Previously on Dance Moms: Brooke makes a
triumphant return from cheerleading; Jill talks incessantly; the girls come in second; Jabby’s had it with all the bickering.
The girls gather in the studio for the pyramid unveiling and Jabby screams at Jill for wearing clunky boots on her $68,000 floor.
Jill says she’s on her toes and didn’t think Jabby would mind. Christi rolls her eyes.
Jabby bellows at the girls for being “outdanced” last week and for having no energy. She says she can’t have “slugs” on stage.
Google “Slugs: The Movie.” You’ll thank me.
Pyramid: Kendall is last because Jill is way too needy. Jill deems this “ridiculous” and says she not needy, she’s “inquisitive.” She says that Jabby is punishing her daughter for something Jill did. Jabby’s like, “BINGO!” Didn’t Jill watch the first season?
Nia is second because she lacked energy and excitement. Well, that’s probably because people keep taking parts away from her. Brooke is next, with Jabby saying she’s back, but not really. Paige is next, with Jabby saying she did a great job last week, but she needs to see more of that in all her dances.
Second row is Maddie, who Jabby says did well but she expects more from her. Next is Chloe – again on top of Maddie. I agree with the commenter who said that Maddie may have a breakdown soon if she doesn’t make it back to the top of the pyramid. And on top of the pyramid is Mackenzie!
It’s Mackenzie’s first time on top and she is super excited. Melissa cries (because it’s not Maddie?). Nah, I think she may actually be happy for Mackenzie.
This week the girls are going to Dance Explosion in Secaucus, New Jersey. What would happen if there were a real dance explosion? I picture sequins and fake eyelashes everywhere. There will be no group routine, but each girl will be doing a solo. Jabster doesn’t have time to pick out seven costumes, so she puts the moms in charge of that. The costumes must be original and not have been worn ever before including at another studio. This does not please Holly, who says she doesn’t have time for that nonsense. Jill says she has TONS of old costumes that Jabby’s never seen before and she’ll never know. Christi calls her sneaky.
Kelly complains that Jill always tries to break the rules and notes that Jill left her boots on in the studio whereas Kelly had to take her shoes off. Jill says she’s finally realized that her daughter is being punished for her actions. Again, DUH. Plus, if she knows that’s the case, why does she insist on breaking the rules if it will eventually come back to bite Kendall? Dumbass.
This is where Christi says that because they won a title with ALDC, they have to pay $100,000 if they leave or Jabby will blackball them. Kelly says this contract situation means that Jabby “owns them” for a year. Jill says no way does Jabby have that much clout, but Christi and Kelly say they know people who have left and been “ruined.” Jill’s like, “you couldn’t have told me that before?” Welcome to high school honey. Now fry like bacon you freshman piggy.
If this is true, that would definitely explain why they subject themselves to so much abuse. But it doesn’t explain why this was never mentioned when Brooke tried out for cheerleading. Maybe because Paige was still at the studio?
Cathy’s back! She unveils her Perfect Positive Pyramid which is a straight line with one person on top.
Not a pyramid
I guess the correct definition of pyramid is also her “nemis.” Cathy unveils the pictures and explains that all of her dancers are equal. However, the top square is a big question mark because she needs to replace a dancer and her solution is to once again copy Jabby and hold an open call. Why is this woman so obsessed with Jabby? She is one boiled bunny away from significant jail time. Except instead of a bunny she would probably boil Jabby’s pet Maddie. I would consider a restraining order if I were Melissa.
Back in PA, Kendall is excited for her solo. But Jill says she is ashamed and humiliated for Kendall because she deserves to be on top of the pyramid, especially since Jill shelled out so much coin for Jabby’s massage oils and vajazzling. Melissa notes that everyone was happy that Mackenzie was on top and everyone will be happy when Kendall makes it. She adds that everyone deserves to be on top. Jill says that the best dancer should be on top. And that’s great, but she needs to face the fact that Kendall is not the best dancer and get on with her day.
