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Gasmi! Did you all make it through Hurricane Irene okay? Luckily my house survived; no water in the basement, no damage. I did learn that I will never be able to live off the grid because losing power made me lose my mind.
It’s all fun and games until you turn into Gary Busey.
Anyway, my deepest apologies for the lateness of this recap; apparently Mother Nature didn’t give a rat’s ass that I had recaps to write. BITCH.
Let’s get to it, shall we? We join Jabby & Co. in the studio. Jabby recaps for the girls that they were just in Providence, R.I. just an hour outside of Boston.
She also says some of the most prestigious dance schools in the country are there; tough schools, tough competitors. She’s proud of them because they really held their own and won that victory cup. LIE. There is no victory cup at Starpower regionals; they only do the victory cup at Starpower Nationals. Even the whole “If this was Nationals you would be winning the victory cup” thing was a giant fat lie which I mentioned last time. Grrrrrrr….we’re not getting off to a good start this episode.
She’s proud of all the girls and points out that she doesn’t say that too often.
No shit Sherlock.
Jabby’s also proud that all the moms kept their mouths shut. Proof once more that she was nowhere near the dressing room for Cathy and Kelly’s fight. Although, I’m sure she doesn’t give a crap if they fight with each other, she just wants them to shut their mouths about anything she does.
For this episode’s competition they will be going to Starpower at the Mohegan Sun in Connecticut. What Jabby fails to mention here is that THIS is Starpower Nationals (well, one of them at least). This is actually the nationals that we were at and where I first saw these guys and heard about the show. Odd that they wouldn’t mention it being a nationals, huh?
You’re so silly.
She wants to make sure no one forgets anything, so they are going to have a wardrobe for each day they are there, and everyone will be packing at the studio so that Jabby herself can approve the clothes for everyone, including the moms. Maybe she should worry about her own wardrobe before she worries about anyone else’s.
This week they’ll be working on teamwork and technique since those things will be so crucial when they go to nationals. She tells them that they’re doing another new number which is yet another LIE. You don’t bring new numbers to nationals. UGH. I’m about to go off YET AGAIN.
This week’s group number is called “Make You Mine” which Jabby tells us is a theatrical jazz routine, upbeat and fun. She tells them this week she’s going to ask them to work harder than they’ve ever worked before.
Now get off yer lazy asses and let’s get going!
Moms head up to the skybox while Jabby starts rehearsals. Cathy and Melissa are complaining that Vivi and Mackenzie are still on the bottom row of the pyramid, even though they were part of the group that won. Maybe if they’d been given more than sitting on/pushing a swing. Who cares?
Melissa says that’s why Mackenzie doesn’t want to dance anymore, it’s always all about…….the other girls. Oh, nice catch there Melissa. I think you meant to say it’s always all about Maddie, didn’t you?
Then Cathy talks about the costumes, saying she hopes that in the future they’re more prepared with the costumes and that they stop sharing costumes.
If I punch her in the face would it ruin my manicure?
She keeps on going, saying yeah, there’s such a thing as teamwork but it’s ridiculous that a thirteen year old would try to cram into a six year old’s costume. I don’t disagree with that, but I think we all know Cathy went about it all wrong and was an uber bitch to top it off.
Kelly thinks that Cathy is a bitch. I agree. Cathy thinks they all need to stand up to Jabby, and Christi thinks it’s all well and good for her to say that, she’s in the honeymoon phase and Jabby isn’t taking shit out on her kid, but just wait til she does, then you’ll be singing a different tune.
Yeah, I’ll start singing “Money, Money, Money” and HER tune will change.
This is another common complaint that I’ve heard moms say; that they’re afraid of speaking up about stuff that bothers them because they’re afraid it will negatively impact their kid. I haven’t experienced that, but given the fact that my sister is my child’s teacher, I doubt I would. I honestly don’t know if that’s something that actually happens or just something that parents’ are worried about. Does anyone have any experiences with that personally?
We transition to the next day and join Jabby and Maddie rehearsing her solo. This time around she’s an angel; so she needs to be pretty and beautiful with pretty feet, NOT Fred Flintstone feet.
Maddie tells us she is doing this solo for her Grandma Bobcha and she knows she is watching her from heaven. Geez, maybe Grandma wants to play bunco or something up there, maybe she sick of watching the same solos over and over and over again. Melissa watches and looks sad. And then tells everyone how sad she is.
So sad. Dab, dab
Nia’s also doing a solo, so we take a peek in on her rehearsal time with Jabby. Jabby tells us it’s a character piece entitled LaQuifa. It’s sassy and snap and hip and head pop. Why I am suddenly having a queasy feeling in my tummy? Something tells me Holly is not going to be thrilled about this (I wouldn’t either).
