Hey Gasmi! Are you ready for another dose of Dance Moms? Now that we’ve all recuperated from the excitement of a visit from a MAJOR Broadway casting agent, it’s time to get back into competition mode.
But before we get into that, there was a comment from last week’s episode that I thought made sense to talk about here. Shana, I honestly didn’t take your comment as being too judgmental. To be perfectly frank, my son dances because he loves to dance. Because he is constantly dancing, whether he is in class or at home, and not because it’s something I push him into. As much as I love dance, I would never make my kid do something that he didn’t want to do (except, you know, something like going to school).
Here’s my example and something that I recently struggled with. Last fall I signed Zach up to play football. His cousin was going to play and he decided he wanted to play as well. Great, perfect. We signed up. He actually had a rough start to the season, but because his coach was so awesome, ended up having a great experience. In fact, at the awards ceremony at the end of it all his coach gave him a special award because he had great heart, something he pointed out cannot be taught.
Notre Dame, here we come!
Anyway, after having such a great time I thought for sure he would want to play again. Nope. Did not. AT ALL. In fact, when we talked about it Zach said to me, “Mommy, I don’t want to play the football again; I only want to dance.” At first I was going to sign him up anyway. After all, he did do well, and maybe he would realize after starting again that he really wanted to play. I went back and forth and back and forth trying to figure out what would be the best decision for my son. And then one evening we had one of our usual “dance parties”. And I saw the joy on his face when he’s dancing. And I suddenly realized I don’t see that with him anywhere else, just dance. And so I asked him again if he wanted to play football. The answer was a strong NO (like, DUH MOM, how many times do I have to tell you?!?). That was the deciding moment. No more talk of football.
I hope that answers some of your concern. I know there are a lot of people that put their kids into things that they did when they were younger, regardless of what their kids may actually want. I’m not one of them. Will I be sad if Zach decides one day he doesn’t want to dance? Yes, I will. I will probably talk to him and make sure it’s not for reasons like kids being assholes about the fact that he dances, but ultimately I am never going to force my kid to do something that he doesn’t want to do. I love him too much for that.
Okay, sorry to have gone off on a after school special tangent like that, but I do agree with Shana that ALL parents should be talking to their kids about their activities, whether it be dance or sports or whatever and making sure it’s something they want to do, not something they are forced into doing. Now. Back to our previously scheduled programming!!
Maddie is awesome. End of lesson.
Jabby tells the girls that they will be competing at Starpower, and tells them it is one of the toughest competitions out there. Starpower nationals is actually where I saw these guys and first heard about the show (but more to come on THAT later). Personally, I think some of the convention competitions tend to be tougher, but Starpower is a very well respected (and fun) competition and it’s one that our studio goes to every year as well.
Jabby points out to the girls that it’s regionals which is SUPER important. Yeeaaah. Every competition that they’ve been at so far has been regionals. It’s either regionals or nationals. Once again, they try to create some kind of drama or tension out of something ordinary. So annoying.
Maddie, Brooke and Chloe will all be performing new solos. Or so we’re told. Holly is annoyed because Nia is never picked for a solo, but she just was a couple of weeks ago. I mean, I get it; she’s only had that one that we’ve been shown, and Holly says she’s losing confidence in Jabby because she doesn’t believe in Nia.
The age categories are brought up (this will become important later), and Christi is super happy that for once (LIES) Chloe and Maddie will not be in the same age category. Maybe this will give her daughter a chance to shine.
Phew! I guess I can put that crowbar away for now.
They will also be doing a new group routine that will include everyone, even Vivi and Mackenzie. It is called “Where Have All the Children Gone?” HA! I saw this at nationals! One of the moms from our team dubbed it the Children of the Corn routine! Jabby explains the concept of the routine to them, telling them it is about children who have gone missing. They’ve all seen the children’s face on the milk cartons.
It’s contemporary, it’s mature and it’s very dark. They will have to be good actresses to pull this off, she tells them. Also, she doesn’t want any discrepancies or any opinions.
So shut yer faces and get up to the skybox!
She tells us this is a big regionals for them and she wants the girls to do something that nobody’s ever seen before. As she starts rehearsal we hear the “music” for the piece which basically involves a guy talking in a creepy voice and occasionally asking “Where. Have all the children. Gone?” Jabby says the dancers or pieces that everyone talks about the next day at competition are the ones that told a story. Or, you know, creeped everyone the fuck out.
