Previously on Dance Moms Miami: the entire state of Florida caught fire; Hannah was “set up to fail” and Brigette embraced her Inner Bitchetteness.
The kids line up and VictAng praise them for getting back on track and winning in Michigan the previous week. But they say that this week is also a must-win if they want to get to Nationals. And who doesn’t want to get to Nationals? Hell, I want to get to Nationals. Do they have Nationals for TV watching?
Let’s get right to the list, shall we? Jessi has been on really good behavior for two (three?) weeks and reclaims her spot on top of the list. Kimmy is second because of her “amazing technique.” Lucas is third because the boys didn’t have a lot to judge him on (due to their not giving him his usual Nearly Naked™ solo), but he did a great job in the group number.
Hannah is fourth. Bob gloats that Hannah beat Sammy. But not so fast, Bob. Victor says if it were up to him, Hannah would have been last. Angel says he put Hannah fourth because she had a rough week and did the duet even though she had to put up with a lot of shit from Bob. This leaves Sammy in last place, but she doesn’t seem too concerned. She interviews halfheartedly that “we should have been ranked equally,” but I don’t think she lost any sleep over it.
Victor takes the opportunity to tell the moms to STFU with their disrespect towards him and Angel. Victor says any questioning of the “chorography” is “unacceptable,” so shut it, moms. I wish somebody would question him on the way he pronounces “choreography.”
This week they are going to Access Broadway in Orlando. Jessi’s getting a solo, Kimmy and Lucas will do another duet and Hannah Banana also gets a solo. Sammy gets nothing and will like it. Surprisingly, Abby has nothing to say about this.
The theme of the group number will be Survival. Abby interviews that it’s perfect because if she can survive these moms, she can survive anything.
Group rehearsal. Victor says the dance is supposed to represent animals in the wild and asks each kid what animal they would be if they were an animal. Jessi says she would be a lion because lions are “like the king of Africa or whatever.” They must be emo lions. Hannah says she’d be a snake because they are fast. I could make so many mean jokes here, but I am trying to reform and poor Hannah has enough to worry about without me snarking on her. Kimmy says she would be a spider because they are small.
Small, but hairy
Lucas says he would be a bird because he wants to fly. Angel says, “yeah, away from your house.” Sammy wants to be a giraffe because she is so tall and pretty and everyone is jealous of her. Okay, I made up the last part. I forgot, I am trying to reform. Victor says the dance world is like the animal world because it’s a survival of the fittest situation.
Speaking of animals, in the lounge, Bitchette kicks things off by saying VictAng’s lecture to them about not being disrespectful was “nice.” And by “nice” she means “I’m bored, so let me get you bitches all riled up about something.”
So now I’m gonna throw a grenade and retreat
Abby says that it was disrespectful of Victor and Angel to call them out in front of their kids. Bob chimes in that what VictAng said to Hannah was inappropriate.
Abby says that VictAng blaming all the strife on bickering between her and Bob was unfair. She says all she was concerned about last week was that they didn’t seem to have enough time to rehearse the duet. Bob says that she NEVER called on VictAng to pull Hannah from the duet.
Bitchette interviews that she’s sick of listening to Bob and Abby pretend they’re content with the duet. That’s why you brought it up, you dumb bitch.