need to have the same conversation with her that we had with Pittsburgh Holly – that just because your child plays the role of a criminal, it doesn’t mean she actually is one. It’s called “acting.”
And then weirdly, that’s it for the kids having to be criminals. How come Sammy, Hannah and Kimmy aren’t designated as criminals? I don’t understand. But I also don’t care that much, so let’s move on.
In the lounge, Brigette, possibly to deflect attention from her back-tax-owing ways or just to be the KitchenAid stand mixer of shit that she is, casually asks, “How about that duet?” Abby says she doesn’t get it. She interviews that she didn’t think that Sammy and Hannah would EVER do a duet together because they are at two different levels.
To the moms, she says Sammy and Hannah aren’t going to leap together; they aren’t going to turn together… Bob keeps trying to perpetuate the fiction that Hannah’s and Sammy’s STYLES are the reason they won’t do well together. She says “Hannah’s style is more contemporary, while Sammy’s is more
stripperish what…?” Abby finishes her sentence by saying “everything.”
Susan says one kid is a technical dancer while the other is more of a performance dancer. Bob huffs that Abby is having a hissy fit over Hannah, but Hannah is ten times the performer that Sammy is. Okay, Bob.
In the group rehearsal, Jessi and Sammy bonk heads by mistake and Victor yells at them for doing their own thing.
He says they need to learn to dance as a whole and not as individuals. Victor interviews that the kids have no discipline and no professionalism and how can they expect to win like that.
Meanwhile, apropos of nothing, Abby interviews that she and Sammy are new to Stars, in case we forgot that from the 900 other times they’ve mentioned it. She says they don’t live in Miami, but the hour-a-day each way commute is worth it because Stars is the best. (Also because there are TV cameras there.)
We go back to Sammy and Abby’s house in Parkland, FL. Sammy’s dad harangues Abby about why she has to drive so far when there are perfectly good dance schools in their own neighborhood. Yeah, but how many of them on are on TV? So I guess this story line is supposed to make us believe that SO MUCH hangs in the balance of Sammy’s duet, because otherwise, Daddy will stop paying for dance lessons.
Hannah and Sammy are rehearsing the duet. Victor interviews that wants them to do the number together to teach Sammy some humility (ha, so he thinks she cocky too, even if he won’t overtly say it) and to give Hannah an opportunity to step up to the plate. Hannah interviews that the biggest issue is that she and Sammy don’t dance alike at all.
Abby interviews that Sammy is one of the best dancers at Stars and she doesn’t want Hannah to get up on stage and be embarrassed. She’s so altruistic, that Abby. Bob, on the other hand, won’t shut up about STYLE, STYLE, STYLE. Susan says it’s more a matter of level than style. Bob interviews that she’s tired of the moms all picking on poor Hannah because she IS a good dancer, dammit.
Back in the studio, Victor notes that Hannah and Sammy aren’t dancing in sync at all. Angel says they need to trust each other so he makes them do that stupid thing where you fall backwards into someone’s arms to prove you trust them. Hannah catches Sammy no problem, but when it’s her turn, she’s afraid to fall into Sammy’s arms. She tries it a few times and she just can’t let go and fall.
She gets frustrated and starts crying. Angel tells her to go outside and Victor says if she doesn’t do it, it means she doesn’t want to duet. (Ha ha, see what I did there?)
Bob jumps up to get Hannah, interviewing that she knew Hannah wouldn’t be able to do it. She says Hannah’s “always” had a problem with falling backwards. Really? Is that something that comes up a lot? I think it more has to do with Sammy allegedly being mean to Hannah at the old studio. If that’s true, of course Hannah would have trouble trusting her. But then again, who knows if Sammy actually was mean to Hannah at the old studio. We’ve already established that Bob is delusional.
Hannah is crying in the lobby with Bob and Mayra, who always seems to be lurking in the background during moments like this. Victor and Angel come out and gives Hannah a pep talk. It works and Hannah goes back into the studio and falls into Sammy’s arms, no problem. All that angst for what turns out to be no big deal. That could actually be the theme of this entire show.
VictAng demonstrate the trust fall as a joke, but Angel lets Victor fall to the ground. So what is the deal with those two? Are they a couple or just business partners? I know I could google it but I am too lazy.
I guess it’s the next day and they are practicing in the parking lot or something? I don’t know. Angel says sometimes they like to get out of the studio and get outside. But lo and behold there is a ginormous fire raging nearby.
It actually looks like the whole state of Florida is on fire. They rush to evacuate the studio because the power is going to be shut off. Most everyone is pretty calm except for one little girl. She is crying because her parents aren’t around, but Angel says anyone whose parents aren’t there will go to his house. The only reason I mention this is because they call the panicked little girl “Mia” (I think) and rumor around the message boards is that some kid named Mia is going to be joining the show later in the season. I am wondering if this is that Mia.