The way that Jabby talks about the piece sounds like they may have used this number before. She talks about the original concept of the piece, saying it’s about kids going missing, but also says she adding something here like maybe there was some bullying involved as well. How timely of her.
Up in the skybox the moms are a little freaked. Cathy says she loves dark stuff, hell, she does dark stuff, but she doesn’t think it’s age appropriate for Mackenzie and Vivi. Kelly’s not worried, saying that she doesn’t think her kids even really tune into what the songs are saying, but of course Christie is also super concerned. Shocker.
Jabby talks about what an artist she is and how the kids need to become artists to perform this piece. She tells them that they need to do more than the steps and really perform. She wants to teach them how to convey the story with their emotional execution as well as with their steps.
Up in the skybox we find out that Kelly’s turning forty. Cathy wonders if she’s going to have some botox.
I was also shocked that Cathy just threw that out there. Poor Kelly wants to know if she really looks that old.
Just in your face.
I think it’s really odd that Cathy wants to push the issue about Kelly getting botox. Christi thinks she’s insecure because she’s old; in fact, Christi thinks that Cathy might be old enough to be her mother. Oh snap!!
If she was my daughter she would have danced and hated it!
Christi says she’s only thirty-four; does she need it? Oh yes, says Cathy.
I don’t know why Christi even asked that question when it’s obvious Cathy loves to say shit to piss people off. Anyway, Kelly decides she’s up for the whole botox thing. Ugh.
Meanwhile, Holly has been sitting and stewing, thinking about the fact that Nia doesn’t have a solo. Finally, she can’t take it anymore and decides to go confront Jabby. Why the moms feel the need to constantly interrupt class to voice their concerns is beyond me. Although at least Holly asks Jabby to step out of the classroom with her.
Why doesn’t my daughter have a solo?
Because she’s not good enough.
Jabby tells us that all these moms want their kids in the spotlight, but it just doesn’t work that way. You have to have the talent to be in the spotlight. Some kids have it; some kids don’t. Jabby tells Holly she’s told her before that Nia needs to be in there with private lessons, really working on her ballet technique.
What about changing her name to Maddie, would that help?
Could be. Who knows?
Jabby pops up again to tell us that these moms want everything to be fair, but it isn’t fair. Life isn’t fair. Nia is good, but she’s not great. Not yet. You know, aside from interrupting class, I think Holly is handling herself well. The trouble is that Jabby’s right; it’s not fair and it’s probably never going to be. It seems to me that there’s always one or two kids that are the stars of most teams and whether it’s fair or not, they end up being in the spotlight time and time again. The worst is when they’re lazy pieces of crap that are the stars because their mom is in charge. Or so I’ve heard. What?
We take a quick break and then come back to the botox clinic. I hope y’all won’t be too pissed if I skip this section. Needles make me woozy and if I try to watch this again to recap I’m pretty sure you’re going to end up with something a little like this: vdsinerfgujf,]of\DMWQKBFNCE[QSKKSCNJNJJMnffrm
So let’s just pretend that we all watched while they got needles full of botulism shot into their foreheads, mmmkay? Instead, let’s take a look at something equally horrifying.
What the hell is she wearing?!?!?!? It looks like some second hand choir robe held together with a safety pin that somehow got dip dripped on it. Whoever told Jabby that this outfit was a good idea definitely hates her.
She makes some comment again about how all their other competitions have been leading up to this point which is an out and out lie since none of the other ones have anything at all to do with Starpower. It’s so frustrating.
Maddie rehearses her solo which looks like basically the same routine she’s been doing only set to different music. Maddie tells us she always wins first because she works really hard at classes and she’s usually up against seven year olds. Even when she gets bumped up she does well so she’s not worried at all.
Hi five to ruining Christi’s day!
We move from Maddie’s rehearsal to Chloe’s. GASP!!! You mean Chloe is actually getting rehearsal time?!?!?!!? No way!!!! Good thing Christi isn’t here to see it. Chloe tells us this is a new solo and she’s super nervous because she wants to win first so she can go to nationals. Another misleading moment.
