Welcome back to the Magic City. Did you know that Miami’s nickname is the Magic City? I did not. I feel like in light of Dance Moms Miami it should be called the Tragic City, or maybe The City of Unlikeable Bitches. But I’m getting ahead of myself.
PREVIOUSLY on Dance Moms Miami: We met Victor and Angel who promised to push the dancers hard and make them stahhhhs. New girl Sammy arrived from a different studio. Bob was continually mad, Susan acted like a C-word and Jessi grabbed the trophy out of poor hapless Hannah’s hapless hands.
The dancers line up while Susan sports a bitchface for the ages.
Victor and Angel tell the dancers they did okay last week, but they need to step up because they are STARS. Remember, the studio isn’t called Backup Dancers. Victor says there are “over 50” kids willing to take their spots at any time. (So, like 51?)
Time for the List. Lucas is on top because t
hey are grooming him to be their plaything he mastered his first duet with a girl and did not drop said girl (Kimmy). Kimmy is second. Victor and Angel (VictAng) say she did great in the duet, but she made a mistake in the group number. Had she not, she would have been tied with Lucas for first place. Sammy is third and the boys don’t really have anything to say. Susan however, starts clucking and shaking her head. Shut up, Susan. She interviews that no way should Sammy be higher than Jessi. But it gets even better, because hapless Hannah is next on the list, making Jessi last. Ha ha.
Victor says Jessi plunged from the top of the list to the bottom because of her trophy-stealing ways. They say she is not four years old anymore. She is the oldest and is supposed to lead by example. She cries. Susan cries, then tries to blame the whole thing on Hannah. Of course Bob is not having any of that.
They scream back and forth for a bit and Angel tells them to take it outside. Susan pulls Jessi out of the rehearsal and Angel’s all “good luck, psycho bitch. Don’t let the door hit you on the way out.”
Out in the hall, Susan tells Jessi that she embarrassed HER. She tells her she is going to have to apologize to Hannah as well as Victor and Angel. After telling Jessi to LOOK AT HER about 45 times, she says Jessi OWES it to her to be at the top of the list. Jessi eventually agrees to apologize. Susan interviews at least Jessi is learning a lesson from all this. Yeah, that she wants to run away from home.
VictAng say they will be going to Starbound in Long Beach, CA where there is AMAZING talent and all that crap. The group dance will be another jazz funk number because VictAng were not happy with the image portrayed in last week’s group number, whatever that means.
Since Lucas was on top of the list, he is rewarded with his first solo of the year. Kimmy, although she did well last week, is deemed not ready for a solo this week because she doesn’t learn choreography quickly enough. Sammy’s getting a solo and they tell her to “kill it.” Hapless Hannah is also getting a solo and they tell her she needs to commit to the technique.
Bob interviews that Hannah and Sammy will be competing against each other for the first time at this studio and she hopes that Hannah will beat Sammy. Yeah, and I hope to find a magical bottle of wine that never runs out someday.
Lucas’ solo will be called “City Boy” and they tell him it’s all about him with the girls as his backup
sluts dancers. Lucas interviews that he is used to being in the spotlight because he’s a boy. At this point, I will say that I’m still on the fence about Lucas. I think he’s a cute kid and a really great dancer, but he’s borderline cocky and dare I say it, douchey? I know that’s mean to say about a 9-year-old, so I will keep an open mind. I think it’s fair to say, though, that so far I can’t stand his mom.
ANYWAY, VictAng fight over whether to start choreographing the group number without Jessi because she is still out in the hall being berated by her mom. Angel has a strict policy of not following moms out of the studio. But hey, not to worry, because Mayra interrupts to say that Susan and Jessi are outside and want to apologize. Angel tells her to send Jessi in, but leave Susan outside. Jessi comes back, apologizes, and Victor says he won’t penalize her because her mom is cuckoo.
Angel tells her she is old enough to stand up to her “crazy mom.” I don’t know how I feel about VictAng trash talking the moms to the kids, but considering how annoying the moms are, I’m not going to lose too much sleep over it.
