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Previously on Dance Moms: Holly screamed at Jabby to give Nia a trio; Paige had warts; Kendall danced during a Harlem Globetrotters halftime show and we all questioned our sanity for continuing to watch this train wreck.
Jabby screams at the girls to come into the studio and notes that the “mom’s association” has dwindled to a trio of Christi, Kelly and Melissa. Melissa says that Holly is at work and Jabby says “of COURSE she is.” What a degenerate.
Pyramid: Nia is last because she forgot her number. Jabby says her heart stopped when that happened, but that Nia should have kept going. Next, Mackenzie, who Jabby says has things to improve on. Next, Brooke who did a good job. Second row is Chloe, whose solo was excellent, but who was shaky in the trio. Then there is Paige, who finally gets some love, for dancing through the pain of her warts. And now that that’s over, can we PLEASE not talk about Paige’s warts anymore?
Finally, on top of the pyramid we have Maddie. Jabby says Maddie never took her eyes off the judges, “sucked them in” and had them in the palm of her hand.
This week they’re going to Company Dance in Chicago and the group number will be about a homeless child. Maddie will also have a solo and Jabby says she better dance her butt off. Also this week, there will be a trio consisting of Maddie, Chloe and… Nia!
Jabby says it’s a chance for Nia to redeem herself after last week’s “debacle.” Nia is super excited and says she wants to show Jabby she can hang with the other girls.
They will be going up against the Candy Apple’s (thanks for pointing out the errant apostrophe, Brneyedgrrl!) at Company Dance and Jabby REFUSES to lose to Cathy, Jill or Kendall.
The homeless child number is called “Trapped” and features a little homeless girl in a box who will get rescued by the other girls who clean her up and put a bow in her hair, which should solve all her problems. She may not have food or a place to sleep, but she has a bow in her hair. That should ward off all the predatory pimps.
Up in the booth Christi says that for once she has nothing negative to say and she thinks the number will be great. THAT must be a total producer set-up, because Christi ALWAYS has something negative to say. (That’s why she’s my favorite.) Kelly’s just happy that the moms don’t have to sew on rhinestones this week since Jabby told them costume-wise they are off the hook.
Kelly turns to more important matters, saying that in Chicago they need to go out. She asks the name of the street where all the bars are and Christi says “Rehab?” Give it time, Christi, you’ll get there.
Does anyone else think they’ve been playing up the drinking thing as joke lately? I think it was last week when Christi said “that’s why we drink” and gave a wink-wink to the camera. I like to think she’s reading my recaps.
Holly shows up finally – god, what a loser for spending so much time at work – and is thrilled to hear that Nia has a trio. Christi interviews that she thinks Jabby’s been replaced by a pod person because she’s been unnaturally nice lately. Holly agrees that she’s up to something.
The moms asked Holly where she was and Holly says she’s been tying up loose ends at school. She says she’s going to take a leave of absence next year to spend more time with her family. Isn’t that what disgraced politicians always say? “I’m not resigning because I tweeted penis pictures to 17-year-old girls, but because I want to spend more time with my family”? Not, of course, that I’m suggesting Holly tweeted inappropriate photos to anyone, I’m just saying.
Holly interviews that the idea of not working is scary, but to that I say, think of all the extra time you get to spend with Jabby. Sounds win-win to me.
Kelly says even though she doesn’t work, she never gets to see any of her son’s hockey games because she is always at the dance studio. I didn’t even know she had a son. Christi says yeah, but you weren’t working full time, earning a doctorate and taking care of three kids (which I guess is what Holly did). Kelly’s like, yeah, why haven’t I been able to accomplish all that, and Christi says “maybe you should give up the afternoon drinking.” See? I told you! She’s definitely reading my recaps.
Ohio. Cathy is bellowing at the “Little apples!” She tells them they are going to Chicago to do a number about dark clowns. Cathy says that Taylor (some random Candy Apple) is going to portray a tightrope walker because of her amazing grand jetés. Cathy then says the real clown lives in Pennsylvania. Hey pot, you’re looking très noir today.
Justice, the creepy red-headed kid, will also be doing a solo and he will go head-to-head against Maddie. I suppose since we know his name now I can stop calling him Creepy Red-headed Kid.
Back at Jabby’s, she and Gia are at the front desk looking over the costumes for the group number. Jabby says they need something to indicate that Maddie is homeless. She says “thank god the homeless don’t wear anything special.” Yes, bless their little homeless hearts for not having any special clothes to wear.
The two discuss the trio and Gia says it’s a mess. Apparently, Nia has never danced with Maddie and Chloe. Jabby says in Holly’s mind, Nia will automatically be as good as they are just by dancing with them. She says “I don’t think it’s gonna click, but I’m willing to give her a chance.” Gia says maybe they should pull the number and Jabby says she would like to, but she doesn’t want Holly down her throat again.
THEN they talk about how the moms are supposedly picking on Melissa again. Looks like Gia’s been promoted from dance assistant to exposition bitch.
Jabby says first the moms were jealous of Maddie and now they pick on Melissa like they’re in middle school. Gia: “they still are.” Jabby says Kelly and Christi had better back off or Melissa will lose it.