It’s the next day and Angel voiceovers that last night’s fire made everything into a rollercoaster ride, but the show must go on. Kimmy is rehearsing her solo, which is called “It’s good to be bad.” She’s excited, but she’s never really done anything bad in her life so she has no experience to draw on. Angel quizzes her on possible transgressions to help her get into character, but the only thing she can come up with is staying up late to finish homework. Angel says that’s not bad, it’s nerdy. He says they need to liberate Kimmy’s inner artist, so he calls in Lucas and Jessi to school Kimmy on how to be bad.
Lucas interviews that Kimmy is the opposite of a bad girl. Angel asks Lucas if he’s ever done anything bad, but Lucas doesn’t want to say with his mom in the next room watching. Angel sends the moms out of the room and makes Lucas tell him. Lucas says one time he put his mom’s bras in the garbage. That’s…interesting. I’ll leave it to you armchair psychiatrists to figure out what that’s all about.
Angel gives Kimmy a homework assignment to do something bad in the next 24 hours.
Back to the duet rehearsal. Victor complains that the girls are not watching each other at all. He says if they can’t pull their shit together, he might take the duet away from them.
In the lounge, Abby says it’s not a winning situation to make Hannah try to keep up with Sammy because their technique is not at the same level. Bob says it has nothing to do with how good they are, it’s all about their different STYLES.
The moms – and everyone in America – roll their eyes. Bob says she’s not happy, the movements are off and the differing styles make Hannah look bad. She says she feels like “she” is being set up to fail.
Brigette interviews that she’s tired of listening to Bob and Abby bitch endlessly about the duet and she thinks VictAng need to know what’s going on. This is where she becomes Bitchette.
She goes to VictAng and tattles to them about what Bob has said about being set up to fail and sabotaged, etc.
Victor gets pissed and goes into the lounge to confront the moms. He wants to know if Bob said he was sabotaging her kid and Bob says again that she thinks she’s being set up to fail.
Bitchette jumps in with “you said it was to keep Hannah on the bottom of the list – those were your words verbatim.” UGH, what a twat. Mind your own damn business. I’m no fan of Bob’s, but this is uncalled for.
Bob interviews that Bitchette is an opportunist and sees a chance to get Lucas a bigger part. Ah, that actually does make sense.
Victor says doesn’t Bob have any faith in her daughter? Bob says NO ONE has faith in Hannah EXCEPT her. She and Bitchette start screaming back and forth until Victor loses it and screams “I’M TALKING!” Heh. He says it’s his studio and he’s tired of being disrespected. He tells Bob she should be grateful that Hannah has a duet this week. Victor yells that if the moms don’t like it, they can get out.
Victor interviews that Bob should be flattered that he thinks Hannah can dance on Sammy’s level. Instead, Bob thinks he’s setting Hannah up for failure. (Because again, Victor and Angel are in this to lose as much as possible.) He says that parents don’t understand that he is 23 years old and he sacrificed his dance career to teach their kids. If they don’t trust him as a “chorographer” they can go to Michigan on their own. You tell them, Victor. Also, he’s really only 23?
Competition day. It’s Stars’ first time in Michigan. Angel complains about the cold and says it’s “zero degrees” out. Heh. Fuck that, if I lived in Miami, no WAY would I go anywhere north of South Carolina in the winter.
Jessi’s solo is up first and she says it’s the most emotional dance she’s ever done.
What is up with that COSTUME? It’s HORRIBLE. Why do they insist on the asymmetrical armbands and choker neck thingies every week? And also, several people have mentioned the horrible buns ON TOP of the head that look terrible too. I think the Pittsburgh girls hands down have better hair, makeup and costumes.
Anyhoo, Jessi does a really good job on her solo (although I’m still not a fan of the robotic choreography) and she is happy. Susan turns on the waterworks as uszh, but this time because she is happy. Angel calls Jessi’s performance “amazing” and Victor says it was “jaw-dropping.”
Kimmy gets ready for her solo and Victor tutors her on how to be “fierce.” She does the catwalk thing and it’s pretty cute.
Angel asked her what she did for her bad girl homework assignment and she says she threw a pistachio at Jessi in the airport. Jailbait! Angel says she gets an “F”. Her solo is super cute.
Afterwards, she interviews that she pulled off being a bad girl despite being a nerd. Okay, so she is no Mackenzie, but she is still my favorite.
Solo awards. As mentioned in the mini, Pittsburgh Chloe (right?) gets fifth place. Kimmy comes in fourth and says she’s excited. Jessi wins second place and says she’s a little disappointed because she had hoped to come in first. But there is no drama.
In the dressing room, Angel notices that Bitchette is being quiet and mentions that to her.