You don’t have to win first place to go to nationals; you have to place high enough to go to nationals and in all honesty I don’t think it happens very often that a routine would not place high enough to qualify. The more routines that go, the more money the competition makes. You really think they’re going to turn away all that business? Now, some studios may have their own rules about what can and cannot go, but I doubt Jabby has set rules on that one. At least not for THIS show.
All of a sudden Jabby’s voice rises about three octaves.
Her dog, Broadway Baby, has just arrived. I sure hope Chloe’s not allergic.
After their botox Kelly, Christi and Cathy go grab a bite to eat. Kelly says it was fun but she’s sad Cathy didn’t get it done too.
I don’t need no stinking botox.
LMAO! Cathy actually tells them she didn’t need it. She is so fucking rude. But wait! She’s not done yet. Christi says she’s gonna have to keep getting botox; she doesn’t want anyone to think she’s Chloe’s grandma…… To which Cathy replies, “That’s right. And with that nose of yours…..” Oh no she di int!!!!
No time to savor the moment though because Christi gets a text that her grandma was just rushed to the hospital. It’s not the first time she’s been there and Christi says it’s really hard because her grandmom is more like her mom that her grandma. Christi tells us going into the hospital is not uncommon for her grandma, but there is just something about this time that feels different. The cynic in me says, yeah, you’re on TV this time. Oh you know you thought it too.
Christi heads out to see her grandmom and is bringing Chloe along with her; they plan to stop at Christi’s childhood home along the way which Chloe has never seen before. Christi tells us she always dreamed of taking dance classes as a little girl, but couldn’t. Instead we find out that she put on recitals in her front yard.
I had the time of my life…..and I owe it all to yoooooooouuuuu
I feel sorry for the people that live there now; they must be wondering who dropped the crazy lady on their front lawn. Christi tells us it’s so important to her that Chloe has an opportunity to shine, and I get it a little more now that we’ve heard more about her upbringing. Even so? I still wish she’d shut up about it.
Never gonna happen.
Oh, I know Christi, I KNOW.
It’s now the day before the competition and we head back to the studio where Brooke is rehearsing her solo. We’re again told the lie that you have to win regionals in order to qualify for nationals.
Et tu, Brooke? Et tu???
And then it’s time for Children of the Corn rehearsals again. Jabby says we all know they can turn and jump and lap, but can they convey this story to the audience? A story that some of them don’t even understand?
Jabby’s so creeped out she’s starting carrying her wubby around.
Over at Kelly’s house Christi has thrown her a fortieth birthday get together with the girls. Minus Cathy. I guess Christi wasn’t up for any more cracks about her nose. Melissa’s brought Kelly a gift bag that includes a candy bra for her and candy underwear for her hubby as well as leopard furred handcuffs.
Then Kelly shows the girls her best cum shot pose.
There’s such a thing as TMI ya know, Kelly! Christi thinks Melissa is a freak and is secretly plotting to steal back her gifts later. It looks like they all actually put aside their differences for the evening and seem to all have a really great time.
Now it’s time to head on out for Providence. Christi’s grandmom is still in the hospital and has gotten worse; she is now on a ventilator. She doesn’t know whether she should go to the competition or stay behind. Ultimately she ends up going to the competition.
Speaking of which, we arrive in Providence and after a couple of quick clips of other studios, Jabby asks the girls to gather around in the dressing room. She tells them there are people there from all over and the reason why is that this is the last regionals in order to qualify for nationals. THAT IS A FUCKING LIE!!!!!!
Liar! Liar! Pants on fire!
ARGH. It totally pisses me off that she fucking lies like that. In the grand scheme of things does it really matter if it’s the last competition to qualify for nationals? No. Then why lie??? So here’s the real deal. The Providence, RI regionals were held the weekend of May 20th. The LAST regional weekend is actually the following one and there are two different cities that have regionals that weekend. One is Lancaster, PA which is actually the Starpower regional that our studio attended, the other is (I think) in Ohio. Again I wonder, why lie about it?
She also breaks the news here that she’s bumping Maddie up to the next age category. I have never heard of that being done. Your age is your age. I’m crying lie on this one too. Of course Christi is hella pissed about this because it means that Chloe will now be up against Maddie for her solo. Honestly, I don’t know why she’d do that anyway other than for the fact that she’s creating more fake drama.