Meanwhile, Shrill and Melissa meet for lunch. Melissa interviews that she still talks to Shrill because they’re friends and Maddie loves Kendall. She says she doesn’t care if the other moms talk about her. Keep that in mind for later. They discuss Shrill’s weight loss because she doesn’t have time to eat since she drives a million hours a day to the Candy Apple’s and back which is RIDIC if you ask me. Not that this is real or anything, but my kid would soooo be hitchhiking. Shrill says other than that, things are great. She tells Melissa about Kendall’s Globetrotter gig and blah, blah, who cares.
Then Shrill asks Melissa how the engagement is going. Melissa says everything’s great, but the other moms are being nosy about it.
She says she’s not talking about it because it’s no one’s business. (Which is why she announced it ON CAMERA a couple of weeks ago.)
In Ohio, the Apples rehearse the clown number and Cathy screams at Kendall to be “spooky!” She says the number is an “ode to the clown” and is a “dark satire.” She ends rehearsal by yelling at the Apples to get out. Vivi tries to make a break for it, but Cathy says, “Vivi- you’re not going anywhere babydoll.” Foiled again. Free Vivi!
Now we get to the meat of the episode. The moms are in the booth and Christi asks why Melissa’s not wearing her ring.
Melissa’s all squirrelly about it and says she’s not wearing it anymore. Christi presses her why and she says she’s just not. Kelly jumps in and asks doesn’t that hurt (fiancé) Greg’s feelings? Melissa says something here that I couldn’t get even after rewinding like four times. Something like “power doing it,” which obviously makes no sense, but if anyone caught what she said lemme know.
Holly says this should be a happy time and she should flash her ring. Kelly says maybe she’ll try it out to see if she likes it for when she gets one made. (Huh?) Holly says that once she put her engagement ring on, she never took it off. Melissa just looks beaten down. Holly asks if Maddie and Mackenzie have noticed it or said anything. I don’t think Holly was being mean or bitchy at all here. This scene was edited strangely and Melissa’s reaction seems out of proportion to what we saw.
She gets really upset and starts to leave.
In an interview, she says the moms are jealous. She says she’s happy in her life, the moms should worry about their kids and she’ll worry about hers.
To the moms she says she’s not going to Chicago. She goes downstairs where the girls are rehearsing and says to Jabby “they’re starting again” and that she’s taking the kids and leaving and she’s not going to Chicago.
Poor Maddie starts crying and says she wants to go to Chicago. Melissa says Maddie can go without her. Jabby is hugging Maddie during all this.
Melissa gets on her phone and says “please call your attorney, these [fucking assholes? – couldn’t tell because of the bleep] are doing it to me again.” She storms out with Mackenzie in tow, who’s also crying and asking “what about Maddie?” Melissa’s like, “Don’t worry about her.” Aww. No one fucks with Mackenzie. Jabby says she knew the moms would push Melissa too far. I really don’t see what they said that was so upsetting. This is all so strange.
Christi says all they were doing is asking and that Melissa usually tells them everything. She adds that all the moms have meltdowns, but Melissa’s the only one who runs to Jabby. Holly says she feels bad and she didn’t mean to cross any lines. Christi notes that Jabby’s watching them from the floor. Jabby bellows to the girls to tell their moms to keep their mouths shut and stay away from Melissa. She screams that there are two things you don’t talk about – weddings and divorces.
Maybe you don’t talk about weddings when one of the parties is still married. Not that I know anything, I am just speculating. Don’t sue me, Melissa.
Christi yells at Jabby to not speak to their children like that because it’s inappropriate and Jabby mimes shooting herself in the head.
Kelly goes downstairs to get Brooke and Paige while yelling at Jab not to yell at her kids. Jabby says that Melissa may talk about Kelly, but she never talks about Kelly’s husband. Kelly says Melissa talks about her husband all the time and that Jabby talks about her mother all the time.
Holly interviews that if you have friends, you shouldn’t have rules and obligations or have to tiptoe around everything. Now all the moms are mad and they all storm out.
The next day, surprise, surprise, Melissa is back. She says she’s not gonna let her daughter down. Kelly interviews that that’s a “crock of shit” and she really came back to stay on Jabby’s good side. Christi is nearby and says to Jabby that Jabby never speaks nicely to the other moms like she does to Melissa, but talks to them like they are assholes. Jabby says “if the shoe fits.” Christi, who always has to get the last word, says “You’d need the biggest one!”
Whew. That was fun. Let’s move onto something more cheerful, like homeless children. Jabby says she picked this topic because the girls are very fortunate and she wants them to know that some kids aren’t so lucky. She yells at the girls to go home and think about THAT tonight. For the number, she yells that she wants to see a homeless child in that box who hasn’t eaten or bathed and Maddie better act that shit out.
Up in the booth, Melissa is pretending nothing happened. (Holly notes that Melissa had a meltdown but isn’t acknowledging it.) Melissa mentions that she had lunch with Shrill and talks about how much Shrill and Kendall love Cathy and the Apples. They agree that that says a lot about Shrill.