Nia seems to be having some trouble with a particular jump and Jabby tells her she doesn’t want to see that. Jabby then tells us that Nia is African-American so she is trying to teach her different ethnic dances and trying to train her so when she is in NY or LA and the casting call says ethnic, she can do all of the dances correctly.
All hail the Queen of Ethnic Dancing!
I don’t know if she’s being serious or making shit up for the show, but seriously? Because just having a really good dance foundation enabling you to be able to adapt to whatever style a choreographer wants wouldn’t be enough? Seems like a deliberate ploy to garner attention to me. Either that or she is majorly fucked in the head.
She has a heart to heart with Nia saying that this is the difference between winning an overall, between winning a title. Um, between that and what, Jabby? No answer. But the difference is technique. Does Nia know what technique is? Yup. What is it?
Jabby is shocked that she doesn’t know. How many times has she heard it in dance. A thousand times, Nia tells her.
I thought you were talking to Maddie.
Jabby says if you were reading a book and they used a word that you didn’t know the meaning of, what would you do? You’d look it up, wouldn’t you? Yeah. Hey Jabby, I didn’t see no stinking dictionaries in that studio of yours! See what happens when you tell kids dance comes before school?
Time for our weekly class interruption. Melissa comes in to tell Jabby that Minister Dawn is there to see her. You remember Minister Dawn, right? The lady Jabby called the cops on? Jabby says she better be there to pay her bill and she can’t believe she has the nerve to show up here. I can’t believe we’re circling back to this storyline when it wasn’t all that entertaining the first time around.
You owe me money
Not paying it
Minister Dawn thinks Jabby broke their contract, Jabby says she has to pay because her kid got a costume and that’s theft by deception. They agree to see each other in court. Jabby thinks Minister Dawn needs a bible refresher course: Thou shall not lie, thou shall not steal, and thou shall not disrespect Jabby.
Aw shit. I thought I erased that one.
It’s now three days to competition and Jabby arrives with the packing list for everyone. It includes an animal print outfit. Yes, you heard me right. The reason for this? Everyone is representing her name so she wants them all to look good. Yep, nothing says looking good like some giraffe pants, right?
Jabby tells Cathy the reason she does this is so that it’s easier to find the kids when she wants to grab them for a picture or something. Um….shouldn’t they all be staying together anyway? What if she grabs someone else’s giraffe clad kid instead?
Cathy is all about the themes, but she wants to confirm that these themes are just for the kids, right? WRONG! They’re for everyone. Cathy no likey because they’ve already gone shopping and she’s wearing what she already brought. So is Vivi. So I guess she’s not about the themes after all, is she?
Oh, and by the way, they will be packing at home and what they bring is what they bring. Too bad, so sad. Jabby doesn’t want her to make her kid an outcast. Oh, she is here to stand out and that’s exactly what she plans on doing!!
It’s now two days to the competition and Cathy is driving with Vivi in the car with classical music playing because I’m SURE that’s what they listen to all the time. Actually, it probably is. FREE VIVI!!!! Cathy tells Vivi she just found out that at Starpower they have a costume award, and you have to put your photo in. WRONG. They have a costume award, yes (two of our dances won!!), but you don’t submit a photo for that; you submit a photo for the photogenic award. GAH. Why lie AGAIN?????
Cathy tells Vivi they’re going to enter her pink costume. Grrrrrrr. In her interview section she says photogenic award, so now I’m even more confused about the lie as ever, but Cathy would really love for Vivi to be able to model in a costume book since she herself did that as a kid.
Can’t I just play softball? Please?
We rejoin Jabby at the studio where group rehearsals are underway. They’re dancing on chairs, and Jabby says they love it because they get to dress like teenagers. Nia keeps messing up and Jabby is getting pissed.
She calls her out for not giving enough and then tells Chloe to show her how it’s done. Oh, was Maddie not around? Nia says she tries to do everything right but sometimes it’s just too hard. Poor Nia.
Wow. That is one ugly ass costume.
Although, truth be told, I have seen much, MUCH worse. Jabby now tells us that Nia’s solo is really like a satire on the drag queen image. I’m wondering how that will help her get work in NY or LA since she isn’t, you know, A DRAG QUEEN.
It’s an ethnic drag queen, duuuuuh
Was Jabby just trying to demonstrate drag makeup to Nia? Her face is a hot mess.
Nia loves the costume, but when Holly arrives and sees what Nia is wearing she is not happy. She asks us why her daughter is the only one dressed in animal print. Oh Holly, it’s to help her when she goes to NY or LA!!!
Holly is pissed because all the other girls get feminine, beautiful whimsical costumes that aren’t typecasting them. This is followed by Jabby telling Holly she wants Nia to wear an afro. Does she have one?
Yep, I think that face says it all. Holly says that is not their experience; she is not saying that there is anything wrong with the LaQuifa’s of the world, but that’s not Nia’s experience or her experience; it not how they are or how they live.