She says she’s just hanging out because Lucas doesn’t dance till 7:00 tonight and she has nothing to do. Passive-aggressive bitch! Angel asks why she doesn’t support her team. She says she’s totally supportive in general, but not sure she supports the duet. She says that she “loves you guys, but you’re artists, not magicians.” Bob has quite the bitchface going on during this and it’s pretty funny, although well-deserved on Bitchette’s part.
Bob says that Bitchette needs to keep her mouth shut. Bob interviews that she trusts Victor and Angel and that is why she is at Stars.
Interlude for a Dance Moms Pittsburgh preview, which, if you haven’t seen it, you have to get your hands on it. I tried to find a video or link for it, but I couldn’t. (I didn’t try too hard.)
Back to Miami (boo!), or I guess, Michigan. Group dance. More horrible S&M costumes.
I won’t harp on it every week (or maybe I will), but unless I say otherwise, assume I hate the costumes. Also, the dance is not in unison, as VictAng were harping about. That’s probably the wrong terminology, but you know what I mean.
In the green room, Bob says the duet is not even close to being ready, but she hopes Hannah will rise to the occasion.
VictAng send the kids out of the room so they can address the moms about the duet drama. Victor says it’s disrespectful to say he would sabotage a child and he doesn’t appreciate it. Bob says her comments about the bottom of the list were taken out of context. Susan jumps in to say “she said that.”
Bob says, “Yes, I said those words…” Bitchette interrupts and says her exact words were that Bob hoped VictAng would put Hannah in a duet with Sammy so Hannah would have the chance to outshine Sammy. Bob is like, “what’s up with the tattletaling?” Exactly. Bitchette’s like, “why don’t you just admit it, beyotch, you said it.” Bob gets all flustered and says that Bitchette likes to put words in people’s mouths and twist around what they say.
Bitchette, calmly and icily, says, “No, that’s you.” The person who remains calm always has the advantage in an argument.
That’s when Bob loses it completely and calls Bitchette a “mean girl and a liar who says everything behind people’s backs.” Bitchette’s all like, “better a mean girl than delusional.” UGH. Hate. (I mean, Bob is delusional but that’s beside the point in this case.)
Bob slams out of the room. Ani the peacemaker goes out to her.
She interviews that she wants Bob to know that she supports her and that she hopes Hannah never hears what’s being said. Seriously. I hope they don’t let the kids watch this show. To Bob, Ani points out that she (Bob) and Abby are actually fine with the duet so who cares what those other bitches think. (I am paraphrasing.)
Bob calms down a bit, but she is still embracing her crazy because she says “when Hannah gets really good and HER kid wants to do a duet with her, Hannah will say NO WAY.” Ooohkay then. Not sure if she’s talking about Lucas or Sammy, but either way she’s nuts. She interviews that she is going to get a lot of satisfaction on the day that Hannah beats Sammy. So she was talking about Abby and Sammy then. I can’t keep the voices in her head straight.
SO, this is, believe it or not, a show about dancing and it’s time for the dreaded duet. Sammy’s dad is in the audience. Don’t know where he came from. He screams Sammy’s name during the entire dance.
Is that normally done at dance competitions? It’s not a hockey game fer chrissakes. Anyway, I think they do a pretty good job, all things considered.
They were a little out of sync, but I really think that Hannah held her own. Abby says she’s proud but takes one more opportunity to indirectly slam Hannah by saying they weren’t the “right” duet partners. Shut up, Abby. Hannah cries because she thinks she didn’t do well, and it’s nice to see Jessi and the other kids comforting her.
More awards. The group number gets first place and Victor is happy. The duet gets a platinum overall which I am learning IS a good thing. So all that melodrama about the duet turned out to be for nothing. I really do think that Hannah worked hard and that dancing with Sammy did actually make her do better. Victor says after all the draaaaaaama, he’s proud of the kids. Me too. The moms, on the other hand, are a complete ‘nother story.
Next week: Victor can’t control what comes out of the moms’ mouths; Bitchette runs her mouth some more; Susan is mean to Jessi and Hannah cries.
That’s it Gasmii. What did you guys think? I’m still not 100% on board with this show (and it only makes it worse when they tease us with Pittsburgh trailers), but I’ve accepted my fate and will do my best to snark on it. I was seriously upset to hear that there will in fact be more than six episodes. Oh well. Thanks so much for all your comments. It really helps me to get other people’s perspectives and I love getting all the behind-the-scenes dirt.
Thanks for reading and have a great day!
To get the funniest quotes from TVgasm recaps as they’re posted, follow us on Twitter. You can post your favorite lines right back at us. If you want to play games and socialize, like our Facebook page! We’re also now on Pinterest and Tumblr! Thanks for being a part of the gasm!