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Please accept my apologies for being so tardy with this. I don’t really have a good excuse, except that I may have been sabotaged. Yeah, that’s it. Sabotaged!
Previously on Dance Moms Miami: Susan acted psychotic; Hannah came in fourth place and Abby was bitchy; Sammy came in first place overall; Mayra stirred some shit and Sammy was cocky.
The kids line up and VictAng say they were not satisfied with last week’s performances. The kids did not dance to their full potential and they need stars, not almost-stars. In case you forgot, the name of the studio is Stars, not Fifth Place Losers… but I’m getting ahead of myself.
The List: At first I thought my DVR had accidentally recorded the wrong episode because the list is almost the same as last week.
Lucas is number one. VictAng are extremely proud of him for getting first place in his category. Brigette says that her son is a star that will continue to rise. And Brigette is a harpy who will continue to annoy me. Number two is Kimmy because she successfully remembered her choreography and because her mother is not a psycho-bitch like the others. Ani says it’s a nice surprise that Kimmy did so well. See, if she were one of the other moms, she would complain that Kimmy wasn’t number one.
Third place is Sammy because she got first in her category and first overall. However, Angel says she made some mistakes and didn’t give her best performance. Victor says she did well, but not well enough for them. Fourth place is Jessi. She worked her way up because she didn’t grab any trophies out of anyone’s hands or otherwise bully them last week. Victor says one’s reputation takes years to build, but only seconds to ruin. Jessi and Susan are teary and Jessi doesn’t understand why she’s still being punished for something that happened two whole weeks ago.
Last place goes to our old friend Hapless Hannah, even though she finished in the top five last week. VictAng concede that she did amazing (for her) but say she needs to get that technique down. They say if she could get her technique to match her artistry and emotion she’d be on top. Well, yeah, and if I could throw a fastball I could pitch for the Red Sox. Bob interviews that she is upset that Hannah is last even though she got her best score ever and it was her best week ever.
I agree with those who have said that Bob is delusional. Hannah clearly loves dancing and is a cute enough kid, but she just doesn’t have the natural ability that the others have. It’s like, I can train with a vocal coach all I want, but I will never play Maria von Trapp on Broadway (my dream job when I was Hannah’s age). Bob should encourage Hannah, but not try to manufacture a rivalry with someone who is way better than she is.
This week, the kids are going back to California to another Starbound competition. Apparently this is the biggest competition ever with the most talented kids ever and… well, you know the rest. They really don’t need to show VictAng saying that every week, because I think we can assume that they don’t want to lose.
Lucas will do another solo and so will Kimmy, her first of the season. Sammy will also do a solo. Angel says if it were up to him, she wouldn’t get another solo, but she did win, so…. Jessi will NOT get a solo this week. And of course more tears are shed. Victor says it hurts him to not see her dance and Angel says if she keeps up the good behavior, she will get one eventually. Hannah will also not get a solo this week.
The theme of the group number will be insecurity so the kids need to get ready to open up and bare their souls on national TV. Victor interviews that the number will be DEEP and he wants the audience to feel something, so the kids must feel something.
In the mom’s lounge, Susan tells Ani that she’s really proud that Kimmy “finally” got a solo because she is amazing.
Hmm, Susan is being nice? What’s her angle? Angel apparently agrees with me because he notes that the moms seem to be getting along this week. He speculates there is alcohol or drugs involved.
Oh, but of course all is not well. Bob says she’s not taking anything away from Sammy, but she’s had three opportunities to perform and there is no “I” in team. But there is an “I” in bitch. Brigette agrees with Bob for a change. Again, I don’t remember Sammy having three opportunities to do solos, but I watched like 3 times (which explains why I’m extra cranky this week) and Brigette definitely said that.
In the studio, VictAng sit the kids down and ask them to go around and say what they are most insecure about.
Jessi says she is afraid of being embarrassed because of dancing and having people make fun of her and calling her ugly. Victor tells her to put her energy into showing how beautiful she is. I’m sure that will cure her.
