Are you ready for another round with Jabby and the Dance Moms, Gasmi? Well, before we jump into this week’s shenanigans, I first want to give a shout out to all the great comments last week. You guys crack me up and I love seeing what your thoughts are on the show and these wacko moms.
This week we get a break from the new dance for every competition grind because it’s recital time. Oh sorry, showcase time. Which is really the recital trying to disguise itself so that everyone doesn’t automatically take a five hour nap.
No one wants Jabby to get the bat again.
But before we get to the recital, we have some business to attend to. Yes, it’s time to play “Who’s at the Top of the Pyramid?”!!!
But first, Jabby wants to talk about this past weekend. She tells the girls she’s very disappointed because every single one of them could have done better in their solos. She doesn’t say anything about the mom behavior and I breathe a sigh of relief because I really thought she was going to go there.
Jabby tells us that she watches what happens at the recital and it’s there that she decides which numbers move on to other regionals and the nationals.
All I know for sure is that Maddie will be performing twelve solos.
She tells the girls they will be performing a number called “Sugar Daddies”. I hope she means the candy and not the old man version of sugar daddies. With Jabby you can never tell. Because Maddie won the overall high score at the last competition she is at the top of the pyramid. Nia is moving up on the pyramid because even though she forgot her solo, she kept dancing.
She shows off her best Maddie smile to celebrate.
Chloe has moved down to the bottom row. Jabby tells her she did a great job but there were some other situations; she wants to see that attitude improve on stage because you never know who is watching you. I didn’t think Chloe had an attitude last week, did you guys?
Once again, thanks MOM.
Christi is unsurprised because she figured that Jabby would punish Chloe because of her behavior. Then why behave that way? I don’t get it. Jabby has a surprise for them: coming to the recital is an agent (!) coming to seek new talent, looking for new clients to sign. Everyone is SUPER excited.
Then Jabby lays another surprise on them: the moms will be performing in the show.
Jabby say whaaaaa?
Oh my! Whatever will I wear?
I love the huge difference in Christi’s reaction versus Melissa’s. You know Melissa is just itching to have her moment in the spot light as well; Christi just wants to bitch at the spotlight. Jabby tells Cathy she is going to choreograph the number and she tells the ladies they are in trouble now. I have no doubt about that.
LOL! Did you guys catch after the meeting when the girls were around Jabby she told them “Okay, okay, you’re like mosquitos, get away!” HAHAHAHA! Yeah, you can tell Jabby totally loves kids, can’t you?
I think they got their cooties on me!!!
We start with Sugar Daddies rehearsal and Jabby tells us this dance uses props which are kind of a nightmare. Then she yells at the girls about their emotional execution.
Up in the skybox, Christi tells us it’s very uncomfortable. Well, I for one am shocked to hear that! Know I would be perfectly buddy buddy after someone screamed and carried on and made my kid cry. Cathy tells us that she think Christi is a beast and extremely jealous of Maddie. She thinks Melissa was the victim last week.
Christi apologizes and says it wasn’t her finest moment as a person or a parent and she hopes they can move on. Melissa also apologizes and says she just wants to move on and put it behind them. Christi talks smack behind her back and still thinks that Jabby and Melissa owe her an apology. GAH!
After a quick glimpse into Jabby’s rehearsal (I guess to make sure she’s still barking out her orders?), we join Cathy who is preparing for her first mom dance rehearsal.
She is so happy Jabby chose her to choreograph this dance. Yes, I’m sure the bribe she paid to production had nothing to do with that one. Her vision is to give the moms very simple choreography that is going to make them look good because she is sure all of them have two left feet.
The ladies (well, Melissa and Kelly) arrive and Kelly tells us it’s weird for her to be back in the studio dancing after so many years. As the two rehearse, their kids get to watch from the skybox; the mood up there is veerrry different than it usually is……..
And here I thought smiling was banned in the skybox.
Holly arrives, but still no Christi. Cathy is not pleased. Christi does eventually arrive and Cathy makes sure to thank her for gracing them with her presence. ME-OW! Christi then tells us she has no desire to be in this dance, her time is over and she doesn’t want to be on stage. Even worse, she has to let Cathy be in charge of her.
I’m the boss of you and you and you and you!!
Then Cathy tells them they are going to do it one at a time. Christi tells her this is not funny, it’s humiliating. Cathy says it’s very important that we can show we can go out and do something on our own. I love that she’s talking to them the way she probably talks to the kids at her own studio.
Each mom takes her turn across the floor as their kids laugh and laugh and laugh. Holly does a great job and Cathy is super excited to have someone that can dance. She has big plans for Holly. When we get to Christi she of course says she doesn’t want to do it. Cathy tells her she might actually have fun if she’d just shut her piehole and do it already.
Don’t count on it.
Christi says no one wants to see a fat ass old mother on stage dancing. Does she know that for sure? Did she take a poll? Cathy says that the dance is meant to lift their spirits and give them a little more confidence because CLEARLY Christi is lacking that. Oooooo, burn.