Jill makes another comment about weak dancers and they show what I think is the same footage from last week of Holly talking about how Jill always makes comments that Nia is the weak link. Jill then yells at Holly again for having an actual job that doesn’t involve being obsessed with her daughter and they go back and forth. Christi of course jumps in and screams “DO YOU EVER SHUT UP?!” at Jill. Ha ha.
Back in Ohio, prospective Candy Apples dance for Cathy and they all look about 30. Who should walk in, but the “Big Bully” herself, Peyton!
The one on the right was the original Annie
Well, she looks old enough to fit in with all the other Candy Apples. Leslie interviews that she wants to stick it to Jabby by showing her they can find another studio. Because I’m sure Jabster cares. My idea for a spinoff would be Leslie and Cathy traveling around the country doing good deeds or possibly shooting public figures to get Jabby’s attention a la John Hinckley.
So Peyton dances, although she looks like she’d rather be picking up garbage on the side of the road. Cathy interviews that Peyton has a great face, great body and really sells herself. She says it would be a real “coup” if they could get her and the fact that she’s from Abby Lee Studio is just a bonus. Yeah, it’s a real “coup” to get a famewhore to follow TV cameras. (And by famewhore I mean Leslie, of course.)
Peyton says she has to think about it because it’s a long drive to Candy Apples and she misses her friends and she’s just not into it. Cathy says it’s “mind-boggling” that Peyton wouldn’t jump at the opportunity to join her Cirque du Crazay and scolds her for wasting her time.
Leslie yells that it should be a privilege to teach her daughter. Cathy summons her one remaining marble and tells Leslie that she’s too much like “the Pittsburgh dance moms” and to be on her way. Wow. If you’re so crazy that Cathy won’t have you, you have serious issues.
The voices are telling me you’re nuts
Leslie interviews that her daughter is a star and won’t quit, even if means they have to go crawling back to Jabby. I’m sure that will go over well.
Upstairs at Jabby’s, the moms show her the costumes they’ve fashioned. Christi doesn’t have one to show because her tutu is being dyed. Jabby calls her “procrastination station.” Holly resents having to make a costume.
Abby Lee Dance Studio and Sweatshop
Jabby critiques everyone and yells at them to “step it up” since Secaucus is only an hour outside of NYC and the dancers there can get any costume they want. Well, if the dang costumes are so important to you, why put the moms in charge of them?
Jabby sits at the front desk and receives a phone call from “Rich” at Dance Explosion that the competition has been canceled! Oh noes! She gathers the girls and moms and delivers the news: Seven girls, seven solos and nowhere to go.
Jabby calls around and finds a new competition for them in Clute, Texas, just outside of Galveston. Jabby says the girls will have to practice till dawn to get their dances perfect. She says “You don’t mess with Texas, but the Abby Lee Dance Company is on its way.” I’m sure they are shaking in their cowboy boots.
The competition is actually through M.A. Dance and is being held at a high school gym.
Floor of Doom
Kendall says she’s nervous to dance on the wood floor. Jabby says that the costumes really have to sparkle since are no stage lights. I can imagine it must be hard to go from an actual performance on an actual stage to having to be in a school gym under harsh fluorescents.
Brooke does a lyrical number and she looks like she has her shit together this week.
Mackenzie does her jazz-acro number. She stumbles a tiny bit in one of the jumps but recovers and does well otherwise.
Back in the scream room, a cowboy hat-clad Jill is holding up a white costume and Christi’s like “there’s no way you made that.” Jill’s says no, because she’s not “Becky Home Ecky.” True. You’re more like “Shrill Jill Up In Yer Grill.”
I totally made this
Jabby comes in and says, “There’s no way you whipped that up last night.” Jill tries to play it off like it’s no big deal, but Jabby’s like, the whole freaking point was to use pieces you had at home. She wanted to show the girls they don’t need a $500 costume to win. Jill finally admits that Kendall has worn it before. Then she gets mad that the other moms aren’t backing her up, but they’re like that’s because you’re not following the rules, dumbass. Oh wait, did I already call her a dumbass? Sorry.
Jill shrieks and throws shoes while the other moms try to tell her to grab a few pieces lying around and make up a new costume for Kendall.