Hannah is worried about how people look at her when she is on stage and being judged on how she looks rather than how she dances.
Oh dear. I hate to make fun of a little kid, but I don’t think you want to be judged on your dancing, Hannah. Victor tells her she’s beautiful and Angel calls her amazing. He says she makes people feel something when she dances. Sad? Angel says that what Hannah lacks in technique, she makes up for in performance.
Kimmy says she’s afraid of not being perfect. Ani interviews that Kimmy is like her in that regard. She says she always thought it was a good thing, but now she can see how it could be painful for Kimmy. Victor tells Kimmy she doesn’t have to be perfect because she is human and it’s okay to make mistakes.
Lucas says people at school make fun of him because he likes to dance. Apparently VictAng didn’t have a comment about that. Or if they did, I didn’t write it down.
Sammy says she’s afraid of making a fool of herself by forgetting something on stage and of being judge solely on her looks. She interviews that people think she is a “bratty, snooty girl” because she is so tall and pretty… So yeah, I think you are being judged on your bratty, snooty behavior and not your looks, but that’s just me.
Victor says everyone has insecurities that hold them back, but he assures them that they are all special just the way they are. Angel says the kids need to let go of their insecurities and dance through them.
In the lounge, Susan says the exercise was “beautiful” to watch and she is proud that Lucas got another solo. Bob agrees with the sincerity of an Amway distributor. Susan then says something that there is no problem that “that child” was being cocky in the dressing room last week. Are we still talking about Lucas? Sammy is the one accused of being cocky. Susan adds that “she” (Susan) is being punished for two weeks of good behavior and a child was praised for being cocky.
Abby says, “Enough, Susan, enough.”
So I guess she was talking about Sammy. Then Brigette weighs in, saying she (Sammy) is not cocky, but she got three chances in a row to perform when no one else did. To Abby, Brigette says, “On top of it, YOU seem to not like the rules or the moms…” Abby says she’s here for Victor and Angel and she doesn’t give “two shits” about anything else. Brigette interviews Abby has an attitude and thinks she’s better than everyone.
Susan says the difference between her daughter and Abby’s daughter is that Jessi is not cocky. Abby once again pulls the “you’re just jealous” card, which cements my dislike of her. I agree that she has a reason to be mad because the moms are being mean girls, but accusing people of jealousy every five seconds just makes her look like (more of) an idiot.
Ani gets up to get away from the conflict and says the dance team brings out the worst in the ladies. She says the pressure is making everything hectic.
Susan gets up to go the bathroom and Brigette and Bob join her, with Bob saying “See? I told you so,” about Abby.
Abby gets really upset and says she can’t handle these bitchy moms. Neither can we, Abby, neither can we.
The next day, Abby says the previous night was “horrific” and that she changed her cellphone ringtone to Rocky so she can be prepared to fight. Ah, but have no fear, Abby, because Brigette has apparently had a change of heart. She calls Abby out to the hall to apologize.
She tells her that Bob manipulated the whole situation to get other moms against her. Then she says that when your kid is good, people become bitter and jealous. Abby says she doesn’t care about bitter and jealous but she doesn’t like them attacking her kid’s character. But is it attacking her kid’s character if her kid really is cocky? Maybe she’s not in real life, but they sure are trying to make her look that way on TV.
Meanwhile, during all this, Bob is back in the lounge saying that Brigette is a backstabber who likes drama and she’s not going to feed into that. Whatever, Bob.
Mayra wants some screen time, so she sticks her nose in and says she’s trying to clean up all the drama. She wants the moms to come to her with any problems.
Okay, thanks Mayra. Go back in your hole now.
Abby interviews that Brigette’s apology seems sincere, but that Brigette will probably be mean to her again at some point. That’s probably a good bet.