No word on whether Christi did it; instead we cut to the next day. Jabby has the moms come into the studio because she has something to tell them. There will be a casting associate from Telsey & Company coming to the studio to look at all the girls. They are casting the new production of Annie that is going back to Broadway.
I’d look great as a redhead, don’t ya think?
Melissa tells us Maddie is definitely more prepared than some of the other younger girls because she has been to several Broadway auditions. And she takes voice lessons every week. Christi is excited because this will give Chloe a chance to shine without being upstaged by Maddie. OY! Again with Maddie?!?!?!? The lady is OBSESSED.
Jabby brings in a photographer to take the pictures of the girls, but it looks like standard dance photos are being taken, not headshots. Maybe this is just her regular picture day disguised as something else. Who knows?
No time to ponder because we’re back to rehearsing. It’s Sugar Daddies rehearsal again and Jabby is still yelling at the girls. Jabby tells us there are a lot of things that can go wrong with a number when you use props.
After one of the run throughs, someone says “They’re really heavy”
Who said that? I’ll make them carry me around, THEN they’ll see what heavy is!
Jabby says that if any of them ever work professionally, a comment like that would get them fired. Deal with it. Oh please, Jabby. Fired? I mean, I know no one wants to hire a whiner, but one comment? I doubt that would get you fired.
She gets them back to rehearsing, and then we hear an OW and see Brooke holding her face and crying. It looks like she got hit in her in the face with the prop.
Ouch! That had to have hurt. Kelly comes down to check how Brooke is, sees she’s not bleeding, and tells her to stop crying and run her dance. Poor Brooke! The kid is falling apart! First her hip, then that nasty tape burn on her neck, not this? No wonder the kid wants to be a cheerleader!
Now we head out to the streets where Christi and Kelly have been told to hand out flyers for the showcase. Okay, so I know that in reality this whole show is staged, but this is really SUPER DUPER staged. I mean, really. Who the hell hands out flyer for a recital?
It soon proves to be too much hard work, so the ladies take break to enjoy a cool beverage. Oh goody! These two handing out flyers drunk is going to be a sight to behold. Sure enough, they run into a guy with two girls and he tells them he’s a dancer too. Well, has he been on any auditions lately? Yeah, it’s called “Naked Boys Singing”.
Yep, he’s sure to come to the show.
We rejoin rehearsal where one of Jabby’s assistants is working with the girls. Jabby comes in and asks what’s the dealio with Chloe’s hair. The assistant says she asked her four times to put it up. Uh oh. Jabby makes her do twenty five pushups for breaking the rules. Every dancer knows you come with your hair up for class. Right. So I think we all know this was totally done for drama, right?
When Chloe is done with her pushups she gets ready to start dancing again. Oh, no way, missy. Jabby tells her to go put her hair up; she can’t come back in until she does.
My mom made me come like this and then disappeared to drink and hand out flyers!
Brooke gives her a quick hug and then Jabby comes into berate her. After all, she could have asked for a rubber band at the desk, right? RIGHT??? Jabby doesn’t understand why Chloe is crying. In fact, she thinks kids should cry when their arm is broken and hanging off or somebody died. That’s it. A Broadway talent scout is coming tomorrow; she doesn’t have time to be nice and sweet.
Or brush her hair.
Chloe rejoins her class and her hair immediately starts to fall out as she is turning. I wait for the wrath of Jabby. Instead we get a commercial. Phew!
After the break, it’s time for another mom dance rehearsal. Holly is missing. Uh oh. Where is she? They call her on the phone (or she calls them) and Cathy tells her they are there rehearsing because there is a performance tomorrow night. Holly replies that she will not be performing. She is graduating and she says Cathy may not like that but she is not the one that just earned her doctorate.
Too bad, so sad.
Cathy says they really need her in this number because she is like the best at the walk. Nope, sorry. Cathy tells us that Holly is just not dedicated to dance and that is reflected in the way her daughter dances. What does that even mean? SHUT UP CATHY.
Now Jabby’s running around in rollers yelling at everyone and I guess trying to make the place look like less of a dump than it normally does. She tells us a MAJOR Broadway casting agent is coming to HER studio and that is UNHEARD of. Sounds like someone wants to his face on TV.
She tells us this MAJOR casting agent will be judging her kids on their dancing, singing and acting. They really need to impress him because he takes ordinary children and makes them stars. This could be someone’s big break.
Melissa immediately gets to work.
She is so excited that a MAJOR casting agent is here to see Maddie; she is just going to blow him away. Melissa brings him into the studio and Cesar tells them that he works for Telsey & Company and they have cast Wicked, In the Heights, South Pacific; they are always looking for young talent. They also just cast talent for a Disney movie.
The girls head into the changing room to practice and wait for their turn. Jabby thinks it’s understandable that these guys would be nervous; after all, this is a BIG TIME casting agent.
It’s almost as huge as I am!
Chloe’s up first. Christi bitches about it. It’s probably Maddie’s fault.
She dances for Cesar and then like so many auditions that I’ve been a part of she gets a “thank you” and is sent along her way. It’s not good or bad, it just is.