Chicago. Cathy asks Kendall if she’s happy to be a Candy Apple. Kendall is. Cathy asks Shrill the same question and Shrill agrees that “an apple a day keeps Abby away.” No way she came up with that on her own. Meanwhile, Jabby is saying she’s a little nervous about Maddie’s solo and that ALDC doesn’t like to lose to “some hick from Ohio.” Maddie says she’s nervous to compete against a BOY because boys are usually really good.
Maddie dances and I swear, I think she does the same number every week.
In the dressing room, Jab says Maddie was brilliant but sometimes the male judges will pick the boy dancers over the girls just to keep boys dancing.
Justice dances and while he does a couple of cool acrobatic moves, I’m not that impressed. It looked to me that he was standing around a lot.
The trio girls are practicing in the dressing room and I think they are trying to make us think that Jabby’s going to pull the number, but she doesn’t. Melissa interviews that she hopes the number isn’t a DISASTER. Way to have faith in Nia. The trio trios and Jabby says her favorite part was the ending pose because that meant it was over.
She says Nia was a beat behind and sloppy. She says Maddie and Chloe were really sharp, but at this point it’s out of her hands.
Maddie wins the Petite Division, but the trio doesn’t even place. Christi says it’s because Jabby paid no attention to rehearsing them. Oh Christi. You can’t make wine from sour grapes. You of all people should know that.
Christi, Kelly and Holly take a break from the competition to go out for a bite. They aren’t sure where Melissa is, but since she’s not there, it’s the perfect time to discuss the fact that they’ve all received “cease and desist” letters from an attorney warning them not to talk about Melissa’s personal life.
Holly asks, “What kind of friend does that?” A litigious friend, that’s who. Christi says that Melissa talks about her sex life like it’s nothing, but apparently talking about marriage is taboo. Kelly says she’s hurt because they’ve been friends for a long time and she loves Melissa’s kids like her own. Holly says Melissa only wants them to see one side of her, but now they’ve seen all sides of her. Christi’s like yeah, “the good, the bad and the sneaky.”
At this point, Melissa conveniently shows up and says she needs a drink. Holly brings up the letter and Melissa’s all, “I had nothing to do with it, it was from his attorney, not mine.” Holly says she is upset and offended and Melissa once again says she didn’t send it. Even so, who lets their fiancé threaten their friends with legal action? I mean, I do at least once a week, but my friends always deserve it.
Also, just want to note that Melissa’s wearing a sparkly top here and a different one in the next scene so obviously this was not filmed IN BETWEEN the competition numbers.
Back at the competition, Cathy’s excited about the group number, which she calls “creative” and “original.” Those aren’t necessarily always good things, but I’ll give her the benefit of the doubt.
Our girls do their homeless dance and Maddie is the only one wearing a hat and sweater.
Shouldn’t she be wearing LESS than the other girls if she’s supposed to be homeless and impoverished? Or I guess you could argue that she’s depicting a bag girl or something. ANYWAY, Jabby says the number was “seamless and flawless.”
Cathy’s Clowns dance while Justice stands around some more.
In the audience, Cathy says she’s concerned about Taylor of the great grand jetés because she’s a beat behind and looks shaky. Lo and behold, Taylor falls and it turns out she broke her ankle. Ewww! And Owww.
Cathy says kids are drama queens. She broke her freaking ankle, it’s not like she has warts on her feet. Cathy says Taylor could be out for the season and “it’s gonna stink for us.” I’m sure Taylor’s pretty happy about it though. Geez. What a cold Apple.
Cathy asks Kendall if she could possibly replace Taylor and Shrill is practically cackling with glee. She interviews that it’s “unfortunate” that Taylor got hurt but “fortunately Kendall can fit into any of her positions.”
Group awards. Our girls come in third. Kelly says she thought they would have done better. Oh well. The Candy Apples win nothing. Cathy interviews that it was not their best dance, but Taylor danced with a broken ankle for the team. Jabby is excited that they beat the Apples again and calls Cathy a “wooooorrrrrm.” She says her girls really “shined” and she couldn’t be prouder.
Cathy enters the dressing room with a big gift box.
She tells her she heard from bird’s beak that Mel is engaged and once again, Melissa freaks out. She says she’s not allowed to talk about this and to speak to her lawyer. She starts to leave, while Holly says she’s confused.
(Also: notice Melissa’s non-sparkly shirt)
Melissa interviews “how much clearer can I be? Stay out of my business!” Christi screams that they can say whatever they want and Melissa yells, “then say it, Christi.” She storms out. And… that’s it.
Next week: Nia twists her ankle, Kelly wants a boob job and Chloe forgets her routine again (or so we are led to believe).
Well, I’m so intrigued by this lawsuit thing. You really shouldn’t go on a reality show if you have skeletons in your closet and don’t want people to find out about them. I suppose it could all be made up, but Melissa looked SO uncomfortable during the ring conversation that I think she really was upset about something. I just don’t understand WHAT, because we didn’t see the moms saying anything that bad. Hopefully some light will be shed next week.
Anyway, as always, thanks for reading and have great weekend. Feel free to post more awesome conspiracy theories. We’ll get to the bottom of this, Gasmii, I know we will.