Susan apologizes to Angel, who says he’s a dancer, not a therapist. He says Susan is going to have to find a more constructive way to deal with her anger and she can’t come in and just pull Jessi or any other dancer out of rehearsals. He says that’s why Jessi felt entitled to grab the trophy. He says they will never put anyone on top of the list who acts like that. He says Stars is not a zoo, and if Susan acts up again, Jessi is out. Susan goes out to the other moms and says she was “scolded like a little girl.” But she admits that Angel was right and she was wrong. I’m actually surprised that she said that. At least there are some seeds of self-awareness buried in the frozen tundra of her soul.
Hannah rehearses her solo with Angel. He interviews that Hannah has passion, but she needs to improve her technique. Which is a nice way of saying she loves to dance but she sucks.
Bob says that Hannah is the underdog, but she is ready to shine. Hannah interviews that she is not intimidated by Sammy, she just needs to work harder. Angel demonstrates a move for Hannah and the moms laugh at him from the safety of the observation room.
Abby says Angel is “really flamboyant” when he dances.
Victor’s rehearsing Sammy’s solo. Angel comes in and says he doesn’t like the choreography because there is too much floor work and it’s repetitive. They yell back and forth, with Angel telling Victor he needs to learn how to take criticism. Sammy interviews that they are stressing her out, and Abby says, more or less, that they need to figure their shit out because it’s negatively affecting her daughter.
VictAng rehearse the group number, but things aren’t going well. Victor says if the kids don’t get their shit together, he is going to pull the number from the competition.
I don’t know why they are so crabby this week, but Angel is also mad and yells at everyone to GET OUT. Victor, for all his screaming at the kids, is like “WTF, we only have two days to rehearse, why are you dismissing them?” Angel says they are being disrespectful and need to learn how to listen. Victor says to Angel “YOU’RE dismissed!” So, while these guys are way more professional than Jabby, they still have a ways to go.
Bob’s house and Hannah’s sister Carina is home from Notre Dame.
You’re not gonna find your missing technique in the fridge, Hannah. (I know, I know. I’m going to hell.)
Bob interviews that Carina has always been supportive of her sister, which is nice. I wonder why there is such a big age difference between them? Not that it’s any of my business, nor does it matter. I’m just nosy. Bob asks Carina to guess who showed up at the studio. Carina’s like, someone from New Jersey? Aha! I knew I detected a NY-NJish accent. That explains so much. Anyway, Bob says no, it’s Sammy. Dun dun DUN. She interviews that Sammy was always mean to Hannah at their old studio, but that was two years ago and Hannah is not the same dancer she was back then. Oh dear, she must have been abysmal back then. Poor Hannah. Despite her mom, she seems like a nice little girl, so I will root for her.
At the studio, VictAng are making the kids do an exercise on image. Angel says they are a family, and Jessi was rude to Hannah and that behavior will not be tolerated. VictAng make the kids sit on the floor across from one another and tell each other how they feel or something.
Hannah tells Jessi that she’s “sweet, but not sweet at the same time.” She says that sometimes Jessi will be nice to her, but other times she is mean. Jessi says that’s just her personality, but she will try to work on it. Then she tells Hannah that she (Hannah) is a really hard worker and she’s proud of her. So that was nice of her. I can’t tell if she’s sincere or not.
Then VictAng make Jessi tell her mom through the glass how she feels – which is a little weird if you ask me. She tells her mom that she needs to stop fighting with everyone.
Hannah rehearses her solo and Bob tells the other moms that if Hannah won she’d be “over the moon.” They basically roll their eyes at her. Brigette says that’s great, but Hannah’s technique just isn’t there. Abby interviews that Bob is delusional because Hannah’s skill isn’t even close to Sammy’s. Which is true, but Abby’s a twat, so shut up, Abby. Remember how I was going to give her another chance? It’s done. She’s dead to me.
Angel is sneakily teaching Sammy new choreography for her solo, until Victor comes in and is like “what are you doing?” They argue a bit, then they ask Sammy whose choreography she would rather do. She picks Victor’s and Angel is all pissy and says fine, just don’t put my name on it. They really are cranky this week.
Competition day. Angel gives a pep talk and tells Hannah she needs to step up her technique for her solo. Bob still wants Hannah to beat Sammy and we all want world peace. Hannah’s music isn’t cut correctly, so she has an extra 20 seconds where she will have to improvise. She does her solo, and yeah… poor Hannah.