Melissa interviews that Jill doesn’t understand how the studio operates. Jill interviews that these “witches” won’t get off her back and she’s done and Kendall’s not dancing. She tells a sobbing Kendall that it’s everyone else’s fault that she can’t dance and that she will understand when she’s older. I’m older and I still don’t understand. But maybe she means after years of therapy Kendall will understand that her mother’s an overbearing twat.
Jill packs her stuff and goes out in the hall, where Melissa tries to talk some sense into her. But Jill says her daughter is not dancing in some “piece of shit” costume that Jabby wants her in.
Jabby says that Jill tried to get one over on her, but it backfired.
Meanwhile, Nia is getting ready and wearing heating pad because her hip hurts. Holly interviews that the girls have to learn how to dance through pain. Jabby interviews that there is a difference between being sore and being injured. Nia is having a mini panic attack because she’s afraid of the slippery gym floor.
Holly says she doesn’t think that Nia will be able to dance. But she manages to pull herself together and does her number. While I’ll agree she’s not as good as Maddie and Chloe, she definitely a good dancer. It’s too bad they hardly ever show her.
Afterwards, Nia interviews that she’s glad she pushed herself to go on.
Kendall sits in the audience with Jill. Jabby interviews that she is “appalled” by the situation and tells Kendall to just go ahead and wear the white booty shorts and crop top that were lying around. Jill finally relents and Kendall rushes to get ready. She dances and personally, I think she looks terrified.
She interviews that she’s happy to be dancing and she doesn’t care what her costume looks like. Jabby interviews that she did a great job, but that Jill is a drama queen.
Chloe does her ballet solo and as usual, I love to watch her dance.
“I love to watch you daaaaaance”
Maddie’s up next. She’s doing a Spanish-inspired jazz number and she’s has fake “curls” painted on the side of her head that look like muttonchops. Not a good look. But anyway, this leads to the big dramatic moment of the week – Maddie slipping and falling.
Have a nice trip. See you next fall.
As everyone has pointed it out, it’s really no big deal, despite the slow-motion and the footage of medics carrying her out and Melissa freaking out.
What, no handlebar mustache?
She hurt her leg and she is really just more concerned that Jabby will be mad at her for messing up the performance. Jabby – since it was Maddie – is not mad. She tells her, “If you had a big butt and landed on it, you’d be okay.” By that logic, Jabby could fall off Niagara Falls and not feel a thing [gratuitous fat joke of the week].
Jabby interviews that Maddie’s ego hurts more than her injury. Kelly hasn’t whined in a few hours so she interviews that Jabby WOULD have been mad if it had been anyone else who had fallen.
We have a Paige sighting and I think that means there will be six more weeks of winter. Or is it early spring? I can never remember. Anyway, Paige does her solo and she’s awesome.
Definitely an early spring
Kelly says it’s the best she’s ever danced. Not to mention the only time she’s ever danced.
Awards. Brooke gets third place in her division. Chloe comes in second and Paige gets first! Yay!
Now go back in your hole till next year
Melissa hugs Kelly and she manages to do it without sticking a knife into her back. Paige interviews that Jabby never gives her solos because she doesn’t think she can win, but she’s happy to have proven her wrong.
Jabby congratulates all the girls and interviews that she gives the girls a hard time but she’s glad that Paige came out on top. She says that everyone at M.A. Dance knows her now (because it always has to be about her). Jabby adds that every dancer got a perfect score for their costumes, so all the histrionics were in vain. All in all, Jabby says, “We came, we saw, we kicked some Texas butt.”
Jill is in the background looking pissed.
Jabby says there is one more piece of business to take care of. Jill needs to know that her behavior is not okay and that she needs to play by the rules or find another studio. Jabby tells Jill to go home and think about it.
Next week: Jill yells and Christi calls Jill a conniving bitch.
Soooo, what did y’all think about this week’s episode? Will Jill ever give up her dream of reality show infamy to put her daughter’s welfare first? Will Peyton and Leslie return with their tails between their legs? Will Crazy Cathy show up at Jabby’s house in a black wig and a fat suit?
Thanks for reading and have great weekend.