Jabby tells us that Nia has an advantage over everyone else; she is able to play several different ethnicities and it’s her job to make her capitalize Those Opportunities.
I tried putting Maddie in blackface but Christi said that wasn’t fair to Chloe
We take a quick break and then join the ladies out to eat. Well, just Kelly, Christi, and Holly aka The Whiners. Or Winers in Christi’s case. Holly says she never drinks but after the whole afro thing she needs a drink. She tells the ladies she doesn’t want to deny her black heritage, she is very proud of it; she just doesn’t want it to be a stereotypical characterization. Kelly doesn’t see what the big deal is.
Holly says she might as well be picking cotton in the dance or wearing a scarf on her head like Aunt Jemima.
Yes, it’s sooooooooooooooo hilarious, isn’t it?
I’m guessing (or hoping) that their laughter is more of the nervous kind of laughter than the oh that’s so funny laughter. Holly is frustrated because someone else has the power to decide how her daughter is portrayed and she tells the ladies she doesn’t know how much longer she can hang in there.
Competition Day! Jabby is on the bus yelling at the bus driver (as usual).
God, I wish I could tip this fucking bus!
Jabby tells us that the judges at Starpower will be looking for technique, showmanship, costume and passion. I wonder if she’s planning on trying to make out with one of them. Yikes!
Cathy is driving because she is too good for riding the bus; Jabby doesn’t know who she thinks she’s fooling, her car is only a C class. Oy!
Jabby takes a nap and the girls take this opportunity to fuck with her.
They arrive at Mohegan Sun and Christi tells us that this competition is really important (BECAUSE IT’S NATIONALS BUT THEY’RE PRETENDING IT’S NOT) and the girls need to do really well. As opposed to other competitions where they can slack off? Shut up Christi.
Let me tell you guys, people were PISSED about this show being at nationals. SUPER PISSED. First of all, they posted signs that basically said if you were there you were agreeing for your kid to be shown on TV. But Starpower hadn’t told anyone they were gonna be there, so it’s not like people had a choice to cancel and go to a different location.
There was a lot of bullshit that went on during the awards ceremonies too. Like they held awards one night waiting for these girls. They never hold awards for anyone; if you’re not there, you miss them. Period. End of story. They also held all the kids offstage so that these girls could be front and center. What else? Starpower does this Killer Frisbee thing that the kids all love at the regional competitions, but they don’t do it at Nationals. Except for these girls. And they all got handed a Frisbee which usually just get thrown out for the kids and audience to catch.
Stupid shit? Yes, absolutely. But if you think that other kids didn’t notice that these ones were getting treated differently, you are insane. The sad thing is that many people felt like they won because of the TV Show, when in reality they were good dancers. But all the other special treatment minimized what those girls actually did which is a shame.
Must be nice
Yep, must be real nice having a dressing room all to yourself when other groups are cramming in wherever they can. Generally if you come from a really big studio, the competition may set aside a room for that studio, but you’re talking about teams that bring over a hundred dancers, not five or six. Another example of treatment that had other people in a tizzy.
So the girls are getting ready for their group number and Jabby tells them the competition is running thirty minutes ahead so they need to get the make-u on as quickly as possible so they can run through the dance.
Melissa is freaking out and telling Maddie she has to go to the bathroom, then tells us how much they had to do (nothing out of the ordinary) and then proceeds to berate and nag Maddie and then tell us that Maddie acts like she’s sixteen. She keeps telling Maddie to calm down as she gets more and more worked up. I have seen this before; it can get ugly quickly.
Then Melissa uses the “Do you wanna go home?” threat. Yeah, I think we all know that is an empty threat Melissa, so why bother? I have that one because everyone there including your kid knows you aren’t going to waste the time or money that’s put in already, not to mention you would be the one screwing over your team. Try this one Melissa……
Do you want me to go home?
Jabby tells us that basically Melissa is a control freak and doesn’t like it at all if everything doesn’t go exactly according to plan. Fun times!
She tells the girls that this is the first number they are going to see from Jabby (who even knows if that’s true) and then tells them to be respectful backstage. Maybe she should tell that to the camera crews who were so worried about getting their footage they were telling other dancers that were preparing backstage to get out of their way.
Melissa tells us every competition is really important to them because every competition is that much closer to Nationals. YOU ARE AT NATIONALS YA DUMB BITCH!!! The girls perform and it is really really sloppy. Nia’s spacing is really off and Jabby is pissed.
Afterward Maddie is crying and saying they were terrible. She’s really embarrassed. Wah,wah, wah. Shit happens. Back in the dressing room she tells Jabby she was crying because she got hurt a little. Maybe she’s worried Jabby would be pissed if she said she was crying because they didn’t do well. I think Jabby would tell them they should be crying.