She tries really hard though. She’s not terrible, just kind of clumsy. Victor tells her he’s proud of her.
Lucas is really nervous to do his solo, but it’s really good. He does have a small case of Distracting Face Syndrome (™ Maddie Ziegler), but he is a good little dancer.
He interviews that he thinks he did “amazing.” Victor concurs.
Sammy’s nervous because she has to beat “two really good dancers.” Or more like one really good dancer and one passionate but sucky dancer. I appreciate that she is being semi-gracious though. Abby says she expects Sammy to win so she’s not worried at all. Shut up, Abby. Sammy’s dance is a wee bit strippery.
Her technique is amazing, but I don’t really see any emotion. The dance, to me, seems choppy and doesn’t flow. Angel interviews that he doesn’t think she did her best. He thinks that she needs to evolve from a dancer to an artist. So I think that means he and I are on the same page. I should totally open my own dance studio!
Lucas says that Sammy did “good” and he gives her flowers.
Aw, that’s cute. Okay, I’ll put him in the positive column for now. Sammy says it’s “funny” that Lucas has a crush on her because he’s 9 and she’s 12. I’m still not sure I like Sammy.
In the dressing room, Susan has cornered Victor. She asks if Jessi can do a last-minute improvised solo.
Victor tries to be diplomatic about it, but Angel’s like NO EFFING WAY, BEYOTCH. Heh. Susan keeps trying though. She says that it’s not fair because Jessi is the best dancer in the group. Victor’s says NOT THIS WEEK. And Angel’s like, “don’t say that in front of the other kids.” Victor says that Jessi’s grounded this week because of her behavior and they have to stick to the integrity of The List. Susan storms off. Victor’s like “walk out like you always do. Bye Z!” (I think he said “Z,” but I don’t know what that means, so I’m probably wrong.)
Abby interviews that it’s “not classy” to compare kids of different ages and abilities. Not as classy as saying everyone is jealous of you because you’re pretty and have money, you mean?
Solo awards. Hannah gets fourth place! She says she’s happy and in shock. Bob says “her” goal was for Hannah to make it to the top five, so she’s happy. Lucas comes in second. He says coming in first or second feels amazing and he always has fun, no matter what. Okay, another point in Lucas’ favor. Sammy comes in first and Abby says she’s not surprised. Shut up, Abby. Victor’s like “suck it, Angel, my choreography won!” Angel’s says it wasn’t the choreography, it was the hair and makeup. I can’t tell if he is joking or being kind of a dick, but since I always believe in seeking the best in everyone (snort) I will go with the former.
Mayra is lurking in the background and says, apropos of nothing, that she thinks Jessi should be on top because she’s the oldest and best.
Sammy interjects with “I can do what Jessi can do.” Mayra gives Sammy a death glare and then interviews that Sammy is cocky. Mayra is quite the shit stirrer. I like it.
The group number is cute. I think Kimmy and Lucas look great together.
They win first place. Victor says they nailed it. In the dressing room, he praises Kimmy for remembering the choreography and says he loves Jessi’s teamwork this week. Angel hands her the trophy to hold. Heh.
Mayra jumps in to say that everyone should be happy because they did well, “even Hannah.” Oh snap! Ha ha. Bob gets all bent out of shape about it, while Mayra tries to say that she just meant that Hannah’s not on the same level as everyone else. Heh. Way to dig yourself in even deeper. Angel interviews that Mayra is an “instigator” and that her main physical activity is argument.
Her instigating is successful because now all the moms are screaming at each other. Bob is mad that Hannah didn’t get any props for fourth place and Brigette is like “in the Olympics there’s only gold, silver and bronze – what’s fourth place, flowers?”
Then she screams that she’d be EMBARRASSED if her kid got fourth place. Ugh. Hate. The only good thing about these moms is they appear to at least send the kids out when they are fighting. And, that’s it for this week.
So like I said, I’m coming around to Lucas with reservations. I think Kimmy is adorable and Hannah is sweet, but unfortunate. Ani hasn’t offended me yet and I still like Victor and Angel. Other than that, everyone else just kind of sucks. What did you guys think?
Thanks for reading, everyone, and have a great weekend! Go Red Sox!
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