Kimmy rehearses her solo and Ani is concerned that she will take every bit of criticism to heart and obsess over it. Victor says she’s doing well, but needs to start listening to the music. Lucas rehearses his solo and Victor says he wants to take him to the next level. Lucas interviews that he’s not nervous to do his solo because he’s done lots of them before. Sammy’s solo is called “All Eyes on Me” and she’s excited because she likes to have all eyes on her. It’s yet another stripper dance.
VictAng ask her about something called a “Dougie dance” that she apparently taught Abby how to do, so they pull Abby and the other moms into the studio to learn some dance moves.
Susan gets really into it and Angel says that she will be on top of the list this week. Just don’t grab for the trophy, Susan. Angel says in an interview that if the moms could dance as well as they can argue, they’d all be rich.
The kids are rehearsing the group dance when the moms decide to leave and go somewhere. Angel again says the moms seem happy today, but I still wouldn’t feel safe about that if I were him. Angel brings the kids out to the lounge and make them imitate their moms.
Jessi, as Susan, says it’s not fair because a number one dancer should not be on the bottom of the list. To Hannah, she says “it’s your daughter’s fault for taking the trophy.” Hannah imitates Bob as the moms come back and are all “WTF?” VictAng make the kids go around and imitate their moms in front of the moms. Kimmy, as Ani the peacemaker, says “does anyone want a peppermint?” and everyone laughs.
Susan laughs at Jessi/herself, but then she’s like, “ha ha. Get to back to rehearsal.” That was all very funny, but I wonder if any of this made the moms realize that their kids notice that they act like asshats most of the time and if so, whether that will affect their future behavior. Of course you rarely find self-aware people on reality TV, so my guess is no.
Back to rehearsal and Hannah says something to the effect, in relation to her “insecurity,” of why do we have to be judged? Um, because you’re on a competitive dance team?
Kimmy’s rehearsing her solo and Ani is freaking out about it. Brigette says she needs to chill out. Abby asks if there’s anywhere they can go for a drink, because why not add some alcohol to the general atmosphere of animosity. Brigette says that’s a FABULOUS idea. Ani, wisely, declines. Bob isn’t there for some reason, so it’s Susan, Abby and Brigette going out for drinks.
They toast to “moving on” and “new friendships.” Brigette, who will be playing the role of shit stirrer this week, asks what happened at Abby’s old studio when Bob and Hannah left. Abby says that Bob was actually asked to leave. Susan says that’s not what they had heard and Abby says that Bob took the opportunity to reinvent herself at the new studio.
Brigette is back on her “manipulation” kick, and says that Bob has been manipulating them all for over a year now. Abby says, oh well, karma’s a bitch. (Takes one to know one, I guess.) Abby interviews that she doesn’t know why Bob is so obsessed with Sammy. She says Sammy’s just better than Hannah than that’s all. She’s obsessed because she’s jealous. Duh.
Brigette then brings up the central drama of this week’s episode and says the WORST part about Bob is that she asked VictAng to SABOTAGE Sammy’s choreography so she would lose. Susan says she’s disgusted, but not surprised, since Bob tried to sabotage Jessi the first week. What? They show Bob yelling at Angel and Mayra that first week when Victor had a “virus.” Oh please. How is does that have anything to do with Jessi’s dance. Shut up, Susan. Abby is pissed and says she’s going to speak to Victor and Angel about this, even though she doesn’t know what to believe. She interviews that she doesn’t trust anyone.
Everyone has speculated about what really happened, and I am in the camp that if it was said at all, it was said as a joke – maybe with Bob only half-kidding. But why the hell would VictAng purposely set someone up to fail, especially since they harp non-stop on how important it is that they win week after week? Dumbasses.
Competition day in Redondo Beach, CA. Ani says she’s more nervous than Kimmy. Mayra tells her to chill out. But then Kimmy has to go on stage sooner than anticipated, so that freaks Ani out even more. Victor pulls Kimmy aside and tells her that it’s not about being perfect, it’s about letting go. She goes on and does really well.