As the moms get their kids ready for competition Kelly wants to know where Brooke’s costume is.
That is not good. But again I’m left wondering about this. Why on earth would you be at competition and not have seen or tried on the costume before? Seems fishy to me. Cathy says she looks like Pennywise the clown while Jabby looks through Vivi’s stuff. Brooke ends up wearing Vivi’s costume and Cathy is not pleased about this turn of events at all.
Now that kid’s cooties are gonna get all over my kid. I just had her deloused!
Time for Chloe’s solo.
I don’t understand how the French song she’s dancing to is musical theatre, unless it’s from a French musical? Any French people reading? Anyone? Bueller? Regardless of the strange categorization, Chloe does well.
Maddie is up next.
We all know Maddie does well, but while she is performing I notice something very interesting.
Hmmmmmmm. Looks like Chloe is performing a second solo! GASP! Why on earth would Christi let her do that? Shouldn’t she have pulled the second solo?!?!? Hypocrite.
At the solo awards ceremony we find out that Maddie is the first place winner. Of course she is. Guess who’s not happy?
Suck on that, Christi!
We head back into the dressing room where Brooke is trying to finish getting ready for her solo. Well, Cathy has thought about it and she doesn’t want Paige or whatever Kelly’s kid’s name is to wear Vivi’s costume. Kelly is pissed. She tells Brooke to take the costume off and then tells Cathy if she doesn’t want to be a part of their group then don’t come to their studio. Kelly says Brooke is dancing in three minutes and Cathy is taking the costume off her back.
She really doesn’t care and says it’s ridiculous that they are so unprepared. Christi ushers the rest of the kids out (HA!) and Kelly tells Cathy to leave their studio. Will not. Cathy never saw such disorganization in all her life. You know, she is right about that but I think it’s pretty shitty to tell the kid three numbers before she’s supposed to be dancing that she now can’t wear the costume. It’s gotta fuck with Brooke’s head a little, don’t you think?
Kelly points out that it isn’t her disorganization, to which Cathy replies that the next time Jabby insists on such ridiculousness she outta stick up for herself. Again, she’s not entirely wrong, but we all know there was a much better way to handle this.
GO BACK TO YOUR STUDIO!!!!
Cathy says she’s here to stay, so like it. Ooooooooo, good one Cathy.
Oh my god it’s the fight that will never end. They’re still yelling at each other and Kelly tells us that they always share costumes, that’s part of being in a group. Blah, blah, blah. Take the fucking costume. Kelly says Brooke will dance in her leotard and she WISHES one of the kids from Cathy’s studio was here so Brooke could beat their ass!! Ha! Not bloody likely! After all, Cathy responds, all the kids here have sickle feet. LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL. Then why is she sending her kid there? I think I just wet my pants.
Brooke seems to well despite the costume snafu.
It’s day two of the competition and Cathy is still blabbing about the costume. She told Kelly she had to fix it back to the way it was and I guess Kelly is still sewing it. When she’s finished she gives it to Cathy saying she hopes the rhinestones bring her daughter good luck.
Cue Christi looking sadly at her phone. She hasn’t heard anything yet about her grandma. She calls to see if she can find out anything. She’s doing much better, is off the ventilator and out of ICU and is asking for Christi. She feels so much better now.
Time for Children of the Corn.
I have to say, the dance looks really cheesy here; maybe it’s in the filming, because I actually thought it looked better when we saw it at nationals. The thing that’s the biggest bullshit for this number is that they have Mackenzie and Vivi basically on stage doing nothing and because of their inclusion it lowers the age grouping, so they are competing in the eight and under category. This kind of crap drives me nuts.
At awards we hear Rodney (the emcee for the awards ceremony and a really fun guy) say that if we were at nationals this would be the 11 and under victory cup winner. Of course it’s Children of the Corn. You know what else? They never say shit like that during awards. You never hear “If this was nationals….” How disappointing that they got Starpower to join in with their stupid bullshit. Of course I already knew that because I was at Nationals where even more bullshit went down. I cannot wait to see how it is presented here.
Hooray for exaggerated bullshit!!
And that’s the end of this episode, Gasmi. What did you think of all the drama this time around? Did you think Cathy was unreasonable for the costume takebacks? Or did Kelly overreact? Where was Jabby during all of that? Can’t wait to hear what you guys think!