Whoever cries the most tears gets top o’the pyramid!
Time for our Cathy moment of the night. Normally when people enter their kids in the photogenic competition they already have pictures before they get there. Not Cathy. She’s having pictures done there.
We should have gotten you some botox before this.
She keeps trying to micromanage the photoshoot but Vivi decides to do her own thing. Go Vivi!!
Group awards time. Jabby tells us it’s much harder to be in a group. Eh. There’s different challenges to a group versus a solo, but there’s always something that can go wrong. Guess what? The group number doesn’t win first place, they win second place – GASP! UNACCEPTABLE. Oh, shut it.
They also neglect to mention here that they brought the Children of the Corn number to Nationals, placed first in the 8 and under overall category and were invited to Battle which is where the top groups battle it out for the Victory Cup that Jabby’s already pretending they won. Just so’s the story’s straight. Also? They never bothered to show up for Battle because they were hopping a flight to the Orlando Starpower Nationals that started a few days after this one ended.
Maddie is getting ready for her solo, and Melissa has an angel pin that used to be her grandmother’s that she’s giving to Maddie to pin on her costume.
Can I stab you with this?
Maddie does her solo, Melissa cries. Nia’s getting ready in the dressing room for her solo now and the afro wig is looking like it’s seen some better days. The costume is still hideous.
Yikes. What is there really to say about this? I’d kill someone if they tried to make my kid wear something that awful. And that’s WITHOUT the stereotyping even coming into play.
Cathy is stirring up trouble with Holly asking why the wig and telling us that it’s so stereotypical. She tells Holly there’s so many cute things Nia could do and it’s bordering on not being politically correct. Kelly thinks everyone gets stereotyped, for example Brooke always gets acro. I think Holly would say there’s a little bit of a difference in the stereotypes.
We see snippets of Mackenzie and Vivi’s duet, Brooke’s solo, Paige’s solo, and Chloe’s solo. And then the judges look at the photo for photogenic. It’s just THAT riveting. Guess who wins the title?
Suck it Bitches!!
Are you shocked? I totally was.
Cathy is looking at the pictures Vivi took and she doesn’t like them at all. She thinks no wonder the photographer is working at competitions because the pictures are awful. Well, then you should have had them taken ahead of time, shouldn’t you? FYI – Vivi didn’t win. I love Vivi, but I’m not surprised. I also don’t understand why you’d enter a photogenic competition at a dance competition. Maybe she should consider pagents. DearCrabby! I’m sending them over to you!
As Nia gets ready to do her solo, Jabby tries to sell us a barrel of bullshit by saying she needs Nia to know the ethnic dances; those dances come from a heritage and they have to be done correctly. Funny, when she does the dance I don’t see any steps that are different from other dances they’ve been doing.
Ethnic Heel Stretch
That song is wack. It also sounds like it says “They call me twat”. (I know they it doesn’t say that but it sure sounds like it at one point). That was not good and Holly says she is really disappointed; she came to watch her daughter dance and she basically walked around the stage with attitude.
She asks to speak to Jabby outside and tells her that she’s really unhappy about the afro wig and that she thinks it’s very stereotypical. Jabby agrees, it IS stereotypical. Holly says she feels like she’s the token black kid. Oh, Jabby wouldn’t say THAT, she would say excellent and special and
You are so full of crap
Jabby says when there’s a call for an ethnic kid she’s gonna send Nia. Then makes a comment about a kid not getting a MLK scholarship because they’re white. Oh my. Holly points out that her daughter’s dances all seem to have some sort of jungle theme to them and she thinks that’s not a positive thing. She would like something more celebratory.
Well, Jabby tells her, then she can pick the music and hire a choreographer to do the number. Holly doesn’t think they need to go there. Jabby thinks Holly’s going there and says she’s giving her stuff for what she is good at. Nia doesn’t have good feet. She doesn’t have great turnout. She doesn’t straighten her knees. She’s sway back.
A white kid with those some qualities would totally get the jungle theme too!
Then Jabby says if you’re going to pay her thirty grand a year then we can talk about it but for what she pays Jabby is not going there. Holly takes offense to that pointing out that she spends a hundred grand on schooling, she can afford Jabby. Well, Jabby tells her there are plenty of teachers in the yellow pages; if you’re not happy go.
I don’t agree with Jabby on the whole ethnic dances thing, but she is right on that one; if you’re not happy somewhere, go to another studio. Why put up with nonsense like this? I don’t get it. It’s actually a complaint I have about a lot of dance (team) moms; so many of them love to hear themselves bitch and moan about everything but no one changes their circumstances. At what point do you need to start shouldering some of the blame?
So that’s this episode, Gasmi! Apologies again for the delay; I’m busting this out to try and get it up before the next show airs! What did you all think of this one? I know you’ll have PLENTY to say!!! Can’t wait!