Ani says she’s really proud and that Kimmy did amazing.
Lucas’ solo is up next.
He interviews that he’s not trying to be cocky, because he knows he can dance and he has no fear of losing. Which makes me want him to lose. I know that’s mean, but this show has worn out it’s welcome and
some most of these kids are getting on my nerves. They make Maddie seem like Miss Humble.
Sammy says she’s confident for her solo because it’s “adorable” and she’s sure she’ll do good. Whatever. As noted earlier, it’s another stripper dance and her costume is too small.
So far, I haven’t really liked any of the costumes since day one. I don’t even really remember even noticing the costumes in Pittsburgh unless they were part of the drama, so they are just one more thing about this show that annoys me. During Sammy’s solo, Bob interviews that she’s not impressed and wonders why Sammy is such a big deal. Way to be gracious, Bob. God, these people suck.
Awards. Kimmy comes in second place, and when asked how long she’s been working on the dance, she adorably says “three days.”
Heh. Like I said, she’s the only one I like so far.
Neither Lucas nor Sammy places and I won’t lie, I am meanly happy to hear that. What’s even more delicious is Brigette’s outrage. She says Lucas has never not placed before and the whole thing is total BS. Ha ha.
Abby says Abby did great, but obviously the judges were not wowed. Well, the only logical explanation is that she was sabotaged, right? She hunts down VictAng and takes them outside to confront them.
Victor acts a little evasive and Angel’s like, “you can plead the fifth.” They won’t admit anything, but Abby’s like, “that tells me everything I need to know.” Victor says that they love Sammy and they treat everyone the same. He says it’s up to each kid what he or she does with that. Angel tells Abby not to focus on Bob but to worry about herself and her kid. Angel interviews that Bob is capable of doing something like that, but they would never go along with it, and Abby should trust them. I kind of agree with that.
Time for the group number, and I swear the costumes look like they’re made of duct tape.
They have signs with their particular insecurity written on them, which they rip off during the number to reveal that they are each “unique.” Not only are the costumes ugly, they do absolutely nothing to flatter the kids either.
Also, Jessi always looks angry and I don’t like the choreography. I wish I could say why, but I just don’t like it. So clearly this is episode has pushed me from mildly disgruntled to openly hostile. Bob says the number was powerful, but we already know that she is delusional so that means nothing.
Group awards time and they come in fifth place. Jessi admits they had timing issues and were not in unison. But she says it helped it work through her insecurities, so it’s all good. Okay, as long as someone got something out of it.
Victor comes in to the dressing room. He says they got a solo in the top three and the group in the top five, which is good, but not good enough. He’s disappointed. Angel says they can’t get to Nationals by coming in fifth and the kids have no idea what’s coming up for them.
Abby “jokes” that maybe her kid “wasn’t the only one sabotaged this week.”
Susan’s like “Aroo?” Abby says that’s what’s she heard and she doesn’t necessarily believe it, but now it’s in her head. Ani says that accusation brings a new level of paranoia to the proceedings and she can’t take it anymore.
Abby asks Bob outright and she says she absolutely did not say anything like that. Abby says someone lied to her face and Brigette wants Bob to just admit she said something to VictAng. Abby’s had it and screeches that they are all a bunch of “lying animals” and she’s never met such people like this before.
Next week: VictAng borrow Jabby’s “you will be replaced” meme. Hannah and Sammy have a duet which should be at least be entertaining. Kimmy tries to be “fierce.” Bob calls someone a mean girl and a liar and Brigette says something about being delusional.
UGHHHH. What did you guys think? This show is getting harder and harder to watch. The people are hateful and it’s not even that interesting. Although I think the Hannah/Sammy duet will be good for some fireworks next week, hopefully. Other than that, I am counting down until Pittsburgh comes back. I promise I’ll try to be more positive and less crabby next week. (Well, maybe…)
Thanks so much for reading and have a great day!