Clips of Nia and Paige auditioning. Nia sings badly. Paige forgets her dance. Again. Brooke goes in and when Cesar asks what it’s like to dance with her sister, she tells him it’s rather annoying. LOL, I love Brooke! She does a reading for him and he stops her to try to get her to look up from the page more. Jabby is very disappointed in how they are doing.
My bat’s coming out the second he leaves!
Now Melissa is telling Mackenzie she’s going to sing and she is telling her mom she doesn’t want to sing. Rut roh. Melissa tries to talk some sense into her because she knows Jabby is going to flip if Mackenzie doesn’t sing. Jabby calls together Mackenzie and Vivi; they are going in to the audition together. She says no matter what Cesar asks tem, the answer is yes. I am more than a little disturbed by that.
They dance for him and then he asks if either of them sings. Yes. Would they like to sing for him now. Mackenzie says Nope. Cesar says she can sing anything she wants to, but she doesn’t HAVE to sing if she doesn’t want to. She doesn’t want to. Jabby storms over saying they JUST talked about this. Cesar kicks her out.
I’m liking this guy more every minute.
Melissa lays into Mackenzie in the dressing room, saying she’s not paying for her to sing anymore. UGH. Leave the kid alone! She’s SIX YEARS OLD for fuck’s sake!!!!
After she’s done Cesar says he knows she’s nervous but she should just be herself. He’s actually really good at dealing with kids; I can see why his agency sent him because he’s very non-threatening. I’m remembering some of the casting agents I auditioned for back in the day and some of those guys were SCAAAAAAARY!
Maddie is a wreck after which is weird because I think she did well. I think she’s just so used to everyone fawning all over her that when that doesn’t happen she thinks she did poorly. Kid’s gonna have a rough time if she can’t handle this, let alone rejection!
It’s the day of the recital. Cathy and Melissa are out shopping for jewelry for their costumes. Why are thy waiting until the last minute yet again? Also, Cathy wants to just hang out and shop and Melissa wants to hang out and kiss Cathy’s ass.
We join everyone over at dress rehearsal which at Jabby’s studio takes place six hours before the show. That has to be one of the stupidest things I have ever heard. Who does that? Of course everyone is super stressed out because it just wouldn’t be good TV if people weren’t freaking out all over the place, right?
Oh and look. Here comes Jabby to say she is already behind schedule. Imagine that. Jabby notices Holly is missing and asks Nia where her mom is. At work, Nia replies. Cathy jumps in to tell Jabby that Holly has been at work all weekend and BTW, she is not dancing in the mom dance.
I’m hoping you’ll kick her ass.
Jabby doesn’t seem like she really gives a crap, and tells Cathy she knows she is upset. Of course she is upset, she had to repaginate! But she has a brilliant idea…..would Jabby do then the honor……
Oh no. Not gonna happen.
Jabby tells her she couldn’t even if she wanted to. For insurance reasons. Yeah the venue is afraid she’d break their stage.
They start a second run through of the show and it’s here that we find out that the Sugar Daddies props still aren’t done. Jesus Christ! I would lose my fucking mind with all this last minute bullshit!! The moms try to figure out to cover the pops while Cathy tells us this would NEVER happen at her studio. I hate to agree with Cathy, but this wouldn’t happen at my studio either. It’s beyond ridiculous.
Show time! Cesar has come to see the performance. I wonder how much Jabby is paying him. The show starts and we see clips of the dances, and they look really good. Jabby’s bitchiness and the mom’s wackiness aside, these kids are really good little dancers.
Time for the moms!
It starts out well enough, but then Cathy decides to change things up a bit and give herself a solo in the middle of the routine. She thinks the other moms should have expected that. What’s even better is Jabby’s reaction because I thought she’d be pissed and instead she is cracking up laughing at Cathy in the wings.
Now it’s time for Sugar Daddies. But wait! There’s five kids and only four lollipops! Whatever will they do????? Melissa decides that Maddie should dance without a pop since she is in the middle and it will look planned that way. Melissa is not wrong in her reasoning, but I cannot help but think it can’t possibly be a coincidence the way this is turning out.
I was up all night planning this!
Of course Christi thinks this was done on purpose so that Maddie could be showcased and Chloe could be upstaged by her YET AGAIN. It seems to have worked because after the show Cesar wants to talk to Maddie.
The other girls are super excited for her.
Cesar thinks she’s great and he can totally see her in New York. Melissa knew Cesar would love her. Christi is pissed and Chloe is hurt. Melissa thinks it’s ridiculous that Christi is jealous of her kid. Christi is sick of this bullshit and refuses to keep her mouth shut anymore. Her mouth has been shut?????
YOU HAVE NO IDEA!
And that’s it for this time, Gasmi. What did you think? Were you impressed that such a MAJOR Broadway casting agent went all the way to Pittsburgh to see Jabby’s girls? Were you appalled at Holly’s lack of dedication to dance? What did you think of Cathy’s impromptu solo?
I can’t wait to hear from you guys!